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Another morning in the Anakt garden. Ivan woke up to go to the gym and do his morning workout. He had always found it a pain, but by now it was part of his routine. This time it was arm training.
«How boring.»
When he finished, he headed straight to the dining hall to get breakfast. When he arrived, he saw Till serving himself that disgusting food they had in the mornings. He had to hold back a smile. Seeing Till so early completely made his day. What kind of expressions would he make today?
— Morning, Till. — he greeted him, leaning in to say it in his ear. “Personal space” were words Ivan never quite understood, and even less so when it came to Till. It made him let out a small squeak, causing the rest of their colleagues to turn and look to see where the noise had come from.
— Good morning. Starting to be a nuisance this early… — he was complaining, but his collar was orange, not red like it usually was. How curious.
— You know me. Porridge again? How gross. You should start behaving yourself or you’ll never change your diet. — he didn’t want to look happy, but his fang betrayed him, peeking out playfully from the corner of his lips.
— Leave me alone, idiot.
While Till sat down at his seat, Ivan went to get his own breakfast. Vegetables again. He couldn’t really talk about diets either, since he hadn’t eaten anything different since he turned eighteen last year. Unsha kept insisting that he follow a vegetarian diet to improve his performance now that he was an adult.
«So annoying.»
He went back to the tables and sat down next to Till. He started eating, distracted for a moment. He noticed a small movement beside him and, when he turned, caught the silver-haired boy staring at him. When Till realized he’d been caught red-handed, he looked back down at his plate, hiding his expression.
«Oh, that’s new.»
He couldn’t stay much longer, since he had to return to his room for reading time before class. This week’s book was boring too. Once again, it talked about good behavior and singing.
«Till seemed a bit different today. He probably ran into Mizi before I arrived. That must be it.» He wanted to stop thinking about it, but he simply couldn’t. He only managed to get through one page of his reading.
In class, he ran into Sua. Her look showed the little affection she had for him. That wasn’t new. Mizi and Till weren’t in the same classroom, since they were a lower level, which made the group split up in the mornings.
Once again, learning about unimportant things, things he wasn’t passionate about. What would Till be doing at that moment?
When the bell rang, he went straight to the garden to look for him. Over time, he had learned that that rebellious boy slipped out of class a few minutes earlier than the rest. He did it so he could sit under his favorite tree.
Bingo. There he was, focused on drawing something, probably Mizi. Ivan approached him with his hands behind his back and tried to peek over his sketchbook.
— Hi, Till. What are you drawing? — when he heard his voice, he quickly covered it.
— None of your business. — he answered quickly. His face had now taken on that characteristic red color Ivan loved so much, making him laugh.
— Wow, I didn’t know you cared so much about me seeing your sketches of Mizi now. I’m not going to be scared by a little pink either.
— Whatever you say, but don’t look.
«Wow, he really is weird today.»
He sat down beside him, leaning a bit of his weight against him. He only half listened, because several times he tried to look at what he was doing, but Till’s arm covered the entire page.
The silence they shared was incredibly pleasant. They hadn't fought for a couple of years, or at least not physically; now everything was calmer.That was something he appreciated about Till, that beneath his rebelliousness he also liked moments like this.
Bored, he stopped trying to see the drawing and looked around instead. In the distance, he noticed Mizi and Sua playing in the water of the artificial pond. They really were enjoying themselves.
«So jealous.»
— Till, I’ve always wondered, what does it feel like to be loved?
— What? — embarrassment took over his expression once again.
«How adorable.»
— Right, sorry for asking. I know Mizi has never shown you what that’s like.
— As if you knew any better than I do.
«You’re surprising me, Till.»
He acted like nothing had happened and stayed quiet, letting him draw in peace. After about ten minutes, he noticed the teachers moving around and knew it was time for his singing practice. He stood up without saying anything to head to his classroom, but just before leaving, he heard something behind him.
— See you later. — the silver-haired boy said, without lifting his eyes from the drawing.
— See you later? — he replied, confused.
That really was strange. Since when had Till paid him this much attention?
He went to class still thinking about it. He made several mistakes in his songs, something unusual for him. Till’s sudden change was driving him crazy.
At dinner time, he barely saw him for a few seconds in the distance, leaving just as Ivan entered the dining hall to get his food. Now he would have free time and could follow him as much as he wanted. That thought made him want to finish his meal as quickly as possible to go back to the tree with him.
He hadn’t even set foot in the garden when he heard Mizi calling him from afar. When he looked in her direction, he saw that she was alone.
«Strange.»
— Mizi, do you need something? — he asked, with his best smile.
— I just wanted you to stay and talk with me today. Please.
— And Sua?
— She’s having some tests done. Hey, don’t you want to be with me? — Mizi said, pouting.
— It’s not that, it’s just that Till is acting really strange today and I wanted to be with him, just in case.
— And when don’t you want to be with him? — she raised an eyebrow and then started laughing.
Mizi knew him better than anyone, and sometimes that made him uncomfortable. Especially knowing what she was like. Still, it was clear she didn’t mean it badly, so he just laughed.
— Fair point. Okay, I’ll stay with you today.
— Yay!
He spent a while listening attentively to the things Mizi told him. After all, that way he would learn more about Till. She told him about the activities they did in class and the last practice they’d done together.
Meanwhile, he grabbed one of those “flowers” and started pulling off its petals one by one. It angered him that the segyeins used such underhanded methods to spy on them. He lifted his gaze for a second from what he was doing and saw Till peeking out from behind a tree. When Till noticed him looking, he hid again.
