Chapter Text
“Stupid! Stupid! STUPID!” Starscream screeched out as he barged into his laboratory, wings thrashing with anger as fury burned through his circuits. He wanted to blast something with his null-ray. He needed to blast something with his null-ray. How else would his processor cool down? He stomped the ground multiple times, hoping to shatter it from sheer brute force and wrath. It didn't work. Of course, it didn't work. Starscream was nothing like him—Starscream was absolutely nothing like that big dumb brute called Megatron.
Normally, he'd smile at that, cherish it as the compliment of the highest form but now merely being reminded of that glitch, whose spark still continued to glow and twinkle only enraged him FURTHER.
“SLAGGING SPAWN OF A SCRAPHEAP!” Starscream shrieked, shooting at the walls with as much energy as he could muster. Even if the walls somehow smelted down, he couldn't bring himself to care. After all, Starscream could just order those constructicons to rebuild it or smelt them himself if those weaklings dared to refuse. Either way, Starscream refused to toil away like some low-caste worker. Like Megatron. Starscream sneered, his plating crawled with disgust. “UGH! WORTHLESS, SENILE BOOTLEGGER! CAN'T RUST OUT OF OLD AGE, CAN'T DIE OF A SPARK ATTACK, CAN'T EVEN PERISH FROM MY CONSTANT ATTEMPTS! USELESS, WORTHLESS PIECE OF—”
“SCREAMER!”Skywarp's noisy, deafening voice cropped up behind him, thwacking his audio sensors and his footing. If it weren't for the lab-table he grabbed onto, Starscream could've fallen to the ground and dirtied his magnificent paintjob, all thanks to this idiot. Oh, he's going to make Skywarp pay. Well right after Starscream figured out the reason behind Skywarp's arrival.“For the love of ANYTHING, shut it and stop whatever you're doing. If you're planning on blowing the ship to bits—let us leave first!"
Starscream blinked, his intake halted out of sheer bewilderment. Confusion replaced his fury and murderous intent, stopping him from flying off the handle and evaporating Skywarp right then and there. Starscream hadn't been that loud during his little fit nor had he shot up the entirety of The Nemesis yet. Therefore, no sane mech should be pestering him right now, especially in his off-duty time. Skywarp was no sane mech, that much was certain, but this still made no sense. Why had Skywarp teleported inside his lab!? Had Megatron put him up to this!?!
Before he could begin with any of the questions, specially ask who the ‘us’ referred to—the closet burst open, with lab equipment and Thundercracker falling out.
Confused and now irritated, Starscream shot him a glare. In return, Thundercracker averted his optics with a flushed and embarrassed look, bearing pathetic as always. Which didn't surprise Starscream but something else very much did. Behind Thundercracker, other stuff slipped out, gaudy junk he absolutely never owned tumbled out his closet like unplugged screwbolts, all scattered around the ground alongside actual important lab-equipment.
Starscream snarled, his digits curled with disgust at the thought of his precious labware jumbled with literal garbage. Goodness, he couldn't fathom even touching them now. They've all been ruined! RUINED! Starscream would have to replace every single item or force some underling to scrub them clean off all the muck and grime.
Before Starscream could dwell further on this horrendous cycle, a string of awkward coughs from Skywarp snapped him back into reality. Starscream’s optics narrowed as his processor identified the most glaring items: a crumpled white card, a box wrapped with ribbons and some stitched-up ugly, organic stuffed toy that Thundercracker held onto with his servo, squashed out with cotton sticking out.
“Uh… s-suprise!?!” Skywarp blurted out, forcing on a hideous smile. “...Me and TC DEFINITELY planned this beforehand, haha! We absolutely got you, didn't we!? You can laugh too, yannow!? Don't just stand there looking like you've suffered a spark attack—!
“Explain before I blast you both into pieces.” Starscream exhaled as he powered up his null-ray. Of course, he wouldn't blast them, not until he received a good explanation, a very good explanation. Good enough for it to make the perfect excuse to parade their deactivated husks around the base. “I might just spare the ship instead if I have to deal with the two of you microchipped morons.”
“Woah, woah, WOAH! Hold on a kilk, aren't you overreacting now, Screamy!?” Skywarp mumbled, sweat dripped from his helm while he blinked at a rapid pace. Clearly nervous, his optics darted around the room as if trying to spot some escape exit. Starscream almost grinned, how predictable! That annoying outlier of his had been nullified, all thanks to the genius forcefield designed by Starscream to fortify his lab.
Precisely, this meant that Skywarp couldn't teleport outside the room. Really, Starscream's brilliance couldn't be understated! Still, he ought to booby-trap his lab better considering these two idiots managed to bypass all his tripwires and contraptions.
