Work Text:
The Justice League's latest mission had been pretty standard. Another uppity villain who thought collecting a couple dozen minions - this time, in the form of weird magical robots - would grant him world domination, defeated in no time once half a dozen superheroes had made their way onto the scene.
It was rather anticlimactic, really. The only thing of note was that he had managed to mess with all of the technology in their suits, something that made communication a little bit difficult when their comms kept glitching out. Batman was at the biggest disadvantage, as one of his gadgets malfunctioned at the wrong time and one of the robots got in a good swing at him, but Captain Marvel flew in at the last second to ensure there was no serious damage. All in all, the technology problem wasn't enough to hinder them to any significant degree, and they all beamed back to the Watchtower after apprehending the villain with zero suspicion that anything was out of the ordinary.
Despite the fact that other than Batman all of them had mild injuries at best, they still made their way to the medical wing together. Partially to help each other with their wounds, but also because they all knew a stint in the wing wasn't enough to avoid Batman's mandatory post-fight debrief. It was better to just wait until the injuries were patched up and then get it over with.
Unfortunately for them, they had only just started on their treatments when there was a loud sound from out in the hallway.
Everyone fell silent. Those who were fully uninjured exchanged glances and got into defensive positions. Maybe it was just one of their teammates who hadn't been present on this mission; but considering they weren't expecting anyone right now, it was better prepared for the worst than sorry.
In the quiet, snatches of a loud conversation filtered through the medbay doors. "-You're sure-" "-don't know-" "-what if-"
...Those were not voices any of them recognized.
Just as they were all shifting into an even higher level of alertness, they heard an unusual sound, this time from behind them. It had been their only team member lying down on a cot right now - Batman, of all people - letting out a bone-weary sigh.
"Stand down," he commanded in his usual gruff, no-nonsense tone. "I know who they are."
Batman was basically never wrong, so this simple phrase actually did make all of them almost entirely relax; however, their alertness did not fully dissipate, instead turning into confusion. "Okay, but we don't," the Flash said tentatively, "and aren't only Justice League members supposed to have access to the Watchtower...?"
Batman didn't have time to respond to that even if he wanted to, because at that moment, the medbay doors burst open.
"Oh, you're fine," one of the four intruders (what looked to be a blonde teenager in an extremely purple suit) said after a long, frozen second of staring at him.
"So we came all this way for nothing," another one of them scoffed. This one made everyone in the League stiffen, because they recognized him; that red helmet was unmistakable. There was no way there was an actual crime lord in their presence right now, right...?
"Are you fine?" the third one asked, another obvious teenager, this one in a black, red, and gold getup.
"Yes," Batman said, as eloquent and expressive as always. He did sound... a little bit more dead inside than usual, though, like some actual emotion was leaking through for once. (Alright, that was a bit uncharitable, but it was true that he usually spoke in a voice so monotone that it regularly made half of the League fell asleep during meetings.)
"Sorry, but is that the crime lord the Red Hood?" Superman finally burst out. Several other members of the League internally thanked him for that, because they certainly didn't have the guts to confront the Dark Knight himself, but seriously, what?
"...Yes," Batman repeated, even more monotone.
"Okay, it's like you want them to arrest me," actual crime lord the Red Hood complained, his tone only barely petulant through his mask but still more than a crime lord's tone every should be by magnitudes. "You're not gonna elabourate? Even a little bit?"
"It was your fault for deciding to come here," the fourth intruder said primly; the only one whose presence was almost crazy as the Red Hood's, because he seemed to be a child. A child also in a full body suit and with a sword strapped to his side, but a child nonetheless.
"Chill out, Robin," the purple one exclaimed cheerfully. She leaned over and attempted to ruffle his hair, completely unperturbed when he ducked out of the way and sneered at her in response. "Hood was just worried about B-"
"I absolutely was not," the Red Hood said immediately, his modulated voice getting dangerously low.
"Uh huh," the teenage boy said, seeming just as blithely uncaring of the tempers of his fellow intruders as the purple one did. "As if it wasn't you who literally informed us that his vitals monitor was sending weird signals in the first place?"
By this point, the Justice League was pretty much just watching the insanity in front of them like a tennis match.
"Red Robin, I swear to god-"
"Ooh, full-naming me? But notice how you're not actually responding to what I said," Red Robin said, flashing a smug grin towards the Red Hood.
"I don't need to, because it's not relev-"
"Boys," Batman cut in. Although he sounded... oddly touched? Or maybe the League was just collectively hallucinating the fact that he genuinely seemed to be showing any emotion that wasn't judgment or irritation right now. "And Spoiler, please stop antagonizing Robin."
Spoiler paused, her hand still outstretched towards Robin's head once again. "You're no fun," she pronounced, rolling her eyes slightly.
"Excuse me," Wonder Woman interrupted, seemingly deciding that now that things had lulled slightly, she should make an attempt to figure out exactly what was happening after Superman's try had so badly failed, "but would you mind explaining who you are?"
That actually did make all of them shut up and straighten up, sharing meaningful glances with both each other and with Batman.
"Come on, B," Red Robin said, his voice logical in a way that made them almost forget he had been purposefully irritating the crime lord beside him not ten seconds earlier (and also the fact that he had just called Batman B). "You may not be actually injured this time, but you know you're not going to be able to keep your secrets forever."
