Work Text:
December 2018
As he passed around his parents house, Shane could distinctly remember Ilya jokingly asking him if he should write him down as his emergency contact. At least Shane thought he was joking, after all it was such a dangerous idea…well now it didn’t seem so dangerous, he was about to do something even more dangerous if he didn’t get information soon.
He was getting sick with preoccupation and fear made him reckless. That was why he needed Ilya by his side to curb his panic, to tell him he was blowing things out of proportion, that he would regret whatever he was about to do later. But Ilya was not here and Shane had no idea where he was, because he wasn’t his fucking emergency contact.
“I’m the worse boyfriend in the whole world” he complained, still circling his parents living room
“You are not, darling”
“You don’t get it mom; he is alone in a new country. He has no family, no close friends…all he has is a stupid secret boyfriend he can’t even write down as an emergency contact! He could be dying right now and I would find out on the news! He must be so lonely and scared and I can’t even be there for him”
“Yes, the emergency contact thing was probably an oversight on our part. Once he is better we’ll talk to him about adding David and I to his list”
“Would you do that?”
“Of course love, he is part of this family too”
“What if there is no next time?”
“We were watching his match, it was bad but not life threatening”
“I haven’t been strong enough to watch the video”
Shane had been in the locker room, celebrating that night's win against Tampa when he had finally checked his cellphone to find about a dozen missed calls from his parents and many more Twitter notifications.
He immediately knew something was wrong. His parents never called so many times in a row and most of all, not during games and they knew he was playing. They had even playfully suggested getting a second TV so they could watch both of ‘their boys’ at the same time.
Fuck, Ilya. His whole body got cold, had something gone wrong during Ilya’s game?
He rushed out the locker room and into the first empty room he could find. Ever since Ilya had visited him in the hospital he had feared the day the tables would turn. Hockey was a dangerous sport, getting hurt was more common than most people realized, he kind of knew it was a possibility, but he didn’t know how he would deal with it.
He had never asked Ilya how he had fared the previous night, before he was able to visit the hospital. He looked so tired and scared. Shane had been so happy to have been visited at all that he hadn’t considered the enormous effort it should have taken Ilya to find where he was and then wait till it was a ‘decent time’ to show his face without drawing attention but Shane knew that in his place he wouldn’t have such restraint.
“Shane, there you are…” His mother's voice was equal parts relieved and worried.
“The game is just over, what’s wrong?”
“It’s Ilya, he fell pretty badly and couldn’t get up. We saw him being taken away by the paramedics”
Shane’s brain short circuited in that precise instant.
“We don’t know anything else…Shane? Are you still there?”
“On my way to Ottawa, call me if you hear anything”
When he opened the door he found Hayden standing outside, guarding the place to give him some privacy, oh how he loved the guy.
“I just checked Twitter, pretty bad hit, do you know anything about him?”
“No, have to run to Ottawa, can you pick my stuff?”
“Sure thing…and Shane, drive carefully, it’ll make him no good if you get hurt too”
Despite knowing that Hayden was right, he had arrived to his parents in record time. He had thought about going directly to Ottawa general but what was he going to say? People knew they were friendly since they had announced the foundation a few weeks ago but that was all that connected them, they had made sure of it, so no remotely professional person would let Shane into Ilya’s room in the middle of the night. And he wasn’t sure he would be able to step into Ilya’s empty house without crying, so his parents’ it was.
At least being surrounded by more, equally worried, people made him feel less uncomfortable with his own feelings.
The next hours felt eternal. His parents checked every news outlet on their phones as he walked around the house, calling and calling the number he knew wouldn’t be answered.
Did he know anyone from his team? He could try contacting his coaches posing as a worried friend that knew Ilya didn’t have close relatives to check on him, but he wasn’t even sure how to get hold of that information.
Ilya had mentioned a few people he particularly liked on his team. Zane Boodram, the alternate captain, Wyatt Hayes the new goalie, Harris the social media manager. He had met none of them.
What a pathetic excuse for a boyfriend he was.
“I can’t stand this anymore!” He grabbed his keys and shoes, he didn’t even say goodbye to his parents. He just couldn't stand being idle, feeling useless meanwhile Ilya was somewhere suffering alone.
Again. added the most insecure part of his brain.
He didn’t like to think about it but in all likelihood, through every hardship of his adult life, maybe even before, since he was only 12 years old, Ilya had always had to face everything by himself.
