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Buck and Eddie are on the couch, TV playing some documentary that Eddie doesn’t find particularly interesting but would sit through for Buck anyway.
Speaking of Buck, he’s reading the email Chimney had sent out regarding the firefighter auction the following night. It contains simple things like the dress code, what time to arrive, and apparently the dances they needed to know??
“Hey, Eddie,” Buck says. Eddie turns to him. “Did you know we need to know the waltz for tomorrow night?”
“I mean, no, but it makes sense, I suppose.” When Buck's eyebrows remain furrowed, Eddie speaks once more. “You do know how to waltz, right?”
The silence is telling.
“Seriously?”
“Well, excuse me for having unloving parents!” Buck says.
Eddie sends him a look.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean that. But what were the chances Maddie would teach me? I never expected to need to waltz!” Buck exclaims. “I mean, I didn’t think you would know it.”
“I was a ballroom dancer, of course I know how to waltz!”
Buck’s eyes widen at that. “You were what?”
“A ballroom dancer.” Eddie says with a shrug, like it’s not the most absurd thing Buck has ever heard. “Have I seriously never told you that?”
“No!” Buck squawks. “This is like Cap– Bobby being a figure skater and a child alcoholic at the same time.”
Eddie raises an eyebrow, and then just shakes his head, dismissing what Buck said. “My parents put me up for it, okay? I didn’t like it when it got so competitive. I thought I would’ve told you, though.”
“You never did. I think I’d remember.”
Eddie nods. “Okay. But what about the more important matter at hand? Buck, you can’t waltz.”
“I’m very well aware! But how am I supposed to learn how to in the next 24 hours?”
Eddie is about to say he has no idea. But then a light bulb goes off in his head. He and Buck were just speaking about it. He was a ballroom dancer, of course he can waltz!
When it comes to Eddie and Buck, usually he’s the slightly more put together one. To some extent, that is. But he also happens to be gay. So, so gay. That’s a known fact. At least it's well known to him.
Anyway, the point is, he’s stupid sometimes. A gay disaster.
So yeah. He forgot he could just teach Buck how to waltz.
But then he's pressing pause on the documentary that had gone unwatched for the last few minutes anyway, and grabbing his phone. He gets up, leaving Buck looking at him with a dumbfounded expression. Eddie puts his phone back down where it was once he’s found the song he wants.
Eddie walks over to Buck, standing directly in front of him. He exhales, offering a hand. “I’m gonna teach you how to waltz.”
Buck blinks up at him. Eddie raises his eyebrows as if to say come on, so he does. He puts his hand in Eddie’s.
Eddie walks him a few steps back, to the side of the coffee table. Eddie makes a mental note to move it when they start getting serious about it. And then he drops Buck’s hand, and Buck shoves the feeling of sadness down.
“I would try to get straight into it with the music, but I think it’ll just be easier to teach you without actually doing it at first.”
Buck simply nods, agreeing.
“Alright, first I’ll show you what to do with your feet at the start.” Eddie explains. “You’ll do this reversed, so starting with your right foot. Back, side, together. Front, side, together. Easy. It forms a box. So, again, back, side, together. Front, side, together. Ready to try? Just once for now.”
“I think so?” Buck offers. When he tries to do it, he does it. Almost. He forms the box, yes, but his feet meet immediately.
“You’ve almost got it! Watch my feet, ready?” Eddie shows him, and Buck watches. When he tries after him, he does it for real this time.
“Okay, good. Now do that three times.”
Buck does.
“I think you’re ready for the next steps.”
“There’s more? I thought that was it, and then you’d spin me and dip me or whatever.”
“Close, but no.” Eddie laughs. “Travel time.”
Buck has no idea what Eddie means by this, but he supposes he’s about to find out.
And he does.
After he successfully boxes, travels, and spins, Eddie claps, then places a hand on his shoulder. “You, my friend, are ready for a partner.”
Somewhere in the back of his mind, Buck thinks, make that two types of partners… but he would take that to the grave with him.
Eddie pushes the coffee table to the side. Once done with that, he turns back to Buck. “With or without the music for now?”
“What do you think?”
Eddie sucks his lips into a firm line. “Well, you’ve basically got it, and it’s not that much different with a partner once you have it down.”
Buck shrugs. “Music it is.”
Eddie walks over to his phone, and presses play on Spotify. Iris by The Goo Goo Dolls fills the room. Eddie quickly walks back over to Buck, having no time to lose. He positions Buck’s left hand onto his own shoulder, puts his hand on Buck’s waist, and interlocks their free hands.
When the lyrics start up, he gives Buck a look as to say now.
And I'd give up forever to touch you
'Cause I know that you feel me somehow
You're the closest to Heaven that I'll ever be
And I don't wanna go home right now
“This is the song I’m most familiar with when it comes to waltzing,” Eddie explains. “Depending on what song they have chosen for tomorrow night, the beat may be a bit different, therefore the timing of the steps will be slightly different. Don’t worry, though, it’s basically the same thing.”
