Archive of Our Own

You left us lost, abandoned once you’d played your little games

And though you washed your hands of thoughts of taking any blame

Your hidden sins are written penned in fingerprints unbidden

Each embedded in this sticky skin of clay forever stained

[The Stupendium – Dough Re Me]

When I slipped off the ledge on the wall, along which I was trying to cross yet another empty cell, for a split second my consciousness faded from the pain. I even thought that this was the last blow, after which my already battered body would give up and not get up again… That’s why it took me a few seconds to realize that the cell wasn’t empty at all.

Through the haze in my eyes, I saw a huge creature with a round body and a long neck and tail. It made a strange, synthetic humming sound. My eyes finally managed to focus, and I recognized it: I had seen this monster on a cardboard cutout a few corridors earlier. Judging by the cardboard, it’s name was Pianosaurus. And in the research paper that I found a little earlier, they stated that it wasn’t very intelligent, but indeed was highly aggressive…

Pianosaurus seemed to finally realize that a still-warm dinner had fallen right to his feet, and rushed towards me, stomping heavily with huge plastic legs. Then, for the second time in the last minute, I was sure that I was finished… But I was wrong again.

From the thick darkness at the far end of the cell, several long, flexible arms shot out – I didn’t have time to count exactly how many – which, like the tentacles of an octopus, rather than the way human arms would do, grabbed Pianosaurus. They lifted the monster off the ground, as if this creature (easily a couple of meters tall) weighed nothing. And then the arms threw it against the walls, floor, and ceiling of the cell several times with a flourish, almost playfully. Pianosaurus screamed plaintively with the same unnatural synthesizer scream after each blow, but that didn’t help it, and after another, especially mighty hit, it finally fell silent. The tentacle arms methodically and soundlessly dragged him back into the darkness from where they had appeared.

I froze, breathing heavily. My exhausted brain was racing between the joy of deliverance and the fear of what was hiding in that darkness. From the frying pan into the fire. I hurriedly looked around. But the cell door was shut tight, and the broken glass through which I got here was too high… My hope was for the illuminated handle on the ceiling, like a saving sign of an emergency exit, which I could grab with the grabpack hand and climb onto the ledge, where I originally wanted to get to…

But my body wouldn’t listen to me, I couldn’t even grab the triggers, let alone aim with a toy hand: I was shackled by primal horror, only reinforced by the wet sounds of tearing flesh, the crackle of plastic and the crunch of piano keys from the far corner. Somehow, with shaking palms, I finally gripped the handles of the grabpack, weakly rolled over onto my back, aiming… And it was at this moment that the carelessly discarded head of Pianosaurus got pushed out of the darkness right towards me, leaving a red trail, making its last weak unmusical wheeze. I jerked, the red palm flew far past the target, slammed against the wall and fell, awfully slowly getting dragged back by the retracting cable. Terrified, I pulled the second trigger, but it didn’t do much good, and I missed even more terribly. For a few moments, I was completely helpless, and then...

- Now that hit the spot… I haven’t eaten in weeks!

I shuddered and turned my head. I had a faint thought: strangely, the fact that this something was capable of speaking human language, which meant it was sentient, made things a little less scary. As if I could come to an agreement with this thing. Convince it not to rip my head off like he just did with its lunch.

In the single beam of a lamp shining from the ceiling, I saw… something that looked like a human figure. At least, it definitely looked more like a human being than anything that could be found in this God-forsaken factory.

– Oh…

At that moment, I didn’t have time to see anything else. The creature, noticing me, crossed the cell in a few huge steps and appeared in the light.

It really looked very much like a powerfully built, slightly puffy man. But a man about three meters tall. Its face, with its large features and sinking, but clearly human eyes, was bright orange, like gouache paint for children, and in the bright light it was clearly noticeable that it was all uneven, as if…

– Hiya there, pal. Don’t worry, I won’t eat you, – it spread its arms slightly and smiled almost mockingly.

It laughed, slightly throwing back its head, and its whole body shaking, or rather wobbling, with laughter. I was still lying there, pitiful, sprawled on the floor, shackled by terror. To be honest, I didn’t really believe it yet… But the creature quickly stopped laughing and, noticeably more serious, leaned slightly towards me.

- I’m Doey the Doughman. You can call me Doey.

I jerked a little when I heard that name. It was forever stuck (pun intended) in my brain: about fifteen years ago, an advertisement of plasticine was often played on TV with an incredibly catchy song and a colorful video where the mascot repainted the house in bright colors. Even if I hadn’t been working for Playtime, I wouldn’t have been able to forget it – although until today, the useless melody that sometimes floated around in my head seemed like a pointless waste of memory. I looked at this… guy more closely. He really looked like that plasticine in terms of color: a combination of light-blue with red, orange and yellow, and he also had a small blue bowler hat on his head, the same as the lid on those containers. And that uneven skin that evoked the «uncanny valley» feeling – well, of course, it must have been plasticine. Although I remember that Doey from TV screens as much less... proportional: he had short stubby legs and a long neck with a round head, on which facial features were highly simplified. I also don’t remember that mascot wearing clothes, well, except for the hat, but this gentleman was wearing a blue sleeveless T-shirt, vest and trousers, all made of some fabric that clothes is obviously not usually made of: it reminded me of polypropylene, the kind which is used to make bags for vegetables. All of it was strange: the previous bigger bodies that I had met looked like exact replicas of prototype toys (well, maybe except for Catnap, though he was just pretty malnourished, but otherwise unchanged).

It’s not like I believed that a toy would try to impersonate someone else. I was just surprised, nothing more.

– I was told to expect a certain someone, – Doey continued thoughtfully and smiled slightly, – We don’t get newcomers very often, or rather we never do, so I guess that was about you.

I blinked, confused. So that’s what he’s like – the ally Poppy told me to find...

– Um... yeah, I guess, – I muttered awkwardly.

Doey’s face seemed to turn serious, and he tilted his head, taking a couple more steps toward me and getting down on his knee.

– Are you okay? Can you walk?

I rustled my hands over the floor uncertainly. It’s only at that moment that I finally remembered that I can move.

– Yeah, I’m just fine.

Despite my battered condition, I was still able to walk on my own, thank you very much. Doey sighed in relief, stood up and offered me his hand.

– Great.

I hesitantly accepted the outstretched palm, which was decently larger than mine, and Doey effortlessly lifted me to my feet. However, what effort would a man, like, one and a half times smaller than him, cause Doey if he had just dealt with Pianosaurus? I remembered the sound of tearing flesh and cracking plastic again, and I shuddered a little. Not that I consider myself particularly sensitive, but I think I’ve already seen too much today, and my nerves were starting to give out.

– This way, then. It’s not safe here. Follow me.

Doey let go of me and, without moving from his place, reached up and sideways. His arm stretched out like rubber, but as it seemingly reached some kind of elasticity limit, it shrank back with a squelching sound. Doey grunted something unintelligible, and then took a few steps in the same direction he was extending his arm. After that, he tried again. This time, without any problems, his palm reached the very handle that I had previously wanted to grab onto. With his other hand holding his funny hat, Doey flew up to the ledge under the ceiling of the cell and disappeared out of sight.

I stood there indecisive for a few seconds, but then I shot one of the grabpack’s palms anyway and pulled myself up. There was still some residual fear in me, but I guess I just needed time to come to my senses.

I probably had no choice but to trust my new acquaintance, even if he was... a little scary. Would it have been better if I had stayed here when I was promised a safe place? Giving up on trying to control my emotions and the premonition of danger that was already sounding the alarm at every rustle, I had to rely on bare logic.

I pushed open the door that appeared in front of me and found myself in a long gray corridor, just like the many before.

– Ps-st. Keep up.

Doey was already standing at the end of the corridor (slightly ducking his head, which almost touched the ceiling) and even waving his hand, as if I could somehow overlook him here. However, we were separated by an obvious obstacle: some piled furniture. I approached the pile and hesitantly stopped: I was trying to figure out what to push aside first...

– Oh... let me help you, buddy.

While I was turning my head to look for another way, Doey was already there, on the other side of the rubble. Without wasting any time (including – for asking for permission), he stretched his huge arms over the barrier from above and picked me up bridal style, after which he carried me to the other side and set me down.

– Now that’s better.

Doey nodded in satisfaction and walked on. I hurried after him: to be honest, I didn’t want to be alone or even leave the side of someone who, hopefully, didn’t pose a threat to me.

– And... where exactly are we going, if you don’t mind? – I decided to clarify.

– Oh... – Doey turned his head to me and, noticing that it was hard for me to keep up with him (of course, his every step was like two of mine), slowed down the pace, – We’re going to the refuge, – a soft smile appeared on his face before he turned away, looking ahead again, – There no one can enter without a permission: even I can’t open such a door by force. It used to be a place where employees could hide if the experiments ran loose... now we live there ourselves, ha-ha.

I couldn’t help but chuckle too. Truly, what an irony.

We reached the end of the corridor, entered a small room, crawled through a hole in the wall, then through another. Doey was still walking, visibly slouching so as not to bump his head against the ceiling. These corridors were very obviously not designed for someone like him – thinking about how absurd the consequences of the Hour of Joy were made me feel uncomfortable. Now only toys, towards whom the local architecture itself is hostile, roam the corridors.

– You can rest there, – Doey went on and put his big, heavy hand on my shoulder for a couple of moments, – Lie down quietly without fear of being attacked. We’ve been having a hard time with finding food lately, though, and we can’t help here... – he scratched the back of his head guiltily.

– It’s okay, I have a couple of granola bars on me, – I chuckled a little, as if to comfort Doey, – Um... if you have problems with that, I could share…

These are Poppy’s allies. And even if I can’t trust her completely (not after she wouldn’t let me leave the factory while I still could), they’re probably my allies now, too. And, after all, they are children, and I am not a monster, I must help in any way I can.

Doey sighed and shook his head.

– Don’t... You need it more. You’ve been through a lot, and we’ll have to ask you for an even greater favor... – Doey frowned, – But that’s for later, you’ll rest first. In any case, one granola bar won’t save anyone here. If you can, don’t take them out in front of others at all – you’ll only whet their appetite…

I nodded. Well, it’s a pity that I can’t help the few toys that still seem to have preserved their humanity, but Doey was right, there was no arguing with his logic.

– Okay, no problem.

Just at that moment, we found ourselves in front of a seemingly insurmountable obstacle: a thick metal grate with finger-thick bars. However, it didn’t even detain Doey: he just walked through it, as if there was nothing in front of him, the plasticine only stuck for a moment on the bars… The only thing not coming through was the hat, which Doey was holding in place with his hand again. However, this did not stop him either: he pushed forward with such force that the bars simply bent, and small parts even flew off.

