Chapter Text
Allura kept fussing over her, Pidge couldn’t understand why. It didn’t matter all that much. She could have just thrown here in a dress and called it a day. Not like Pidge was going to be able to appreciate all the hard work she did. Even with her glasses on she couldn’t see… Only time she ever got to see was in her lion. Even then it was all… Smudges. Like she was wiping mud of a window. You could feel the glass but the mud was still there… That was the best way she could think of describing it. Even her helmet visor help by giving her the same movement tracking her glasses had. Altean tech was incredibly
She fiddled with her glasses. She wasn’t at the garrison anymore she didn’t need the regular eye’s projector anymore. Since she came out to the group that she was blind Hunk had been extra helpful tinkering with the detection sensors. She could walk in pace with the group now that the timing was greater. Hunk made the beeping sound into a sublet tik that let her hear better and didn’t give her a headache. Even combat training was getting easier glasses on or off.
She smiled playing with her glasses. Not like she needed to see. She was still a genius. She made her first glasses before sneaking into the garrison, before that she made a usb the translated data into sound. She even programed it to translate video feed into words. She didn’t need sight to know see was amazing… But she still wished sometimes… Just so she could know a little bit more… For one she wanted to know how Allura looked. Everyone would always comment on how beautiful she was and never really how Pidge looked.
It never bothered her until the garrison… She had her hair cut and changed her name to Pidge. Traded her walking stick for her tracking glasses. She guessed it was when Lance and Hunk thought she was a boy… She did pick a masculine name… And had her hair cut short but she had always thought that she was feminine enough for people to be able to tell she was a girl. It just… Threw her off.
“You look gorgeous!” Allura whispered with awe in her voice.
“We’ve been here close to an hour. I’d hope so.”
“Alright! You can put your glasses back on.” Allura kissed Pidge’s cheek.
Sighing she put them on listening to the tiking. Pidge stood from the chair and walked to the door allowing Allura to lock arms with her. Pidge flinched as she felt something brush her back.
“What just touched me?!” Pidge froze.
“Oh! Sorry. I put in hair extenders.”
Pidge reached up touching her hair. She had noticed her head was heavier but had assumed Allura had put a head dress of sorts on. She touched where her hair had originally fallen and felt it stretch further down. Pidge blushed realizing she hadn’t even felt the dress she was wearing. Her hand went to her neck feeling the collar was studded with jewels. She allowed her other hand to join the first as she worked her way down.
Where her collar bones meet the dress had a point that made angled down to her armpits. Pidge felt her face go hot as she felt her breast through the cloth. She smoothed her hands over her chest feeling no sag of the dress feeling how it curved with her body. Was there no extra cloth?! Pidge felt further down the dress noting it was skin tight to her upper thigh. Of course she felt this when Allura helped her in it she just thought it had layers above it she wasn’t feeling! She felt a loose cloth that felt flimsy connected to the dress at her hip. She followed it to her back where she flinched touching her bare skin.
“Allura!” Pidge croaked feeling her face go hot. “I need a shawl! Or anything?!”
“What? Why? The shawl attached to the dress is lovely!”
“You call this a shawl?!” Pidge pulled at the fabric. “My upper back is bare!”
“Pidge… Your hair extensions cover your back.”
“I can’t go out there like this… They’ll laugh at me…”
“Laugh at you?! Pidge, I don’t think you understand how stunning you look, dear.”
“You’d be right!” Pidge felt up the table for something to cover herself with.
She was normally so much better at telling things apart with the ticks but she was panicking. Nothing, no scarf, no nothing!
“Pidge, honestly… Please…” Allura grabbed her arm, “Trust me…”
Trust her… She wanted too… She really wanted too. But it was weird feeling herself in this dress. She could hear the guys laughing at her… Teasing her… Before this she would have been fine with this dress. It did feel beautiful but… She was a guy to the guys… She probably looked like a little boy in a dress… Cute… But… Silly in their eyes…
“I look silly… Don’t I? Like I don't belong in this?” Pidge mumbled.
“No.” Allura said confidently putting her hand on Pidge’s back, “You look breath taking. Stunning. Gorgeous! Pidge, why would I ever… Ever! Lie to you about this?”
She could feel Allura lean close to her her glasses ticked to her left telling her Allura was in her perirals.
“To make me feel better… Cause you pity the boyish blind girl…” Pidge mumbled.
“How dare you!” judging by her voice Allura had stood up straight, “Pity you? What is there to pity? You are strong and confident! Smart and wonderful! Where is this self doubt coming from?! That isn’t the Pidge I know!”
“I… I’m just… Everyone always says how beautiful you are and… Me I… I mean…”
“Listen… People think flowers are beautiful… People also think trees are beautiful… You felt both before, they are nothing alike.”
“I’m not understanding.”
“How maybe people do you hear say trees are beautiful?”
