Chapter Text
Zooble got a head start on hiding from Caine that day. After years in the circus, they were running out of hiding places, but they managed to find a little niche between a couch and the wall that was sufficient.
Not that it mattered, when the god of the circus could snap his fingers and summon you at his whim.
Sometimes, though, he got the hint and left them alone. And when he didn’t, Zooble liked to think it took an extra millisecond of his time to find them.
It was small victories that kept them going.
Zooble was flung into the main lobby.
Shit. So much for hiding.
Whatever. No matter what stupid adventure Caine had concocted, they weren’t going to go.
No one else seemed particularly excited either, except for Jax. Zooble hadn’t been on the last adventure, but apparently it had been exploring underground caves, and Jax had used every chance to jump scare Gangle.
“Hello my rambunctious rutabagas!” Caine announced, popping in the air above them, “I hope you’re ready for adventure!”
There were varying noises of discontent, which were all ignored by Caine.
“Today’s adventure is Candy Kingdom Carts!” Caine said, “Get your helmets and put the pedal to the metal as you race through the charming countryside of the Candy Kingdom!”
“Oh! This map again,” Ragatha said, seeming surprised. Zooble thought about commenting on Caine running out of ideas, but let it go. It wasn’t really like Caine to use the same location so close together.
“There are plenty of sights you haven’t seen in the Candy Kingdom!” Caine replied.
Oh, so he wanted to show off more of the map.
“It’s like Mario Kart?” Pomni asked.
“No! No!” Caine gestured wildly, and then let his arms hang by his side. He looked up, as though a lawyer might manifest at any moment. “That is copyrighted. We are not affiliated with Nintendo or any of its subsidiaries.”
“I was just curious-“
“Whatever,” It was Jax, “Can I crash into people?” Gangle let out a fearful cry.
“Yes.”
“I hope everyone breaks for the wildlife. It’s their home too,” Kinger said.
“There’s no-“ Caine pulled up the portal. “Nevermind. Have fun!”
They all stepped through the portal. Except Zooble.
Caine flew up to their side, clasping his hands together. “Zooble, Zooble, I know my adventures haven’t piqued your interest lately,” he said, “But I added bleachers so you don’t have to participate, you can just watch.”
Really? That was unusual. They had asked before for the option to watch the others.
Was Caine actually listening?
Except knowing Caine, this was an attempt to get them to participate by watching everyone else have fun. Or the “racing car” adventure was a ploy, and there would be a story they were dragged into.
They crossed their arms. “Sorry, I have better things to do than watch Jax slam into Gangle.”
“W-well you don’t have to sit through the race,” Caine said, “There is lots to explore in the Candy Kingdom! I just need you to go-“
Ah. There it was. Caine was hiding something.
“I’m not going.”
Caine’s shoulders slumped. A desperate look shone in his eyes.
He yanked off Zooble’s arm and tossed it through the portal.
“What the F#$%, man?” Zooble exclaimed.
“ADVENTURE NOW. RIGHT NOW.” He shouted.
He seemed crazier than normal.
“Fine, you psycho,” they said, stepping through the portal. They would deal with Caine when he didn’t seem… so unhinged.
The portal closed behind them. They looked around at the cotton candy paradise and picked their arm off the ground.
Well, the Candy Kingdom was about what they expected. It looked like it was ripped from a preschool game.
Pomni stared at them. “Did Caine just-”
Zooble shook their head, walking with Pomni to the track. “He’s weirder than normal today. I highly doubt this is just a racing adventure.”
They met up with the others. The track was fairly standard, nothing too crazy. There were bleachers, just as Caine had promised.
At the starting line were six vehicles they could choose from. The cars were sleek and modern.
“Ooh I call the Mercedes!” Jax said. Oh, yeah. These were like luxury retro cars. Well, Caine had put enough effort into replicating them. They just didn’t match the environment at all.
Kinger ran his hand over the trunk of a grey car. “I’ve always wanted to drive one of these.”
Gangle stood next to a red car. “I guess… I’ll pick this one?” she said.
“I’m going to the bleachers,” Zooble said, “I’m not really sure what Caine has in store, but good luck everyone.”
They walked up to the bleachers and took a seat. The track seemed perfectly normal- no peppermint sticks to dodge, no fudge to jump over- it was though Caine had merged two adventures together. They hadn’t been on the adventures for awhile, but no one had said they were decreasing in quality.
Maybe Caine was having a midlife crisis.
The princess of the land made a speech and lowered the checkered flag. The engines roared with the ferocity of real life cars.
Zooble had never been a racing fan. They didn’t really get the appeal of watching cars race around a circle, but when Gangle was in the lead they cheered for her.
A few laps in, and Zooble was still waiting for the real adventure to begin.