On the other side, Doey stopped and turned around. It seemed he only realized at that moment that I couldn’t follow him.

– Oh, yeah... – he muttered sheepishly.

With these words, he took hold of the two upper fragments of the cracked bars and pulled them towards himself, breaking them. Understanding his idea, I helped to deal with the two lower fragments using the palms of the grabpack, after which I squeezed through the opening. Doey seemed pleased.

I looked around. We found ourselves in a bare cave – I had already walked through such a little earlier.

– There’re some nasty falls in this place, – Doey said, putting his hands on his hips, – but I can get you across. Oh yes, definitely! – He smiled and tilted his head, looking into my eyes, as if he wanted to cheer me up.

We made it over several gaps in much the same way as we had over that pile of furniture. Doey went first, stretching out his plasticine arms and, grabbing onto some obviously well-studied ledges, jumped to the other side, and then stretched his arms back to pick me up and carry me over. It felt a little bizarre: that after all this time when I explored the factory alone, climbed into the most impossible holes myself, now someone helped me with obstacles on the way, and they also helped me so... delicately – but I was extremely grateful, of course. I even relaxed a little: next to Doey, despite the recent and not the most pleasant acquaintanceship, I quickly felt really safe.

Maybe I was too quick to trust him, but to be honest, by this point I just wanted Doey to actually be a nice guy, I was running out of energy to worry and suspect.

– So… Have you seen Poppy anywhere? – Doey asked hesitantly after a minute of silence, – Ollie said she should be around, somewhere…

I nodded before jumping over another small gap on my own.

– Watch out! – Doey exclaimed worriedly, and a plasticine arm wrapped around my body mid–flight before gently setting me down onto the ground.

His reaction was as if it wasn’t me who had walked through the entire factory, falling into holes in the floor, using purple jump platforms, and even doing some actual parkour in the trash press near the orphanage where Catnap had dropped me.

– It’s okay, I’m not made of glass, – I grinned without malice.

Doey’s face fell guiltily.

– Oh... sorry, pal, – he scratched his neck and grinned, – You know, I’m more used to dealing with little toys, and they’re so fragile... – he shook his head.

– Oh, that’s nothing, – I gave him a small smile.

It was kind of sweet, actually. Such a concern of the strong one for the weak in this place, where you have to eat or will be eaten.

Doey slipped down onto the same platform I was standing on, and after waiting for him, I walked on. The cave was over: we pushed through another hole in the wall and found ourselves in a large, but still bare hall, similar to a prison courtyard.

– And to answer your question, – I shook my head, – Yes, I really saw Poppy. She brought me here, and then took the elevator back to get Kissy, she told me to find you...

– She left you here alone?! – Doey almost interrupted me.

I wanted to roll my eyes back.

– Doey, I’m an adult. And I went through half the factory on my own, I can take care of myself, – I chided.

Doey didn’t answer immediately. I was already regretting my abruptness when he sighed wearily.

– I’m sorry, for goodness sake. I just… I haven’t as much as met any adults in ten years. Too used to treating everyone the same, you know? – he smiled faintly.

I sighed. It was hard to blame Doey for being overprotective. Judging by everything I’ve already seen and learned, all this time he’d been something of a caretaker for those little toys he was talking about before – naturally, he unwittingly applies the same pattern to me.

– Anyway, you don’t know anything here.… It’s so dangerous down here alone. But I’ll try to keep that in mind. That you’re not a child, – Doey wrapped up apologetically.

– Thank you, – I sighed and tried to look at him more gently. After all, Doey is a child himself – albeit, again, as if he were the older one for others. He seemed so confident and serious that I forgot about it for a while.

The reinforced door, near which we stopped, was closed.

- Stand back, – Doey said. I thought it best to do as he said.

Two more arms stretched out from Doey’s sides, slightly lifting his non-woven T-shirt, twisting fingers. So that’s how he does it… With four hands, Doey grabbed some unidentified fastenings on the door and pulled hard. He obviously had to make some effort, but the door gave way and slowly creaked open.

– I usually just go there, – Doey waved one of his extra hands to the side, and it was only now that I noticed a large crack in the wall, – But you obviously wouldn’t fit through, ha-ha.

I nodded.

– Thanks.

– You’re welcome, buddy, – Doey said, already squeezing through the gap between the doors and pulling the extra arms back into his body.

We walked along a new corridor, this time avoiding the rubble of collapsed ceiling pieces by adjacent rooms, which were conveniently connected by holes in the walls.

– And Ollie also said we can trust you. I really hope that’s true... - said Doey after some silence.

I felt a little hurt. I’ve been through so many dangers for these toys, and they don’t even hesitate to say such things to my face.

– Well, you know, I didn’t go so deep into this hole to join the Prototype, – I grumbled.

It’s not like I’ve had a choice since I opened Poppy’s case. Since then, she’s made most of the decisions for me – sometimes they were decisions I wouldn’t agree with. But that was true: I wouldn’t have followed the anonymous letter that came from the factory if I hadn’t felt a suppressed sense of guilt all these years – for having survived the mysterious tragedy that caused the factory to shut down forever, a tragedy that claimed the lives of dozens of innocent young men who were carrying boxes around the warehouses a day before. Just like I used to before all the promotions. I wouldn’t have come back here if I hadn’t been asking myself questions: what happened, where did everyone disappear to? Yes, I knew about the bigger bodies: in the sense that I saw the living Huggy, Mommy, toys from her play area. But I had no idea that her games were actually testing children for future experiences, which I also didn’t know anything about, and that the walking and talking toys weren’t some robots or animatronics, but, damn it, people. Children. So, although I wasn’t directly to blame for the atrocities of Playtime, I was sorry, really sorry, and even after finding myself deeper into the bowels of the factory than I would have liked, I realized that I had to help, since everything already turned out this way and I ended up here. I tried to focus on that: I have to, I must. Although I didn’t like those words, who does?

I should have done that, like any normal person. Every hour I kept telling myself: now I’m going to do this, save Poppy, make the gas go the needed way, find out what happened to my colleagues, and I’m going to get out of here. My mission will be completed and I will be free. I’m going to go upstairs and take a breath of fresh air with unprecedented pleasure. But each time, there were more and more new reasons why I still couldn’t go about my business. Why I have to keep playing the hero and the defender of the weak. However, many of these reasons boiled down to «you physically can’t get out of here».

– Oh, I... – Doey stopped guiltily in place, – I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to… It’s just, – he sighed with a rustle, – I’m used to protecting Safe Haven. If I let someone in there who harms us, I won’t forgive myself. And I barely know you at all.…

Safe Haven – that must have been what they called the refuge.… By the end, Doey’s voice had a strange steely tone to it – it felt like these were not empty words at all.

I sighed, pushing the unpleasant thoughts away. Well, obviously, we were both afraid of each other.

– I understand, it’s your duty. But probably the only thing I can do is ask you to trust me, – I sighed, – and rely on the words of Poppy and Ollie. Can you trust them at least?

Really, what could I offer him? A scared child, accustomed to survival, for whom all adults have become enemies a priori. There was no simple answer.

Doey rubbed his hand over his face thoughtfully and said nothing. Does he not trust his friends? Or is he just embarrassed?

– Let’s drop the subject, – I suggested, breaking the silence.

– Yeah, – he agreed hastily.

We entered a larger room, where even the ceiling was higher, and Doey was finally able to stand up tall. There was a gap in the floor at the end of the room. Doey walked up to it and stopped.

– Our generator’s in a pretty bad state, so we try to keep the power off in here, – he scratched his head guiltily, – I’ll turn it on now for you though, it will open the door downstairs. You’ll have to go down there alone for now, I’ll join you in a moment, – he nodded at the hole in the floor, – Uh, you can probably do it yourself, right?

I nodded.

– Yes, I can. No problem.

I slipped down into the long, dark hallway below. I could hear some rustling from above as I walked. I noticed an empty battery slot in the wall, but I didn’t even have time to look around for a place where I could search for it.… when Doey was already hanging waist-deep from a new hole in the ceiling nearby. His body stretched out, forcing him to almost touch the floor with his head and exposing his stomach, which was covered with the same multicolored streaks as the rest of his body. He had the battery in his hands.

– Here am I. Looking for this? – He chuckled.

– Thank you, – I took the battery and hurried to put it in place. A light came on behind the mesh wall, and somewhere nearby the gears began to clang.

Doey had already completely collapsed onto the floor, not bothering to get down carefully, feet first.

– Great, now we have to fix the door mechanism.… I took it apart for safety, ha-ha.

The two of us spent a few minutes scurrying through a small maze and collecting the missing gears. When they were all finally in place and spinning, we went back out into the hallway with the battery.

– Well, that’s it… Should be a strait shot from here, bud. I’m afraid I’ll have to leave you alone for a while, – Doey crossed his arms in front of his chest and turned away: it was obvious that he did not want this, – I, uh, need to go turn off the electricity that runs over the door of the refuge. There’s only one passageway, you won’t get lost. Be careful, okay?

Even though he had said he didn’t trust me five minutes ago, it obviously didn’t stop Doey from worrying about me. I smiled at him.

– No problem. Again, it’s not the first time I’ve been around the factory alone.

Doey chuckled.

– True… Well, guess then I’ll see you inside, pal, good luck.

With these words, he grabbed the edge of the hole, from which he descended earlier, and pulled himself up there. There were some strange, unintelligible sounds again, but then, apparently, Doey left, and the deathly silence reigned around me again. I suddenly realized that, by the way, I was actually not safe here. It became uncomfortable.

I stood there for a while, staring at the hole in the ceiling. Getting over the sensations of the new acquaintanceship. Doey was... not like the other toys I’ve met. The difference was not in the strange (by local standards) appearance I had noticed earlier, but in the way his presence felt. I think I wouldn’t be lying if I said that the previous experiments I talked to were at least a little crazy – even Poppy, despite being on my side, or so she said, clearly had sociopathic traits. But Doey... he seemed strangely normal. Too normal for a kid who spent ten years trapped in a basement, forced to fight for his survival. Obviously, the need to take care of others and the constant threat to his life left their mark on him, he was a little nervous, but otherwise absolutely adequate.

It was possible to have a calm, normal conversation with Doey – he was the first toy I met with whom I clearly felt this. Most of them didn’t care about anything I could tell them. But Doey saw me as a person. And it was nice – I was already tired of the fact that no one around takes me seriously, including Poppy, who, acting like she was the smartest one here, nevertheless dragged me into the darkest pits of hell. Maybe Doey was older than others when he was turned into a toy? Seemed believable: a responsible, benevolent teenager who chose to take care of the younger ones in a crisis situation. It would be nice to read his experiment records… Considering that I had consistently found papers about new toys I met before, it was possible that I would discover something on this topic.

