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David Hollander can be a bit absent-minded sometimes. It’s one of the long-running arguments in his marriage. He tries, really, but sometimes he just can’t help it. No matter how many reminders you put on your phone, or how many checklists you make up and run through in your head, sometimes you just…forget. Like now. David had forgotten his phone charger (the old one that he swears charges his phone faster than the new one Shane bought for him) in Shane’s cottage, and he’s already out of the house to run errands, so he figured he might as well stop by the cottage quickly to grab the charger.
In hindsight, the multiple missed calls and unanswered texts to Shane plus the whole silent retreat thing (which screams don’t disturb me) is probably a pretty big hint for him to not show up unannounced at the cottage, but David isn’t one to dwell on such things. He figured Shane must be busy (with something?? he didn’t think that far, hush) or maybe sleeping, or swimming? Either way, Shane must be preoccupied with something that he missed the multiple calls and texts. David was right, to a certain extent. Shane was busy, only with someone. And David was about to find out who.
The car door slams close. David hears the faint sound of music playing as he unlocks the front door. His hand freezes on the handle as he registers the sound.
Is that…?? Latin pop? (It’s Bad Bunny, but David doesn’t know that)
A stark contrast to Shane’s usual classical music selection, or lack of music. David can recall only a handful of times when Shane would play music out loud in the cottage. Maybe he found a new genre he likes? Either way, David isn’t going to stick around and discuss his now wildly different music selection when Shane is on his silent retreat thing (because you’re not supposed to speak when you are on a silent retreat thing, David knows that much).
He opens the door and slips his shoes off at the entrance, briefly stunned at how loud the music actually is. Louder than normal, at least. Maybe this is a new thing, like his silent retreat thing. This isn’t very silent though, but who is he to argue? He scans the room, empty. Not wanting to waste time, he heads towards one of the guest bedrooms.
It didn’t take him long to find his old charger in one of the bedrooms. Mission accomplished. But now he’s kinda thirsty, so he decides to take a quick detour to the kitchen for a glass of water on his way back to the front door. Right before he makes his turn, the music changes to another song, followed by a loud whooping for the new song, and this stops David dead in his tracks.
David might be absent-minded sometimes, but there is no way he wouldn’t recognize his own son’s voice. Nevermind the deep voice, Shane is not the type of person to whoop.
Okay. Maybe he has a guest over, no worries. He can be a polite dad, introduce himself, and go home. He combs a hand through his hair, whoever Shane invited to the cottage must be pretty important to him, it wouldn't hurt to leave a good impression. Timing his entrance, David almost saunters into the kitchen and is met with yet another surprise.
A half-naked, shirtless, Russian man, sitting on the far end of the bar, eating a hotdog.
A Russian man who looks like the spitting image of his son’s archrival, who David has seen on screens and in passing for years, is now looking at him, mid-bite, wide-eyed.
They both stare at each other for what seems like a long minute. If not for the loud music, David swears he could hear a pin drop.
David has a million thoughts running through his mind. Mainly, why the fuck is Ilya Rozanov in Shane’s cottage right now? Eating a hotdog? No, that’s not important, David. He shakes his head, as if to physically shake the thought off his head.
That seems to snap Rozanov back to reality and somehow his first agenda is to drop the hotdog he’s holding and promptly put on the nearest shirt he could grab. Which happens to be….a Montreal Voyageurs shirt. Shane’s.
David stares at the Voyageurs logo on the shirt, he suddenly feels light-headed.
Is this…? Are they…….friends?
He almost laughs at the absurdity of his own thoughts. No way. Shane hates him. But he’s here, in Shane’s cottage. Wearing his shirt. Eating a hotdog. Where is Shane anyway?
Rozanov clears his throat.
“Nice to...uh..meet you, Mr. Hollander.”
He holds his hand out to David. David is still very confused, but his hand moves before his brain could register, taking Rozanov's hand. One shake, two shake. Let go.
“Ilya Rozanov.” Rozanov points to himself, for some reason, and promptly clasps his hands together, standing straight.
David, collecting his composure from god knows where, returns the much unneeded introduction in kind.
“David Hollander.”
A pause. Rozanov nods, it doesn’t look like he’s going to say anything more. So David continues.
“What are you…uhh….sorry, I don’t mean to be rude but, what are you doing here?”
Another pause. Rozanov blinks.
“Shane invited me.”
David nods, almost too hard. Of course. What a dumb question, huh? Every single cell in David’s body is screaming, but WHY though?? Why did Shane, who hates you, invite you to his cottage when he doesn’t even invite his teammates over???
David couldn’t bear to ask that question. So he pivots.
“Right. Is Shane around?”
