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THE BEDT GROUPCHAT RVER!!!!

Summary:

Kirby: now I’m hungry for bacon!!!!

Tall guy: charred flesh ≠ bacon

Kirby: to you it doesn’t

😋

Stallion: when she said she’d eat just about anything, she meant it

Tall guy: I don’t feel safe

Annie: you never should

Not when Armin’s in the chat

He ate you, remember?

Tall guy: I dontvvvv?????

@Crispy boy please confirm????

Crispy boy: sorry man, I’ve got nothing

I don’t think Annie is okay.

Kirby: what would bertie taste like?

Tall guy: can we not ask or answer questions like these

Edgy ass: ur part of the cum zone now it’s the norm

Mysterious wlw: took my girl to the cum zone and she came all over my zone

Springtrap: you wish

Mysterious wlw: ur so lucky murder is illegal where we live.

Freckles: it’s illegal everywhere???

Mysterious wlw: that’s what u think

Tall guy: is it too late to delete this fucking app

Wow. Another AOT OOC chatfic, you may say. Yes, I’m aware. Don’t sue me. This is for shits and giggles while I write my more serious stuff. Anti-writers block glitch not patched.

Chapter 1: Welcome to the Cum Zone

Notes:

Warnings:

- sex jokes and references to sex. Nobody fucks but there’s some sexual stuff

- stereotypical horniness. And when I tell you it only gets worse from here

- probably a gay slur or two (which I can say personally so don’t worry)

- these guys say “I’m gonna kill myself” after every minor inconvenience and tell each other to die a LOT in this—and it only progresses throughout each chapter because these guys are fucking crazy

- this is cringe and OOC. Very much so. I don’t wanna hear it. Yes. This is your stereotypical OOC lazy chatfic sue me :( I’m currently writing something more serious which I will totally promote if I ever get off my lazy ass and finish it. But chances are probably not. I just need something to write that’s not just sadness so I don’t get tired of writing altogether.

- READ THE TAGS. Just because I said so :3

(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)

Chapter Text

THE BEDT GROUPCHAT RBER!!!!

 

#cum

Wednesday, August 21st - 4:45 pm

 

yay you made it, M.bodt!

 

welcome, HooverDam. We hope you brought pizza.

 

a wild Leonhart appeared.

 

────────────────

 

#gen

Wednesday, August 21st - 4:46 pm

 

Kirby: OMG!!! MARCO BERTIE ANNIE HI HI HI HI HI!!!! HELLO! HI! BI HELLO EHI

 

M.bodt: oh my goodness.

 

Hello, Sasha! I didn’t think our arrivals would be such a big deal.

 

Mysterious wlw: tsk tsk tsk look who finally decided to show up

 

You three

 

HooverDam: it’s not exactly our fault our parents are extremely strict

 

I swear I wanted discord so bad but I was afraid of what would happen if my parents found out I was using it behind their backs

 

🙁

 

Buff guy: look what you did Ymir, you made him upset

 

Mysterious wlw: oh boo hoo

 

He’ll get over it

 

Right Bertie?

 

HooverDam: no

 

🙁

 

Leonhart: I had no intention of using this crap. I saw it to be a waste of my time.

 

For some reason, I have to use it now. So.

 

M.bodt: wait, you can italicize your words?

 

Leonhart: yeah

 

M.bodt: how?

 

Leonhart: an asterisk at the beginning and end of each word. Two asterisks for bold. Three for bold and italics

 

M.bodt: thank you Annie!

 

Leonhart: it’s the least I can do after leaving you for dead

 

M.bodt: I’m sorry?

 

Leonhart: nothing. Just another one of my odd dreams again

 

Buff guy: you’ve been having a lot of those lately. Are you sure ur good?

 

Leonhart: yes. I just have a creative mind

 

HooverDam: “a creative mind” she says as she dreams about us all dying and/or murdering each other to an insane degree…

 

Leonhart: my recent dream was Reiner, Bertholdt, and I leaving Marco for dead in the mouth of a giant human

 

M.bodt: oh!