In any case, I had to get into the refuge first. Doey was right, there was no need to put myself at risk by staying outside longer than necessary. Especially when I was promised a welcome rest in safety. I walked briskly to the door that opened for me.

***

Still starving, searching for the place foretold

A friendly face that offers hands to hold

Pals with ambitions and a humble goal

Their desire – to rise up out of this hole

[Kyle Allen Music – Safe and Sound]

I walked within Safe Haven in search of an unoccupied place to sleep, finally taking my timetrouble to look around along the way. The rather small room was filled with makeshift tents made of colorful blankets, towels and carpets. There was some empty space to play in the center, a football goal with a cardboard goalkeeper stood a little to one side, and some kind of toy store, more like a bar, peeked out from behind the partition. The ceiling was covered with pieces of cloth with a cloud pattern, as if a reminder of the real sky, which the local toys had not seen for so long. Old, flashing fairy lights hung everywhere, one of them being wrapped around a crayon–drawn sun, the original of which the locals clearly missed – in fact, all the walls were covered with children’s drawings: some with crayons, some with paint, some were ridiculous scribbles, and some were quite meaningful images that, like cave paintings, told the story of this place. It was obvious to the naked eye that this refuge was built by children and for children. Their little paradise in a decayed and silent hell. When I was younger, I dreamed that my room would look like this. Well, maybe I could use a normal bed, but in general...

– …Hiya again, pal.

A heavy hand landed on my back, and I shuddered. Then I turned around. Doey came up to me while I was exploring the local interior. He looked very serious, though not as displeased as he was a moment ago, when he had obviously wanted to yell at Poppy, but stopped himself.

To be honest, I didn’t really understand how Doey restrained himself at all: one minute he was ready to shout out loud, and then that was it – I couldn’t have done that.

– Got something I need to talk to you about. In here.

Doey nodded at a heavy door nearby, similar to the one we entered through, chuckled and smiled.

– Then you’ll rest, I promise. Just five more minutes.

I nodded. Well, whatever. Obviously, until everyone here gives me new directives, I won’t get any peace. Poppy just told me her plan on how to deal with the Prototype – I honestly didn’t like it, but I thought I didn’t have the energy to think about it too much right now. Regardless, I could definitely stand another five minutes of chatter.

The door opened automatically for Doey, and we entered a smaller room with pipes and electronics along the walls. The central place in it was occupied by a huge iron protective box. The door behind us also closed automatically.

Doey sighed, stopping next to this box and thoughtlessly leaning and resting his arm on it. 

– I heard about what you did above. What you survived... – he began, and looked at me with concern, – There were cases when someone tried to come down here, but most were stopped by Huggy, the rest by Mommy. No one even reached the orphanage. But you did it. I can’t imagine what it cost you.

There was gratitude and seriousness in Doey’s face: even if he stated he couldn’t imagine what I’d been through, he was obviously close to understanding it. I sighed and lowered my head.

– I also have no idea how I did it.… My head is in a mess, – I complained and grimaced, – Well, at least it’s over.

It seemed that fatigue was finally taking its toll.

– You need to take a nap, – Doey shook his head, confirming my thought, – Clear your mind... Okay, I won’t waste your time, let’s get to the point.

I just nodded. Yes, the sooner we get this over with, the better.

– Anyway… If it’s all true, then we need your help. The voice out there, the one in the prison… We call him «The Doctor». Doctor Harley Sawyer, - Doey frowned, – He was the scientist in charge of creating... us. We don’t know what he is now, how he’s still alive – but he works with the Prototype. Hunting us, starving us, making us sick and... Ugh... – Doey was frowning more and more, at the end his mouth twisted angrily, something steely rang in his voice again, and his hand clenched on the edge of the metal box as if it was about to bend it.

I gulped. All that remained was to nod. The last thing I wanted was to anger someone with such superhuman strength.

– Okay. I don’t think this is the worst thing I’ve been through while here, – I muttered, – do you know anything definite about this Doctor? What exactly do you need from me?

Doey seemed to notice the way it was said. He looked at me sheepishly, then slowly sighed, calming down.

– …I’m sorry, my nerves are a wreck lately, – he muttered in a low voice.

– Mine are half gone, too, – I snorted.

Doey chuckled. I couldn’t help but smile too. At that moment, I felt a little easier. It was as if some kind of unity had arisen.

– I repeat, you’ve been through a lot in the last twenty four hours, – Doey shook his head, – Your nervous system is literally working overtime.… Just know that you’re safe here. Like I said, no hostile monster will enter Safe Haven. And no one’s going to kick you out of here.

I took a slow breath. I think I needed to hear this: only now did I feel that I was still very tense, as if I was still expecting someone to pounce on me from the shadows at the edge of my field of vision. This tension didn’t go away in an instant, but I felt my shoulders relax.

I smiled. How did Doey do it? He probably comforted the newly arrived toys many times, but still.

I raised my head. Doey, noticing my smile, grinned too.

– It’s okay, buddy. No one is rushing you here.

Truth is… I’ve been rushing around all day, hiding, running away. Poppy and Ollie were also urging me on with their «pull the cable», «go there», «find this». The idea of finally stopping to catch my breath seemed a little surreal.

– Thank you... – I sighed slowly, as if after a long run, – So… What can I do for you? What’s with the Doctor?

At that moment, I felt a sincere gratitude to this place, where I had spent only a few minutes, and to Doey. I really wanted to help: not because it was necessary, not because there was no turning back, but because I suddenly felt that I, personally, do care. My senses have been blunted, like a pencil used until the point got flat, over the past twenty four hours: during the time that I walked around the prison, I felt nothing but, perhaps, fear for my life. But now it was like I’ve woken up.

– Oh... yeah, well, – Doey nodded, returning to the subject with alacrity, – Sawyer controls everything here with the Omni-hand, we think. The executives used them. It is the key to master control of the entire factory. He opens and closes the doors he wants, controls the pipelines: cold gas and the red smoke... Sawyer can command everything but this.

Doey patted the protective box he had been leaning on all this time, and a proud smile slipped across his face.

– Our generator. Runs completely on its own grid, away from the prison. It has been keeping us safe all this time, but now... – Doey sighed, and looked at me shrewdly, seriously, – We need you to stop Sawyer. To take his Omni-hand. We’ll need it for the generator... and if you want red smoke in the foundation, you’ll need it too.

I pursed my lips. This plan of Poppy’s... of course, there was a sound grain in it. The desire to bury the demons created by Playtime so that no one would ever experience such a terror again was understandable. But is this really the best choice? Breaking is no building, demolishing everything in your path with one powerful blow is so easy.… And what about the dozen-odd innocent lives here?

Doey seemed to be thinking the same thing. He frowned and continued:

– The toys out there, in Safe Haven... – he waved his hand towards the door and sighed with a slight tremor, clenching his palm into a fist, – They are my family. I understand what Poppy wants, what she believes is right... – he pointed with both hands in one direction, – Destroy the factory, – in the other, – destroy... the Prototype, – Doey was silent for a second, and when he looked at me, it felt like he was looking right into my soul. He seemed to be hoping to find understanding in me, – But I ask you to consider: if we put everything, everyone, on the line just for the chance to kill him, how much do we waste?..

I frowned. Yes, it bothered me too. Why should we kill these innocent children, even for the greater good? Or does the body count not matter to Poppy? These toys are supposed to be her friends too, aren’t they? Or had she not been down here for so long that she had completely lost touch with the local realities and forgotten why the refuge had been created? These thoughts made me feel especially uncomfortable now, when I had just felt, even for a moment, the breath of Safe Haven, this feeling of security and support. Poppy’s desires were not even youthfully naive, but childish, absurd and selfish. No, I wouldn’t want to accuse her of all the problems in the world, but are people like me and Doey really supposed to give control over to a little girl and follow her lead in everything?

– I know, the others might believe that it’s right. That we should bury everything... – Doey sighed, – but let’s just think about it, okay?

His gaze was timid, as if he was making excuses. Doey suggested that I think about saving the lives of his loved ones... while Poppy just told me what was required of me, regardless of the price and what I thought about it myself. I sighed and ran my hand over my head, brushing my hair away from my face. It looked increasingly absurd.

– It seems to me that this plan is stupid, too. I mean, maybe it is not fundamentally stupid, but why rush into battle like that? – I pursed my lips.

Doey’s face fell.

– Do you really think so?

I nodded.

– Really, of course ... – I pressed my lips together, struggling to communicate my thought as clearly as possible, – We can’t neglect the chance to save the orphans if they are really hidden somewhere on the lower floors, as Poppy says. But why should we kill the Prototype at the risk of you all? On the contrary, it would be logical not to touch anything here yet, so that we have a safe place where we can bring the children. Then we’ll all leave together, and then, when there’s no one left but our target, we’ll blow everything up. What’s stopping us? Maybe we’ll lose the surprise effect, but is that the price for all these lives?… How many of you are here?

– Fourteen, – Doey replied so quickly, as if he counted his younger friends every day and could easily name the exact number. A desperate, restless shadow passed over his face. Obviously, these toys were very dear to him, – if not including me. And Poppy and Kissy... – he grimaced, – I wouldn’t say they’ve been living here for the last few years. I haven’t seen them both for a long while.

Doey left the generator box be and came closer to me, as if we were plotting some kind of conspiracy.

– Anyway, I was thinking about something like that.… I’m glad that someone else has come to the same conclusions, – he shook his head and frowned again, running his hand over the lower part of his face, – It’s useless to argue with Poppy. She’s been obsessed with this idea for a long time, I quickly began to doubt it and have already tried everything… But it’s my word against hers, and she doesn’t want to listen to me. Things will either be the way she wants them to be, or... It seems like there is no «or» for her.

– Why do you even think you must obey her? – I tilted my head to the side.

Apparently, Doey had been taking care of the refuge alone for a long time. So why is this nonsense still an argument for him, such a self–sufficient leader?

Doey sighed.

– I don’t want this to evolve into an open conflict, I don’t want the younger ones to see how we decide their fate, as if we have the right to do so. Anyway, I couldn’t just send her away... and I wouldn’t. She may not be the best leader, but she’s one of us. Sometimes I think of her as one of the children I have to take care of.… At least because I’m stronger, – Doey sighed and looked at his own hands.

I couldn’t think of an answer. There’s no arguing that it would be inhumane to kick Poppy out of the refuge and cut off contact.

