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Baekjin had been attending Baku’s college basketball events religiously for the past two years since they got accepted into the same university.
He could always be found in almost the exact center of the student section at every game, every playoff, every championship. He even travelled halfway across the country to show his support whenever they played well enough to leave the region.
Baekjin was, to put it simply, the team’s biggest fan. And this season, he even hung out during practice, settling into the stands to study on days he didn’t work while he waited for Baku.
In the natural progression of things, Baekjin started being invited to after-parties and a few of the team hangouts, all of which he agreed to attend.
Baku would never bring it up, but the shift in Baekjin’s social behavior compared to that of high school was a bit perplexing.
Regardless, Baku was happy to have his best friend by his side and to let the worlds of the two things he cared most about bleed into each other.
It was great to see Baekjin getting along so well with his teammates, even if the occasional laugh or batted eyelash made an angry heat bubble in his stomach.
It wasn’t any of his business who Baekjin flirted with.
Well, it wasn’t any of his business until he stumbled on a scene that would forever be burned in the back of his mind.
He had texted Baekjin that he would be over in an hour to grab something he’d left at his dorm last time. Jin hadn’t replied but it was the sort of text that didn’t really warrant a response.
So Baku punched in the passcode and let himself inside.
“Jin-ah! I’m here for that textbook I left!”
But as he rounded the corner into Baekjin’s bedroom, he stopped short just inside the door. There on the bed was a tangled pile of long, gangly limbs and two familiar faces starting back at him.
One was that of his lifelong best friend. And the other was the face of his team's power forward: Do Jeonghan.
The three of them blinked at each other in surprise for a moment before Baku realized what he’d just walked in on, and immediately tried to walk back out.
“Oh! Oh my god! I’m so sorry!” He threw his hand up over his eyes and stumbled through the door frame. “I’m sorry, I didn’t know-” And then he all but ran out of the apartment and down the street.
What the hell was that? Baekjin was hooking up with one of his teammates?
He didn’t know either of them were into guys like that, but suddenly all their one-on-one conversations accompanied by shy smiles and playful hands made so much more sense.
Baku was endlessly embarrassed for not having realized sooner and treaded with more caution when letting himself into Jin’s place. Trust, it would not happen again.
A little while later, Baekjin texted.
‘He’s gone now. You can come back.’
‘It’s okay, I’ll just get it tomorrow,’ he replied
Sure enough, the next evening, after work and practice, they met up again at Baekjin’s place. This time, though, Baku waited for him to get the door.
“Sorry about last night,” Baekjin tried.
“No, no. It’s okay. Do what you gotta do.” Just don’t do it with Do Jeonghan, he thought to himself. “Sorry I barged in… You totally could have texted though,” Baku teased. “I would have stayed away.”
“We were… busy,” Jin gave as an excuse.
“I didn’t interrupt you guys too much, did I? Did you still get what you needed?” He winked to emphasize the innuendo.
Baekjin rolled his eyes with a chuckle. “No, you did, actually. Complete and utter cockblock.”
Baku sucked air in through his teeth with a hissing sound. “Oof, I’m so sorry man.”
“Yeah, I don’t think he was really feeling like getting it on once we were both forced to think about you.”
“Damn.” But Baku was secretly more pleased than disappointed for his friend, so he quickly moved on. “Well since I’m here, how about dinner and another episode of our show?”
Despite the engaging storyline unfolding before them, Baku couldn’t stop thinking about Baekjin with his teammate.
“I can’t believe you almost let Do Jeonghan into your pants!” he blurted out of nowhere.
“Oh. My god.” Baekjin paused the show since, clearly, Baku had more to get off his chest. “Why? Because he’s a guy?”
Of course not! Baku would never. “No, because he’s Jeonghan! That guy is a bigger player than I am,” he warned.
Baekjin rolled his eyes, acting a bit defensive about his choice in men. “And what about it?”
Baku looked him dead in the eye. “You know he’s probably talking to like ten other people right now? He won’t treat you like you’re special, Jin.”
It stemmed from a place of care and concern for the safety of his best friend’s heart, but unfortunately, the critique came off a bit judgemental.