How many times had he sat on a hospital bed on his own, trying to talk to the doctors and keep up with the procedures as he tried to heal. Could he even understand medical jargon? Probably, he may have had to learn, hockey was a dangerous sport, all of them had been there… The difference was that whenever Shane got hurt, he didn’t need to worry about anything. He always had his parents, Hayden and now Ilya caring for him. Ilya had always been alone and Shane wouldn’t allow for this time to be the same.
He didn’t care if someone, or the whole world figured them out, he needed to be by his side.
The receptionist at the hospital entrance greeted him with a huge smile.
“Mr. Hollander, what brings you here?” She started clicking on her computer, of course she recognized, he was only the most famous hockey player in a country where hockey was like a religion.
“I’m here for Ilya Rozanov” He tried to remain calm, to remember the speech he had practiced on his way there “I understand he was brought here earlier?”
She stopped whatever she was doing, she didn’t even pretend to contain the gasp that followed.
“Did I hear right, Mr. Rozanov?” Shane nodded “Visit hours won’t start till 9 am, I’m afraid I can’t let anyone but close relatives and emergency contacts in”
“Yes, I know, but he has no family in Canada, I figured he could use a friend with him”
“A friend?” She raised an eyebrow. Shane hated that, when people questioned them getting along. He knew it was unexpected but they had been pretty clear about it when they had announced the foundation, they were friends “I’m sorry, that was impolite of me. But even if you are friends I can’t let you in”
“Can you at least check if an exception can be made?”
“Nothing can, as I’ve already told you only emergency contacts are entitled to sensitive information about our patients, and yes, that includes his room number and witnessing treatment”
“I am his emergency contact” He lied, a bad lie, she could easily check that on her computer. Could he pretend to trip and unplug it? No that was an awful idea, he’d only manage to get kicked out.
“Really?” she raised and eyebrow “Mr. Hollander, you are not the first nor the last person who tries to lie to me, I know how those look like”
“Are you absolutely sure I’m not on his list?”
The receptionist sighed, unimpressed, and started typing away on her computer. He was probably not the first one to try that either.
Please Ilya, tell me you went ahead with it even if I freaked out a little, I won’t be mad.
After a tense minute the woman shook he heard.
“No, Mr. Hollander you are not in the list”
“Does he at least have any emergency contact listed? Is someone with him right now?”
“As I’ve already told you, I can’t share that information”
He is alone, hurting and lonely…just because you are too much of a coward…you don’t deserve him.
“I just need to know he is not alone in there”
“Again, can’t confirm nor deny”
“Please, there must be a way in which I can see him”
“Once he is in stable enough condition and visit hours start you are welcome to return”
She suggested in a tone that let slide that he was depleting her patience.
“I can't, I have to see him now, to know he is ok…”
Only after saying that he realized how it may have sounded to that woman, how pathetic he must look confessing that in front of a stranger.
“Can you at least tell if the hospital has a russian interpreter or if you are able to get him one? He has problems expressing himself in english during high stress situations”
Since he had already made his feelings evident, very well he could afford to use that angle. It would make him seem like someone helpful for Ilya’s recovery; obviously the hospital didn’t have an interpreter nor could hire someone on the spot for just one patient but they had to ensure the patient’s ability to communicate. Also, only someone really close to him would know that. He hadn’t taken any of those things into consideration before speaking, it had just come out like that, but now it made sense.
“I can assure you we do everything in our power to accommodate the needs of all our patients, please don’t worry”
“For fucks sake! he needs me there, he really needs me there with him, why can’t you understand that?” he felt frustration tears start pooling on his eyes.
“I understand your feelings Mr. Hollander, but the hospital has rules for a reason”
“I know, but there needs to be a way to make an exception… What if you ask Ilya directly? If he says he doesn’t want to see me right now I’ll obey and go home”
She took a second to think about his request, Shane was preparing to start arguing.
“I’ll send a message to the head nurse, but I can’t promise you anything”
“Thank you very much”
He sat on one of the chairs in the waiting room and for the first time since he left his parents house he breathed.
He was still in panic, still worried for Ilya but he had managed something. All he had to do was hoping the nurse would really ask Ilya and not just lie to appease Shane.
What if he really does want you to go away?
No, never, he told me, he doesn’t want me to ever go away, he wants me by his side always, that’s why I can’t back down here.