– Poppy was in charge from the very beginning, – Doey continued, – At least because she’s one of the first experiments, older than all of us, older than her is just the Prototype, as far as I know. When the toy society split, over time, a group gathered around her, an entourage, so to speak, consisting mainly of the bigger bodies – those who doubted the Prototype’s methods, including me. I didn’t question Poppy’s authority back then... – Doey sighed, – but then she left us and disappeared. I had to become the leader of Safe Haven… I didn’t consider myself worthy, but everyone supported my candidacy. And when I tried myself in this role, I realized that Poppy was not the one we needed, – he pursed his lips, – I’m not saying that I’m perfect, but at least I’m not ready to throw those who trusted me under the bus, and I won’t run off when sensing danger.

It also sounded very rational. Again, I felt surprised at how mature Doey was for a child. This was especially shown by the ability to recognize his own shortcomings, which is rarely found in children…

I walked right up to Doey and put my hand on his shoulder. It was sticky to the touch, more sticky than normal plasticine, probably because it was warm as a human being, but I ignored the strange sensation.

– However, now Poppy is back, and she seems to expect me to start obeying her again, – Doey grimaced, – but I can’t do that. I kind of still want to trust her, but... I don’t think I’m ready. I don’t believe she knows what’s best anymore.

I tilted my head to the side.

– Well... now you’re not the only one who disagrees with her, are you? If Poppy still won’t listen to you, we’re the majority, after all.

Doey turned his head, thoughtfully examining my hand on his shoulder.

– You’re right... it’s just that I don’t want to get my way by force. I don’t want to lose a friend, – he grimaced, – I want Poppy to really understand. I’ll talk to her... about all this again, – Doey thoughtlessly clenched his hand into a fist, – And only if she keeps pushing, then… We’ll figure something out together.

I nodded.

– So be it.

Doey sighed as if the firmament had been lifted from his shoulders. I thought again that he was just another kid. How long has he been alone, not knowing if he can protect his family from someone who calls herself his friend?

I patted him gently on the shoulder.

– Everything’s going to be fine, buddy. You and I won’t let anything happen to Safe Haven, right?

Doey smiled faintly before looking at me.

– Yes... I’ll do my best. And if you help me... you’ve overcome everything that was blocking your way here, in the end.

I chuckled.

– Yeah. Now it’s going to take more than pretentious speeches and pet critters to scare me.

When I hinted at the Doctor, Doey’s face turned serious.

– It’s all good... – he said, – I’m very glad that you’re on my side, really. But now our task is to get rid of Sawyer and fix the generator.

I took my hand off his shoulder: the conversation became serious again.

– Of course. He must to be taken out of the way no matter what we do next.

Now it was Doey who put his hand on my shoulder as he led me out of the room.

– That’s right. But first, you’ll get some sleep, as we agreed. At least because you need to rest, in this state you might miss something, not react in time, or you’ll just lose your nerve... Come on, I’ll show you an empty tent.

I sighed. Doey tried to persuade me so hard as if I could refuse. But the big warm hand on my back and the promise of a soon rest made all thoughts vanish from my head. Yeah, even if I wanted to start right away, I wouldn’t get far in this state.

– Thank you, – I muttered automatically.

– You’re welcome, – Doey shook his head, – You’re our hope. And now also mine.

We went back to the common room. Doey escorted me to one of the tents. Inside was a pile of old, stained pillows, haphazardly covered with a blanket with a pattern of Bobby the bear and a bunch of red hearts. Right now, for me this childish mess was akin to a royal bed. Without saying a word, I dropped the grabpack, as well as the backpack, which I hung across my chest for convenience, and practically collapsed onto the pillows.

– Get comfy, pal, – Doey smiled softly and walked away.

I wearily curled up into a ball, trying to place all the most aching parts of my body on the pillows, not between them. The old blanket smelled of dust and blood, although I didn’t notice any stains on it. However, I didn’t care: as soon as my body was in a horizontal position, I suddenly realized that I was much more tired than I thought. I was ready to fall asleep that very minute.

– Here you go.

I opened one eye weakly. Doey’s outstretched arms appeared under the tent, and carefully threw another blanket over me.

– Thanks, – I muttered sleepily.

– Get as much sleep as you need… Head for the infirmary when you’re ready. There’s a Sewer access inside. That’s the safest path to No Man’s Land. And to the Doctor. But if you need to rest, to catch your breath, our Safe Haven is also yours.

Doey was still standing outside the tent, but his hands were carefully adjusting the blanket on me. I smiled weakly: he was treating me like a child again. However, I didn’t mind this time.

Doey’s voice sounded soothing, as if he wasn’t giving me directions on where to go to risk my life again, but rather was reading a bedtime story. For a moment, I really felt like a child whose parents were putting them to bed and who did not have to worry about what would happen when they woke up. I don’t think I could make out the end of that sentence, because I fell asleep.

***

So I lie awake at night to voices in my head

Spinning on a carousel of toys hung by a thread

Forsaken to this haven of a playpen knowing it’s a waste escaping

Out the toybox when the world left us for dead!

(Gentle voices always lie!)

[The Stupendium – Dough Re Me]

– Oh, is that you, pal?! How did it go, are you okay?!

I slipped, squealed miserably, and landed right on my ass in the sewer mud. Crap. I got too used to the fact that every sound in the corridors of this factory can mean death.

– Oh, damn it… Sorry.

However, before I even knew it, two strong arms grabbed me beneath the shoulders like a kitten and set me on my feet. After that, they took my hand and turned me around, like a partner in a dance. From Doey’s face (of course, I recognized him almost immediately by his voice), it was sometimes difficult to recognize emotions, large patches of plasticine smoothed out the usual human reliefs, but it was clear from his eyes that he was very worried.

– Don’t worry, I’m fine. A couple of scratches and bruises, nothing to talk about.

I winced a little. In general, during my time at the factory, I had already suffered enough painful injuries, I had been dropped from a great height, I had survived a train crash, my lungs were still burning from red smoke when I ran or breathed too deeply. But at least it wasn’t fatal, so I was able to survive everything the Doctor had prepared for me, and that was all I needed currently. Now, I was hoping to finally get some more rest. Didn’t Doey promise that the doors of Safe Haven would always be open for me?

– Well, that’s nice to hear that, – Doey sighed with relief, – And… is that what I’m thinking?

He touched the tip of the Omni-hand’s finger with his own with all possible delicacy. I smiled a little.

– Yeah, that’s the one... listen, since you’re here, could you perhaps walk me to the entrance?

I was so tired that I wanted to take off the burden of having to watch out for the dangers around me right away. I found it acceptable to take advantage of Doey’s constant care for once.

By the way, yes – I did find the notes dedicated to Doey. And, well, I was right when I saw a sweet teen in him. But only one-third right.

Doey nodded, and his plasticine eyebrows twitched up.

– Of course, pal... – after that, he scratched his head thoughtfully, – Then let’s go in the way I got out.

Without turning around, he stretched his arm unnaturally behind his back and up, pointing at an open ventilation shaft descending from the ceiling.

– Can you pull yourself up? Just a little bit, I’ll give you a lift.

I pursed my lips thoughtfully. It didn’t seem to take long to go around to the manhole I already knew, but why not be safe a couple of minutes earlier?

– Let’s do it, then.

We walked a few steps to find ourselves right under the shaft. Doey, as promised, bent down and picked me up in his arms, then put me on his shoulder. I was waist–deep in the ventilation, and a horizontally elongated part of the shaft appeared in front of me – all I had to do was pull myself in there…

Not without some effort, but I did it. Doey, noticing that I was fiddling for a long time, seemed to decide to give me an extra push: holding my feet on one palm, he lifted me up and practically shoved me into the shaft himself. It was embarrassing to look so helpless, but I was terribly tired, so I decided not to dwell on it and just immediately crawled forward, thinking along the way: why are such huge ventilation shafts made at the factory that a man with a grabpack on his back can easily crawl through there? There was a distinctive squelching sound behind me as Doey climbed into the shaft after me. I clumsily turned my head around and saw that his huge body densely filled the entire width of the ventilation - he looked a little like a cat that had climbed into a small box.

– Is everything okay? – Doey asked worriedly when he saw me stop.

– Um, yes, yes, – I muttered shyly and crawled forward.

We moved slowly through the shaft for about a minute, listening to the metallic thud of our own bodies against the walls of the ventilation, when Doey suddenly broke the silence.

– Uh, listen, buddy... – he began timidly.

I paused again to hear better.

– Of course, I’m not counting on anything, but maybe, purely by chance, you have any cigarettes?

I froze for a good second. First because the idea of a living toy, especially Doey, soliciting a cigarette from me seemed like the most absurd thing in the world, and then because I wondered if I really had those on me. He deserved to be reciprocated for all his help, after all.

Mechanically, I reached to the pocket of my old, worn trousers, which had seen more today than in their entire life, and patted it. There really was the outline of a familiar pack.

– You’ll be surprised, but I do, – I chuckled, – just let’s get out of here first.

– Of course! – I turned around again and saw Doey nodding quickly.

We crawled on, faster now.

– ...Smoking is bad for you, you know? – I chuckled. I mean, Doey probably knew, but I still couldn’t wrap my head around the idea that he was into this.

– Is it worse than never seeing sunlight, drinking water from rusty pipes, starving for weeks, and if eating at last, then the flesh of your own kind? – Doey snorted. His tone was like I was supposed to laugh, but I didn’t find it funny at all.

I sighed.

– I don’t think so.

Indeed, in the kind of life these toys had, the harm of smoking seemed like some unimportant nonsense. And anyway, not everyone will be afraid of developing cancer if they are not sure that they will not die sooner from more likely causes.

I was silent for a few more seconds, and then, without slowing down, I asked:

– Where did you even get cigarettes all this time?

The way Doey asked for them clearly hinted that this wasn’t the first time he’d done this.

– Actually, nowhere, – Doey sighed, – When, uh... after all the people were gone, I searched… the bodies for something to smoke. I got a small supply and stretched it for as long as I could, but ran out a long time ago anyway.

– Uh... I see.

The question of how Doey got this habit in the first place still stood, but I decided to save it for later. Because the ventilation finally ended with yet another missing grate. It was about a meter and a half to the floor, but there was a battered mattress without sheets underneath, so after a moment of hesitation, I just fell out onto it.

– Careful there, bud! – Doey exclaimed worriedly, slipping to the floor next to me.

I sat up and looked around. For some reason, contrary to Doey’s words, we found ourselves not in Safe Haven, but in some small elongated room. There was no furniture, no familiar drawings on the walls, just one light bulb on the ceiling, a door on the opposite wall, and the very mattress I was sitting on.