“I know that!” Baekjin folded his arms across his chest and sank deeper into the couch with a pout. “We were just… experimenting,” he admitted. “I think he’s fairly new to guys, and I wanted to get with a basketball player.”
The final words came out so mumbled Baku couldn’t understand what he’d said.
“You what?”
Baekjin spoke a little clearer, but still with the volume of someone confessing their guilt, and he kept his eyes averted from Baku’s face. “I wanted to be with a basketball player.”
Baku was a little shocked. He never would have guessed that to be Jin’s type. He’d always imagined him with someone smarter and more desireable, someone more like himself. (When he wasn’t imagining the two of them together, that is. This didn't happen. Ever. For sure.)
“You wanna date a basketball player?”
“Listen!” he was still defensive, as though there was some sort of shame to be had around curiosity. “I spend so much time hanging around the team, and watching them… work out… it just, makes a guy wonder sometimes.”
“Wonder?”
“... about his stamina. What he’s like in bed. What sort of dates he’ll take you on.” Baekjin was beet-red in the face so he buried it in his hands and tipped over on the couch away from Baku. “Whatever. Just forget about it please?”
Baku gave him a break from the embarrassment and picked up the remote to press play. “Sure, sure. Just, keep your guard up with Jeonghan. I don’t wanna see you get hurt.”
A few days later, Baku approached Baekjin about the subject again.
“So I’ve been thinking…”
Baekjin’s heart leapt into his throat. Was this the suggestion he’d been hoping for ever since letting himself get caught?
Yes, it’s true, though he’d never let it be known. Baekjin had seen Baku’s text and had taken the opportunity to invite Jeonghan to continue their date back at his place.
He’d played the flirtatious role of someone anticipating a little action, and then he let Jeonghan kiss him, pretending to like it more than he actually did. It was easy to make him buy it- Jeonghan was easy.
But the action he was hoping for, was not of a sexual nature- at least not with Jeonghan. Baekjin knew Baku would barge in at any moment so he let the kissing progress to a full-on, bed-ridden make-out session.
He’d had no intention of actually letting Jeonghan into his pants, but Baku didn’t need to know that. He just needed to see Baekjin looking really into it so he’d get jealous.
Baekjin had even invited Baku back to his dorm once he’d sent Jeonghan away in the hopes that Baku would get angry and yell at him.
Maybe he'd say something like: “If you’re gonna bother with Do Jeonghan of all people, you may as well just date me!”
And then Baekjin would help him realize his feelings and they would live happily ever after.
But Baku hadn’t returned until the next day.
And now, he was bringing it up again.
“You’ve been thinking? This is new,” Baekjin teased with mock fascination. “Tell me all about it!”
Baku stuck his tongue out. “I’ve been thinking about how you wanna get with a basketball player.”
Uh huh? And you think it should be you?
“And I thought maybe I could help you out with that.”
Yes, god, please! Yes!
“I can introduce you to some of the other guys,” Baku offered.
Damn. Nevermind.
“I mean, there’s gotta be others that are gay too, right? At least a little bit, anyway.”
Baekjin’s hope deflated like a balloon whizzing through the room and bouncing off the walls. He rested an elbow on the counter and his chin in his hand.
“Statistically speaking, yeah. But that doesn’t mean everyone who is gay is out about it and ready to date people. Or that they’ve even realized it yet if they are.”
His eyes drifted to Baku and lingered there for a moment, a mix of disappointment and unwavering faith swirling behind them.
“Then… I’ll suss them out. Get a vibe on which of my teammates might be interested in going out with you!”
Baekjin scoffed. “You expect me to trust your gaydar? How long have we known each other?”
Baku didn’t answer. They both knew well how long it’s been.
“And how long have you known about me?”
He still didn’t answer. They both knew again- it had only been three days.
“That’s what I thought.”
But Baku wouldn’t relent. He clasped his hands together and turned his pleading puppy eyes on Baekjin.
“Come on, please. Lemme try.” His pointer finger stretched in the air like he was asking for one single chance. “I wanna help you find a boyfriend that suits your tastes.”
Look in the damn mirror then.
Baku was so earnest in his excitement to help, it pulled at Baekjin’s heartstrings in a way he couldn’t deny. Maybe he could use this to his advantage.
