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“I think there’s kindness in you.”
Zuko tisked. His mouth involuntary expelled his doubts towards those kindly words as if they were words that directly attacked his honor or blasphemed Agni himself. He was already hesitant of being here but he was duty bound to assent by law and by nobility.
She was supposed to be the one.
The one to take his hand.
The one to at least return some portion of his honor as, while still a barbarian, she was princess among them. At least that was his father’s rationale, but at the end of the day it still reeked of humiliation ritual that was so typical of their interactions.
It was cold.
There was a sigh.
A soft sigh like the breeze upon the palace gardens. Oh, how homesick Zuko was and to this moment he thought why this joke couldn’t at least have taken place back home. Even with how tender and as sweet that sigh was the Prince found a way to drag it down to pessimistic levels. It was what this whole situation deserved anyways. In the cold and in a place faraway from his home Zuko could nay find any semblance of hope within this icy wasteland and among its barbarian inhabitants.
Yet even when he clenched his fists and gnashed his teeth there was something pulling him out of it.
Those stupid words.
“I’m sorry if you don’t like me.”
Why did she have to speak this way? Why couldn’t she be as angry as he was with this whole arrangement? She had every right to be in every step of the way! In fact, Zuko knew that she had all rights to be doubly livid as she had even less of a say than he did! She was the victim of vae victis! Woe to the conquered!
-But there was no woe.
Even if there was quiet resignation there was no woe.
Where did she get this hope? This…. Perfect Kindness?
Zuko exhaled. Sharply through his nostrils. It was a motion to show that he was still angered but this did not dissuade her in the slightest. In fact, it only seemed to prod her to do something about it and it was that very fact that made him angry-
But not at her.
Not even at this situation.
But at himself.
For it being his natural state Zuko did really detest being angry at himself. It should have been just like a fish hating water or a bird hating air with how closely Zuko was to this sensation but all in all in left him in absolutely misery. He hated feeling angry. He hated feeling slighted. He hated feeling vindictive towards all those who wronged him and would possibly wrong him.
The thing was that he didn’t feel this way towards her.
And if there was anything Zuko hated more than hating himself was the unknown. His whole life was dictated by unknowns. Why did his father hate him? How could he truly recollect his honor? Why did he go about this fool’s struggle in regaining it to begin with? Why did fate hate him?
...Why wasn’t she angry?
…Why was she so kind?
“I… I’m going to try to be the best wife I can…”
Why?
Zuko exhaled. Like a bull. Like the most ornery of dragonmoose bulls. The type you couldn’t even look at wrong lest you be charged at with countless hundred pounds of hate.
Hate. He didn’t even hate. There was nothing in that exhale that could be construed as hate at this point but instead had the opposite emotion of… hurt. Of insecurity. Of defenselessness. Zuko felt like a wounded animal cornered by the hunter and was now just posturing hostility for the sake of protecting himself.
Why?
“Are you okay? Are… do you want me to leave you alone? I can leave you alone if you’d like…
my… my husband.”
“…………..
…….stay... please…..”
A hushed tone. Almost inaudible.
Yet not silent enough as Zuko felt that presence sit next to him upon this skin rug and without warning he leaned upon that shoulder nestling himself within those white furs.
“Can you… Can you… say that again?”
The Prince reached out and grabbed hold of those hands hidden in those lilac colored gloves. Gently. A caress like a man polishing a jewel with his bare hands.
“The very first thing you said…?”
“I…. I think there’s kindness in you, Prince Zuko.”
He smiled.
“I really do, my prince. I can see it every time you breathe and every time you sit in silence thinking no one is around to see you. I can see how angry you are because of how angry you are. I can see that you really want peace and joy in your life.”
Soft words. He loved hearing those words come out of Yue’s mouth. It was like the breeze flowing through the palace gardens. It was cool. And soft. A carried the scent of the edenic flowers with it. A soft scent. A lovely scent. It was home and it was where he wanted to be.
He loved her words.
“Please, Yue… continue.”
“Of course, my husband. My kind husband.”
Zuko slid upon the rug so that his body lay flat upon the ground and his head found its destination upon her lap from where he could look up and see that face looking back down at him. Blue eyes looking back down at him. Like the calm waters of a hidden spring they gave their light blues to him and expressed sheer compassion towards him as if the angry man he was didn’t even exist to them.
“I saw you among at the ice pond looking at the fish. You followed them around with your eyes. You gave them all names no matter how silly they sounded. You threw them pellets and you smiled as you watched them swim about like the simple creatures they are. Your countrymen don’t care about my land or my people yet you… you are so kind to even the simplest of creatures.
I think there is kindness in you, Prince Zuko.
I admire that.”
Words.
He loved hearing those words.
He loved hearing those words come out of pomegranate pink lips and he loved that kindness that poured out of that gentle gaze. He loved how those white locks of hers came down upon him like the lightest and pursed of snowfall-
It was her gaze that changed him. Her smile. It was the fact that even her brows were raised and furrowed from her warranted fear of what was to come from being thrust into an arranged marriage there was still that kindly hope that put a serene glow to her earthen brown face.
But above all it was her words. How kindly she was to him. Words he had never heard before apart from his words from his mother who by now had abandoned him for years.
“Can I ask you a question, my Prince?”
“Just ask. There is no need to be so formal when were are married. I don’t care about all this nobility or this royal etiquette.”
“Do you hate me? Will you hate me?”
Zuko stayed silent as he watched Yue’s eyes well up.
“I… I just want to know. I want to know if you are going to hate me. Perhaps I can appeal to your kinder side and ask that you have mercy on me.”
At this the Fire Prince shot up, fixed his posture so that he was now sat and facing her, and clasped her hands with great regard saying:
“I don’t hate you, Yue. I may hate the situation that put us here but that is something beyond our control. I… can’t hate you because you are too kind.
You are too hopeful. Even with this garbage…
Yue, I will not deny that I despised my father for this attempt to humiliate me further but you... the words you say to me are nothing like I've ever heard before.
The barbarians are not the tribals but my own blood who despises me and hates me ceaselessly with their words.
Yet, you have hope.. and I think if you have hope, I can have it too because you are doubly right to hate this more than I do yet you have serenity… and perfect kindness.”
Yue looked unsure. Words didn’t impact her as much as they did Zuko whom for the longest had lacked such kindly words in his life. What the Prince did notice, however, was the subtle motions her fingers made upon his palms as if they were begging for him to take a hold of them. In fact, Yue’s whole body had leaned closer towards him and her face was…. Expactant. And weary. And waiting for consolation.
She needed to be held. Yue was afraid. Rightfully so. That’s why she pleaded to him that he have mercy should he hate her and that’s why she sought anyway to be a good wife. Her body trembled and her soul wished to cleave to something.
Anything. No- Not anything. Just him.
Kind Zuko. Noble Zuko. The Zuko that hated wroth and held good within all that despair.
A perfect kindness.
She found it when Zuko held her within his arms. He clung to her. He kept her close and smothered her with a sense of security and protection that thousands of words couldn’t express.
She felt loved.
“Thank you, Zuko.”
Her few words.
He felt loved.