 

Wow!

 

That’s!

 

That is certainly something alright!

 

Leonhart: if it’s any consolation, I’ve dreamt of Eren committing mass genocide on multiple occasions

 

M.bodt: that makes me feel worse, actually!

 

Stallion: the genocide one seems like a premonition w/ the way eren acts like a fucking psychopath

 

Edgy ass: hey man go fuck yourself

 

Stallion: just saying man

 

No need to get all angry

 

Also hi Marco welcome to hell

 

M.bodt: hello, Jean!

 

Although, you could’ve just said hello to me in real life considering I’m literally on the other side of the room.

 

Stallion: where’s the fun in that?

 

M.bodt: human interaction is much more sufficient than technological.

 

Stallion: nerd

 

M.bodt: I’m deleting this app.

 

Stallion: no please I take it back ur my only hope in this hellscape

 

M.bodt: how romantic.

 

:|

 

Crispy boy: yknow @Leonhart you should probably keep a log of your dreams

 

They’re very interesting

 

It’d make for a good anime or something like that

 

M.bodt: yes, because me getting left for dead to be eaten by a giant human is “good television”.

 

Leonhart: my dreams are influenced by darker media. That’d be plagiarism

 

Mysterious wlw: lowkey fart jizz facts

 

Leonhart: be quiet.

 

Mysterious wlw: I’m sorry.

 

Springtrap: @M.bodt @HooverDam @Leonhart

 

Ahem

 

Allow me to formally introduce you three to the CUM ZONE!

 

HooverDam: not even half an hour in and I already want to kill myself

 

Kirby: no don’t kys ur too sexy haha /ref

 

HooverDam:

 

I don’t want to be part of the cum zone

 

Kirby: you don’t wanna hang out with us in the semen section???? :((((

 

HooverDam: NOT WHEN YOU PUT IT LIKE THAT

 

Buff guy: he can hang out in my semen section though

 

Crispy boy: oh okay.

 

Kirby: WOW

 

HooverDam: what did he say?

 

Mysterious wlw: not even an hour with the newbs and we’ve already got a sex joke

 

Buff guy: literally two minutes into historia joining this server, you made a scissoring joke. Do not forget your roots

 

Mysterious wlw: I will kick you in the penis and testicles

 

Kirby: penis and testicles

 

Crispy boy: penis and testicles

 

Stallion: penis and testicles

 

Edgy ass: haha she said penis

 

Stallion: shut the fuck up

 

Edgy ass: die

 

Springtrap: EVERYONE BE QUIET THE FOUNDER IS SPEAKING

 

Edgy ass: 

 

Me?

 

Springtrap: no. Me! You fucking idiot!!!!

 

Stupid!!!!

 

Edgy ass: WHAT DD I DO

 

Crispy boy: that’s a loaded question. Do we really want to unpack all of that right now?

 

Edgy ass: Armin, I thought we were bros

 

Bros and hoes with sexual throes

 

Crispy boy: most definitely not

 

Springtrap: as your welcome gift to the cum zone. I will now grant you new names

 

Springtrap changed 3 names

 

Springtrap: Violin~

 

Tall guy: don’t you mean viola?

 

Oh

 

You couldn’t think of anything else?

 

Freckles: I was expecting worse.

 

Springtrap changed 1 name

 

Horse rider: okay that’s enough. Connie Springer, change it back.

 

Springtrap: sorry mommy

 

Springtrap changed 1 name

 

Freckles: call me mommy again and I’m sending Mikasa after you.

 

Annie: you played it safe

 

Springtrap: i value my life

 

Freckles: clearly not enough considering the stunt you just pulled.

 

Tall guy: I don’t understand, what’s wrong with horse rider? You’re not an equestrian but yknow?

 

Mysterious wlw: Bertie I’ll explain in dms

 

R ur DMs open?

 

Tall guy: idk what that means

 

Mysterious wlw: bruh

 

Freckles: anyways, can we get a brief introduction on who is who? Some of the names I can piece together. But some of the other nicknames are confusing.

