Work Text:
Battat hummed to himself as he looked at his costumed self. Everything on except for the Mike head. He was taking a minute for himself before Jongler got off of their shift. He was trying to enjoy it before his shift started. Angel knows once it starts he won’t have the chance to get any, so best to get it in now. Though, he actually didn’t feel that tired today.
He leaned against the counter as he drained the last bit of his coffee, setting down the mug. He reflected on his day. He woke up late– but it was okay because he recently switched to night shifts. He went to his regular job in the studio and thankfully the other pippins didn’t give him much grief today. Work got done the way he wanted and ever since that shift ended he got to stand at his theory board uninterrupted as he pet Pluey’s hair and ears.
As he was brewing up another cup of coffee, Pluey came up from behind him. “♫꒰･‿･๑꒱” It greeted.
Battat tensed in surprise as it began to rub up against his arm. “Uh hey, what is it?”
“(づ ◕‿◕ )づ” It asked while rubbing its face against Battat’s shoulder.
He felt his face begin to warm as he looked down at his coworker who was crouching down at an awkward angle in order to nuzzle him the way it was. “Uhm, sure I guess you could—“
Pluey’s arms wrapped tightly around him, lifting him so only his toes were touching the ground. He could feel as its chill began to seep through his padded costume. Despite being squished into Pluey’s cold shadowy arms, he could still make out how it swished its tail back and forth.
The only reason why his face wasn’t completely green was because of Pluey’s chill. He awkwardly patted the other’s arm. “Uhhh thanks, guy. I’m just going to my shift. You’ll get to hug up on the other guy when they get back.” He raised an eyebrow as he tried to look at Pluey’s face.
Pluey only purred in response as it gave Battat a couple of loving squeezes. Battat really couldn’t find any explanation of why Cat Mike is acting so cuddly with him. Nothing was different enough to warrant this reaction from it.
The moment the sound of a code being inputted leading to a door opening was heard led to Pluey finally releasing him from its grip. It bounded over to Jongler who just barely started to get their cowboy hat and mask off, but not the jacket. Ever since Battat remade their costume for them, it almost seemed as if they didn’t mind wearing bits of it around the Mike room.
“ミヽ（。＞＜）ノ” The cat hummed as it bounded over, jumping into their arms. The Zapper easily caught it with both arms, cuddling into its rubbing.
“Awws, did youse miss me?” Jongler hummed as one of their hands went to pet behind Pluey’s ear as they began to walk over to Battat. He was trying to act normal about the level of affection happening in front of him. “Extra affectionate today, aren’t youse.” Jongler noted out loud.
“(─‿‿─) ♡” It replied, snuggling closer to the cowboy. Then it raised its head as it pointed to Battat, “(´ε｀ )♡”.
Battat opened and closed his mouth for a moment, his spine straightening at the accusation. “Wha— you approached ME?! I’m not affectionate!” He fumbled as he flailed his arms to point back at Pluey who stuck its tongue out at him. “I just wasn’t against it.” He huffed as he looked off to the side in a bashful manner.
“（ʃ ƪ＾3＾ ）”
“I am NOT in a good mood??” Battat closed his eye as he frantically replied. He doesn’t even know why he said that, always the contrarian in him wanting to dispute the other guys. And now he realized he needed to make a conscious effort to not smile. It’s not going well. “There’s no reason to call me affectionate just because you think I’m in a good mood.”
When he finally looked back at the pair, Jongler was very suddenly in his space. “Youse can always ask for it ‘n stuff if youse wants, boss.” They hummed as they leaned in and pressed their face on the edge of his eye, giving him a small electrical spark in place of a kiss. As they lingered after the initial contact, the warmth of their face against Battat’s own caused something in his insides spark and jump.
The pippins nearly felt his heart stop in his chest as Jongler briefly pulled away, eye drawn up in a bright smile and blush on their cheeks. A few small sounds escaped his throat as he was processing what just happened.
Before he could get any real reaction out, Pluey gracefully jumped down from Jongler’s arms. It held its arms behind its back as it leaned just far enough down to place a quick peck on Battat’s lips. A quick cold flash that felt soft and squished against his lips.
“(≧▽≦)” Pluey giggled as it rubbed against the other’s face for a moment before turning back to Jongler who looked amused about the whole thing. Battat could do nothing but stand stunned as he stared at the pair.
“C’mon Plues, youse knows not to rile up th’ boss before his shift.”
“(o´〰`o)♡*✲ﾟ*｡” it shrugged as it placed a hand on its glowing cheek.