"It's kind of a miracle they've lasted this long," Spoiler added. Robin, despite seeming unimaginably irritated with her only moments ago, nodded his head in agreement at her words.
"Also, you owe me for apparently not telling your other teammates that I'm on your side," the Red Hood tacked on.
"Other teammates?" Captain Marvel blurted out. He immediately looked like he had regretted saying anything when Batman's stern gaze turned his way, but it was a bit too late to take the words back.
After another long pause, Batman sighed and looked forward again, his uninjured arm coming up to pinch the bridge of his nose (not that it really worked considering he was still wearing his mask). "...Fine."
Of course, the Red Hood's expression was impossible to see, and the Robin kid's face barely moved. But the other two, Red Robin and Spoiler, immediately exchanged grins with each other; genuine ones, unlike the mocking ones they had been sporting earlier. "I'm Spoiler!" Spoiler said, turning to the rest of the room, "Gotham's coolest vigilante. It's nice to finally meet all of you!"
"So... there are more vigilantes in Gotham than just Bats over here?" the Flash accidentally interrupted again, Batman's acquiescence to apparently actually sharing some details about his life for once emboldening him to speak his thoughts.
The Red Hood snorted, seemingly fully unconcerned about the interruption. "We're not even all of them."
"We're not even half of them," Red Robin corrected. "Batman, Nightwing, Oracle, Hood, Red Robin - that's me, by the way, hi - Spoiler, Black Bat, Robin, Signal..."
Batman looked like he deeply regretted agreeing to allowing them to talk.
The fourth intruder - Robin, the one who had been mostly silent in favour of watching most of the proceedings with a slightly disdainful glare - made a small scoffing sound. "If you're done?" He turned back to the room at large, and it was hard to believe just how judgmental a glower a child his size could let out. "Hello, I am Robin. The true heir to-"
"Not this again," the Red Hood said, cutting off whatever had been about to say. Although the League had basically gotten confirmation earlier that he was a vigilante who worked with Batman rather than the crime lord they had all been taught to fear, it was still unfathomably bizarre to see him speaking with such a casual put-upon tone.
"Robin," Batman cut in, his voice firm.
For the first time since arriving here, Robin actually shrunk in on himself a little bit. "...Apologies, father."
...It was a while after that until the League was calmed down enough to be able to listen to any more explanations again.
"Yes, we are Batman's children," Red Robin agreed, answering the main question that had been asked to them about a hundred times during the last two minutes in varying levels of incredulity.
"Hey! Don't lump me in with the rest of you losers," Spoiler interjected over half a dozen shocked gasps (no matter that they had all heard the kid say father, it was different to hear direct confirmation of such an insane fact). "Unlike you guys, B has no authority over me."
"He doesn't have any authority over me either," the Red Hood argued, crossing his arms and giving the impression that he was daring Batman to argue the point.
He did not, but he did look unhappy about it.
"Anyway," Red Robin said, "as fun as this is, we were about to go patrol-"
"-But we're definitely coming back here after we're done," Spoiler finished, smiling widely.
"Speak for yourself," Robin huffed. "Father did not invite us here, so-"
"As if you always follow his rules," the Red Hood scoffed, interrupting him mid-sentence once again. "I bet you're only not coming back because you still have school tomorrow.'
"That's right, you do!" Spoiler exclaimed. Despite claiming to not be related to the rest of them, she looked absolutely delighted to be contributing to the teasing about Robin's age in an awfully sibling-like manner. "Aww, Robin," she reached towards him again, this time looking like she was trying to pinch his cheeks, "We all know that kids need a full night of rest-"
"Cease this mockery, Spoiler!" Robin snarled. But despite his attempt to look menacing, with the way he was puffed up and his cheeks were tinged a deep red it was hard to see him as anything but adorable. (Thankfully, none of the League members said this out loud, because Robin would not be as lenient with them as he was with his companions, and they probably would have promptly found themselves with a katana in their face.)
Unfortunately, Robin was too busy focusing on Spoiler, so he didn't notice Red Robin's hand sneaking towards him until his hair was getting vigorously ruffled.
Robin once again ducked out of the way, scowling furiously.
Batman let out another deep sigh. "You said you were going," he said monotonously. It wasn't a question.
"Harsh, old man," the Red Hood said in an extremely judgmental tone of voice, his arms still crossed.
"Don't worry, he probably just needs to recalibrate after having a decade of secrets erased in a few minutes," Red Robin offered, patting the crime lord consolingly on the arm. "Speaking of, B, good luck explaining all of this to your friends!"
And then the four intruders (vigilantes, Gothamites, Batman's kids) waltzed back out of the medbay doors without a care in the world, as if completely unaware that they had just completely shattered the worldview of every single League member present.
As soon as their voices faded back out as they presumably hacked into the zeta tubes once more to get home, every single person in the room slowly turned to face Batman.
"...I will not be answering any questions at this time."
...Okay, some things never changed.
But luckily for the Justice League, they apparently didn't need to wait on Batman releasing one personal detail about his life per calendar year anymore. He sent them all unimpressed looks when most of them just happened to decide to stick around for a few hours in the Watchtower for no particular reason, but there wasn't much he could do about it. They spent the time vibrating in anticipation, just waiting for the moment those enigmatic visitors would come back; tonight, they were getting answers.