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Junhwe is so glad that they didn't debut as a six, that they endured the loss of win and went on to do mix and match. He says that's mainly because they got the addition of Chanwoo, but a little part of him admits it's because he isn't the maknae anymore.
Not being the maknae has its benefits, not having to do aegyo at interviews, not being teased by the other members and all of that. But Junhwe does admit to himself that it does have its downfalls. He doesn't get the loving hand in his hair from Hanbin every morning, the extra food from Jinhwan, because Chanwoo is a growing boy, even though barely a year separates the two. He doesn't get worried glances from Yunhyeong to see if he's okay, he doesn't get Donghyuk joking around with him relentlessly, and he definitely doesn't get Jiwon hugging him tightly. And he's kind of jealous.
So when sleep doesn't claw at the edges of reality in an attempt to let him escape from the stresses of being an idol he wishes he was the maknae.
Lucky for him the members know when to treat him like the maknae and when to treat him like the 'adult' he is.
1.
Jiwon frowns when he sees Junhwe sat on the window sill in the kitchen. He moves quietly, in an attempt not to disturb Junhwe too much.
"I know you're there Jiwon-hyung,"
'Damn', Jiwon thinks as Junhwe turns on the spot so his legs dangle off the window sill and into the kitchen.
"Can't sleep?" Jiwon asks purely to fill to the silence.
"When can I ever?" Junhwe replies bitterly.
Jiwon just allows Junhwe to hang his head in sorrow as he moves around the kitchen. He knows Jinhwan baked cookies this morning for them all and Jiwon will use the insomniac card to make sure the tiny devil doesn't scold him for taking more than he should.
Jiwon presses the cookies into Junhwe's hands as he pulls up a chair to sit opposite him. They sit in relative silence, the only sounds coming from the crunch of cookies as they slowly devour them all.
"Better?" Jiwon asks as he brushes crumbs off the both of them. Junhwe just makes an uncommunicative sound and continues not to make eye contact.
Jiwon frowns once more, putting two fingers under Junhwe's chin and forces him to look at him. He can see the tears forming in his eyes and he just knows that everything's gotten a little bit too much.
"Don't cry," Jiwon hushes as he stands, wiping Junhwe's eyes.
"I'm sorry," Junhwe sobs pitifully even though he's done nothing wrong.
"No don't apologise either, just calm yourself down,"
It takes a while but Junhwe is pliant in Jiwon's arms. Jiwon's shirt is slightly wet but Junhwe is half asleep in his arms and really that's all he wants.
He moves slowly and tactically to his room, giving a small nod to Hanbin as he sneaks into the dorm at around 3am. Hanbin just smiles before getting into his own bed. Jiwon manages to get Junhwe into bed, wrapping his arms around the taller boy. They had a goodnights sleep after all.
2.
Chanwoo collapses onto the sofa easily, his bones holding the fatigue from the day. He looks up to see Jinhwan barely stumble into the bathroom, and he knows then it's going to be a while until he gets his turn. He sees Jiwon and Yunhyeong lean on each other as they wait their turn, Hanbin ushering Junhoe and Donghyuk, trying to be a good hyung.
"June-ah, go sit with Chanwoo," he barely heard Hanbin mutter. Junhoe promptly crashes down next to Chanwoo, sweat clinging to all his clothes. Chanwoo decides he doesn't mind, even though Hanbin calls out for them both to lie down and Junhoe's head ends up in his lap.
Chanwoo is soaked with sweat but so is everyone else, so when he automatically starts carding his fingers through Junhoe's hair he forgets about what's actually in his hair and just focuses on passing the time.
Chanwoo forgets Junhoe's insomnia a lot of the time. If he ever brings it up with the man himself Junhoe just thanks him because he says it makes him feel more normal. Chanwoo doesn't usually deal with it, as his hyung's, Jinhwan, Yunhyeong and Hanbin mostly, like to put it 'it's not your problem to deal with,' even if Chanwoo wants to help. But Chanwoo gets it, the hyung's have to sort Junhoe out and it takes a long time, it's not something Chanwoo can deal with it. That doesn't stop him wanting to help, but it also makes him forget a lot. So when Chanwoo looks down to see if Junhwe wants to talk and sees a peaceful, calm Junhwe completely asleep he doesn't dare move.