Jongler laughed, “I guess I did tha’ too, huh?”
This is too much— he needs space to figure out why this was happening. Was it a long running scheme for Jongler and Pluey to expose him? Did they both finally have enough and want to take over the Mike operation? He needs time to think, collect evidence… Wait. “Whatever, rubberbrains, I should be getting to my shift! I’ve already taken long enough to get out there! Tenna could notice at any second!”
They were going to kill him. They’re plotting to kill him, there is no other explanation as to why they’re being so… affectionate with him. Coworkers kiss sometimes… right?! NO, wrong! A friendly coworker kiss is almost always a cover for a murder plot. He’s seen it happen before on TV! He needed to figure out how to keep his coworkers from overthrowing him. And do his job too, probably.
As he put on the head and opened the door, he heard the two idiots giggling to each other, Pluey having found its way back to snuggling in Jongler’s strong arms. Affection in both of their expressions as they waved bye to Battat. Laughing about their plot, surely.
“Has a good night boss. Me ‘n Plues will be in th’ bed when youse come back.
“(｡•̀ᴗ-)✧” Pluey chimed in with a bright smile.
Battat simply hummed something unintelligible before he walked out of the door the fastest he ever had. He’s doomed.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Battat stood in front of the Mike room. He was almost appalled by how short the night shift was. He actually got Tenna in bed at a reasonable hour and now he’s back to the Mike room before midnight.
His costume was still on as Motormouth Mike uncharacteristically twiddled his thumbs while staring at the door. He was so caught up in his shift, he almost forgot to be paranoid about what punishment he’s going to face tonight. They want him dead.
They both told him to meet them in bed. Their only bed. That they all share. But surely it was different this time, they explicitly invited him. The perfect ambush spot, he would never expect it because he hardly ever made it to the bed. Usually getting too tired from staying up til dawn at his conspiracy board and picking the couch so he wouldn’t completely pass out on the floor.
He stood there thinking. It wasn’t unusual for his co-workers to get in his space. Pluey especially. The way it always wanted to be touching both co-workers in bed, curling up on Battat’s lap like an oversized dog (or cat?) whenever he sat on the couch. Jongler would always pick him up if they decided he just had to be somewhere like the dining table or the bed. He didn’t actually mind it, feeling how effortlessly Jongler could move him around. Zapper’s strength really was something.
So. He has deemed that affection between co-workers is normal… but even Battat has to say that kissing is a whole different ball park! Sure he thinks in the past he may have caught the Shadowguy giving kisses to the Zapper— but obviously it’s different when it’s with him! It has to be something deeper… something nefarious.
Well… he did have a good day today. Maybe being killed tonight wouldn’t be the worst thing to happen. Maybe he could be optimistic and say it was a good day which also happened to be his last.
With the last thought in his mind, he felt how tired he was (despite sleeping yesterday). Going through the door and taking off his costume, he glanced in the kitchen to find his last cup of coffee still at the brewing spot. Cold after the many hours he’s been gone. Not so many hours since… that happened. Just from placing a hand on his own cheek he could tell his face had already taken up a green hue. He needs to be normal about this. Just as normal as it is to kiss your co-workers.
He placed a couple of clawed fingers over his lips as he wondered what it would be like to fully kiss Jongler as Pluey had— He needs to stop. They’re going to get him as soon as he steps into the bedroom. The dice tried to hype himself to face what is realistically possible. Which is probably not kissing the pair again. For whatever reason why that happened.
Getting closer to their bedroom door, he began to hear a southern drawl and jazz hushedly going back and forth affectionately. Battat is starting to wonder if there is something more between those two… As he arranged the facts mentally in his head he realized, damn, those two getting any closer would definitely constitute ousting him from his Mike position!
Cautiously, he pushed open the door to see the pair, they both turned to him. Looking happy? Nothing nefarious at all as Pluey wagged its tail. Jongler moved closer to the edge of the bed as they began to speak. “Heya boss! Youse back early so I guess it was a good shift?”
Battat cautiously nodded his head as he stood in the doorway. Shoot, he should have said something, being quiet is suspicious. They know he’s onto them now.
The Zapper then had a change in their demeanor as they began to hold their hands together ,”Look uhm,” they looked down as they struggled through the next thing they were going to say.
This raised alerts in Battat’s mind as he tensed. This is it, the long awaited conversation. Less violent than he expected but he’s prepared for whatever Cowboy Mike was going to throw at him.