“Not… many…”
“But that doesn’t change the fact that they are! It doesn’t change the fact that trees are just as beautiful and sometimes even more beautiful than flowers! Pidge, just because the boys don’t verbalize it regularly doesn’t mean it's not true. You are beautiful.”
Pidge cleared her throat turning away from where Allura’s voice was coming from. It was rather embarrassing getting like this. Allura was right, it wasn’t like her to get this self conscious. What did it matter what the boys though? She didn’t need their approval! She was a genius, a great paladin even blind! She could keep up with them in the Lions and out of them. She didn’t have to prove anything… She didn’t need prove that she was pretty… She was amazing… Pidge pushed herself up and faced Allura holding hold her arm so that she could be led. If they laughed at her so be it. They clearly didn’t deserve to know how amazing she was.
She could almost hear Allura smile as she gave a small laugh from beside her, it was nice of Allura to help her. Pidge walked next to her careful to mind her posture. She began to hear the music and felt her chest flutter. Before she could pull away and change her mind she heard the doors slide open and the music washed over her. There was chatter from the guest and she could her the boys talking close by.
Silence caught her attention, where she had heard the guys, followed by Coran’s heels tapping their way to them.
“Princess! Pidge! You two look as stunning as ever! No surprise.” Coran grabbed both of their hands kissing them.
Pidge felt herself flush as Coran began commenting on the dress she wore. It was green like her lion. She could remember what green looked like from the time spent in the lion… It would whisper to her telling her what everything was. Green was a nice color, she found herself liking blue as well.
Then came the others boys. Shiro walk up beside her taking her shoulder gently as he spoke.
“You look absolutely amazing.”
“Yeah!” She hears Hunks strong steps approach. “I mean you look great all the time but this dress looks awesome.”
“Beautiful.” she heard Keith mumble.
Pidge felt herself blush and her smile grow slightly. They weren't laughing… But… There was one paladin who hadn't said anything… Pidge listened out for Lance. Maybe he had gone to flirt with one of the alien guest? Of maybe he was stiffing a laugh. She noticed a tick from her glasses that hadn't move but was were the boys had originally gathered… It had to be Lance… Why wasn't he saying anything?
Pidge gasped as Shiro withdrew his hand as Allura asked for a dance. Keith and Hunk had gone back to talking and Coran left to talk to guest… Lance… Or what she was assuming was Lance, still just stood there. It hurt… Was she that silly looking it dumbfounded him? It didn't matter. She couldn't let him know she noticed him. It was fine, she didn't want his approval anyways.
With a sigh she turned away processing the ticks in the room. It seemed as though most of them were grouped together while there was dancing towards the middle. Hunk approached carefully he must have been holding something. She could heard the ticks get louder as a small tick was close to chest level. Holding out her hand, Hunk placed the cool cup in her hand.
“Is this water or punch?” Pidge asked.
“Punch. But not barf worthy.” Hunk laughed as she took a sip.
“Thank you.”
“No problem.”
She listened as Hunk began to walk away letting her smile slip away. Why was she so upset? She let herself turn to listen for Lance’s voice or for the ticks in the same location… And there they were… Still ticking in that same spot…
Biting her lip she turned placing her cup on a nearby table. She left the way she came walking down the hallway with the tears threatening to fall. What did it matter what he thought?! He was just a dumb boy. She didn't need anyone telling her she was pretty especially not Lance! He flirted with everything he thought he had a chance with! His opinion wasn't worth anything! So why did it hurt?
She found the window area where she would sit when she got upset. It made her even angrier that she deemed his silence worthy of this area. Pidge let herself climb onto the lip and pressed her forehead and hands against the glass. The cold glass helped her think. She wished she could just go in her lion. Go out and see the sky with Green… it was beautiful in her lion… It was probably even more so with proper sight… Much more beautiful than a tree… A tree like her…
Pidge groaned taking off her glasses. She didn't need them. She was going to stay there for a while. She allowed herself to sit longways on the nook curling her knees to her chest. Why did this matter to her so much? She would have preferred he laughed but he said nothing…
She felt her eyes widen as footsteps approached. They were light… Not Hunk… No drag sound behind them… Not Allura… There was no click of a metal arm… Not Shiro… No strong heel step… Not Coran… Pidge closed her eyes and sighed. It was Keith… It had to be… Pidge felt for her glasses tsking when she realized she had tossed them further than she realized. Keith stood next to her and reached for them placing them in her hands.
“Thank you.” She mumbled playing with them, “I'm… I'm just going to stay out here for a little bit though..”
She knew Keith wouldn't ask questions he'd just leave her to herself. He was good like that. Didn't talk much didn't pressure anyone into talking… Why was he sitting down?? Pidge felt her eyebrows knitted together. She had some tears but she wasn't crying there was no way anyone could tell… Was… Was it not Keith? Was it Coran? But that wasn't right… Coran had those clacky heels… She didn't hear those.