 

Springtrap: why of course!

 

@Kirby is Sasha

@Stallion is Jean

@Mysterious wlw is Ymir

@Buff guy is Reiner

@Edgy ass is eren

@Crispy boy is Armin

@Mikasa is Mikasa

@Goddess is Historia

 

And ofc @Tall guy is Bert @Annie is Annie, and u are u

 

And im the goat Connie springer!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

Buff guy: I’ve seen goats taller than you

 

Springtrap: fuck yiu man, I had a growth sprout

 

Stallion: u mean spurt?

 

Springtrap: I’m going to kill you

 

Annie: why is Armin’s name the way it is?

 

Crispy boy: remember that one time I burned myself making dinner?

 

Annie: oh

 

Yeah

 

Forgot about that

 

lol

 

Crispy boy: don’t laugh out loud :(

 

I was in pain

 

Annie: sorry

 

Tall guy: she’s not.

 

Kirby: now I’m hungry for bacon!!!!

 

Tall guy: charred flesh ≠ bacon

 

Kirby: to you it doesn’t

 

😋

 

Stallion: when she said she’d eat just about anything, she meant it

 

Tall guy: I don’t feel safe

 

Annie: you never should

 

Not when Armin’s in the chat

 

He ate you, remember?

 

Tall guy: I dontvvvv?????

 

@Crispy boy please confirm????

 

Crispy boy: sorry man, I’ve got nothing

 

I don’t think Annie is okay.

 

Kirby: what would bertie taste like?

 

Tall guy: can we not ask or answer questions like these

 

Edgy ass: ur part of the cum zone now it’s the norm

 

Mysterious wlw: took my girl to the cum zone and she came all over my zone

 

Springtrap: you wish

 

Mysterious wlw: ur so lucky murder is illegal where we live.

 

Freckles: it’s illegal everywhere???

 

Mysterious wlw: that’s what u think

 

Tall guy: is it too late to delete this fucking app

 

────────────────

 

#gen

Wednesday, August 21st - 7:15 pm

 

Kirby: GUYYYYSSS I FORGOT TO ASK

 

HOWS THE ROOMSTE SITUATIOJ GOONG!!! HOW DO U GUYS LIKE UR ROOMSTES AND BATHROOMMATES?????

 

Crispy boy: we picked our roommates?

 

Kirby: YEAH WELL WE DONT KNOW ABOUT ERENS AND YOURS BATHROOM MATES ME AND CONNIE HAVE NEW PPL AND LIKE WEVE BEVER ROOMATES B4 SO WHAT IS IT LIKE TO BE ROOMIES

 

Stallion: my brain hurts just thinking about what u and Connie’s dorm looks like

 

Mikasa: nothing short of disastrous I would assume.

 

Stallion: hi Mikasa

 

Mikasa: hello.

 

To answer the question. My roommate situation is going well. And our neighbors are normal. Their names are Mina and Hannah, they’re very normal.

 

Kirby: that’s good!!!! How’s Annie like

 

Mikasa: wonderful.

 

Kirby: /srs or /j

 

Mikasa: I don’t understand what those mean.

 

Crispy boy: it’s some chronically online stuff dw about it pooks

 

Mikasa: don’t call me ‘pooks’. We aren’t ‘pooks’.

 

Kirby: r u and eren pookie status then?

 

Tall guy: I think u 2 are overwhelming her

 

Mikasa: I am extremely overwhelmed.

 

Stallion:

 

I’m kinda getting the vibe that she’s not

 

Mikasa: I’m not.

 

Stallion: and there we go

 

Kirby: okay but back to the question I was asking b4

 

What would Bertie taste like

 

Tall guy: why are we back on this topic. This isn’t important please

 

Kirby: BLUEBERRY PIE!!!!

 

Annie: why ask a question if you’re going to answer it yourself?