“He is in the showers, I think. I could get him if you want.” Rozanov points at the bedroom, body already moving towards the door, probably desperate to escape. David wishes he could do the same, honestly.
Before he could even get to the room, though, another surprise.
“Ilya, I told you the music is too lou-”
This time Shane walks out wearing a Boston Bears shirt and boxers, stopping mid-sentence.
Another long pause as Shane’s eyes lock in on David’s and then Ilya, and his shirt, and back to David. Rozanov scrambles to get his phone and promptly turns off the music.
“....Dad. What are you, what are you doing here?”
David has stopped thinking. He really wants to go home right now. But his only son is looking at him, white as a sheet, like he’s just seen a ghost.
“I just….wanted to take my charger. You weren’t picking up your- Shane?”
Shane’s breathing worryingly fast and David recognizes the pattern before Shane is crouching down on the floor, head in his hands. Before David could move, Rozanov is already by Shane’s side, rubbing his back, whispering words of comfort.
David has seen this happen before. These anxiety attacks used to happen frequently when Shane was young. He gets overwhelmed, hyperventilates, and he tunes out most sounds. David remembers how hard it was to calm him down back then. Shane’s learned to handle them over the years, therapy, breathing exercises, yoga. But they never really went away.
“It’s okay, we’ll be okay, Shane. I’ll be here with you.” Rozanov coaxes gently, hands steady rubbing his back. It seems to have helped a little bit, and Rozanov takes that as a cue as he helps Shane stand, steadying him by his arms.
“Come, моя любовь. We sit.”
He leads Shane to one of the couches while David almost gawks at them, both in worry and amazement. Is that really Ilya Rozanov, the man who chirps and cusses his opponents every chance he gets? The same one who starts fights as easily as he breathes? Who is this affectionate man holding his son right now? Is Shane okay????
He decides to put the kettle on. Giving them some space is probably the best thing to do right now. Shane will be okay, he hopes. Rozanov is surprisingly doing a very good job at calming him down. He wonders if he should call Yuna over. Or if he should just leave first? Revisit this conversation on another day?
David doesn’t want to assume, but it looks like his suspicions are true. Whatever this is between Shane and Rozanov, it’s not just a rivalry, and it’s more than a friendship.
Is it love? David wonders.
It’s not that David has a problem with them being in love. He and Yuna had discussed the possibility of Shane being gay before (I mean really, all the failed matchmaking throughout the years, his lack of interest in women romantically, the years spent being single despite being one of the most eligible bachelors in hockey? Him dating Rose Landry threw them off a little, but the fact that they haven’t even met her yet? He’s still debating on this with Yuna- she said maybe they just needed a bit more time before making things official but David disagrees).
If Shane is gay, they would support him 110%. If Shane is gay and dating his famous Russian archrival? David has no doubt they would still support them 110%, although it would take time to get used to.
Despite his wishes, the worries come like a wave. He’s watched Shane grow up and flourish in the hockey world. They’ve been with him every step of the way, the constant practice, championships, winning the Cup, the celebrations, even the elaborate performance meal plans. He’s seen the ugly side of hockey that rears its head again and again, criticizing Shane over the smallest things, insulting his heritage, grasping at any signs of weakness they could dissect and bare open for the world to see.
Hockey is everything to Shane. He’s strong, disciplined, smart in a way that makes David wonder if he even had a hand in creating him. He reminds David so much of a younger Yuna, strong and resilient, never bending to another’s will, confident with the skills to back it up.
But they are only human. And humans fall. It wouldn’t be an exaggeration to say that Shane is at the height of his career right now, and maybe still rising. David worries that the higher he is, the harder the fall will be. And what if this is the thing that makes them fall? Will Ilya be there to support him? Will he be there to break the fall and bring him to his feet again? And what of the people around him? Will they accept him and their relationship? David can only pray they will.
He thinks back to his time in McGill. The endless homophobic jokes in the locker rooms and the constant slurs thrown around on the ice. How it's so rooted in the culture, and how nobody dared to call it out. That might’ve been in the past, but he doubts it’s changed much.
And it suddenly hits him.
How much Shane would’ve had to endure. Laugh it off. Be one of the boys. Living life in hiding. How lonely it would’ve been for him.
The kettle clicks off, jolting David out of his thoughts.
His hands move automatically, taking 3 mugs and tea sachets out of the cupboard. When he’s finished, he brings out the mugs to the living room.
Shane and Rozanov sit stiffly on the couch, back straight, hands clasped. Shane has his gaze fixed on the coffee table, while Rozanov accepts the tea with a small smile. David lets out a small laugh, you would think they were at an interview or something. Shane does look much better, though. Whatever Rozanov did seems to have worked.
“Relax, boys. You don’t have to explain if you don’t want to.” There. He’s given them a way out.