Junhwe's hand is firmly interlocked with Chanwoo's, a stark sign that he's comfortable. Chanwoo just accepts that he might be here until the morning and slowly allows himself to drift off as well.
The shower stops running, Donghyuk carefully moves around the dorm, careful not to wake an already sleeping Jinhwan and Yunhyeong, drying off his hair as he goes to get Junhwe. When he spots both maknae's out cold on the sofa he rushes back to get Hanbin, praying that neither of them wake up.
Hanbin sees Donghyuk running wildly to him and quickly gets the message to go into the living room. He immediately sees both Chanwoo and Junhwe passed out on the sofa, their bodies still sticky with sweat. He's torn on what to do then, Junhwe is finally asleep at a decent enough time for once, but they are both caked in grime from today's practice. In the end he just throws the thinnest blanket over then he can find, takes a couple blackmail pictures and makes sure he wakes them early tomorrow morning.
3.
Everyone labels Jinhwan the mother of iKON and in all fairness Yunhyeong agrees with them. Jinhwan does the cooking, cleaning, waking up, and everything in between. Yunhyeong is just there to coddle them, to remind them that they actually need to sleep and eat regularly, and that's what he does to Hanbin and Junhwe the most.
He's lucky that he's the second oldest, and that Jinhwan doesn't need telling off as much. So after he wrestles Hanbin out of his chair for the night and sends him off to bed he walks over to Junhwe, who's currently sat in the practice room joined to Hanbin's studio, 'man cave.'
"Rough night?" Yunhyeong starts, knowing that it's three am and they both desperately need to get back to the dorms.
"Every night don't you mean?" his ever present bitterness in his tone extremely apparent tonight.
"Yeah well that's what insomnia does to you,"
"Why can't I be normal?" Junhwe exclaims as he turns to face Yunhyeong, tears brimming on the edge of spilling.
"What do you mean?"
"You know, be able to sleep more than four hours at a time, have a regular sleeping pattern, not be dependent on sleeping pills that sometimes don't work," Junhwe breaks off into an unintelligible rant of some sort, tears streaming down his face. His hands start to shake and Yunhyeong gathers him up in his arms, rubbing his back with his hands as his embrace gets tighter.
"We still love you, remember that. Even though it's three am and I am exhausted I'd much rather be here with you here knowing that you're alright then be sleeping and waking up to a sleepless you. And so does Jinhwan and Hanbin and Donghyuk and Jiwon and Chanwoo. They'd sacrifice pretty much anything for you,"
Junhwe attempts to say something back but his words get choked up by his sobs and Yunhyeong just lets him cry a little longer. In the end he wears himself out accidentally, but it works and he's asleep, and that is a win in Yunhyeong's books.
Yunhyeong somehow manages to get them both onto the sofa bed Jinhwan forced Hanbin into getting for them all, and as Junhwe has tangled all his limbs into Yunhyeong he has no choice but to chuck a blanket over them both and fall asleep in the tight embrace Junhwe has on him. It doesn't take long at all.
4.
Donghyuk turns over in his bed, something is up, he can feel it. He moves around a little bit more before deciding that he's too awake to sleep anymore. He stalks out to the living room and throws himself over Junhwe's back. The TV is on, blaring some random movie at low volume so he doesn't wake anyone who's actually sleeping. Junhwe doesn't protest at Donghyuk practically plastering himself to his back, in fact he might enjoy it.
"Why are you up so late?" Donghyuk asks, aware of the bags under Junhwe's eyes.
"The usual reason,"
"Well that sucks," Donghyuk says as he moves to sit next to Junhoe instead of slowly crushing him. Junhwe quickly moves to rest his head on Donghyuk's shoulder, his arms wrapping around the other soon after. Donghyuk just takes his hand and sits to watch whatever the TV is playing.
Out of the corner of his eye he spots Junhwe's eyes starting to close and stay shut for longer each time. He smiles a small smile as he slips down to lay flat on the sofa. Junhwe doesn't hesitate to follow and this time it's Junhwe led down on Donghyuk's chest, slightly crushing him. Donghyuk decides he doesn't care as long as Junhoe falls asleep, which in the end he does. He soon slips off too, ignoring the cold of the dorm in the early morning.