 

Kirby: I need human interaction

 

Springtrap: she doesn’t go out much

 

Mysterious wlw: says u

 

Bitch

 

Kirby: yeah!

 

Wait!

 

Hey! Don’t be mean to Connor!

 

Connie*

 

CONNIE

 

CONNIE

 

CONNIE

 

CONNIE

 

CONNIE

 

IM SO SORRY 💔💔💔💔

 

Springtrap: I’m moving out 💔

 

Mysterious wlw: wow he’s gonna Irish goodbye ur ass

 

Kirby: WHAT WILL I DO AITHOUT U TWIN

 

Springtrap: idk twin

 

I’m moving in w Jean now -3-

 

Stallion: I didn’t agree to that

 

Also i have a roommate

 

Freckles: hi, I’m the roommate.

 

I just finished unpacking everything, I don’t want to have to move again.

 

Kirby: WAIT ID LOVE TO HAVE MARCO AS A ROOMIE WAUT NO

 

MARCO

 

LETS BE ROOMATES

 

Freckles: I don’t think that’d be ideal.

 

Edgy ass: “I don’t think that’d be ideal” is so fucking fowl

 

Stallion: ur gonna have to pry Marco out of my cold dead hands

 

Annie: I already did

 

Buff guy: Annie pls stop talking about ur fucking dreams

 

Seek therapy

 

Annie: I know you’re not talking

 

Tall guy: honestly I think we all need therapy

 

Kirby: I need food

 

Springtrap: she just finished the whole ass turkey she bought for us as a housewarming gift

 

Tall guy: did you even get a piece?

 

Springtrap: NO

 

TNAYS THRWORZT PART

 

I DIDNT GET FUCMIGN SHIT

 

IT WAS FOR US

 

Kirby: I BOICHT THE FUCMING TIRMEY

 

I SHOUKD BE ABLE TO EAT IT

 

NERTHOLD TASTES LIKE BLUEBERRY PIE

 

FUCK YOU

 

Tall guy: WHY DO WE KEEP COMING BACK TO THIS

 

I WOULDNT TASTE LIKE BLUE EBRRU PIE

 

Buff guy: I mean if u need a taste tester

 

Edgy ass: OH NY FUCKING GOD

 

Tall guy: WHY DOES REINER KEEP DELETING TJINGS BEFORE I CAN READ THRM

 

Annie: you don’t want to know.

 

Mysterious wlw: reiner is just as desperate to taste Bertholdt’s ass than he is to taste the barrel of a gun

 

Annie: true

 

Tall guy: I don’t like u guys

 

You guys are mean :(

 

Kirby: blue berry pie

 

With a hint of mint

 

Tall guy: that doesn’t sound appealing

 

Kirby: I didn’t say it had to

 

Anyways what would every one else taste like hmmmm

 

Ymir tastes like root beer

 

Mysterious wlw: ??

 

What??

 

Kirby: root. Beer.

 

Connie would taste like

 

Hm

 

Hmmm

 

Hmmmmm

 

Tasting it on my tongue

 

Mysterious wlw: nasty

 

Kirby: KIWI’nnn

 

Springtrap: YAY!!!

 

I accept kiwi I fucking love kiwi

 

Esp when it makes my mouth fuzzy

 

Crispy boy:

 

.

 

Uhm

 

I don’t think it’s supposed to do that

 

Springtrap: wdym that’s exactly what it’s supposed to do

 

The skin makes everything all fuzzy and shit

 

Crispy boy: there’s a lot to unpack here

 

Uhm

 

I’m just gonna go

 

Kirby: Armin.

 

Bacon.

 

Crispy boy: my god

 

Kirby: NO! ACTUlly! ACTUALLY! UHM HOLD IN

 

OH

 

ON

 

FICK

 

FUCK

 

Mysterious wlw: u got this

 

Kirby: APPLE

 

Crispy boy: ??

 

Okay??