– And where are we...? – I asked curiously, getting up.

– Oh, well... this is my room. Welcome, – Doey grinned and shrugged, – There used to be a kind of a supply storage here, but we had eaten the food and took the racks to the main room, to prop up the blanket forts…

Saying that, Doey plopped down onto the mattress, which creaked pitifully from such a sharp impact.

– Can we... sit here for a few minutes? I think the generator can wait a little longer... – he sighed, looking up at me wearily.

I thought about it for a second. Actually… In the last day (or two? Because of that sleep break, the boundaries of time blurred for me totally) I became terribly tired of the rush. I constantly had had to run somewhere, to save someone or save myself... a little pause wouldn’t hurt.

– Why not, – I exhaled heavily and pulled the grabpack off my shoulders. A strange sensation immediately filled my body, as if I was ready to float off the floor – the one which always kicks in when you take off a heavy backpack. (When I laid down a few hours ago, I was in such a state that I didn’t even pay attention to this feeling.)

I sat down on the mattress next to Doey, leaning back against the wall behind us. For a few seconds, my head was just empty, but then I remembered what we were talking about in the ventilation shaft – and why, obviously, we decided to tarry in this room. I reached into my pocket and pulled out a crumpled, almost empty pack of cigarettes. I opened it, took one out, and silently handed it to Doey.

– Oh, thank you, – he immediately perked up, awkwardly grabbed what was offered with two fingers, and then reached into his vest pocket and pulled out a lighter, which was also definitely too tiny for his huge palms. With a few awkward clicks of the wheel, Doey, however, managed to get the flame burning and light the cigarette. Then he impatiently brought it to his lips and took a deep, blissful drag. He blew out a thick cloud of smoke, also leaning back against the wall.

– Oh, that’s better... – he drawled.

Watching all this, I was about to put away my cigarettes… But first I got one for myself. For the last twenty four hours, I hadn’t even thought about giving up everything, stopping and having a smoke, that is, I didn’t even feel the need to, as if my body just wasn’t up to it. But now – why not?

I started slapping all my pockets in search of a lighter, which for some reason wasn’t next to the pack itself – how could I take the cigarettes, but not take what to light them with? Fortunately, Doey handed me his lighter without further ado. I hummed gratefully and started trying to light my own cigarette. The lighter was bright light-blue in color, with some worn multicolored letters… When the tip of the cigarette finally turned red, I was able to turn the lighter around and examine this inscription. And I was shocked to realize that it was the Playtime logo (with «Innovation Department» in smaller letters below).

A lighter. With the logo of the children’s toy factory. Could you think of a more absurd object?

However, after a few seconds of stupor, I simply returned the lighter to Doey. They probably didn’t sell those, but rather gave them out for free to employees on behalf of the company, that’s why they printed the logo. Me and my subordinates were given the same stupid kind of gifts: pens, or ribbons which you put over your neck to hang access cards. Although I couldn’t know exactly about lighters – I took up smoking after the company ceased to exist…

We sat in silence for a few seconds again. The smoke from our cigarettes was being sucked into the ventilation which we had just crawled through. I thoughtfully watched Doey, who continued to take each drag as if was his last. Still, a smoking plasticine mascot from the eighties is a very unusual sight, and that’s putting it mildly.

– Did you smoke before you became a toy? – I suddenly blurted out.

Doey froze, the cigarette halfway to his mouth. Damn, I shouldn’t have said that.

– Yes, – Doey sighed and looked at me. No, he didn’t seem angry, but rather sad, – I see you have a lot of questions. Go ahead.

I felt embarrassed. Damn, I shouldn’t have talked to him... to them about this. 

– Come on, I get it, you’re just curious, – Doey chuckled. He sounded almost friendly, as if he was talking to another child again, – Did you find any notes about me?

I was startled. How does he know?

– Yes, I found some. It’s… awful, to say the least… This company, of course, has long since forsaken everything human, but using several children for one experiment, as if just to see what happens if you stuff them into a single body?.. – I ran a hand through my hair nervously. These recordings were probably the scariest thing I’ve read and listened to at the factory so far. So... dehumanizing. Here, children were just raw materials for experiments, just cattle, which it was not a pity to slaughter in the name of some abstract progress – here, on the prison floor, it felt stronger than before.

And Doey laughed. Briefly, but quite sincerely.

I turned to him uncomprehendingly.

– Oh, so you found that, – he snorted and took another drag, – When I first listened to those tapes and read the reports, I thought I was going crazy… It looked too convincing.

I felt confused, to say the least.

– So… That isn’t true? About the three children? - I asked.

– No, it’s not, – Doey shook his head.

– But why would they?..

– Probably, Sawyer just really wanted to conceal what he had actually committed.

Doey’s face suddenly gained a really displeased look.

In the silence that followed, I voiced the only thought that popped into my head at that moment.

– What could be so terrible that you need to cover it up with lies about an experiment on three children?..

Doey sniffed and, remembering that his cigarette was smoldering away, took another drag.

– I don’t think many things could. That’s not the point. It’s just that experiment one-three-two-two was planned and approved. And Sawyer didn’t want to report back about what he had actually done.

There was a pause. I just didn’t dare get a word in. I had a feeling that now I was going to hear something even more gut-wrenching than usual.

Doey looked at me and obviously read that expectation in my eyes, so he sighed heavily and turned away, staring at the far wall with glassy eyes.

– ...I once was an employee of the laboratory, when Bigger Bodies were just established. Specifically, I worked as a child psychologist. When I joined the company, I thought I would work in Playcare: I was one of the children there before, I just grew up, aged out of the system, as they say - no one adopted me, and I went my own way. But I have always had exceptionally fond memories of the orphanage and the company in general, I dreamed of becoming a part of this place, I looked at the world with wide naive eyes. However, when I shared my feelings at the interview, they thought that someone who had been brought up in their system would not betray the corporation, and I was assigned to the Bigger Bodies: to... this can’t be called taking care of psychological health, but rather to ensure that the test subjects would not lose their minds and become useless.

Doey paused for another long drag. From how hard he went, the cigarette was running out noticeably faster than mine, untouched. I thought it best not to interrupt.

– Of course, I was mortified, – Doey continued, resting his forehead on his free palm, – But I kept coming for the sake of the children, thinking that if they didn’t have me, then there wouldn’t be a single adult in the labs they could trust. As you can see, the conditions there were inhumane, and I understood that well enough, but I, like many, was brainwashed, – Doey slowly took a deep breath through his teeth, then exhaled, – ...They told us that it was for the greater good. That these experiments would pave the path to salvation from the most terrible diseases, to immortality. Many of the staff, even the doctors, weren’t monsters, they were... like me. We didn’t believe in these words wholeheartedly, but we gave smarter ones the right to decide what was best. Because it was easier that way. It’s always easier to say «that was not my choice» and withdraw.

Thoughtlessly, I knocked the ashes off the cigarette I hadn’t even touched. So that’s how things were down here… That is, not that I approved of the Hour of Joy in general, but I thought that the toys were at least punishing their tormentors. And many of them, even here at the bottom, it turns out, were just people. Maybe not the best people, but not the violent monsters I imagined before.

– And Sawyer, we communicated a lot in my line of duty… – Doey continued, having his thoughts finally gathered, – He compared all of this to something from classical literature... – he rubbed his forehead, apparently trying to remember, – I can’t recall the author, and not the book, obviously, but the meaning – I remember it pretty well... There, the main character had a philosophical theory: humanity is divided into two types – some are nothing more than ordinary people who follow the rules and norms of morality, while others are the great ones, and they are given to change the world, but in order to do this, sometimes they have to disregard the laws invented for the ordinary*. Sawyer considered himself one of the greats. And I thought: I probably have weak nerves, I don’t have his composure, I’m just an ordinary person, a nobody. That’s what he told me: «due to your professional deformity, you care too much about individual children to see the big picture». That’s why I didn’t do anything to save… the test subjects. I was fooled into believing that it was not in my competence to decide whether they should live or die, and most experiments ended in death. But... – Doey took another drag, – even playing by the rules, somehow I still got in trouble.

This time he was silent for a good half minute. I waited for him to continue, holding my breath.

At that moment, I thought about how Doey had almost always referred to this man as «Sawyer» – by his last name, rather than «Doctor», even before this conversation. Not as a child, but as an adult colleague. I could have guessed sooner.

– I think Sawyer just grew tired of me, – Doey finally ran a hand over his head, smoothing his nonexistent hair, and grimaced, – because I was giving him the elbows. I was always included in the discussion when planning the creation of new toys or experiments with ready-made ones. As I said before, I forced myself to put up with most of the horrors that were happening here, so I usually protested only in extreme cases, for example, when Sawyer wanted to break the remnants of Yarnaby’s personality in order to fixate him on his creator... – Doey sighed, – However, apparently, in the end he still I did it. But the point when Sawyer refused to tolerate me came when I began to actively speak out against the very experiment one-three-two-two – in the form in which it was planned at the time: before I got to intervene, they already had two children picked, and the third was still being chosen. I said a firm «no»: progress is progress, but there was no obvious value in the experiment of merging different people into one toy and practically creating an individual with dissociative identity disorder, so this was the case when I fervently stood my ground. All those times when I wanted to object, but would shut myself up – all these suppressed emotions got out then... – Doey was silent for a couple of seconds, covering his mouth with a clenched fist, – Maybe I was too passionate, and Sawyer sensed threat in me. Because… That same evening, when I was returning home, someone came up to me from behind and injected something into my neck: what the red smoke is made of, I think… And when I came to my senses, I was already like that.

Doey waved a hand around himself. Then he hunched over and, becoming silent again, took one more drag.

The silence longed for a good fifteen seconds.

I couldn’t immediately find the words after all I had heard.

– So they… Did they just get rid of you that way? – I finally muttered, practically dumbfounded.

– Indeed, – Doey confirmed and continued with a sigh, – Sawyer came up to me, still spread on the operating table, and announced his terms. As long as I’m keeping quiet and pretending that I’m Kevin, Matthew and Jack, who, by the way, apparently never existed, he keeps me alive and even allows me to continue visiting children: he somehow covered it up with social adaptation of the experiments and other research needs. According to the documents, after the meeting at which I lost my temper, the next day I did not come to work and went missing, did not answer any calls, so I was considered to have quit my position. And if I say as much as a single word about what actually happened, I will be… gotten rid of, and the children will be left alone, because after my «unreliability» Sawyer convinced the executives not to hire a new psychologist for the labs. Instead, they created a whole «Department of Well–being and Integration», but I didn’t know that at the time, and, anyway, their methods... – Doey pursed his lips, - So, I thought about it and agreed. Again, what could I have done, in this new form? Even if I rebelled, escaped, where would I go? Outside the factory, the first armed man would have made a sieve out of me.…

It was quiet again. It took me a moment to find the words. The cigarette butt smoldered uselessly in my hand, completely forgotten, while I was thinking.