Before uttering any words, Skywarp folded his arms as a scowl appeared on his face. “You don't have to raise such a fuss about it! We were just looking for some privacy, that's all!”
“P-P-P-P-PRIVACY!?!?!” Starscream recoiled, his intake burned with disgust. He couldn't look Skywarp straight in the optic without immediately wishing to self-terminate. His tanks churned, he wanted to purge! Starscream refused to entertain this nonsense yet the nausea heaving in his brain module stopped him from processing anything, downvolting his null-ray as he lost focus. By the allspark, they couldn't actually—
“What Warp meant to say is that we only came here to exchange presents, nothing else.” Thundercracker ran in, clarifying in a weak, stifled tone. “We didn't want anyone to snoop around or steal our gifts so we opted to share it somewhere quiet. Your lab is the most secluded place on this ship so it just seemed like the perfect option. It's just that we—uh—didn't expect you to arrive so quickly…”
“Do you actually expect me to believe that!? That's such a flimsy excuse!” Starscream screeched out, glaring at them both with the force of a thousand blow heaters. Even if annoyance still hummed within his wires, tiny shards of relief cut through them. After all, they weren't actually entwined, not in that way at least, and definitely not inside his lab of all places. But one question still puzzled him. “And why would you suddenly exchange this junk!?! How can you even call these gifts?!?! It's worse than scrap metal!”
“Oh, we were only celebrating a charming holiday!” Thundercracker answered, ignoring his jab and cracking a dumb smile as usual. Skywarp hid behind him, lowering his helm and frame like some cowering pocket computer. “It's nothing grand compared to the festivities back on Cybertron but earth can still delight you with its—”
“That's DISGUSTING!” Starscream interrupted, furrowing his ridges as he pointed towards the both of them. “You're celebrating a holiday made for PUNY FLESHBAGS! Have you no SHAME!?! Are you gonna defect to the AUTOBOTS now too?!?!?”
“Oh, cool your exhaust port, Screamy! it's not that bad besides you're too single to appreciate its significance anyway.” Skywarp straightened up, leaning on Thundercracker with a pout. “I mean, who in their right mind would spend Valentine's day with you?”
For a moment, Starscream stared at the both of them, baffled and disgruntled. Those words played again in his processor, like a broken record none of it registered inside his processor excluding the obvious jab. Who cared if no one wanted to celebrate some stupid day with him? As if that bothered Starscream! Only idiots surrounded him all around whose company he despised more than cheap polish. The less they pestered Starscream, the better. At least then he could spare himself the helm-ache from blathering with these filthy creatures. Suffice to say, none of this irritated Starscream. It didn't irritate him. It didn't irritate him at all. Only, something else did. Starscream sneered as his plating itched.
“Vi-ll-ain-tin-es…?” Starscream screeched out, trying to pronounce the dreaded name before Skywarp started laughing. It didn't sound correct, nor did it ring any bells which only irritated him further. He's lived on this mud-planet long enough to witness almost every primitive holiday celebrated by these dirty organics.The most egregious of which included the worship of another bearded squishy whom they left out peculiar nutrients for as offerings in hopes of receiving blessings, junk and all that scrap. Starscream scoffed, maybe it's worse than what he's imagining. “That’s STUPID! what's this DUMB NAME supposed to even INDICATE?!”
“Er—Well, it's named after one of their saints, a martyr you could say. There's lots of history behind it which is definitely interesting but it's like—uh—not that important towards understanding what this special day's all about!” Thundercracker stammered out, his voicebox as shaky as his frame.Yet when Skywarp slung his servos around Thundercracker’s shoulder-plating all this spasming ceased instantly. Starscream grimaced, suppressing his urge to purge as to not dirty his lab further.
“Cmon TC, you don't gotta explain it to him like he's some dimsparked protoform.” Skywarp cut in, smirking as he squeezed the other mech's shoulder. Starscream could swear he almost saw Thundercracker flush. “Simply put, Valentine's day is where you—”
“—SHOW your appreciation for one another! It's a day forged to celebrate CAMARADERIE and FELLOWSHIP!” Thundercracker interrupted with his pedes tapping against the floor, his optics darted across the room until they finally landed on Starscream.
“It's wonderful for deepening the bonds you share with each other all while conveying how much you enjoy their FRIENDSHIP from gifts and spending time together!”
Suddenly, it all clicked.
He remembered the junk, those blasted ‘gifts’ piled upon his lab floor. No wonder they resembled organic rubbish more than actual respectable presents exchanged during Vosian ceremonies. Despite stooping so low as to partake in earth festivities, they still tried to defend themselves as if dishonouring and smearing their superior Cybertronian lineage all across the pit couldn't be enough. Disgust curled upwards Starscream's intake, he gagged at the thought of ever celebrating such sordid sentimental nonsense.