 

Kirby: I’m gonna speed run

 

Jean - wine

Marco - cinnamkn

Historia - vanilla/strabwery

Reiner - salt

Annie - cold

Mikasa - dark chocolate

Eren - nothing

Me - awesomeness

 

Stallion: “reiner - salt, Annie - cold”

 

You connoisseur of tastes

 

Edgy ass: here comes Mr French guy acting all French

 

Stallion: hey fuck you man

 

Edgy ass: u wish u could bang me

 

Springtrap: you def let it crust after u shit dude

 

I wouldn’t wanna stick my dingalingabingbong in that

 

Buff guy: “dingalingabingbong”

 

I hate it here

 

Grown ass adults

 

And we’re saying dingalingabingbong

 

Springtrap: fuck you it sounds funny

 

Buff guy: it doesn’t.

 

Springtrap: I’m banning ur ass bucko

 

Edgy ass: “bucko”

 

Springtrap: I MADE THE SERVER

 

Mikasa: well clearly there’s an abuse of power.

 

Annie: shouldn’t historia control the server? She’s related to some affluent people right?

 

Mysterious wlw: SHE IS AND YES I AGREE

 

HISU FOR I]OWNER

 

IWNER

 

OWNER

 

Buff guy: ur so whipped

 

Mysterious wlw: literally shut the fuck upnyou fuckijg cuck

 

Crispy boy: the language we are using in here is getting violent

 

Tall guy: is it too late to leave?

 

Springtrap: YES

 

CUM ZONE FOREVER

 

Kirby: cum zone until it’s pregnant zone

[❌]x7 [💔]x2

 

Springtrap: ew pregnant zone

 

I hate pregnant zone

 

Edgy ass: u hate pregnant women too?

[W]x7 [T]x3 [F]x5 [🤨]x2

 

Springtrap: what? No.

 

What the fuck is wrong with you?

 

Stallion: yikes. He’s using correct grammar. Eren what did you do

 

Mikasa: Eren, need I remind you who brought you into this world?

 

Edgy ass: guys I’m sorry I was being a little jokester a little haha a little joker

[🗿]x3

 

Springtrap: the jonkler

 

 

Stallion: wtf is that

 

Connie what am I looking at

 

Kirby: my name is the woker

 

Springtrap: why so queerious batman


@Edgy ass:
guys I’m sorry I was being a little jokester a little haha a little joker”

Stallion: fucking loser

 

Edgy ass: hang urself

 

Springtrap: woah hoe hoe hoe there buddy

 

Violent language to and fro

 

Edgy ass: I’m gonna start saying slurs


“@Edgy ass:
I’m gonna start saying slurs”

Stallion: give him an inch and he’ll go a mile 🙄 

 

Edgy ass: IM FUCKIJG KILLIJG YOU

 

Stallion: all my sexy wives will miss me

 

Kirby: no we won’t

 

Springtrap: I’ll miss you a little bit

 

Freckles: I’m not going to comment on that.

 

Stallion: why are u guys never for me in my moments of need

 

Freckles: I want to say something but I’m going to hold my tongue.

 

Stallion: really feeling the homieness with this one

 

Thanks roomie

 

Tall guy: guys what is discord nitro

 

Genuine question

 

Sasha’s pfp keeps moving when I click on her name and it says I need nitro to do it

 

Mysterious wlw: ask ur sugar daddy reiner for nitro he’ll def buy it for you he’s whipped as hell

 

Buff guy: YMIR NO MIDDLE NAME NO LAST NAME.

 

Crispy boy: oh dear

 

Full government name this is some serious stuff

 

Tall guy: not even a full 24 hours and I feel so welcomed

 

Marco how do u feel

 

Freckles: terrible, really. I don’t like it here.

 

And to think I used to have major fomo when everyone opened up discord during class.

 

Lived all my life with helicopter parents and this is the reward? The cum zone?

 

Is life truly worthless?

 

Stallion: first of all, no. It’s not

 

Second of all, I’ve never heard u say cum before

 

Freckles: I don’t see a reason as to why I’d say cum on the regular.

 

It’s not a typical word, Jean.