– You have probably noticed that I look… more human than I should? – Doey turned to me and grinned, – An adult body is not as susceptible to changes as a child’s. Sawyer called me his biggest disappointment. Not that I care, but still... it’s a shame that I’m bad at even that.

So I found the answer to one of my earlier questions.

– You’re not bad, – I immediately instinctively objected, – You’ve done and are doing everything you can…

I wanted to say something else, but Doey’s face turned sour, and he almost interrupted me:

– But that’s not enough. I couldn’t even do my job to help the children keep their sanity: many of them were so traumatized by the experiments that the best thing I could do for them was to ask the doctors to find sedatives for them so that they would spend less time being sane: my chatter wouldn’t fix anything. Not to mention that I could have snitched on this hell of a company every day, or at least I could have tried, but I never did... – Doey lowered his head, – And even now I’m useless. I can support life in Safe Haven, but sooner or later we are doomed: medicines have ran out or gone bad for a long time, food is scarce, and water has also become unsafe over the years. Maybe it’s for the best that Poppy ends it all…

It took me a moment to find an answer to that. Because even in me, this logic planted a seed of doubt: what if something really could have been done better?.. I kind of understood what Doey was talking about. But I decided to focus on what I definitely had something to say about.

– For that last one, definitely not, – I frowned and put my hand on Doey’s back, – We agreed that we will find a way out, and we will. If orphans from the lower floors can be saved, then so can Safe Haven. You and I will figure something out. Or do you want to let an impulsive little girl decide for us?!

Doey raised his head and chuckled slightly.

– She’s not that little any more... it’s been ten years, – he smiled weakly, – Everyone here is not that little, although not everyone has found the strength to mature…

Indeed… Such thoughts have already crossed my mind. This did not detract from the horrors of the experiments, of course, but still – the children around me were no longer quite children.

– Poppy, I think, is among the latter, – I snorted.

– Maybe so. But that doesn’t change the fact that you’re right, – Doey took a deep breath, calming down, – I shouldn’t give up, I know. I’ve screwed up too many times, at least I have to do what I can, I owe this to everyone here.

I wouldn’t say that this motivation seemed right to me. But I thought it was better than none. I also didn’t know what to say to calm Doey down. He’s the shrink here, not me.

We were silent for a while longer. But I wanted to speak out. Maybe it would have only make matters worse, but I couldn’t keep it down.

– As for the fact that we could have done something, but we didn’t, we have this in common... – I slowly sighed, lowering my head, – Of course, I didn’t know as much as you, but... since I returned, I’ve learned enough. And now it seems to me that I could always have done something, could have noticed the warning signs, guessed, but I never managed to. I, an ordinary guy from the shipping department, could have saved the children, prevented the Hour of Joy, but I survived it only because I was bound to my bed by a fever, – I smiled mirthlessly.

I lied about my actual position in the company because I didn’t want anyone to doubt the fact I was unaware of all the horrors. I could have sworn on a Constitution that I learned about Playtime’s shady dealings only now, but I didn’t want to ruin Doey’s trust, which would inevitably happen otherwise.

Now Doey put his hand between my shoulder blades, pulling me slightly towards himself. We were almost hugging by now.

– This is called «the Holocaust syndrome», – Doey smiled mirthlessly, – It is sometimes diagnosed in those who have survived a tragedy in which people died, with whom they identify themselves: friends, colleagues or just fellow travelers. I have not learned to work specifically with this disorder, but it can be treated, sometimes with psychological therapy, sometimes with medications.

– I’m going to need a good doctor... someone who can fix my brain, when I get out of this hole, – I snorted, – just as long as they don’t lock me up in a nut house after I tell them about living toys that eat people.

Doey snorted. Even he didn’t seem to know what to say.

It was quiet again for half a minute. Doey, apparently noticing how we were sitting, moved a little closer – not too close, but it was more comfortable for both of us.

– In general, it’s just… My condolences, – I finally managed to say, – About this whole thing.

– Don’t worry too much, – Doey grinned, – sometimes I think it’s a good thing that I’ve become a toy... At least one adult is here for the experiments now.

– Do they know you’re not a child?.. Uh, not a bunch of childen? – I asked curiously.

– No, they don’t, – Doey shook his head, – It was easier that way. In the time that has passed since the experiments on me, adults as a category have become their enemies.… After the Hour of Joy, there was a precedent when a toy made from an employee was simply locked away and nobody would even visit her, except to give a minimum of food and water so that she would not die... – it was obvious from Doey’s face that he was uncomfortable recalling this story, – Needless to say, I was very surprised that Safe Haven has accepted you. But to me - they used to reach out anyway: I was beside them, already in this body, when other toys were feeling down, not as an older one, but as a friend.

Looking at my free hand, I suddenly remembered about the cigarette and took a drag for the first time. The bitter heat of the smoke hit the back of my throat, but that first drag seemed to calm me down immediately, as if I had been injected.

– It’s even strange to me that I’m not the only adult here anymore, I must admit, – Doey added, looking at me sideways before taking one last drag: his cigarette crumbled into ash on the floor.

– Is it bad? – I asked.

– No, it’s good. Actually… It’s nice to be able to rely on someone. I’ve been holding everything together alone for such a long time, – Doey looked down, propping his head with his hands on his knees, – I’ve always seen it as nothing more than my duty, but still, it’s very hard at times… Hunting, looking for medicines and other necessary things, repairing equipment that I don’t know anything about. Again, take care of the children, comfort them when they have nightmares, and make up if they quarrel. I’m good enough at that, of course, it’s just… Sometimes, when I wake up at night, I think that no one is there to comfort me, – Doey’s voice seemed to crack, – It’s been so long since I’ve even had a heart–to–heart conversation with anyone... thank you for listening.

I gently put my hand on his shoulder. I felt deeply sorry for this poor guy. As obvious as it is, just because Doey is an adult doesn’t mean it was easy for him to survive in this hell. Especially on his own. I understood why Doey didn’t want to worry the kids – even the older ones: Poppy, Kissy, and others I didn’t get to know. But I don’t think I could have made it if I were him.

– I... I’m not sure there’s anything I can do to help other than what I’m doing right now. But... if you need to talk again, I’m always here, – I chuckled awkwardly.

Doey slowly inhaled and exhaled, as if calming himself down. When he turned to me, there was a faint, almost forced smile on his face.

– Thank you, pal. But what you’re doing is more than enough, – he shook his head slightly, – It would never be possible for me to get to the Doctor, I’ve been looking for ways all these years, but this freak has provided against everything. He knew that once I got the opportunity, no number of subordinate experiments would have saved him, I would dig into his brain with these very fingers up to the knuckles, sort through the convolutions, and then feast on what’s left…

Doey stretched his lips into a fake maniacal smile, which was almost not reflected in his eyes, and jagged, sharp, needle-like teeth appeared from under the plasticine. I shuddered involuntarily. Yeah, I’ve learned once again that it’s better not to become Doey’s enemy.

– ...It’s still weird for me to think of you as an adult, too, to be honest, – I added after a short pause, turning away slightly. I didn’t know how to comment on what I had just seen, so I preferred to take a step back in the conversation.

– You’re also used to having only children around, aren’t you? – Doey, who had already stopped grimacing, replacing his grin with a harmless smile, chuckled.

– In a way, – I nodded, – Guess I just need to get used to that... – I turned back to him, – But in this case, I have one more question.

Doey nodded.

– Of course, bud, go ahead.

– Since you’re an adult… Why did you ever listen to Poppy at all? – I frowned.

It bothered me. Because if following Poppy’s instructions didn’t mean survival for me, I personally would have given her two middle fingers a long time ago.

Doey sighed and lowered his head.

– Well... everything I told you earlier still stands. She’s older as an experiment, much older, and I thought she understands more about this kind of life than I do. Maybe she has matured over the years, I thought. Besides, as I said before, I’ve never been a natural leader, and it was so convenient to just rely on someone who behaved confidently and seemed to have a plan…

Doey sighed again and, putting on a more benevolent expression, slapped his knee. He seemed not to want to talk about it anymore. I decided not to be pushy.

– ...Finish your smoke and let’s go, we’ve been sitting here for long enough, – with these words, he carefully examined his cigarette butt to make sure that only the filter remained… and then put it out on the concrete floor, after which Doey lifted the corner of the mattress to sweep the spilled ashes and the remains of the cigarette right under there.

I watched this with some bewilderment.

– If Poppy finds out that we smoked, she’ll lose her mind, – Doey snorted, noticing my confusion, – Can’t take the ash out of here.

I couldn’t help but laugh. Damn, Poppy doesn’t know who Doey is. But I know now.

For once, I’ll have a secret from her, not the other way around.

– You can always just say that you’ve been addicted since Kevin used to sneak cigarettes in the back rooms, – I snorted.

– That’s how I’ve been soliciting cigarettes before, – Doey chuckled.

– Really? And did it work?

– From time to time. Some of my former colleagues were really nice guys. Most of such, however, would quit quickly.

I hurriedly finished my cigarette, as I was told to.

– Don’t think too much of it, it’s not that I’m addicted… In my current situation, you’d have to quit even if not wanting to, – Doey added, frowning slightly, – I just... smoked sometimes ‘cause of stress. Picked it up at this job. Today I only asked because I had been really worried about how you would do out there, and on top of that – the Prototype is wandering around...

– The ritual itself is very soothing, isn’t it? – oh, I knew what he was talking about.

– Exactly, – Doey nodded, – I would go to the smoking room, be on my own for a while… The children told me such things that I needed to mentally recover before the next one. But now it feels more like some old dream... – he sighed, examining his own palm, and then clenched it into a fist, – I can’t forget just one incident.

– Hmm? – I hummed when Doey fell silent, making it clear that I was ready to hear him out.

Doey sighed again.

– I was brought to a child who had just come to their senses in a toy body. The scientists wanted me to calm that little guy down: they said that the experiment’s having some kind of panic attack, that it’s hysterical and won’t let anybody examine it. When I entered, the child already somehow slid off the gurney, was sitting in the corner and shaking. Well, I tried to sit down in front of them first, to tell them that I’m no threat, that I’ll help and there’s nothing to be afraid of. But they screamed: «They all say that! Gentle voices always lie!» – Doey swallowed audibly, - I still... recall that phrase from time to time. Especially when I need to comfort someone… How many times have I been that gentle voice? How many times have I promised that everything will be fine to those who in a couple of years will be eaten alive by other toys in these basements?..