Shane, however, already made up his mind.
“No, I’ll explain.”
David sets his mug down.
“I’m sorry you had to find out this way. This isn’t how it was supposed to go. I was going to ease you and mom into this, had this whole plan-” Rozanov gently takes Shane’s hand into his, squeezing gently.
Shane takes a deep breath, and continues.
“I’m….gay. And I love Ilya.”
Shane has that look in his face, the one that reminds David of 8 year old Shane who came home from his first hockey practice refusing to make eye contact or even speak. His little boy. So strong and too stubborn to let the tears fall.
“Oh, Shane.”
David pulls him up for a hug. Did he think David was going to reject him? The thought alone breaks his heart. His little boy. Little Shane. How could he ever?
“I’ll always, always love you no matter what. It’s important to me that you know that.”
David could hear Shane sniffle as he returned the hug.
“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.” Shane’s voice is muffled into his shoulder but David could hear it clearly.
He pulls out of the hug and cups Shane’s face between his palms. How could they not notice how much pain he’s been in all this time?
“There’s nothing to be sorry for, Shane. Don’t apologize for this.”
Shane looks unconvinced, but nods anyway, hand squeezing David’s wrist. Now that the dam has opened, it seems like the tears just won’t stop.
David is once again reminded of a younger Shane crying alone in his bed, while David quietly stayed outside his bedroom until the sniffles stopped. He thinks back on the tear stains on his pillows the next day. How Yuna had cried and cried in his arms. He pulls him in for a hug again.
“My boy. My baby. I’m sorry we didn’t notice earlier. We should have been there for you.” At least you wouldn’t have gone through this alone, he wants to say, but the words are stuck like a lump in his throat.
After a considerable amount of time, the tears finally stop. Shane was the first to let go. David couldn’t help himself.
“So…you don’t hate him?” He asks, a glint in his eyes(probably from the tears, but he also meant it as a joke)
That got a small laugh out of Shane.
“No. No. I never hated him. I mean, he’s an asshole, but…I love him.” Shane looks at Rozanov, eyes filled with so much affection that makes David wonder how they were able to hide this long. Rozanov smiles back, eyes soft.
“Well, that’s nice. I think we really should redo our introductions, though.”
David holds his hand out to Rozanov, who promptly rises to his feet and shakes his hand.
“David Hollander, Shane’s dad.”
“Ilya Rozanov…sir.”
“Mr. Rozanov-”
“You can call me Ilya.”
“Then..Ilya. It was nice meeting you today. Mind coming over for dinner? I don’t think I could keep this a secret from Yuna for long.”
Roza-..Ilya looks over to Shane for confirmation, and receives a small nod in return.
“I will be there. Thank you for the invitation…sir.”
“Call me David. You got any allergies I should be aware of?”
“He’ll eat anything.” Shane interjects, a small smile playing on his lips. “Even McDonalds.”
A small smirk creeps up Ilya’s mouth.
“Yes, because I am not Shane.”
Shane shoves his arm playfully. David laughs.
“Pasta it is, then. Tomorrow night sound good?” David is already turning to leave.
“Yeah, we’ll be there. I’ll walk you out.”
Shane jogs after David, leaving Ilya for the cleanups. David slips on his shoes at the front door while Shane watches.
“Why’d you come here anyway?”
David stares at him for a while. Why did he come here? Oh, that’s right.
“My charger! Now, I won’t blame you for not picking up your phone but you should really pay a little bit of attention to your phone.”
Shane laughs at first but he thinks back on how they’ve been pretty active in the cottage, and the thought of David walking in on them sends shivers down his spine. Imagine how horrifying that would be.
David gestures to the old charger on the table, Shane hands it to him.
“Come for dinner. I’m serious, your mom will know something is up as soon as I get home.”
“Yeah, because you’re a bad liar, dad.” Shane smiles.
“Or your mom is too perceptive. I’m going now, I love you.”
“I love you too. Drive safely.” Unneeded, David is the safest driver in Ottawa. But still.
David may or may not have taken the long way home. He definitely feels way lighter now. He thinks about what could be but he can’t see past Shane coming out. Yuna was always the better planner between the two of them, she might have some ideas. God, he hopes she has some good ideas. Looking at Shane and Ilya together, so in love but having to hide from the rest of the world, he feels his chest tighten. At least with David and Yuna, Shane and Ilya could be themselves. He wants that to happen, at least. And oh, now that Ilya is joining them, he should probably order another set of the Hollanders Christmas pyjamas. And another set of Christmas cutleries would be nice. Is he getting a little bit ahead of himself now?
Wait, he should probably focus on keeping it a secret from Yuna first. At least until dinner tomorrow. How is he going to manage that?