 

Stallion: I’m aware

 

But you and cum don’t mix

 

Wait that didn’t come out right

 

Crispy boy: istg if I see one more person say some horny shit I’m gonna bust

 

.

 

WAIT FUCK

 

Edgy ass: PROMISE?

 

Crispy boy: Killijg nimself

 

────────────────

 

#gen

Thursday, August 22nd - 1:28 am

 

Kirby: guys I’m hungry

 

Stallion: go to bed

 

Kirby: dude we have orientation tmrw guys isnt that cray z

 

Stallion: sure, now go to bed

 

Springtrap: why is everyone whispering

 

Stallion: literally no one is doing that?

 

Kirby: I’m bored

 

And I’m hungry

 

I’m gonna eat

 

Nvm there’s no food

 

Suicide is the answer

 

Jean we should hang out

 

Bring Marco

 

Stallion: he’s asleep

 

Oh shit nvm

 

He’s reaching for his phone

 

Marco I’m so sorry

 

Freckles: you’re across the room, you could’ve expressed your grievances from your bed.

 

I don’t know how to mute this app.

 

Springtrap: I’ll help u breastie

 

Freckles: it’s all good, really. Jean just showed me how.

 

Stallion: did u just call him breastie

 

Springtrap: yes

 

Breadyir

 

Freckles: he’s just saying nonsense.

 

Stallion: ur laughing tho

 

Freckles: it was a chuckle, Jean.

 

Stallion: okay bro

 

Edgy ass: why r u guys up

 

Stallion: because we can

 

Why r u up

 

Edgy ass: didn’t ur mommy establish a bedtime? Little bitch

 

Stallion: first of all shut up

 

At least my mom doesn’t look at me and regret pushing me out

 

Edgy ass: not anymore at least

 

My mom loves me

 

My dad on the other hand

 

“@Edgy ass: My dad on the other hand”

Mikasa: this guy grew up with a loving family, fyi.

 

Edgy ass: stfu

 

Mikasa: who here honestly had a good childhood and grew up with a loving family?

 

Springtrap: I mean my family was mean sometimes they lowkey bullied me

 

Mikasa: my parents were almost murdered right in front of me.

 

Springtrap: how the fuck do you expect me to compete with that

 

Stallion: my dad checked in every now and then but didn’t really care about me check

 

Freckles: I have extremely religious parents who don’t respect me for who I am and often send me religious quotes hoping it will “save” me from my “mental illnesses”.

 

Crispy boy: my parents randomly disappeared

 

And we already know there’s something wrong with Bertie, reiner, and Annie

 

Buff guy: right

 

Mysterious wlw: been to and fro the foster care system. Almost got roped into a cult. Too old for foster care now

 

And hisu’s dad is a dead beat rich guy

 

Kirby: I’m hungry?

 

Mikasa: so everyone but Eren, Sasha, and Connie got pretty unlucky, huh?

 

Stallion: yeah

 

Springtrap: now I’m bummed

 

Annie: bummed you didn’t win the trauma dumping competition?

 

Springtrap: EEK!

 

WHERE DID U COME FROM?

 

Crispy boy: why did you type ‘eek’. 

 

Don’t tell me she actually scared you

 

Springtrap: gulps…

 

Stallion: I hate it here

 

Crispy boy: we’re scaring away the noobs

 

Too much trauma dumping and it hasn’t even been a day

 

Freckles: yes, because I’m very scared right now? Somehow?

 

I don’t see why you feel the need to speak for the three of us. We’re not scared of your antics. This is just another thing we cannot escape.

 

Stallion: I’m sorry bro

 

Freckles: it’s alright. I love you guys. So I’ll tolerate it.

 

Not Eren though. I need him to take a shower.