“Scram.”
Before Starscream could even blink, Skywarp snatched Thundercracker and dashed out his lab like a mudslinger from Velocitron. Whatever! Starscream could terminate them some other cycle whenever he wanted but when his gaze landed on the junk piled around the corner….
Wait.
Couldn't he—Couldn't he work out some roundabout method to exploit this?
Of course I could!’Starscream answered himself internally, grinning like he had just discovered the solution to the universe, or the secret diary of Megatrons.
Ah, Megatron! That old fool practically melted at such schmaltzy displays. No matter how barbaric Megatron appeared from the outside, the mega-titanic spark residing inside him flared with all the zest and delirium of a poet. The prowess and foresight of his ‘warlord’ persona completely faded away when confronting such scenarios. Even with one's optics flickering, it'd be hard to believe that the oh-so mighty leader of the Decepticons could possess a side so pathetic that even his usual self couldn't compare at all.
Starscream loved that.
Why wouldn't he? Yes,
weaknesses befitted no suitable leader and such glaring defects were obviously unbecoming for any bot chasing after obedience and respect. But how could Starscream ever complain when it was all so very charming. It was charming when Megatron softened, it was charming when Megatron gushed about glory, it was charming when Megatron acknowledged his feats and lauded him. And it was most charming when Megatron surrendered himself over to be dismantled: every shortcoming, every flaw, every fracture, bared in a manner so obtrusive and exploitable.
All Starscream needed to do was flatter and cajole Megatron into eventually dropping his defences and unraveling. Megatron, vulnerable and dripping down his servos, would be blurting out every urge and impulse before he knew it all thanks to Starscream. But to achieve that first, his strategy required change. Instead of acting like the moronically obedient soldier, he’d switch it up a bit. This time, Starscream would perform the starring role, the starring role of the besotted, tender & caring friend.
And the best part: that bastard would never see it coming! Megatron would be completely fooled, enamored even.
Cackling, Starscream donned on some nitrile gloves as he hopped over to collect the trash littering the ground. Obviously, he desired nothing more than to vaporize it right away but examining the heap first might provide some insight on the practices for this primitive holiday. Sure, giftgiving was involved but of which particular form? Don't be mistaken, Starscream strived not to follow these specific customs, but to improve upon them. Know the rites before you break them after all.
Now spread around his lab table, Starscream reached out for the most mysterious item of all—the draped and gaudy looking box.
When opening the box, Starscream expected to witness all the evils of the cosmos escaping out or spare bolts at the very least. He saw none of that, only oddly-shaped brown-coloured mismatched solids which smelled awfully familiar to energon goodies. Could it be one of those organic edibles!? Those highly addictive substances that squishies loved prattling about?! What were they called again…....cocklets?!?
Frowning, Starscream threw out the box. He refused to dwell further on filthy organic culture even if it meant being wrong. Anyhow, he could do better no doubt. He was a master at everything, which included baking. Megatron was the type of mushy bot who loved servo-crafted gifts more than expensive regalia which sufficed. Though, anything constructed by Starscream surpassed even the most exorbitant treasures so it felt unfair to compare either way.
Narrowing his optics, Starscream plucked out the wrinkled white card all while huffing. What a sight! It was almost tattered yet looked no less hideous. Straightening it up, he squinted to see a crude sketch(of human guts, he assumed) accompanied with a few words scribbled underneath. He didn't understand the language but his processor translated it as—Don't go bacon on my heart!
…….
What?
Starscream blasted the card with his null-ray, the smoke rising up dissipated some of his annoyance, but not all of it. What nonsense! If anyone ever gave this to him, he'd rip out their spark right then and there. Megatron would do the same no doubt. He hated to admit it but sensibility was a trait they both shared in common, even if foreign to every other con here. Instead of whatever this indicated, Starscream thought of writing a letter; a sweet, verbose epistle celebrating their amusing coexistence and involuntary camaraderie. After all, he ought to practice writing more. When the day finally came, If his eulogy was anything less than perfect then he might just have to arrange for two coffins. Were funerals ever pleasant?
Sighing, Starscream squeezed the stuffed toy, one of its button eyes almost plopped out. It reminded him of a Ursos cyber-arctos but miniature and pathetic. While Starscream could see the appeal in taxiderming defeated foes and exhibiting them like trophies, it didn't make the ideal gift as it put too much focus on the gift itself and not on the gifter. Actually forget the gifts, Starscream wanted to make sure that after this ended and above all Megatron prized him.
Thankfully, Starscream knew just the key to summon this feeling.