Chapter Text
The slam of his father's hammer on the metal bars of the area still rings in his ears.
Hiccup couldn't hear nor walk properly as his father dragged him away from the eyes of the people - people who are quickly looking back at Hiccup the same way they did before - and up the stairs to the Great Hall. His stomach hasn't stopped churning, his body hasn't stopped shaking, and he honestly would give anything to be anywhere but here right now. He'd give maybe his leg? Two legs? No not two legs.. just..
"I should've known.." Stoick's voice was a low mutter.
Not a good sign. Stoick the Vast never misses an opportunity to yell when he's angry. Hiccup swallowed, his knees feeling weak enough that he's only held up by his father's massive arm holding him up.
"Dad-" Hiccup's voice was as low, heart in his throat.
"I should've seen the signs!" There it is, the infamous temper. This, this Hiccup could deal with.
"Dad!" Hiccup tried again, voice growing stronger out of familiarity.
Hiccup grunted as he was thrown inside the Great Hall, the door slamming shut and then open with Stoick's furious slam. Hiccup stumbled over his own feet, having to use his legs properly for the first time in what felt like thirty minutes of being dragged to his own execution.
"We had a deal!" Stoick turned to him, green eyes accusing, but then continued pacing.
Hiccup felt faint, but spoke up anyway, hands flying to his hair. "I know but that was before.. uuughhh it's so messed up!"
"So everything in the ring, what? A trick? A lie?" Stoick stopped pacing again.
"No! I- I should've told you before-" he really should have, Hiccup never felt more stupid than he did now. Useless. How could he have thought that he could keep it a secret? That he could change their minds? What if- What happens to Toothless now?
Feeling his heart suddenly drop to his guts, Hiccup straightened with a new burst of energy, but not for himself, rather for the dragon that he had gotten involved in this mess. Stoick would let Hiccup live, Hiccup knows that, but Toothless?
"Take that out on me! It's my fault!" Hiccup said earnestly, practically begging. "But please don't hurt Toothless-"
"The dragon?" If Stoick was furious before, now he's furious. "That's what you're worried about!? Not the people you almost killed!?"
The choice of words made Hiccup flinch, but no, he's not backing down. Toothless is innocent. Toothless doesn't deserve to die. Hiccup doesn't know if he can survive without Toothless.
"He's not dangerous! He- He was protecting me!" Hiccup hoped that his lousy attempts at convincing his father that Toothless is harmless are working. He had to see it for himself, he had to. Toothless saved Hiccup from the Monstrous Nightmare, did that mean nothing?
"They took your mother for Gods' sake!" Stoick yelled, getting closer, his face twisted in anger, it then seemed to drain out of him. "If she could see you now.. standing there with them.."
Stoick's anger faltered for only few seconds before his eyes turned stony again. "When they've killed hundreds of us!"
"And we killed thousands of them!" Hiccup's voice rose for the first time during the argument, steady and firm.
He felt proud of himself. Proud that he stood up to himself, proud that he's standing up for Toothless, for all these innocent dragons being controlled and eaten by a giant dictator of a dragon. But the pride quickly deflated when he saw Stoick stumble back, his eyes wide with shock and loss. Something akin to grief. He was looking at Hiccup in disbelief, like he didn't recognise him, because Hiccup was passionately defending their enemies, the same creatures that took his mother. That made Hiccup pause, his need to tell the truth warring with his desire to please his father.
But he had spent his whole life trying to please Stoick. Stoick was never pleased with him, not really. He only was proud of Hiccup when Hiccup pretended to be someone else. Toothless never made him feel he has to pretend to be liked.
"They defend themselves, that's all," Hiccup continued, putting an effort to keep his voice steady despite the ball of dread forming in his stomach. "They raid us, because they have to! If they don't bring enough food back, they'll be eaten themselves. There's something else in their island.. a dragon like I've never seen before-"
"Their island?"