“Fine, if you pick someone out for me, I’ll flirt with him at your next game, put your gaydar to the test against mine, and let you know how you did.”
Baku rolled his eyes and dropped his shoulders at the idea of being graded on something like this. “Yah! This isn’t about me. It's about you getting a date!”
“And how am I supposed to go out with a guy that isn’t into other guys?” he drawled with a touch of challenge.
Baku’s hands waved in the air like it was the most minor inconvenience. “Oh, please. Everyone on the team adores you. Who wouldn’t want to date you?”
God, he really wasn’t getting it. “Someone exclusively into girls… like you,” Baekjin deadpanned.
The air between them went quiet for a moment, so Baekjin returned to his textbooks with a shake of his head.
Baku said nothing at first. Maybe he would give up and stop wasting both of their time. Or maybe, if Baekjin was lucky, he’d confess to not being exclusively into girls.
Oh, a guy can dream.
“Okay deal!” Baku announced, ready to take on the challenge of finding a single other gay basketball player besides Jeonghan.
Baekjin stared at him, dumbfounded by how eager he was to be proven wrong. ”You’re really that confident?” There was absolutely no way Baku would find someone to meet all his criteria. Baekjin would make sure of it.
“Jin-ah,” he started sincerely, with a dramatic fist against his chest like a valiant knight. “I will sort through the entire team until I find you a basketball player to date. As your best friend forever and sworn protector, it is my duty to scout out potential suitors that meet your type requirements.”
TYPE 1: Basketball player
Baku found two other guys on his team that were willing to be set up with Baekjin. And when Baekjin came back from the dates with a report, Baku took detailed notes about what he didn’t like.
“What about him?” he asked about the first date one Friday night.
“He’s too tall,” Baekjin answered simply. Which was weird because he planned to date a basketball player.
“Him?” Baku asked expectantly on Saturday.
Baekjin shrugged. “Skipped too many leg days.”
Baku spluttered. “How can you know that?”
“I can tell. I like a guy closer to my height. With a little more meat on his bones, something to hold, you know?”
Baku jotted that down.
TYPE 2: Stockier build
A week later Baku had moved on to the junior varsity team, where he found three guys open to going out with another man.
One of them was a little too lanky, so Baku ruled him out right away. The others he sent on dates with Baekjin.
“How did things go with him?” he asked over a bowl of popcorn and a plate of bacon for dinner.
“He didn’t make me laugh,” came the excuse.
Baku tossed a handful of popcorn in his mouth and spoke around the crunch. “It was one date. Give him another chance, some people are shy at first.”
Baekjin shot him a side-eye. “He should have at least some jovial sense of youth. That guy was drier than salt and clearly bored to be there.”
A few days later, Baku asked after the next date. “Him?”
“Too pretentious. Acted like he knew everything.” Baekjin had come prepared with that answer, like he couldn’t wait to share it.
Baku laughed. “Like you?”
His reaction was met with a scoff and a glare. “No, not like me. I can at least back up my claims with evidence.”
Baekjin started talking with his hands. That’s how Baku knew he was really bothered by something.
“I could have fact checked everything he said on the spot and put him in an uncomfortable position if I wanted to. But he didn’t seem the type to relent or even to acknowledge when he was wrong! Fucking asshole,” he muttered.
Baku hummed. “So you want someone to make you look smarter?”
“No, someone to balance me. Someone different enough that we end up complementing each other.”
Baku scratched that in his notes.
TYPE 3: Fun, not arrogant
Another week and a half passed. Baku had to reach out to some of the players from the university across town; a guy one of his teammates had played with in high school and someone else on his team.
It was a bit of a stretch to break away from his own team but Baekjin had specifically requested a basketball player and his ‘type’ was becoming increasingly more complicated. There simply wasn’t anyone nearby that fit the bill.
“What about that guy?” Baku asked when Baekjin came back and plopped on the couch with a huff.
He sneered in disgust. “Far too forward. I like a little teasing, a little foreplay. None of this ‘straight to business’ bullshit. I’m not that easy.”
That much was made evident by his ever growing list of requirements. Baku prayed to whatever higher power was listening, that the next date would be a success. He was running out of options and getting desperate, but he didn’t want to let Baekjin down.
“And him?” he asked as Baekjin helped him cut out pictures and paragraphs to glue down.