“/ᐠ-ꞈ-ᐟ\” Pluey began, drooping a bit as it sang that.
“S-sorry?” Battat stupidly repeated what the other said.
“Yeahs, sorry boss. I know me ‘n Plues like to fluster yous sometimes. If we’s pushed too far today.. you can tell us. We’s can go slower wit youse.” Jongler spoke genuinely as Battat nervously stepped closer to the bed. Hands fiddling with each other on his chest.
Going slower? With him? What does that mean? Does he get to pick how fast his death goes? He just wants it over with.
“Uhm, no, it was fine. You can… do more if you want.” WHY DID HE SAY THAT.
Jongler visibly lit up along with Pluey who was the first to say anything. “(●´□`)♡”
Feeling a flutter in his chest and knots in his stomach, he walked forward, per Pluey’s request. The moment he was within arms distance, the Shadowguy freely picked him up. In an instant he was sitting on its lap as it shoved its face into his shoulder. His breath hitched as its nose nuzzled into the crook of his neck.
Behind him, a strong arm wrapped around his waist. A really big, muscled arm. He felt pressure on the back of his neck, what Battat suspected was Jongler’s face, as he felt those electric spark kisses pressing against him. His heartbeat was in sync with every little kiss he was given. The moment he felt Pluey’s tail wrap around one of his legs was when he figured out their plan. They were attempting to suffocate him. Making sure that not only did they take his breath away, but are trying to take any breath he could have in the future.
This is how he dies. In between two idiots who… oh goodness Pluey just began kissing the side of his neck. He wiggled in surprise as he momentarily tried to push both of them away to actually get a breath. To his surprise, they both softly pulled back as they looked at him.
“(=˃ᆺ˂=)” Pluey asked as Jongler said, “Youse can change yer mind at any time.”
Battat felt the pressure as they both gazed at him (longingly??). He looked to the side as he tried to cover his face with a hand as he used the other to hold onto Pluey’s shoulder. It’s not as if he’s never been in the others’ personal space before.. And it’s not as if he hasn’t imagined a scenario where they would… do more.
“N-no. I can take it, just… Do your worst.”
“Youse makin it sound like we’s are holdin’ ya hostage.”
“You might as well be!” He floundered as his hands instinctively reached out to pet Pluey’s hair as a nervous fidget. It purred as It affectionately rubbed its face deep into Battat’s palm, causing him to flush as Jongler watched with a chuckle as they moved to Battat’s side.
“Say..” Jongler started, hesitating for a moment before they placed their hand on the dice’s face, pulling through when he imperceptibly leaned toward it. “Plues says that was youse guys’ first kiss earlier.” They took a second as they rubbed their thumb against Battat’s cheek. “I’s was wondering if we’s could get ours too.. on th’ same day.”
“I— erm. It was..? If uhm.” Any thoughts about self preservation from a murder attempt were melting away by the second. Jongler kissing him was the only thing going through his mind. He didn’t realize that was an option. “Yeah, sure wecandothat,” tumbled out of his mouth. Pluey’s purring, and by extension the vibrations made his hand tingle as Jongler’s hand guided him closer to their face.
He just vaguely had enough of a mind to close his eyes as his lips softly met Jongler’s face, sparks continuously dancing where they connected. Battat found himself instinctively pushing against the other’s face as his heart felt like it was climbing out of his throat.
After a minute, Jongler had to pull himself away from the pippins. As Battat realized he was deprived of air– attempted suffocation– he had to gasp for it as he felt Pluey snuggle deeper into him.
Jongler rubbed the back of their neck as they let out a low chuckle. “Youse really wanted ta do that.”
“( *’ω’* )” Pluey hummed to Battat as it leaned over Battat to kiss Jongler where he had just moments ago.
As he watched the two kiss for a moment, his face burned as he stuttered out, “If you don’t mind mmf!” His lips were overtaken as Pluey was fast to lean down and squishing their lips together in a way he didn’t know could be pleasant.The feeling of something else moving against him was more overwhelming than the plane of Jongler's face. His breath was already a mess as he tried to keep up with Pluey’s enthusiasm.
As Pluey pulled back from him, the barely contained him. He didn’t even notice as the pair readjusted in between their laps, leaning him back, as they began to kiss around the rest of his face.
The pressure he felt in his chest was immense, it was so overwhelming. Even though neither of the bozos were occupying his breath anymore, he still couldn’t get enough air. He felt lips against his cheek and jawline, and he felt sparks trailing to the corner of his mouth. This feels so nice he… “Please, no. Don’t kill me, please,” he pathetically wheezed out as he placed an arm over his eyes.