Stoick's voice was lower now, his tone less angry, more practical. Hiccup felt the ball of dread in his stomach rise up and down, making sure he feels every single emotion to the fullest. Stupid. Stupid stupidstupid-
"You've been to the nest." Stoick didn't say it as an accusation, not even out of anger, rather as a fact.
"....did I say nest?" Hiccup's voice was smaller than it ever was in their argument, an awkward nervous smile playing on his lips like always whenever he's caught up in a mess.
Stupid, worthless Hiccup. Hiccup the Useless. Always caught ruining things and creating a mess.
"How did you find it?" Stoick asked, moving closer again.
"I didn't- Toothless did. Only a dragon could-" Hiccup stopped immediately, realising his choice of words a second too late.
Stoick looked at him for a second, then turned away. Turned away like he had just gotten what he wanted and nothing else, like this whole argument and conversation mattered not to him anymore. He turned away from Hiccup as if Hiccup's entire arguments for the past.. what? Ten minutes? Meant absolutely nothing. He was used to this, but that doesn't mean it stung any less.
"No, no- Dad no!" Hiccup finally felt his legs cooperating enough to listen to his commands and walk. He followed Stoick like a tiny shadow in comparison, feeling smaller than he actually is. "You don't know what you're up against! This is like nothing you've ever seen! You can't win this one-"
Stoick kept walking, ignoring him entirely. Hiccup always hated this habit of his, how easy it is for him to just ignore Hiccup and walk away. But he can't let his father go now, because if he went- if he went to that island-
Fear for his father's life forced his feet to move until his hands gripped Stoick's arm tightly, frustration mounting in his chest. Why didn't Stoick just listen? He's always so stubborn, so adamant on doing what he thinks is right. Hiccup pulled at the muscled arm in his hold, trying to pull Stoick back.
"For once in your life would please just listen to me!?" Hiccup yelled, because he refuses to lose his only parent because he's stubborn and thinks he's invincible.
He didn't anticipate being pushed back. Aside from his much weaker physique, shock was the bigger factor in the way he stumbled and fell back. Granted, Stoick didn't even push him away with force, but Hiccup didn't expect it. His father never did that to him. He never pushed him away. Especially not during an argument or when Hiccup is obviously and visibly upset. He'd at least stop, pause, acknowledge his presence.
Hiccup gasped, panting heavily from the floor. He swallowed, looking up at Stoick's calm but angry gaze. This is worse than any time he had yelled at him. Hiccup looked at his father's arm, somehow still feeling the weight of it in his hold, but because his mind loves to make him suffer, it kept playing with him and returning memories of times when his father's arms would only be there to hold him, wrap around him, make him feel safe. Not to push him away.
This moment felt like it soiled the memory of all the security and love Hiccup felt in his father's arms.
"You've thrown your lot in with them." Stoick said, voice low but got more shaky as he continued, the same betrayed look in his eyes never faltering. "You're not a Viking.."
Hiccup didn't argue with that. He never was, despite his best attempts to be one. He had accepted it, declared it in the arena. It sill hurts to hear it from the man he spent his entire life trying to please. He wanted to look away from his father desperately, but he can't.
"You're not my son." Stoick finished, shaking his head before leaving and slamming the door shut behind him.
Hiccup wished he had looked away. He felt his heart cease to beat for a bit, the words ringing in his ears so loudly that he didn't even hear anything else for a couple of minutes. He was suddenly glad he's on the floor, because if he was standing, he for sure would've fell. Maybe even collapsed. Not my son. Not my son.
With a loud thud, Hiccup's head fell back against the cold surface as he laid back, feeling all the fight drain out of him. Not my son. He heard wrong, right? He had to have heard wrong. Stoick loves him. Stoick wants him. He said so. He told Hiccup himself. He broke the rules to keep him alive. He told him- he said-
Not my son.
He said that.
The first few tears that slipped weren't noticed, but as his body started wracking with sobs instead of anxiety, it became harder to ignore the wetness that slowly slid down his cheeks sideways and into his ears.
Not my son.
Somewhere in the distance, a chief wanted nothing more than to cut off his own tongue.