He needed to complete this stupid poster project he had due for a literature class by tomorrow. So he enlisted the extra set of hands as a return favor for finding him a boyfriend.
Baekjin tutted. “He didn’t have the eyes of a yearner.”
Baku nearly slammed his glue stick on the table in frustration and schooled patience into his tone. “What does that even mean?”
“Just trust me Baku. I want him to look at me like I hold his entire world in my hands. I want him to give me that power… and to like it.”
Baekjin didn’t seem at all bothered by the way Baku glared at him. He acted like that was as reasonable a request as someone who plays basketball.
This was getting ridiculous. And maybe, Baku suspected, Baekjin knew it. Even worse, maybe he did it on purpose, just to make Baku’s life a living hell.
“That’s a tall order for someone you just met,” he muttered.
“It’s about the potential,” Baekjin explained casually with an emphasized snip of his scissors. “I know what I’m looking for.”
“Whatever you say.”
But Baku wrote it down anyway.
TYPE 4: Flirtatious with the potential to yearn-
“Are you sure this guy even exists out there?” Baku demanded the following week, hopeless as he reviewed the list he’d been making in his notebook.
Baekjin was all too smug in his answer, strutting about like he knew he was actively winning the bet. “I mean, there’s gotta be someone out there that meets all my requirements and matches me just right.”
“Maybe,” he muttered, scratching his forehead. “But you might have to start looking beyond the basketball team. All these cases are a bust.”
Baku read through the list again, and even pulled up his team roster, running through everything he knew about all of them and comparing it to his notes.
He let out a discouraged puff of air and dropped his notebook onto the coffee table.
“There’s just no way that any of the guys on the team could measure up to your perfect man.”
When he met his gaze, Baekjin’s eyes glittered with something certain. Something he wasn’t fully disclosing. “Baku, I already know for a fact that there’s someone like that in all those capacities on your team.” And he turned back to his homework.
Baku was a little shocked but mostly confused. No, nobody could be his exact type; it was impossible. He knew because he did the research.
But maybe Baekjin had done some research of his own. Maybe he found someone Baku had overlooked simply because he didn’t see them in a romantic light.
“What? Is there someone else I missed? Have you been talking to him? Who is it?”
Baekjin shrugged like it didn’t matter and his voice took on a forlorn tone. “He doesn’t meet the most important requirement: he’s not into guys the way I am. So it could never go anywhere.”
He looked at Baku again with a sad half-smile. “Basketball is just a happenstance. I can’t change his sexuality and I won’t ask for anything he can’t give.”
That sounded heartbreaking. Baekjin had found his perfect man but was forced to give him up because- what? The guy couldn’t even consider loving someone of the same sex as him?
Ridiculous! Baekjin was a catch and this douche would never even know that.
“So what will you do instead?” Baku asked, genuinely curious as to how Baekjin will proceed in this situation. If it were Baku in his shoes, he’d probably go on a warpath.
“Be his best friend, I guess.”
‘Best friend.’ Bullshit.
Baku kicked rocks on his walk home that night, hands stuffed deep in his pockets as the petty thoughts consumed him.
Baku was Baekjin’s best friend and he refused to let some rando from the team replace him just because Jin had a crush. They were each other’s ride-or-dies. They were day-ones. They had been through thick and thin together.
And now Baekjin wanted to be somebody else’s best friend? What would that make Baku? Best friend number two? Would he become a side piece? A coparent? A jilted lover?
As the days had dragged on, Baku had become increasingly exasperated and Baekjin increasingly pleased about the fact that Baku was failing at something he claimed he could do.
He’d put in so much effort into finding gay guys who matched with Jin’s type and were willing to give him a chance. But along the way, things got more difficult.
He was honestly convinced Baekjin was making things up as he went, nitpicking issues he didn’t used to have just to give Baku a hard time.
Now, apparently, Baekjin had found the perfect guy on his own, only for that bastard to not be interested? After all the work they’d put into this, it simply wasn’t fair!
The whole damn situation was ridiculous, in fact, and Baku felt his heart racing as he riled himself up about it.
If Baekjin wanted to date an athlete who was charming, charismatic, and easygoing, he should just date Baku instead!