“You ok, Pidge?” Lance’s voice stabbed an icicle into her heart.
Lance… Lance… Why Lance? She felt the ice spread as her tears welled up again. No! She had to go! She'd lock herself in her room! That would protect her from him and his judgement. She wouldn't have to hear him tell her she looked silly! Or hear how beautiful Allura was or anyone else! She could pretend she was really pretty and she was the star of the party!
“Pidge… Pidge, are you ok?” He grabbed her hand before she could put on her glasses to leave, “Why are you crying?!”
Lance's hand wiped a tear and she involuntarily flinched away from his touch. Why was he doing this?! She didn't need him for anything! He was just going to tease her and write her off as one of the guys, his bro…
“Pidge?” His voice croaked.
“Just… don't… don't tease me… I know, I probably look stupid but Allura worked-”
“You don't look stupid! Pidge, what the crow? Who said you looked stupid?!” Lance's voice strained as he wiped another tear.
She didn't flinch away this time as his other hand joined the first to wipe her tears and brush back her hair. Why was he being so nice? Was he lying? He had to be! He felt so bad that he was lying to make her feel better.
“You don't have to lie…” Pidge grabbed his hand to pull it off of her.
She felt the ice melt has Lance flipped his hand grabbing hers holding it to his chest.
“I am not lying! Pidge, I-”
“I know you were there… You saw how dumb I looked and you didn't say anything… you couldn't even bring yourself to laugh-”
“Pidge!” He voice vibrated through his hands into her.
It made more tears fall. Why did he keep lying?!
“You look stunning… I couldn't say anything cause I was dumbfounded, okay?! I've never seen you look like this! It threw me way off how extra wonderful you could look!”
Pidge felt her face go hot as he brought her hand to his chest.
“Listen… You look amazing… You're always amazing but tonight… Well… shit… You’re stop eating hot… That's top tier hot.”
Pidge snickered as she felt his chest move under his dress jacket. She felt the heat from her face spread as she noted how close he felt and sounded. The hand on his chest let her arm bend close to touching forearm and upper arm together. She could hear him breathing and she could feel his arm brush her shoulder as he wiped her tears. He couldn't be more than a few inches away.
“It's not just tonight either, you know?” He continued, “Every day it's hard not to notice how amazing you are…”
“Okay, cheesy, you can stop.” Pidge laughed nervously.
“No, I'm serious! You are amazing! You're smart, cute, kickass, smart! Did I mention you're smart?! Cause you're reaaaaaal-”
“I get it!” Pidge groaned laughing a little, “You don't have to keep talking.”
Pidge sighed as he brought her hand from his chest and allowed it to rest on his knee as his other hand rested on her shoulder. She wanted to compliment him back… He was a good fighter… Came up with good plans; on a rare occasion… Cared about everyone on the team. Always tried his best but… He knew that already… Pidge bit her lips and nodded to herself a little.
“Well… I mean, from what I hear… You're really pretty too, Lance… or… Handsome, should I say? and you are smart and a great person... oh my crow what am i saying...” Pidge bit her lip as she .
If she didn't look dumb before she must look dumb now… Pretty?! Really?! Why did she have to say that first?!
“Thank you.” Lance spoke his voice dropping lower than it had before.
She could feel her heart skip a beat as she could feel him come closer. The heat rose from her chest as Lance brought his hand to her cheek. She could feel his breath on her lips. This couldn't be happening!
“Pidge?! Lance?!”
Pidge let out a squeak as she felt Lance's head turn to the sound of Hunk calling for them. Lance stood up grabbing Pidge’s hand to help her up as well. She fumbled with her glasses as she heard Hunk coming around the corner.
“There you guys are! Allura wanted a dance with Pidge.” Hunk smiled with his voice.
“Dance with the blind girl… That’s smart.” Pidge smirked.
“Tell Allura I got first dibs.” Lance laughed as they walked to where Hunk was.
Hunk laughed and Pidge listened as his ticks and his steps went back to the banquet hall. She felt the heat on her face again as Lance continued to hold her hand. There was no way he was going to kiss her. That wasn’t possible… Or was it? She suppressed another squeak as Lance squeezed her hand lightly.
“You don’t mind if I take your first dance right?”
“Wha- No. That’s fine.” Pidge looked away from his voice. “Just don’t expect your feet to come out of it un-stepped on.”
“That’s cool, you can make it up to me by letting me finish that kiss we started.”
Pidge cleared her throat pursing her lips. The heat in her cheeks was almost unbearable… That was an attempted kiss!
“W-wh-I… I mean.”
“Pidge, I am kidding.” Lance leaned over whispering to her, “I could finish it now if you like.”
“Shut up!” Pidge allowed her free hand to push his face away.
“Later. Got it!” Lance laughed.