It's Jinhwan who wakes first that morning, not a rare sight. He moves silently because he doesn't want to either wake anyone or startle a half conscious Junhwe. When he walks into the living he sees both Junhwe and Donghyuk fast asleep on the sofa, glad that Donghyuk's absence from his bed didn't mean he's gone for early morning practice and even happier that Junhwe was asleep. He chucks a blanket over the two of them and leaves them be for the time being.
5.
Junhwe is restless, like any other day. It's a rare half day off for the group, so he doesn't want to distrib anyone who is sleeping. He knows one of them will be awake, he's always awake. Junhwe grabs his jacket and chucks on his shoes, it's a ten minute walk to the YG building. He picks up a snack and pockets it before running over to Hanbin.
Hanbin, like most nights, is sat at his desk, his eyes irritated from the light of the computer screen. He taps away at some points, but overall the night hasn't been as productive as he could have wanted. His body aches for his bed but his mind aches for new tracks and better produced music. He's just about to grab a coffee from that 24/7 convenance store just on the corner when he sees Junhwe approaching the room. He sits back in his chair and just waits for the boy, knowing it'll have been yet another restless night.
"Hyung," Junhwe whispers, his voice unusually small and vulnerable.
"Junhwe-ah," Hanbin just beckons him in to sit with him, hoping that he's not in too bad of a state.
"Here," Junhwe takes the snack out of his pocket and hands it over to Hanbin.
"You're my dongsaeng, the only people who can look after me are Jinhwan and Yunhyeong,"
"Yeah, but what about Jiwon, he's older than you,"
"Jiwon couldn't look after a glass of water without spilling it," Junhwe's laugher echoes through the small room as he leans on Hanbin. Hanbin quickly takes the opportunity to wrap his arm around Junhwe's back, and to generally draw him closer.
"You're not here to give me food Junhwe, it's a bad night right?" Junhwe just lays his head on Hanbin's shoulder as a silent sign of 'yes'.
"Well if it's gonna be that way then you get help hyung with his music, I know you can get creative at this time of night,"
Hanbin starts to explain the process of making music and how to use the equipment he had cluttered on his desk, but soon enough he feels Junhwe's head start to slip from his shoulder. He's fast asleep in the chair, and Hanbin gives himself a mental pat on the back as his gathers the tall boy into his arms, slowly placing him on the sofa. Hanbin looks back at his computer and just shuts it down, grabbing a blanket to drape over Junhwe as he sits down on the sofa. He feels content as he cards his fingers through Junhwe's soft hair as his head is in his lap. Along the way he falls asleep to Junhwe's soft breaths, he wouldn't have it any other way.
6.
Junhwe looks down at his hyung, who's currently sat on the floor on his way. He's been sat in his way for the past ten minutes after finding out that he wanted to go out for a walk.
"Jinhwan-hyung, what are you doing?"
"Making sure you don't start habitually leave the dorm after 10pm,"
"Why?"
"Because I'm sick and tired of dragging Hanbin back here, let alone you," Junhwe just chuckles as he steps over Jinhwan.
"Come back here!" Jinhwan yells as he scrambles to his feet, in quick pursuit of Junhwe.
Jinhwan jumps onto Junhwe's back, attaching himself like a backpack to the younger. Junhwe tries to shake him off but doesn't want to end up hurting Jinhwan so he just gives in. Junhwe carries Jinhwan to his room and chucks him off into his bed. He turns to smile at Jinhwan before making a dash for it but Jinhwan is too quick for that. Suddenly he's on top of Jinhwan, his face pressed into a bunch of pillows, he needs to stop underestimating how strong Jinhwan actually is.
Jinhwan gives him a look as he pulls up the blanket to get under it. Junhwe just gives him a deflated sigh as he sheds himself of his shoes jacket and jeans, joining Jinhwan under the blanket. He places his chin on Jinhwan's head, his body curling up around the elder, his hands clasping Jinhwan's.
His breath matches Jinhwan's slow deep intakes and soon he feels completely relaxed. He smiles as he places a kiss onto of Jinhwan's head, hugging him even tighter.
"Thank you hyung,"
"Stop thanking me," Junhwe doesn't bother to reply, he knows Jinhwan well enough to know he doesn't need to. Junhwe lets the darkness consume him and soon he's under, realising that sometimes he needs to hold, not to be held.