Why bother with some chump who would never return his feelings the way Baekjin deserved? Who even was this guy?
Obviously he would never be worthy of Baekjin if he couldn’t see what was right in front of him.
Sexuality schmexuality. If anyone could change that about a guy, it was Baekjin. Besides, everyone has a sexuality crisis at some point. This bastard was just slow on the uptake, whoever he was.
Baku ran through every player in his mind again, trying to deduce who Baekjin was talking about based on how well they fit the list- if for no other reason than to avoid him with a dirty glare. Stupid buffoon that couldn’t get over Jin being a dude.
If Baku ever found out who he was, he was at risk of catching hands for crushing his best friend’s hopes like that.
‘I know for a fact that he exists in all these capacities.’
There just had to be someone Baekjin had flirted with enough to know what he was like, and it wasn’t any of the guys he’d already gone out with.
Who was Baekjin seen talking to over the last few weeks that could fit the bill? Baku drew nothing but blanks. Not a single member of his team was good enough for Baekjin.
He deserved better than those scoundrels. The very thought of Baekjin settling for one of them and giving up something on his list, only being half happy in a relationship, made Baku’s blood boil.
As his best friend forever and sworn protector, Baku would have to advise Baekjin to seek his perfect man away from the basketball team.
Surely someone else out there was a better match and actually into guys like that, even if he didn’t play basketball.
Baku brought it up to him that weekend, sitting on the barstool across the counter while Jin scrubbed the dishes.
“Baekjin-ah?” He swallowed the lump in his throat but it got lodged in his chest instead. “I think you should stop chasing that guy you like on the team. Whoever he is, he’s not worth your heart.” There, it was out on the table for discussion now.
Baekjin tilted his head in thought, pretending to consider Baku’s advice. “Hmmn, no.” The answer was short and certain and took Baku entirely off guard.
He spluttered out half a laugh of disbelief. “You’re so stubborn.”
“And you’re so dense,” Baekjin shot back. Then he perked up with an idea. “Ooh! Add that to the list! Write ‘dense.’”
Baku shook his head but pulled out his notebook and flipped to the page titled ‘Jin’s Basketball Boyfriend.’ Begrudgingly, he added ‘dense’ to the bottom of the requirement list. It just didn’t make any sense.
“Why do you want someone so stupid?” The question was ten percent judgement and ninety percent curiosity. Really, he could do so much better than an idiot.
Baekjin sighed and returned the bowl he was cleaning to the soapy water, glancing at Baku briefly.
“I ask myself that everyday… And then I see him, and he smiles at me and my heart gets all warm and tingly. And I think that there is no one in the world I would ever trade him for. That even if he never realizes how I feel, and even if he’s never capable of returning those feelings, I would still want to be by his side.”
His voice shook a little from the weight of emotion tinging his words but it didn’t break yet. “I would rather bask in his warmth and his light than risk scaring him away with all the things I want from him. I’d rather love what I have than lose any part of him.”
Baku’s chest tightened. Baekjin would keep his heart locked away on the off chance of rejection?
Baku wanted to say: ‘You deserve to love and to be loved in the way that you need. You have every right to ask for that love. And no man in his right mind would turn you down if he heard you speak about him like that.’
But all that came out instead was, “You’re a coward.”
“I love you,” Baekjin rushed, cutting in with an answer to the challenge he’d perceived from Baku’s character critique. He looked him in the eyes, hopeful and terrified and honest.
Oh.
Silence fell over them, thick and heavy. It passed between for a beat too long. Long enough for Baku to realize he was serious.
Baekjin continued with slow, measured words, like they hurt him to say and that agony was the price for his honesty.
“It’s you, Baku. It’s always been you. I sent you that wild goose chase with the rest of the team in the hopes that you would realize my perfect man has always been right in front of me.” There was the crack in his voice.
Another moment of heavy silence. Baku didn’t know what to say, his head was reeling.
“You balance me, Humin-ah. I feel happy and complete when you’re near, and I look forward to seeing you everyday because I like the way my heart races when I do.”
A tear slipped from the corner of his eye and dripped down his cheek. “You are the match that I want.” Then his voice took on a hesitant note, like he was saying too much now, but just couldn’t stop. “And some days… I want more… from you. Things I won’t ask.”