 

Edgy ass: I’m coming over u fuck

 

Stallion: I’m just going to lock the door u dumb bitch

 

Eren, Marco just told me he can smell u from down the hall

 

Edgy ass: FUCKING ASSHOLE

 

IM GONNA EAT YOUR ASS

 

WAIT

 

NO

 

HOLD ON

 

Springtrap: woah there buddy

 

That’s a bit much

 

Mysterious wlw: little too horny

 

Springtrap: I SHOULD MAKE A HORNY JAIL

 

Crispy boy: you’re a few years late, horny jail was basically jeans mind in high school

 

Stallion: when did we stop shitting on eren

 

Can we go back to that please

 

Tall guy: guys

 

Can I share my doubts

 

And shit

 

Springtrap: should I make a vent channel or smth

 

Stallion: absolutely fucking not Eren would be in it all day ranting about his mother for being too overbearing for his big boy bad boy ass or wtvr

 

Freckles: I’m sensing some self-projection.

 

Stallion: don’t make me regret liking you, Bodt. I’ll Irish goodbye your ass

 

Springtrap: ROOMIES

 

ME AND JEAN ROOMIES

 

Stallion: I’m down for that

 

Kirby: I WANT MARCO AS MY ROOMIE

 

PLS

 

PLS PLS PLS

 

PLS PLS PLS PLS PLS PLS PLS PLS

 

WAAAAA MARCO PLS

 

Freckles: I’ve never been this wanted before.

 

I thought I’d like the feeling but I don’t.

 

Honestly, Sasha. I’m considering it.

 

I actually think we’d make great roommates.

 

Never mind, Jean made me take it back, I’m sorry.

 

He’s crying.

 

Stallion: NOIM. ITNOT

 

FUCKIFF

 

Edgy ass: dude Jean ur so whipped

 

Stallion: ASSHOLE

 

DIE

 

YOU ASS

 

Annie: shouldn’t you guys be asleep rn?

 

Kirby: I’m hungry

 

Tall guy: uhm

 

Guys

 

Springtrap: right

 

Sorry burrito

 

Vent

 

Tall guy: ok so like

 

What if i end up hating my classes

 

And my major

 

And like

 

Everything

 

And stuff Yknow

 

Like it freaks me out

 

Like I’m glad I’m away from my family but at the same time I feel so awful

 

Like I don’t think this is gonna work out Yknow

 

And it freaks me out

 

Like I cannot sleep

 

I know orientation is tmrw and school starts Monday but

 

What if my professors are jerks and they hate me

 

I can handle a big work load my time management is great but I wanna do stuff I wanna go out and have fun and experience things

 

I think I’m experiencing burn out

 

School hadn’t even started

 

I’m gonna throw up

 

Springtrap: damn

 

Fuck man I’m sorry

 

Freckles: we all experience burn out at some point in our academic careers. It is nothing to be ashamed of.

 

Tall guy: yeah but like; what’s ifnall of this is worthless

 

And like

 

A waste of tutuin money

 

Tutuitom

 

Whateve0

 

Yknow

 

Freckles: college is what you make it. It is your choice as to how you exercise your tuition costs.

 

However, no experience is the same. You can never truly know for sure. But you just have to go with the flow.

 

I cannot tell you how to feel, nor am I trying to. But we’re here for you, Bertholdt. We will support you in any way we can.

 

Tall guy: thanks dude

 

Can I get a hug

 

Freckles: of course! Our door is open!

 

Springtrap: wait what

 

Stallion: we’re sharing our bathroom w/ Reiner and bert

 

We can enter each others rooms whenever

 

Springtrap: oooooh yeah I forgot about that

 

Stallion: who are you and sash sharing ur bathroom w/

 

Springtrap: idk. There’s this dude and this chick that’s really tall who looks like a dude but isn’t. The dude told me his name but I lowkey high key forgot already and the name is kinda long but he’s really nice and kinda handsome

 

I’ll figure it out eventually considering we’re all shitting in the same bowl

 

Stallion: poetic

 

“We’re all shitting in the same bowl”

 

Springtrap: put that on a wall

 

Heh

 

Christian mothers shit

 

Yknow

 

Freckles: about five years ago, my mother would’ve had that hanging up in our kitchen. As long as you put a verse beneath it.