«Staring at Mizi again. Doesn’t he ever get tired of being rejected?»
That metallic sound of the bell rang again, marking the end of their break. He said goodbye to the pinkhead with a small hug and headed to that white room where they taught him music theory.
Those two hours passed more slowly than ever, since he couldn’t stop thinking about Till’s change in attitude, and that kept him from concentrating. He had been watching him for years, knew every small gesture and expression of his, and yet it seemed he had decided to change. He hated change.
Practice before bedtime was shorter than usual. Apparently, the teacher in charge wanted to leave early and asked Ivan not to say anything. It had happened before, but that day he was grateful; he didn’t think he could go on.
He got to his room and began preparing everything for the next day. The clean uniform on the chair, the reading books on the desk, the- Suddenly, he heard a noise behind him. When he turned around, he saw someone with silver hair peeking in through his door.
— Can I come in? — even though he asked, he came in without waiting for an answer, closing the door behind him.
— Till, what are you supposed to be doing here? You should be in your room.
— Well, I wanted to tell you something. — the color of his cheeks was the same as those flowers in the garden.
— If that’s all, you shouldn’t have come. You know that if they catch you out of your room at this hour, you’ll most likely be punished. If I’m not mistaken, in the containment room.
Till seemed to shudder when he heard the name of that place. More than once he had been punished there; it was a dark, cold room where they tied him up and put a collar in his mouth. A horrible experience Ivan had witnessed.
— It’s important. — he said it seriously, but seemed to doubt his own words. Now that he looked more closely, he saw that Till was hiding something behind his back. — Do you remember when your birthday is?
— You know I don’t have a birthday. I’m not interested in celebrating it either. Why?
— Because… — he couldn’t finish the sentence when noises were heard outside the room. He ran to hide under the bed, following Ivan’s gesture.
After a while, Ivan peeked out the door to see if anyone was there. All clear.
— Till, you have to leave now.
— But-
— You’re bothering me, so go.
A hint of sadness showed in his eyes, hidden behind his anger. He left the room, slamming the door. Ivan hated talking to him like that, but it was the only way he had to protect him. What had gotten into him?
The next morning, everything started again. An hour and a half of exercise. Going to the dining hall. Seeing… Till? He wasn’t there. Ivan wanted to believe it was because he’d overslept, more for his own peace of mind than anything else.
Once again, he read a single page during reading time. Classes passed slowly. Break time came, and he ran to the tree. He wasn’t there.
«I knew it. I didn’t want to believe it, but it looks like they caught him yesterday. It was probably because of that door slam. He’s hopeless.»
He sat for a while in the artificial shade of that tree, waiting for his practices to begin. In that class, he learned something new to help control his voice, but nothing more.
Dinner time. He wasn’t there either.
He was getting restless. His hypothesis was now a confirmed theory, and he hated it. Only Anakt knew what they were doing to him.
He went sadly to the garden for his second break. He was about to go look for Till to free him when he saw him sitting in his favorite spot.
— Till! — he couldn’t hide his excitement at seeing him again. — What happened today?
— I hate to admit it, but you were right. They punished me in the damn containment room. — he said, ashamed.
— Then you got out really early, right? Normally, you spend the whole day locked up.
— They let me out early for good behavior.
He was lying. It was impossible for that to be true. There were times when they even kept him locked up longer because he resisted and tried to get out.
— Are you sick? We can go to the infirmary if you want. Come on, I’ll go with you.
— No, there’s no need. I’m fine. — he took a deep breath, searching for a bit of courage. — I actually did all this so I could see you today, idiot. Will you let me tell you what I wanted to tell you yesterday, once and for all?
— Yes, of course. — he couldn’t believe it, but he was intrigued to know what it was that Till so desperately wanted to tell him.
— Today is February 14th. According to the records, it’s the day you were adopted. Mizi helped me find out. You might not have a birthday, but this is the closest thing to it. Yesterday I tried to come by right at midnight to wish you, but you saw how that went. — Till’s words tumbled out of his mouth, but he avoided going silent like he usually did. — You’re always complaining that no one ever gives you anything and that no one appreciates you. I’m tired of listening to your bullshit, so I’d like you to accept this.
He pulled a drawing out from behind his back. It was the one he’d been working on the day before. Ivan gently took the paper and saw that it was a portrait of him. He couldn’t hold back the tears.
Seeing him like that, Till panicked. It had been a long time since he’d seen him cry, and he thought it was because he’d done something wrong.
— Hey, you didn’t like it? You’re old enough for this kind of thing. — he seemed to have a fleeting idea of how to cheer him up. — Don’t cry, please.
He stood up and went on tiptoe to reach his height. Ivan suddenly felt a soft brush against his lips. WAS HE KISSING HIM?
— Huh? — he didn’t know how to react and froze. He felt the heat rise to his cheeks. Now his face matched Till’s.
He realized what he had done far too late. It had been an impulse, wanting to calm Ivan down, but now it didn’t make sense seeing his reaction.
— It’s just that you said you wanted us to try that shit thing about brushing lips, and I promised I would on your birthday… I don’t even know why I do anything. You’re an idiot! — he punched Ivan and ran off.
Left alone, Ivan sat where Till had been. He touched his lips, trying to capture the feeling from a few minutes earlier.
«I wish my birthday were every day,» he thought, as his snaggletooth peeked out through the silly smile that spread across his bruised face.