Buck nods, acting like he’s taking any of this info in. Well, he is, there’s just something else on his mind too.
Buck and Eddie spin, and then the chorus begins.
And I don't want the world to see me
'Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am
And, okay, this song screams Buck. Which is admittedly ironic. But come on… is he wrong? All he wants in a partner is someone who loves him, really sees him, and would never leave him. He remembers his reckless days. The days when he thought that’s how he needed to be to be loved
Until Eddie. And Chris. And the will.
Yeah, you bleed just to know you're alive
Ain’t that the truth?
And I don't want the world to see me
'Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am
As Buck and Eddie spin, Buck’s mind continues to wonder. Maybe this song isn’t only Buck’s song.
In five, ten, years time, Buck can see him waltzing to this song. A song that seems as though he could’ve written in some alternate universe.
In this future, there’s no longer an unknown figure. No blurred face in front of him.
Oh.
Oh.
It’s Eddie. It’s only ever been Eddie, and it’s only ever going to be Eddie.
He’s his last.
Whether he’s Eddie’s first, or last, or he’s never anything to him in that sense… that’s just how he feels. Tommy was right. Maddie was right.
It wouldn’t be so crazy.
It’s reality.
A really, really harsh reality. A reality he wishes is a dream. But at the end of the day, that’s life. It’s unpredictable, and hard to accept, and overall unfair.
Eddie’s straight. That’s the only way it’s ever been.
What Buck doesn’t know, is he’s obviously incorrect.
Eddie is very much not straight. Maybe he should’ve told him that already. Like, maybe, as soon as he figured it out? But he didn’t. That’s just what happened. And, honestly, Eddie doesn’t know why he hasn’t yet. He knows his feelings for Buck, but that shouldn’t play into it. Whether they’re unrequited or not, Buck would accept him. He’d understand.
And I don't want the world to see me
'Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am
And, yeah, this is Buck’s song directed at Eddie. This is how he’s felt all his life. But now he’s got his own ready-made family with Eddie and Chris, and Eddie sees him. He really sees him. He knows who he is.
And I don't want the world to see me
'Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am
Buck knows the song should end soon. Thank God. But another part of him doesn’t want it to end. This is kind of fun. He has also realised some insane things in these past three minutes or so. Maddie’s going to love this.
Suddenly, Eddie is speaking. “It isn’t essential, but can I dip you?”
Before Buck’s mind catches up, he’s nodding. Why? God knows.
When the song inevitably is at its end, Buck feels and sees Eddie dip him in slow motion. Both of Eddie’s hands wrap around his waist, and Buck holds onto Eddie’s shoulders tightly.
Buck realises their faces are so close yet so far apart. It feels almost like inches, but it feels further.
Somewhere, distantly, the song starts playing again.
Buck grins. Does Eddie’s eyes flick down? “Did you queue it again?”
“Yeah. I thought you might need another go, but you seem to have aced it.” Eddie says. “And that’s coming from a former ballroom dancer.”
Buck can’t help but roll his eyes, still grinning. But then he realises they’re still in a dip position, and Eddie doesn’t look like he’s planning on pulling him up anytime soon.
It seems as though they’re waltzing around the line between friendship and romance with this. Buck can barely even process any of it. What is going on? Well, don’t ask him!
Is Eddie’s face getting closer? Is that his doing? Or is it Buck’s? He can’t even tell anymore.
What happens next shouldn’t be so unexpected after the last five minutes. And maybe, if he did it, it wouldn’t be.
But he doesn’t do it.
Eddie does.
Eddie leans forward. Eddie closes the gap. Eddie presses their lips together.
But it’s Buck who kisses back. Even though his brain is scrambled, and he’s so very confused… he does it. If this really is the heat of the moment on Eddie’s part, he’s not going to lose what very well could be his only chance.
He knows that Eddie is pulling him back up, but he’s so into the kiss, he barely registers it. He brings one hand up to cradle Eddie’s cheek. Eddie seems to try and find every part of Buck he could possibly hold.
Buck’s hands settle for the back of Eddie’s neck, one hand playing with the hair there.
After a few more moments, Eddie pulls back. He rests his forehead on Buck’s. Buck’s lips part ever so slightly. His eyes flutter open, and he sees Eddie smiling at him. Buck almost matches.
But then reality hits him.
He just kissed his best friend. His best friend that he has feelings for, yeah, but he only realised that, like, five minutes ago. Maybe six. And there’s no way Eddie could possibly feel the same.
So he jumps back. He brings a hand up to his lips, his fingers touch feather-light.
“I’m sorry. I’m a little confused. I only just realised that I–” Buck cuts himself off. Exhales. “You’re straight.”