Finally Baekjin met Baku’s eye and for the first time since the start of this whole thing, Baku had an inkling about what he meant.
“Tell me,” he softly requested before scraping the barstool backward as he stood and walked around the counter.
He stopped directly in front of Baekjin, who now rested against the sink. His voice came out huskier than he meant it to when he demanded, “Tell me how you want me, and I’m yours.”
Baku searched his eyes for any sign of the same desire that was beginning to pool in his own lower gut. The warmth that radiated off them at the close proximity vibrated through Baku’s bones.
Baekjin lowered his eyes.
“Hmm? How do you want me?” Baku prompted, needing to know all the things he was allowed to do. Baekjin’s confession made something click into place inside Baku, and now, he too, wanted more.
He knew what it felt like to look forward to seeing someone, to feel whole when they’re near and hollow when they’re not.
He knew how it felt to long to be near that person and to be willing to give them everything they wanted just to keep them around. Even if it meant chasing down their ideal partner to make them happy.
Baku now knew what the sinking feeling in his gut meant whenever he thought about Baekjin doing the things boyfriends do with one of his other teammates.
If Baekjin wanted Baku, he would have him- in whatever way he dictated.
“Carnally,” came the answer. “I want your hands all over my body. I want your tongue in my mouth.” He lifted his gaze again to meet Baku’s and his eyes were clear and honest and emitting a heat that shot straight to his groin.
Baku felt his lips twitch at the idea.
“Fuck, Jin,” he groaned, leaning further into Baekjin’s space. Their noses almost brushed and they exchanged several breaths. “Can I kiss you?” he whispered with hope laced into his words.
“I don’t wanna lose you.” He sounded heartbroken about a future that would never happen.
Baekjin’s concern was evident, and it was noted, and Baku wanted nothing more than to prove it wrong in that very moment. He shook his head. “You won’t.”
Baekjin withdrew a few inches so Baku rested his hands against the counter on either side of him.
“How can you say that? You’re not even into me like that, Baku. You’re just caught up in the heat of the moment.”
“Jin-ah.” Baku chuckled and laid his forehead on Baekjin’s shoulder. “I have been seething with jealousy for the past month at the thought of you dating my teammates. Now, I know I’m a little slow, and it took me a minute to realize, but I want the same things you want.”
Baekjin scoffed and Baku raised his head to meet his eye when he asked, “Even the romantic shit?”
“Especially the romantic shit. I feel the same way you do. I want to be with you the way you want to be with me, with my whole heart,” Baku confessed.
“Now you’re just being dramatic.” But the jab came with a teasing, conceding smile from Baekjin and that was worth everything.
“I’m serious,” Baku continued. “I will stay with you as you’ll have me. I will love you as you want it. I will pledge my dying breath to your lips-”
Baekjin shot him a sideways look. “Where are you getting these lines from?” He almost laughed at the ridiculousness of it. “Did you watch a movie recently and take notes?”
But the way Baku looked at him like he held the entire world in his hands told him that everything he’d said was sincere. He was handing Baekjin the power to chart the course of their relationship, and he liked doing so.
“Fine,” Baekjin relented. “You can kiss me. On the condition-” he held up a finger, halting Baku’s fist pump midair and drawing his wide-eyed attention back, like a student being lectured.
“You have to take me on a proper date before we have sex. I have standards, you know.” He crossed his arms over his chest to act nonchalant.
Baku grinned like a madman. “That can be arranged.” The promise was accompanied by Baku dipping down to wrap his arms around Baekjin’s hips so he could lift him up.
“Shit, Baku, I’m gonna fall.” He grappled at Baku’s shoulders to stabilize himself from the sudden movement of quite literally being swept off his feet.
“In love with me? That’s the goal,” Baku teased. “In fact, I’ll even take you on six dates to make up for all those losers you had to go with because of my poor matchmaking.”
He dropped Baekjin into the corner of the couch and climbed on top of him, placing a peck on his lips before getting settled in between his legs. They had a long night of kissing ahead of them so it was best to be situated.
“Mm, I don’t wanna wait that long. One date will do.”
Baekjin grinned a silly grin and pulled Baku’s face into his, wasting no further time on shenanigans.