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“Would you hurry up, already?” Lassie grumbled, standing at the door, his eyes fixed on Shawn. “We’re going to be late.”
“Listen to you, Lassie!” Shawn called, readjusting his hair for the twenty-eighth time. “It sounds like you’re finally getting excited for this thing!”
“No,” Lassie scoffed, “I am hardly going to be excited about something as asinine as a group of so-called grownups dressing up in make-believe and prancing about. However, what I do know is that the sooner we get there, the sooner we can get home, and that is something I am excited about.”
Shawn smiled, slowly walking over to Lassie, and taking the time to take in his full outfit. “You look dashing,” he said, earning a small smile from the other man. “And let me guess – does your enthusiasm to be on time have anything to do with the fact that the Chief mentioned the Mayor would be in attendance?”
“Hmm? The Mayor? What? No, I don’t think she mentioned that, actually.”
Shawn just shook his head. “Seriously, Lassie? You know I remember. And don’t worry; the Mayor is going to love you. Not in the same way I love you of course, because that would be really creepy. And I don’t want to have to kill him, especially not at a fundraising event.”
Lassie stepped forward and gave Shawn a swift kiss. “Relax, darling. Even if that old geezer showed the slightest interest in me, it would all be for nothing, because I will be there with the most handsome man in the room.”
Shawn didn’t miss the way Lassie’s eyes roamed up and down his body, taking in his full appearance. For all Lassie complained about him taking his time to get ready, he sure did seem to appreciate the results. It certainly bode well for later in the evening.
“Just promise me one thing, sweetheart,” Lassie said, and Shawn immediately knew that he wasn’t going to like whatever came next. “When we’re talking to the Mayor, or the Chief, please don’t start going on about your serial killer theory again.”
Shawn had definitely been right that he wasn’t going to like what Lassie had to say, and he knew Lassie could tell as much from looking at him. He didn’t want to get into a fight about this right now, not after the one two nights ago that had left him knocking on Gus’s door in the middle of the night asking to sleep on his couch.
“I promise I won’t bring it up on purpose,” Shawn said. “That’s the best I can do, I’m afraid. It’s not my fault if someone else brings up unexplained deaths with a surprisingly close connection to orchids on or around the bodies. Nope.”
Lassie muttered something unintelligible behind him, but Shawn merely pushed past him and out the door, striding towards their car. “Hurry up, Lassie!” he yelled as he walked. “We don’t want to be late!”
***
“This is a nightmare,” Lassie muttered, watching as the two administration clerks who had come dressed as giant vegetables walked away. “Why couldn’t we all just wear our normal clothes?”
Shawn pressed a kiss to his forehead, pulling Lassie towards him by the collar of his shirt. “Hmm, but if we were just wearing our normal clothes, I wouldn’t be able to tell you that these aren’t real cowboy pants that I’m wearing. They’re breakaway pants. Which means that when we get home, you’ll be able to have me bent over our sofa before you can say ‘boo’.”
“Why would I say boo?”
“Okay, well whatever you might say then.”
Lassie pretended to consider it for a moment. “I think I can accept that deal. So, how do we play the rest of the evening until we get to the fun stuff?”
Shawn paused, looking around the room and noting all the different outfits. “Well, first we can judge their fashion like we’re on Project Runway. And then, we can pretend to bid on some of these items in the silent auction.”
“Pretend to bid?”
“Yeah, Gus didn’t let me borrow his credit card again, and apparently he has found a new security system that does not involve leaving it in his pants pocket. Can you believe that guy?” Shawn asked.
“Yes, I can. Remind me to tell Guster that I’m proud of him the next time I see him,” Lassie said, smiling widely at Shawn.
“Unluckily for him, he doesn’t get to be at this awesome costume party tonight, because he isn’t dating an unbelievably sexy cop. So, you’ll have to tell him later.”
Lassie nodded, placing a hand condescendingly on Shawn’s shoulder. “Don’t worry, Spencer. Me and Guster always find time to catch up and talk about your oddities.”
“Now, why do you think I would find that hurtful? You two talk about me? That’s just the cutest thing ever. You know, I might add that to my email signature,” Shawn said.
“What are you adding to your email signature?” a voice beside them asked, and Shawn turned to see Jules stood next to them, dressed as a giant squid.