“Ah. That.” Eddie looks down. “A not-so-recent development. I’m not, actually. A few revelations later… I’m gay. I realised whilst I was away in Texas. I’ve been accidentally pushing you away ever since, because I came to that realisation right before Bobby… and then I came back, and everything was weird, and we fought– i just wanted to talk to you about it all. I did. Bobby, me, you… because I had also just realised that… I love you.”
“You… what?”
“I’m in love with you, Buck. I’ve tried not to, believe me, I have. But it’s sort of always there, like… like white noise.” Eddie shrugs. “So I’m putting it out there now. After we already kissed, which ultimately mightn’t be the best idea… If you don’t feel the same, we can forget any of this ever happened. Well, maybe don’t forget how to waltz, you need that for tomorrow night. But we can just go back to the documentary, maybe with a bowl of grapes, or something. And never speak of this again.”
“No. I love you too.” Buck says. Then he goes silent, face surprisingly blank. But Eddie knows that face. It’s his processing face. Understandably. “It’s just– I’m having a hard time wrapping my head around this. You’re gay. And in love with me.”
“That I am.” Eddie replies. “And you’re bisexual. And in love with me.”
“I am. I really am. I am so in love with you. But the concept of all of this– it’s insane.”
Eddie’s face softens even more. “We can just, I don’t know, put a rain check on this whole thing.”
“No! I want to do this. Whatever it is we’re doing.” Buck insists. “I just– I don’t want to fuck this up. But I want to kiss you silly, and I love you so much. I think my head is about to explode.”
“Evan.” Eddie says, and that seems to do something. But Buck still looks alarmed. At least… a little. “Right. Okay. Can I just– let me just try something.”
Eddie places both hands on Buck’s cheeks. He kisses him. Buck breathes out of his nose, and places his hands on Eddie’s shoulders, and kisses back.
And this time, it’s not confusing. It’s like coming home.
Buck hears as the song changes over. Photograph by Ed Sheeran. He smiles into the kiss.
Loving can hurt
Loving can hurt sometimes
But it's the only thing that I know
Buck pulls back, and sighs.
Eddie opens his eyes. “Better?” He asks.
Buck nods in response.
They stand there, taking in these feelings.
We keep this love in a photograph
We made these memories for ourselves
Where our eyes are never closing
Hearts are never broken
Times forever frozen still
“It was just a guess.” Eddie says, suddenly. This makes Buck open his eyes, gazing into Eddie’s. “An educated one. Because when everything is loud and too much, or I’m panicking… you make everything quiet. I thought it was probably the same for you.”
Buck’s eyes glisten. “Fuck, I love you.”
Eddie goes to respond, but he hears the ping of his phone. “Damn.”
Buck grins, finding Eddie's annoyance endearing. He interlocks their fingers and drags him over to his phone. Eddie picks it up and sees a text notification from Christopher. “Oh.”
Once it’s opened, he reads it. His eyes widen.
CHRIS:
Thank me on your wedding day.
*three attached pictures*
One picture was of Buck and Eddie dancing, one was of them in the dip position, and one was of them kissing.
“Oh my god.” Buck says.
EDDIE:
How much of that did you see?
Actually, no
How much did you HEAR?
three dots.
CHRIS:
I only came out to get a soda.
I saw the whole dance.
Once you guys started kissing… gross.
I walked away.
But I gotta say that you weren’t exactly being quiet when professing your undying love, dad.
Eddie’s face ends up tucked away in Buck’s shoulder. “There’s no way this is happening.”
“It’s not that bad.” Buck tells him. He puts a hand on his back.
“Are you sure?” Eddie asks.
“...Kind of.”
Eddie chuckles. Buck grabs hold of his hand again, this time walking him over to the couch. He leans forward, leaving one single kiss. Just because that’s something he can do now. “I love you, I love you, I love you.”
“I love you more,” Eddie says. Then he connects their lips, but this kiss lasts longer. It’s not rushed, but it’s not too soft.
Buck pulls away. “Listen, if we’re going to make out, should we maybe not do it here? Where our– your– no, screw it, our son can see?”
Eddie tries to bite back a smile at that. “Yeah. Maybe that’s for the best.” He grabs the remote. “Wanna continue the documentary? Or watch a movie?”
Buck thinks for a moment. “Movie.”
“Okay.”
Buck leans back against the couch, and Eddie follows. Buck turns and smiles fondly at Eddie. “Just to be clear… we’re dating now.”
“Yes, buck. We’re dating now.”
“Good. Because that wasn’t a question, it was a statement.”
Eddie smiles. Buck rests his head on Eddie's shoulder.
The next day, Eddie makes his phone wallpaper the photo of them dancing. Buck makes his the same photo until their first date, in which it’s swapped out for a photo of Eddie smiling at him, holding roses, taken in 0.5.
For the record, they thank Christopher on their wedding day, after once again waltzing to Iris. They also thank Chimney for sending that Godforsaken email.