 

Mysterious wlw: there’s been too much venting and it hasn’t been 24 hours

 

This is an all time low for us

 

Stallion: it was an all time low the moment Armin invited his little boy toy to the chat

 

Edgy ass: hang yourself

 

Stallion: I’m sending this to the school president lil bro

 

Edgy ass: IN GINNA F FYI CKUNG KILL YOU

 

Crispy boy: again with the violent language guys :(

 

Buff guy: if you guys don’t go to sleep I’m gonna crush you all like a soda can

 

Crispy boy: yes sir

 

Tall guy: promise?

 

Crispy boy: OH MY GOD

 

Mysterious wlw: okay everyone wrap it up

 

Too much freakiness on main

 

Crispy boy: he went from sentimental and horrified to horny

 

Stallion: been there done that

 

Freckles: I really don’t like it here.

 

I’m going to go to bed. I expect everything to be normal when I wake up.

 

Springtrap: you can’t tell me what to do

 

Freckles: Connie Springer.

 

Springtrap: right

 

Freckles: goodnight everyone!

 

Stallion: goodnight

 

Kirby: GOODNIGHR!!

 

Crispy boy: sleep tight

 

Springtrap: puts hands on hips man, another successful day in the cum zone

 

Crispy boy: I’m fucking killing you

 

────────────────

 

After Bertholdt turned off his phone with a gentle ‘click’ following the motion, he placed his device screen-first on the dresser and sank into his mattress. The mattress squeaked under his weight, and the bedsheets shifted with each and every turn of a mere lanky limb.

 

He twisted and turned, trying to get comfortable. But most nights, he didn’t see the point in trying to indulge in a picturesque slumbering position. He knew he was going to wake up with his neck contorted at an angle that shouldn’t be humanly possible without major injury to vital parts of the body and his legs five inches away from landing on the moon. But tonight, he could indulge.

 

It wasn’t like he was going to sleep much anyway, the anxiety was clawing at his insides until they became chopped liver and plunged into his stomach acid like a bunch of soggy little meat cubes.

 

With a stereotypical sleepy sigh, he weaseled under the sheets. Not even bothering to close his eyes.

 

He simply stared up at the ceiling.

 

And stared.

 

And stared.

 

He grasped the blanket draped over his body—his feet peeking out from the cloth because he’d rather have his torso be warm than his toes. He tried to listen in on the world. But it was quiet. No noise. Not even the distant chatter of Jean and Marco from beyond the walls; ‘they must’ve fallen asleep already’, Bertholdt thought. ‘If only it were that easy.’

 

He didn’t know how much time had passed. Perhaps it was an hour. Perhaps it was nothing at all. But he heard a grumble from across the room, followed by rustling bed sheets and a mattress squeak that could rival the masses.

 

“Bert. You good?” Reiner asked. His voice still gruff with sleep.

 

Bertholdt nodded; still feeling horrendously guilty for waking him up under all the blank expressions. He’d left the room in the middle of the night, after all. “I’m alright. Just…” he trailed off. “I’m- nervous. I’m nervous.” He reassured. More-so himself over Reiner.

 

“… if you say so.” Clearly too tired to question or pester, Reiner sank back into bed—grabbing his blanket and draping it over himself.

 

And then. The room went quiet again.

 

Bertholdt melted back into his own bed, looking up at the ceiling gently illuminated by the moonlight sky peeking in through the gentle fabric of the curtains.

 

With a sigh, he tried to close his eyes.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

“So what was that thing you deleted in the chat…?”

 

“Haha I don’t know what you’retalkingaboutReinerI’m asleep.”

 

“…”

 

Reiner blinked.

 

“… what?”

Notes:

I am cringe but I am free. Before anyone asks “why are they like this?” I basically took the average discord server amongst friends and hyped it up by 10. For comedic effect, or something. Yes I’m aware that none of these characters would do or say any of this shit canonically. But that’s the magic of modern chatfics. They can be as gay, as weird, and as violent as they want.

Shrug emoji.