When Ilya opened his eyes after the surgery he, for the first time since leaving the arena, felt no pain. Which probably meant the anesthesia hadn’t lost effect yet. The doctor had shown him the radiography, a broken leg doesn’t stop hurting in a few hours; he knew, it wasn’t the first time. He had broken the other one back when he was 14 and recovery had been hell. He wasn’t excited for the next few months.
At least the doctor assured him he would make a full recovery and might even be able to get back on the ice by march.
“Just in time for the playoffs” he had joked and the doctor had actually laughed, as everyone in Ottawa they both knew very well the team wasn’t going to the playoffs. Even less without Ilya scoring the very few goals they managed to get.
Fuck, it was so damn frustating.
The league was all over him, trying to figure out why he had switched teams, trying to prove his career was done. He couldn’t stand giving them such satisfaction.
Luckily, a nurse interrupted his conversation with the doctor.
“Sorry Dr. Jameson but we have a visitor requesting authorization to see the patient”
“Didn’t you tell them that visit hours are over?”
“Camille at reception did, but he insisted Mr. Rozanov needed him here and you know Camille, she is such a hockey fan there is no way in this word she was going to say no to Shane Hollander”
“Shane is here?” He barely had registered most of the conversation, but even in his half asleep state he recognized the name.
The nurse blinked, a little taken aback. Probably realizing that the conversation they were having shouldn’t have happened in front of a patient.
“Can I see him?” He was trying to act normal but it was hard when he knew Shane was at that hospital, in person, risking their secret, exposing himself to the public eye, for him. His heart felt like it was about to explode; lucky he wasn’t connected to the bedside monitor.
“If you request it, then it shouldn’t be a problem”
“Thanks, it’ll be nice to have someone who understands doctor speech around” he tried to explain, to give an excuse for his obvious excitement.
Even if they had announced they were friends, not many actually believed that the eternal rivals, Shane Hollander and Ilya Rozanov could be close off the ice.
Sometimes Ilya even fantasized about telling the world about their relationship, after all nobody would believe them anyways and at the very least they’d be able to exist as a couple in the public eye, without worrying about who could see and what would they say. Not that he really cared; if it wasn’t because Shane wasn’t ready to come out, Ilya would tell anyone who’d listen about how much he loved his boyfriend.
Which was also the reason why Shane’s presence in the hospital was so surprising. With all the man worried about keeping their secret, not even leaving a tiny space for speculation, he must have been really worried if he hadn’t cared about being seen visiting Ilya, about arguing with the staff to be allowed a visit.
Ilya should have been scared of their secret leaking out but he couldn’t find it in himself to be anything but elated by his boyfriend's love for him.
He wanted to see him so much.
Shane was still sitting in the waiting room, wondering how long would be a prudent time to wait before asking the receptionist about his petition again. He was certain the receptionist had called someone and requested them to check up with Ilya but he couldn’t know how seriously he was being taken, he wouldn’t be surprised if the hospital had a protocol to deal with dissatisfied visitors and that nobody would come for him at the end, that either they would let him waiting till visit hours or lie to him, telling him Ilya had refused his visit.
“Mr. Hollander” a man approached, he had a name tag hanging from his neck that identified him as the head nurse “Mr. Rozanov has requested for you to be let in, if you accompany me, we’ll need you to register and then I’ll take you to his room”
It was like a weight had been lifted from Shane’s shoulders. He was going to be able to see Ilya, finally. He went through the paperwork as quickly as he was able to, he didn’t care that much if at all about what they were about, just that it was the last roadblock before being able to see the love of his life, before seeing with his own two eyes if he was alright. The poor nurse could barely keep up with his long strides as they reached the room.
Only after opening the door did the awkwardness of the situation catch up to him.
Ilya was laid in a hospital bed. There was an awfully looking bruise on his jaw and another on his elbow. His right leg stood outside the bedspread, covered in plaster. Despite everything he seemed alright, in high spirits and sporting that silly smile he always got whenever he caught Shane’s eyes in public.
The doctor, a man probably younger than them, stopped speaking upon Shane’s arrival.
“Hi” Shane managed “how are you doing?”
He hoped it sounded neutral enough. Was there any need to keep pretending? No one had implied that they knew their secret, or at least not that Shane had noticed. He had, after all, a history of not getting double meanings and subtle hints. He figured it was safer to act as just friends, at least till the doctor and nurse retired.