Pluey and Jongler finally let up as he said that.
“I think we’s done it now wit th’ boss.” Jongler said.
“ (ᗒᗣᗕ)՞ ” Pluey cried as it looked down in concern.
“Let’s give ‘im a moment.” They reasoned as Pluey reached out to hold their hand.
After the sensations faded from Battat’s mind, he hesitantly raised his arm to peek up. Both of his Mikes were looking at him. After a moment he was finally able to string together, “why… why are you acting like this towards me. It doesn’t make sense.”
“ >(///) < “ Pluey began, “ <3(•́ ω •̀๑) ”
Yeahs… ‘cuz we loves ya boss. You’re our partner so we’s just wants youse to feel loved.” Jongler flustered
That brought Battat straight back to reality as he bolted upright. “What? Partner? Love? What the hell are you guys talking about!” His arms began to frantically move around as he mentally covered every bit of new information. He would need a new conspiracy board to sort through what these idiots just said.
Jongler and Pluey looked at each other funny before they started, “Just since we’s Mikes started datin’—“
“DATING?! Since when have we been dating? We— all three?? You both-“
Suddenly everything clicked in his mind. Coworkers don’t kiss. They don’t share beds, and they don’t all agree to steal a potentially dead man’s identity together. These were all… romantic things. And he didn’t hate the thought of it! The most outrageous part!
He clutched at his face as he spiraled. How did he not notice? “Wh-when did this? Why do you think we’re…?”
Pluey turned to Jongler, “ (☍﹏⁰) “
The Zapper was quick to take it into their arms as they pet the back of its neck in a quiet reassurance to not jump to conclusions.
“When youse asked us if ta move in wit ya… youse are never very direct wit yer feelings, which is okay! So we’s just assumed that was youse wanting ta be together wit us. Youse was so bashful when ya asked ‘n everything.” Jongler calmly explained with a cute blush on their face.
Battat was now realizing another very important fact. Coworkers don’t typically live together, do they? He remembers being nervous to ask his Mikes to move into the Mike room with him. He didn’t know if they were as serious about the operation as he was. He shoved his face into his hands as he realized they were definitely serious about something else. “What the hell what the hell. How did I miss it, there were so many signs,” he muttered to himself.
“ (˃̣̣̥⌓˂̣̣̥⋆) “
“No— I do love you! I—“ Battat burst out in response to Pluey. The last thing he wanted it to think was that he didn’t care, but he immediately slapped a hand over his mouth as the other two suddenly looked very relieved. “I— er.”
Before he could come up with anything to cover his moment of genuine feeling, Pluey pushed forward to bring him into a soul crushing hug as it purred. “ (* ´∀｀*) “.
Jongler was close to follow as they scooped the pair into their arms, holding them securely as the Zapper rested their head on top of Battat’s.
Battat shoved his face into Jongler’s chest as he kept nervously talking. “You two are freaks. Absolute freaks, I asked you to move in over a year ago…” He couldn’t wrap his mind over the level of patience these two showed him as their contrasting warmth and chill mixed against his skin.
“ (っ˘³(•́ ᵕ •̀?) “
Battat shoved his face even further into Jongler as Pluey began to kiss his face again. He squirmed in place as he struggled to get out, “I can’t handle much more today. But…” he can’t believe he’s going to say this. But if it’s true they’ve been dating for awhile, “I erm. Wouldn’t mind it if one of youwantedtokeepgivingmekissesbeforeIgotoworkthatsfine.” He screwed his eyes shut at the end. This is so stupid.
He felt Jongler’s chuckle against their chest. “We’s can give youse kisses any time ya want, boss. Just have ta ask.”
Pluey on the other hand let out a happy series of notes while Jongler adjusted every one to be fully laying down on the bed. With Battat in the middle of both of their arms.
They all settled into a quiet as they adjusted laying together in bed. Even despite all the excitement, Battat felt himself getting comfortable, maybe even sleepy.
“So…” Jongler spoke up after a minute, “to be clear, dat means we’s are all datin’?”
Battat kept his eyes shut as his face quickly rose in temperature. “Y-yeah. It would make sense.”
“Hehe, love youse.”
“ (♡´▽`♡) “
Battat felt as his heart got stuck in his throat when he reciprocated. “I.. love you guys too.”
“Huh.” Battat suddenly realized. What a great day to find out he’s in love with his partners.