I pursed my lips.

– But... you meant well, right? They would not be afraid anymore, at least for a while. It was a white lie, wasn’t it?

Doey ran his hand over his head once more.

– I... yes, I guess, – he shook his head, – it doesn’t matter now. Now we need to fix what I’ve done with all those sweet lies, – he turned to me, – Will you help me?

I chuckled.

– Only if you help me.

Again, when I came to the factory, I didn’t have any thoughts about the sacred mission of rescuing orphans or anything. I wanted to close this chapter for myself and leave – quietly, just as I came. But now everything has already changed. First of all, I met toys, children who deserved to be saved, even if those orphans in the laboratory were just an idea for now. And secondly, I met a man who wanted the same thing, and with whom it was not a shame to walk hand in hand to this goal.

I chuckled. Doey could berate himself all he wanted, but I could feel he’s a nice guy. You can’t fool the sixth sense, I’ve been working with people for too long and I’ve given too many another chance – and few of them have wasted it.

The cigarette was finished. I also put it out on the floor and swept it under the mattress. Then I got up and regretfully put the grabpack back on. My shoulders were once more bound by that heavy feeling, just as usual.

– Let’s go? – Doey asked, also getting up.

– Let’s go, – I nodded.

As pleasant as this moment of peace and quietness was, I was still under the damn Playtime factory, in the damn laboratory, where they were doing damn experiments on children. Yes, I had already dealt with the one responsible of those experiments, but my journey was still far from over. Yet, anyway, I was glad that I had an ally who was not only ready to share these hardships with me, but also wanted to.

***

Something’s creeping closer, coming through

Scraping, screeching, breaking into the room

Darkness deepening, nightmare coming true

I can’t save them

You deceived us, helping the Prototype

You betrayed us, leaving us here to die

I’ll make sure you wish that you didn’t find

Our safe haven

[Black Gryph0n – SAFE HAVEN]

When I ran into what was left of Safe Haven, Doey was already there. When we heard the explosion, he did a thing he normally wouldn’t – he left me alone and rushed up another ventilation shaft, so he got here much faster. Not that I could blame him for leaving me behind.

Doey was on his knees, bent over a red teddy bear who was sprawled on the floor and was no longer showing signs of life. When I entered, Doey was muttering something unintelligible to himself. It wasn’t until I got closer that I could make out some of the words:

– I'm sorry... I'm so, so sorry. I failed you… I was never what any of you needed. I was only made to fail... My fault… My fault!

Doey obviously struggled to speak: he was swallowing noisily between words, and he was shaking violently.

I froze. I didn’t know what to do, how to help. How will you comfort someone who lost everything that was dear to him a moment ago? What kind of words can calm one down in such a situation?

– My family... he killed my family! He took away the last thing I had! – Doey howled as if confirming my thoughts. I noticed out of the corner of my eye how his hands tensed, his fingers digging into the concrete floor – if Doey had nails, he would probably have broken a couple.

«The toys are out there… They are my family.»

I shuddered. Here we are at this same point. Exactly what we both hoped to avoid – that has just become reality.

I really believed that this would not happen. I didn’t set the explosives as Poppy wanted me to. I just collected them in the mines to protect them from the clutches of the Prototype, who had just been robbed of a strong ally in the person of the Doctor – I wanted to hide these bombs for later, when we would figure out a way to end the Prototype without harming the refuge, and right now I was holding these damn things in my arms. But something went wrong. The Prototype has outsmarted us all.

– Couldn't save them! Couldn't save anyone!

«You... saved... no one.»

The Doctor’s words echoed in my head.

Could I have predicted what had just happened? Could I have done something? I asked myself these questions, but the answer to them was the emptiness in my head.

At that moment, Doey’s breaths became even louder, and the normal sound of breathing was replaced by a wheezing, rasping one. He seemed to be choking. Not only seemed: one of his hands reached for his chest, gripping the neck of his T-shirt with force and pulling it away as if Doey was trying to rip it off.

I couldn’t stay away from that. I dropped the explosives on the floor, grabbed Doey by the shoulders, and tried to force him to straighten up.

– Doey, breathe! Breathe, do you hear me?! Come on: in, and out! – I patted his upper arm.

Instead of straightening up, Doey, on the contrary, collapsed to all fours. He began to tremble even more, and the wheezing and heavy breathing were mixed first with a strong cough, and then... wet, sobbing sounds. He was crying.

Actually, it was probably even a good thing: I heard that tears themselves are helpful, letting them out reduces tension. But that didn’t change the fact that Doey was still choking, damn it!

I gave up trying to make him straighten up – I obviously didn’t have the strength to make such a big guy move. Instead, I knelt down next to Doey and turned only his head towards me with both my hands. The dark human eyes, which looked small on his huge face, seemed glassy: it was as if he didn’t see me at all. Completely inarticulate sounds continued to come out of his slightly open mouth. It wasn’t a scream, it wasn’t a howl, it wasn’t a cry, more like something in between, as if Doey was just trying to somehow free himself from what he was feeling.

– Doey, can you hear me? – I called out again, lightly slapping him on the cheek to reinforce the effect, – It’s not your fault, do you understand?! You did everything right! You went to distract the Prototype! Who knew that something would happen here without you?!

I myself didn’t yet fully understand what exactly happened while we were gone, to be honest.

And I understood even less what I needed to say right then to calm Doey down. I had no idea what was going on in that multicolored head. It remained to act at random.

Doey’s gaze seemed to become more aware, and he stopped shouting incoherently, just sat there and stared at me. I exhaled, although I didn’t notice when I stopped breathing: it seemed to work.

– You... it all started with you, – Doey suddenly croaked slowly, – You and her… It was you who ruined everything!

I didn’t even have time to realize what was happening, as an unnaturally stretched plasticine arm slapped me backhand, and with such force that I flew back by about a meter.

– !.. – I definitely spit out something indecent when I collapsed on the floor and even slid a little further. The sleep break had helped me out a lot earlier, but it couldn’t fix any of my bruises and scratches.

When I belatedly recovered from that hit and raised my head, thinking that I would see a huge fist flying at my face again… Doey was also sitting awkwardly on the floor, as if he had misjudged the force of the swing himself and has also collapced, and now he was trying to figure out what to do next. His chest was heaving, as if he’d run a marathon, and he wasn’t looking at me, but rather at the floor between his legs. In this position, he didn’t look threatening at all, so even though Doey had just hit me, and nothing good could have followed that, I blurted out:

– What the hell, dude?!

Doey looked up quickly. He appeared to be confused, as if he didn’t understand why he did it himself. But that only infuriated me more.

I’ve never been good at controlling anger, I admit. And now... either the accumulated feelings had gotten the better of me, or I was also upset by what had happened, that is to say, something made me forget that Doey was not adequate now, that lashing out at him was a lost cause.

– What’s it got to do with me? I did exactly what you guys told me to do! I helped you out with the Doctor, fixed the generator, I’ve collected those damn explosives! – I gestured vaguely at the floor, where the bombs were still scattered, – And I wasn’t even here when… whatever it was happened, and you know it! Since when am I the one to blame?!

Doey was still looking at me dumbfounded, but a little more awareness could be found in his eyes.

– No... yes... you just jumpstarted the generator... – he muttered incoherently, and with an effort, as if putting a full stop by each movement, he patted himself on the cheek several times.

Oh... I think I got it. It was only now that I thought to turn around and look at what was left of the room with the generator. The metal door was twisted and ripped apart, and through its remains could be seen what had once been the source of life in Safe Haven. The metal box opened in all directions like a creepy iron flower. So that’s what happened. The generator exploded.

On the rocks not far from the door was laying a plush body of the little Kissy. The debris beneath it was heavily smudged in red, and it was clearly not the remains of the wall painting. I shuddered a little. During my visit to the factory, I became somewhat indifferent to the sight of dead bodies – and how else could it be, when I would come across them at every turn – but these toys were special. Yes, I didn’t know them for long, but they were sentient. They were people. And they were dear to Doey.

I slowly turned back around. The anger evaporated as abruptly as it had surged.

– I... had no idea, really. I was just fixing everything like Ollie told me to, I thought he knew what he was doing... – I muttered, not looking at Doey, – and everything looked fine, no blinking, no hissing, no electric shocks…

– Yes, – Doey replied weakly, – I understand. I’m very sorry. I just, um... such emotions... came all at once, – when I finally raised my head, he slowly clenched and unclenched his hands, moving his fingers around, as if trying to grab onto reality in this way, – ...Maybe in theory I know what to do with... with the grief of loss, b-but what’s the point if I’m living through this feeling like any other person, and-and it, well, it just overshadows... everything rational, – Doey grimaced.

– ...Oh, don’t pay it too much thought, – I muttered, thoughtlessly running my fingers through my hair.

I didn’t even fully understand what he said. But it was easier to answer that way, because, well, in general, I was ready to forgive Doey for that attack, and now I didn’t want to waste energy on being offended and reconsidering my attitude towards him. My head was occupied with more important things.

There was silence: neither of us seemed to know what else to say. I looked around thoughtfully. My gaze stopped again at the teddy bear’s body lying in the most visible place. She (or maybe he) was already obviously dead, but what if...

– ...We need to search the rubble, - I frowned, – What if someone can be helped?

It’s logical, isn’t it?

– Yes, you’re right!

Doey sprang to his feet so abruptly that my eyes didn’t even have time to track it, just a blink – and he was already standing.

– Why are we even sitting here? – he lamented, already approaching one of the walls, where there were several large fallen fragments.

I didn’t say anything else, just sighed softly, also getting up, albeit not so quickly. I might have given Doey false hope. Probably, if there was anyone alive here, they would have already called for us. But maybe such hope is better than none?

«How many times have I been that gentle voice?»

I tried to banish the thoughts that had arisen in my mind at that moment. What if we really find someone?!

I do not know exactly how long it took us to search the ruins of Safe Haven, but it certainly took at least an hour. Doey did the main work: of course, I had the grabpack with hydraulic springs, or whatever it was that gave these plastic handes such a grip and strength, but even so, Doey was much superior to me. So it was he who turned over the large stones, and I mostly raked away the scree of smaller fragments and walked in circles around the ruins, listening for breathing or whispers from under the rubble.

If we found someone, we immediately moved them to a clear space in the center of the room. And finally we stood in front of two rows of motionless little bodies. Two of seven, all fourteen here. It was impossible to help any of them when we found them, and even if someone was still breathing, their bodies were so mutilated and broken that these toys would not have lasted long in the conditions of the factory.