“Broken leg, a few bruises, all in a day of work… Doctor over there says I’ll be back on the ice for the playoffs”
Ilya was the exception. Shane always knew what Ilya meant, and on the rare occasion he didn’t the man himself would bluntly explain; no need to second guess. In this case that joke meant that he was doing well and that he understood they still had to keep appearances, that he was on the same page as Shane.
“oh, that’s a very round about way to say you’ll never play again”
“Wow Hollander”, that face of fake offense. Shane loved that face. He loved every face of Ilya’s “is that how you speak to your injured best friend?”
“Is Hayden here too?” Ilya scowled“You are more like a very annoying little brother”
“I´m literally older”
“Then act like it…sorry for the interruption doctor”
“It’s ok, just in time actually” The man looked away uncomfortably, like he didn’t know a polite way to express what he needed to. He was probably new to the hospital or never had treated hockey players before, maybe both.
“He was giving a huge list of medicines I can’t even pronounce. Hollander, do you know what ibuprofen is?”
“Yes I know, you should too. I’m pretty sure it’s the same word in Russian” he sighed “let’s not waste more of your time Dr. Jameson. Can you give me a quick round up? I’ll make sure this idiot follows through"
Ilya subtly signaled Shane to get closer and sit by his bed as the doctor, still very nervously, explained which exams had been done and that they had ruled out any further complications so he could return home the next day, he also gave him a schedule for physical therapy and some pain medications along with indications of when to take them. Shane did his best to retain as much information as possible because he knew for sure Ilya had disconnected the moment he had entered the room.
Once it was done, the doctor wished them a good night and left the room. The nurse added that they should call him if they needed something and did the same.
When the door closed behind them Shane felt terribly tired. He guessed it made sense. He had played again and spent most of the night dying of preoccupation, but Ilya was fine, the accident had been big but not life threatening nor career ending. It was the best possible scenario.
“Sweetheart, it’s ok, come here” he extended his hand for Shane to grab
“I was so worried…I thought…and nobody knew anything…nobody would tell me anything”
“I’m fine” he raised his other hand to dry Shane’s tears, when had he even started crying? “I know it was scary but it’s ok, I promised I would never abandon you and I intend to fulfil that promise”
“and I promised you wouldn’t be alone anymore, but you needed me and I was not here with you”
“You are…you are here”
“I just… I feel like you deserve more…someone you can put as an emergency contact and you know they are going to show up”
Ilya answered in russian while looking at Shane with such devotion that he didn’t really care that he couldn´t understand it. He kind of got the idea just from the look and the disjointed words he already knew.
“If you ever say something like that again I may have to fight you, and you don’t want to lose a fight to an injured man”
“Fight me? Why?”
“You implied my boyfriend is no good enough, I can’t allow such slander, not even from you”
Shane smiled shyly.
“I love you” he reached to pet Ilya’s curls in the way he knew made him so giddy that he resembled a puppy “...my parents, they were also really worried, they even suggested you should write them down as your emergency contacts, you know in case there is a next time…”
“And what do you think about it?”
“I think you should put me”
“Are you not worried someone could figure us out?”
“I’m more scared of doing this again, those hours looking at my phone for any sign, not even knowing if you were alive, it was torture!”
“Yes, I know the feeling”
“If we are found out because of this so be it, the excuse of me acting as your interpreter for today worked out pretty well”
“You really think nobody noticed?”
“If they did, hospital workers are not allowed to pry, we could literally sue them so, now that I’m not panicking, don’t think it would be so dangerous anymore”
“Does that mean you’ll add me to your emergency contacts too?”
“It’s different. If something happens to me, my parents or even Hayden would immediately contact you” Shane stopped himself the moment he saw Ilya’s eyes turn away from him, oh, this was not about practicality, he got it “Yes, you should be the first one to know if anything were to happen to me, I’ll change my personal information tomorrow morning”
“Thanks”
“Nothing to thank me about, now you should sleep, it’s been a long day and you need to regain strength"
“Sleep with me?” He made space so Shane could climb into bed with him.
“That can’t be good for your leg”
“Not having you here can’t be good for my heart”
“Let’s make a deal, tonight I sleep on this chair, right beside you and tomorrow after practice I return to Ottawa and we sleep together but in your bed”
“The rest of the week”
“Till I have to leave for Arizona on thursday”
“Fine”
They both got closer, with Ilya laying on his back and his injured leg well stretched out and Shane sitting on his chair but with his head laying on his boyfriends chest, just then, as sleep slowly took them he realized just how tired he was too.