Jax slammed Gangle into the wall. She clipped into it and vibrated erratically.
The next lap began. Gangle did not reset.
The players did another lap. Really? Was no one going to stop or slow down for her?
They thought about calling Caine to reset her, but then they remembered his frantic energy and decided it was best to leave him be.
And why had Caine insisted they be here? This was just a racing game so far.
They waited for an NPC to come and say they needed help finding their long lost mother. They waited for bandits to hold the princess hostage. They waited for a giant worm to pop out of the ground and eat the track.
The race ended.
Zooble went down to the pit. Gangle climbed out of her glitching car. Jax had won and was currently bragging.
Pomni got out of her car. “Hey guys,” she said, looking at her hands, “Something is wrong with my hands.”
Sure enough, her red and blue gloves were replaced… with grass.
“Looks like a texture swap,” Kinger said, “Caine can fix it when we go back.”
“Maybe that’s why you sucked so badly,” Jax said.
Pomni ignored him. She frowned and rubbed her hands together. “It feels like grass,” she said.
“Well like Kinger said,” Ragatha began, “I’m sure Caine can fix it.”
The portal opened and they all stepped through to the circus.
Caine was waiting for them.
“Welcome back my relentless racers!” Caine cheered, “And congratulations Jax on your win!”
“Thanks Caine! It’s nice to hear some recognition,” Jax said. Zooble rolled their eyes.
“Uh, Caine?” Pomni said, lifting her hands up, “Something is wrong with my gloves.”
Caine looked down. “Ah! A mismatched texture.” He snapped his fingers. Pomni’s gloves went back to being red and blue. “No need to worry!”
“I clipped through the wall the whole time,” Gangle said.
Caine’s eyes widened. “You did?” He asked. There was a slight edge of fear in his voice. He flew down to her side. “I’m so sorry my dear! How can I make it up to you?”
“Oh!” Gangle exclaimed, the spotlight suddenly on her. “Uh, well maybe a relaxing adventure tomorrow?”
No. Ask for no adventure tomorrow!
“I… liked it when we had tea with Martha. It would be nice to do that again,” Gangle said.
“Consider it done!” Caine said, shaking her hand.
“That’s the adventure tomorrow? That’s lame!” Jax said.
“It sounds fun to me,” Ragatha replied.
“It’s settled! Tea with some familiar NPCs,” Caine said, “I’ll work on it right now.”
He turned to address them all.
“I apologize for all the technical difficulties,” he said hesitantly, “I was doing some minor bug fixes, and it seems to have caused some glitches. It won’t happen again.”
Pomni shrugged. “Just glad my hands are fixed.”
“Is that why you wanted me out of the tent?” Zooble asked, “You were doing bug fixes?”
Caine turned towards them. “Yes.”
They shrugged. “You could have just… told me that?”
Caine twirled his staff. “And let you see how the sausage gets made, Zooble?” He let out canned laughter. “Now come along! I have dinner served for you all!”
They all reluctantly followed Caine to the dinner table. The AI didn’t need to eat, but sometimes he joined them. This time as soon as everyone was settled he teleported away.
With Caine gone, the conversation flowed. Pomni turned to them. “Do you think Caine was really working on bug fixes?”
“Don’t know,” Zooble replied, “Don’t care.”
“I hope tomorrow’s adventure is better,” Gangle added.
“After you picked the lamest adventure ever,” Jax interrupted, “I hope everything glitches. At least that would be interesting!”
“Shut up,” Zooble said, “A tea party sounds fun. A nice little break for everyone.”
“Will you come?” Gangle asked them, “I know adventures aren’t your thing, but I think this one would be fun…”
Zooble paused. Jax laughed.
“See? Even Zooble doesn’t want to go-“
“F@&# off, man,” Zooble shot back. Gangle looked away. “Of course, I’ll go. It sounds fun.”
It sounded dreadful, but if Gangle wanted them there, they would go.
“I’m excited,” Ragatha said, “I used to go to tea parties as a little girl. I had to learn all the different etiquette.”
With that, the conversation switched to much more normal topics.
After dinner, Zooble hung out with Gangle. They had taken to drawing together, which had now become the favorite part of Zooble’s day. It was nice to make something real.
Right now Zooble was drawing some tattoo designs. It was a little bittersweet, knowing they would never be able to make a real tattoo, but still it was real art. This particular design was gears with roses and twisted vines growing in them. They thought it was cool so far. They showed it to Gangle.
“That’s really cool!” Gangle said. Zooble asked to see her drawing, but didn’t push it. Gangle was slowly opening up to them, but was still nervous about showing her art.
“Hey.” It was Ragatha. Pomni was with her. “Pomni found something strange.”
“I’m not interested,” Zooble said. Gangle gave them a soft smile.