We found neither Poppy nor Kissy, and the latter would have been hard to miss, so there was no mistake. Poppy assumed that I would prepare an explosion, left and took her faithful friend (and the «transport») away. Of course, Poppy didn’t want to die. (I couldn’t blame her for wanting to live on its own, but the fact that she came up with this plan that condemned everyone to death was simply cynical.)

We stood in silence in front of the bodies – but what could we say? Doey took off his hat and held it awkwardly with both hands at chest level, as they often do in cartoons when someone dies. I stared at each dead toy, with some kind of masochism slowly shifting my gaze from one to the other, and wondered if we could somehow bury them here, where there was concrete instead of ground and one couldn’t dig a hole. If we didn’t take care of the bodies, they would probably soon be eaten by other toys, former «subjects» of the Doctor... surely someone has already died here. I should ask what Doey and the other older ones used to do with the remains of their friends.

But when I turned my head to ask this question, the words stuck in my throat. Doey was clutching his hat tightly, it seemed like he was going to break it if he clenched a little harder, his eyes were staring unseeingly at the wall, and he was trembling quietly all over. It wasn’t like his initial hysteria, but... I suddenly realized that Doey needed to be taken away from here, immediately. He could go crazy if he was left on his own now – at least, that’s what it seemed like to me.

I reached out and touched one of his hands.

– Maybe… Shall we go have a smoke? – I blurted out.

I said it before I had time to think about it properly. It was just the first thing that came to mind. But, apparently, my suggestion turned out to be a good one. Doey, as if released from a trance, turned his head towards me in confusion. Then he smirked and put his hat back on his head, covering his face with his free hand.

– Let’s go. No matter what we do now, it can’t get any worse.

But he didn’t move, so I grabbed Doey’s hand and pulled him toward the same exit I had entered through. He gave in and let himself be led.

Earlier, I think I found a place where we could sit quietly. We no longer had a safe place, but there at least we would have a good view of the surroundings. Besides, hoping to distract Doey, it would be foolish to sit him down right around the corner.

It took us about fifteen minutes to find the way from Safe Haven to where I wanted to go, but finally we got there. It was a huge opencast with several tunnels leading to it, either a quarry or an unfinished prison area with a strange circular shape. Rusty construction machinery rose picturesquely here and there without movement.

From afar I noticed a place where was no fence, and we walked right up to the edge of the opencast and sat down with our legs dangling off.

It felt strange: once upon a time, in a previous life unrelated to this one, I was sitting like this with my childhood friends by a sandy scree. We would drop our bikes in the thick grass and sit on the edge, watching a spring run below. But now there was no spring, no grass, no sun. There was no trace of the easy feeling one usually gets on the edge of a cliff like that one. And there were no carefree boys either, it was just us, two grown men who didn’t know what to do next. There was dead silence, semi-darkness and grayness of solid stone.

I silently took out the crumpled cigarette package, dropped one cigarette into my palm, and handed it to Doey. He nodded just as silently and reached for his lighter. I wanted to get a cigarette for myself, but I saw that there was only one left in the pack, so I closed it. I decided to save it for another time. Maybe some other end of the world will happen – and I would have completely run out of cigarettes.

Doey, having his cigarette lit up, took a hearty drag, as if he just wanted to breath in the smoldering tobacco itself. After an excruciatingly long pause, he exhaled. We were still sitting in silence. I stared at my knees. I should have said something, struck up a conversation, distracted him like I was planning to, but I didn’t know where to start. My head was totally empty.

But Doey suddenly broke the silence himself.

– Listen, – he began thoughtfully, turning his head to me. I turned to him, too, – I keep forgetting to ask. What’s your name?

I snorted in surprise. It was probably the strangest time to ask such a question, but the truth was, I hadn’t introduced myself since we met.

– Rich, – I tilted my head to the side, – And... what’s yours?

Doey frowned slightly, as if he didn’t understand the question.

– I mean… Well, you must have had a human name before... before the experiments? – I clarified and grinned awkwardly, running my hand through my hair, – It’s strange to call someone with whom you smoke like a chimney by the name of a children’s toy.…

Doey grunted and turned away.

– If it won’t bother you… I’d prefer you to keep doing this, – he managed, and took another drag.

I tilted my head back slightly in surprise.

– Why?..

Doey exhaled smoke and looked up at the ceiling of the cave.

– It’s just... the person who was known by that name didn’t do anything particularly good, – he said, – I... as an experiment, at least I didn’t hurt anyone. Maybe even helped someone. Being Doey is less shameful than being... – he didn’t finish, but I considered he wasn’t going to.

There was a short pause.

– Okay, whatever, man, – I finally replied and shrugged my shoulders.

I didn’t really care, I asked out of pure curiosity. Doey could keep berating himself if he wanted to, I couldn’t change his mind. I had met such people before and I knew how useless it was to try.

– Thanks, that’s nice of you, – Doey smiled and even sighed with relief. He seemed to think that I would resist and demand answers.

We sat in silence for a little while longer.

I looked at the pack of cigarettes, which for some reason I was still holding in my hands. Maybe I should just give everything up and have one... There was such an ear-piercing silence around that it seemed as if time had stopped, and the two of us would just sit there until the end of time, not knowing what to do…

Oh, no, we couldn’t afford that. I frowned. Yes, there was no one now to give us commands – Poppy’s plan has crumbled to dust, and she herself has disappeared without a trace… But that didn’t mean we couldn’t do anything without her guidance, did it? That I couldn’t? We should at least try to come up with something ourselves, I thought.

Finally, I asked the question that seemed to hang in the air.

– What... are we going to do?

Doey, who apparently wanted to take another drag, did not finish bringing the cigarette to his mouth.

– What are we going to do? – he asked, looking at me sideways.

Only at that momentI realized how I phrased my question.

– …I don’t want to push you, or anything, – I hurried to add, – It’s just… I thought we decided that we’d figure this out together.

Doey’s eyes widened in surprise, though he continued to stare ahead, not at me.

– I just thought, now that there’s no Poppy or Safe Haven, you’d simply go back... – he mumbled, – Th–that we’d just... – he didn’t finish the phrase again.

I didn’t answer right away. Probably, yes, I could do that. I could just turn around and go home, because there was no one now to show me where the sleeping children were hidden and to give me advice on how to deal with the Prototype… And, actually, there was nothing physically holding me back. There was no one else to switch the tracks of the train or to abandon me next to the departing elevator.

But... there were other reasons why I didn’t want to give up. More serious ones than the earlier fact that I just didn’t have a choice.

– Well, no, – I frowned and turned my head to Doey, – I promised that I’ll stay, so I will. And I’ll fix this. Yes, there is no Safe Haven anymore... – I awkwardly lowered my eyes, – But that doesn’t mean... that there’s no one to save. I’ll go down to the bottom of this hell and shoot all the devils with the fire hand, if I have to, – I snorted and pursed my lips tensely.

My determination was more than just stubbornness. It was a desire to fight. Yes, as I had said, physically there was nothing left of Safe Haven. But what remained was what I felt when I entered it. That was a feeling that there was something to protect in this place, that it would be a mistake to simply level the factory to the ground, as Poppy wanted. What remained was… Doey.

Doey slowly turned to me. On his face, a confused expression... slowly transformed into determinate one.

– Hell nah, I’ll be there first, – he said, and his lips stretched into a snarl, baring his horrible teeth again.

With these words, Doey put out the cigarette, a maximum of two thirds of it smoked, on the stone on which we were sitting, and with such force that he simply smeared the butt across the floor.

I chuckled. His passion gave me a boost of confidence, too. Doey seemed to be the kind of guy who avoids conflict whenever possible – he’d spent years trying to reason with Poppy, after all, and his previous profession was obliging, I guess. But the fact that he was ready to take everything into his own plasticine hands made me feel that we could do it.

After dealing with the cigarette butt as if it was the skull of the Prototype itself, Doey got to his feet. He directed his gaze upward, to the large spotlight on the ceiling, which could have been mistaken for a hole to the outside, to real sunlight, by an inattentive eye. From this angle, I couldn’t see Doey’s face clearly, but the way his huge fists clenched perfectly conveyed his condition.

– No one will decide for me anymore. And no one will take anything away from me. Because I have nothing left to lose. I only regret that I realized everything so late. Too many people got hurt because I was a coward.

Doey raised his hand and shook his fist at the ceiling as if it was the mentioned spotlight that was to blame for everything.

– There’s no time to sit and pity myself again... This time I’m going to go and deal with this shit. Better now than never…

And then Doey lowered that same hand and held out his palm to me. His gaze was without the previous malice, but nonetheless resolute.

– Shall we go, friend?

I grabbed his hand in a quick sweeping motion and squeezed it a little. Doey was right, it was stupid to waste time just sitting around and not knowing what to say to each other.

– Where to? – I asked, getting up.

But the question was more rhetorical. Of course, damn it, I shall go with him. Not because someone has already come up with a plan in which I am assigned only the role of an obedient pawn, but because I want to. I choose to participate in this, even if this courage borders on stupidity. Because now I have a reason why to.

I’m going to fight for what’s left of humanity in this sheol. We are going to.

– To the elevator to the lab, – Doey grinned, but this laugh did not augur anything good... for the one we were going to fight, – This... stupid clown will regret the day he crossed my path.

Doey slapped me on the shoulder with his free hand, gently but heavily, squeezing his fingers slightly in the end. I chuckled and slapped him, too, in the manly manner, from the bottom of my heart (Doey, however, didn’t even flinch). It was as if we had sealed some kind of fraternal agreement with these slaps. After standing like that for a split second, we finally let go of each other and started walking: Doey first, leading the way, and me behind.

– There’s a couple of good guys down there, – Doey said, as if to fill the silence, – maybe they can help us too. The more allies, the better. And at least one of them has a place where we can sit down and come up with a full–fledged plan...

– Fine, then let’s go ahead, – I said.

My mind was already down there in the labs. I couldn’t help but imagine in vivid detail the dangers that awaited us there. Maybe it was just a temporary rush of emotions, but it was as if I had woken up after everything that had just happened: the fatigue and nervousness disappeared, my whole body even seemed to hurt less. I felt a kind of heroic inspiration: now we will go, defeat the Prototype, and everything will be fine. Stupid? Very. But I wasn’t alone in this stupidity, and it always invigorates.

***

So I saved them, built a haven in the basement

A place for each mutated wayward Playtime entertainment

And I’ve come to understand: though I was putty in your hands

It’s a model caretaker that escaped them.

[The Stupendium – Dough Re Me]

The end.