“A photo of you wearing that,” Shawn said quickly, looking her up and down. “That’s an impressive costume, Jules. I didn’t know you’d been recently washed up onshore.”
“That’s not funny, Shawn,” she said. “And I am merely getting into the spirit of this evening, which if you have forgotten, is to raise funds for charity.”
“Definitely hard to remember with all the donation signs around,” Shawn pointed out. “But don’t worry; Lassie has already assured me that he is going to be making several sizeable donations.”
“Really, Carlton? That’s great!”
Lassie looked angrily at Shawn. “Thank you for sharing that, sweetheart,” he said through clenched teeth.
“You’re so welcome!” Shawn replied, clapping him on the back. “And look – there’s the Mayor!”
Lassie perked up at that, and he quickly took off, flattening out imaginary lines in his suit as he went.
“What is Carlton’s outfit meant to be?” Jules asked, watching as he walked off.
“Are you seriously asking that? Come on, Jules. You’ve seen him in it before! That’s his re-enactment outfit.”
She looked quizzically at him for a moment. “Huh. I guess you’re right. He looks different without the facial hair.”
“Yes, I banned that from the house.”
“You banned it? And Carlton listened? How did you manage that?”
Shawn chuckled. “Well, I said he could wear it if he wanted to, but that he would be removing it and the rest of his outfit by himself. Alone. As in, I would not be there also removing my outfit, right before we started doing-,”
“I’ve got it, thanks, Shawn,” she said, putting up a hand. “So if you’re back to being all over each other, does this mean you’ve forgotten about that big fight you had the other night?”
Shawn scowled, thinking back over the evidence he had uncovered and the fact that none of the department was willing to take him seriously. “No. I haven’t forgotten that there’s a serial killer on the loose who no one seems keen to apprehend. And I haven’t stopped trying to think of a name for them yet either. The Orchid-dick? That just sounds more sexual than murderery. Orckiller? It sounds a bit like someone who kills those Orc things from Lord of the Rings.”
Jules shook her head. “Shawn, you know I want to help you, but you do need to bring us more evidence than a few crime scenes that had vague connections to orchids. None of the MOs are similar, and the victims are all completely unconnected. It just doesn’t add up.”
Lassie had reappeared, his brow furrowed. “I really hope you two aren’t talking about what I think you’re talking about,” he said solemnly. “Shawn, you promised.”
Shawn raised his hands in surrender. “I didn’t bring it up! I promised I wouldn’t. But Jules asked me about our fight, and what was I supposed to do? Actually, first she asked if we were going to be having sex tonight, but after that she asked about the fight.”
“Woah, wait, that is absolutely not what I asked, Shawn,” she said, turning to Lassie with an apologetic expression. “He was just talking about your outfit, and I wasn’t sure how things were with you two. And – and I think I’m going to stop talking now.”
Lassie looked exasperatedly at Shawn, and Shawn subtly gestured to his pants, reminding Lassie of his promise for later. That alone seemed to help calm him down slightly.
“That’s okay, O’Hara,” he said. “Shawn has a way of turning any conversation into something completely unreasonable.”
Shawn sighed. He was about to shoot back a quick fire rebuttal, when a loud noise came from behind them, and he jumped about a foot in the air. Lassie was beside him in an instant, pushing him back and away from the source of the noise, all while drawing his gun.
“What was that?” Jules asked, her own gun in hand, aiming toward where the sound had come from. Shawn momentarily wondered which part of the squid outfit she’d been hiding that in.
“Look,” Shawn said, peering at a cupboard in the corner. “I think something’s about to come out of that.”
Lassie only managed to take one step forward before the entire cupboard door burst from its hinges. Jules gasped beside him, watching as an avalanche of orchids tumbled from the doors, spilling out onto the floor around them, every inch of ground now covered in one of the flowers.
As they carefully approached the door, Shawn saw a small note affixed to the side:
This is only the beginning.
“So, Lassie,” Shawn began conversationally. “Do you believe me now?”
Lassie sighed, eventually holstering his weapon when nothing more than flowers seemed about to appear from within the cupboard.
“I believe you,” Lassie said eventually. “But I think you might need to put some real pants on. It’s going to be a long night.”
Shawn groaned, wishing that for once in his life he had been entirely wrong about his interpretation of the clues.