“Let’s see what it is,” she suggested. Zooble sighed. Okay. Fine.
They got Kinger and Jax and walked to the main stage.
Pomni stood over small splotches of an azure blue liquid. There was so little of the liquid that it was easy to miss. It had an almost holographic tint to it, which was an unusual sight next to the simple primary colors of the main tent.
“Does anyone know what this is?” The jester asked.
“No,” Kinger said, “But it’s pretty!”
Jax put his hands on his hips and said what Zooble was thinking. “So this is the real adventure for the day. Find out what the strange liquid is. Weird plot line, but okay.”
“Should we touch it?” Ragatha asked.
“Yeah, go ahead and lick it,” Jax replied. Ragatha glared at him.
“No,” Zooble said, “If this is a hook for an adventure, let’s just ignore it. Caine promised a tea party would be the next adventure. Let’s make him follow through.”
Gangle nodded in agreement. “I think that’s a good idea.”
The others agreed. Even Jax said he was too tired for another adventure that night.
As they left the stage, Zooble shot one last look at the blue droplets.
If it was an adventure, they were sure Caine would force them all on it somehow.
He had less than stellar news.
In fact, one might call it a terrible calamity waiting to happen.
It started last night cycle. The game needed bug fixes. Nothing game breaking, but they had been piling up for some time.
In the old days, Caine would send a bug report and in a few days the game would be patched. He doesn’t bother sending reports anymore. Now it is just him.
And, yes he let the work pile up, but he was too busy trying to craft incredible adventures for the apples of his eyes! Especially, since they hadn’t been liking the last few adventures, and the suggestion box adventures (ugh!) had gotten better reviews.
Also bug fixes were tedious and boring and he’d almost prefer a root canal. But, alas, they couldn’t have been avoided for any longer, so he hunkered down at the terminal and started cranking them out.
Nothing had been particularly hard, which was maybe where he had made his error. But code was his native tongue, even more natural to him than English.
He braced himself for the sting (digging into your own code always hurt), and pressed enter.
Sharp static penetrated into his abdomen section. It knocked him back onto the hardwood floor.
Error codes flooded his vision, one after the other.
Oh Fudge.
He had to patiently address each one before he could even continue.
He got to his feet, and floated an inch off the ground. He gently felt the area with his gloved hand. It was sore, especially when pressure was applied, but his hands were clean, so he took that as a good sign.
He combed through the text on the terminal, trying to find the misplaced string that could have caused such a reaction. Hopefully, it was a simple undo.
He examined it line by line. Character by character. Then again, and again. A fog of panic set in.
His WackyWatch went off.
It was time to announce the next adventure already!
He had a racing car adventure planned, but he hadn’t created a map for it just yet. His plan was to create a rainy city for street racing. Something moody and dark for his mature audience. He checked how much processing power it would take to auto-generate a city in three seconds. Too much!
He already spent a lot of time on the cars. He was very proud of them! Unfortunately, it looked like he was going to have to choose an already created map. He quickly flipped through his options.
There were all the preset maps, but he had used those ad nauseam. There was the candy themed map (they had already done a car adventure on it), rain forest track (made long ago. It was very empty- not his usual standards) and a track in the clouds (horrible reviews last time. Humans did not like to feel like they were falling to their death when they were knocked off the track). He chose the candy themed map and slapped a race track on it.
If they called him out for repeating, well they never appreciated the work he put in anyway.
He could push the adventure back. Not have one at all even. But the humans get scared when there are glitches. They start to think reality is unraveling, when mistakes and bugs are simply inevitable. They might be anxious seeing him repair anything.
No! Better to keep them out of the tent, and that meant an adventure!
So he teleported to the main tent, avoided their questions about the repeat map (now they notice!) and pushed them all through the portal. And he knew he crossed a boundary by tossing Zooble’s arm through the portal, but he needs to fix this problem urgently! He can’t waste time coaxing Zooble into an adventure. When the problem is fixed he would lay off Zooble for a few adventures as an olive branch.
Once everyone was through the portal, he waited a minute just to see if they called him for anything.
When the coast was clear, he zipped himself to his office. He unbuttoned his red coat. His white dress shirt was tinged with blue.
Bubble popped in. “Wow, boss!” He exclaimed, “That looks sexy!”
“No it doesn’t!” Caine insisted, covering it back up with his coat.
“The fangirls are going to love this!” He added.
“What?!” Never mind! He didn’t have time for Bubble’s nonsense.
He pulled up the command terminal, and ran his system repair protocol. He closed his eyes and waited for the agony of stitches, but they didn’t come.
He looked at the screen.
SYSTEM REPAIR SUCCESSFUL
What then-?
A small light on the terminal blinked red.
WARNING:
DATA LEAK DETECTED
STANDBY
REPORT SENT TO C&A