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“Have you ever considered the possibility that what Steve Rogers did in his relationship with you was not unique?” the voice of the therapist was calm, as always. It was one of the things about her that alternatively supported and infuriated him. He hadn’t wanted to ever be in therapy; the times that he had tried when younger had not gone well. But after Siberia, after everything, he realized that he would be a hypocrite if he didn’t admit that he needed the help. And it had helped; the therapist had not indulged in long drawn out Freudian discussions. Instead, she had recommended exercises and discussed cognitive frameworks for dealing with his emotions. She had pointed out that he did better with concrete actions and that psychology had evolved to suit a wide range of personalities.
“What do you mean? He might have been lying to me about something else?”
“Not exactly. I want you to consider that his actions in his relationship with you may have more to do with a pattern of behavior that Steve Rogers exhibits rather than something unique to the relationship between the two of you.”
Tony cocked his head questioningly. They had discussed the events in Siberia in some detail but Debra Sorens had concentrated mostly on Tony’s emotional reaction to the revelations surrounding his parents’ deaths. She had argued that the video was the equivalent of a gut shot and had thrown him emotionally back to the time of their deaths; therefore, his reactions needed to be addressed as grief was an overwhelming force that distorted everything. “I am not sure what you mean?” A phrase Tony had become more comfortable with in therapy.
“Perhaps, patterns of concealing uncomfortable truths or of not listening when someone is saying something he does not like are ones that Steve Rogers follows in other relationships? It certainly seems to be true that he is a person who, having decided something, does not change his mind.”
Tony laughed, “Yeah, once Cap sets something in his mind, there’s no changing it.”
“In order to maintain that level of commitment, a person will ignore or dismiss facts and people that contradict the position. One of the reasons that obstinacy becomes an issue in relationships is that it requires a willful closing of the mind – a certain level of blindness, if you will. If that is a characteristic of Steve Rogers, it cannot be unique to his relationship with you. For example, do you think that Steve Rogers mentioned to either James Barnes or Sam Wilson your option of clemency?”
“I doubt it. Although he wouldn’t have had time to talk to Barnes.”
“But he did have time to discuss it with Sam Wilson – yes?”
“Yes, but I don’t think he did since they were watching Barnes. Actually, I am pretty sure he didn’t given what happened on the Raft. I mean if they had all known about the amnesty…”
“Then they might have behaved differently from the way Steve Rogers wanted them to behave. It is a common pattern of behavior for individuals to shade the truth so to speak so that their wanted outcome becomes the most reasonable. This might also have happened with Clint Barton. Since he attacked Vision without provocation, it seems logical to assume that Steve Rogers had presented the situation with Wanda Maximoff as being inherently more violent or dangerous than it actually was. If Clint Barton believed that you were behaving in a violent or threatening manner, it might explain his hostility towards you.”
Tony was silent, digesting the idea.
She continued, “People who are so committed to their opinions will also dismiss anything said against the opinions, even when it is said by people that they like and trust. For example, you have told me that his friend, Sam Wilson, helped him in his search for James Barnes?” She was always so precise when talking with Tony, referring to other people by their full names. He had asked her about it once and she said that it was a way to allow her clients emotional distance from situations.
Tony frowned, “Yes, Sam helped. Chased down leads when Steve couldn’t go himself.”
“And you also told me that Sam Wilson was a group leader at the VA of therapy groups and therefore had training and experience with traumatized veterans, including POWs?”
“Yes.” Tony still wasn’t sure where she was going with this.
“Did he ever recommend that Steve Rogers engage a professional, such as a psychiatrist, in the search for James Barnes? Did he recommend that they engage someone who was experienced in helping with the type of traumatic experience a POW might have?”
“Well, yes he did. Several times that I know of. I even offered to have Barnes sent to a facility that specialized in POWs and torture victims.”
“So Steve Rogers was advised by a friend that he trusted, and who had expertise, to take a course of action. Did he do so?”
“No.”
“Why not?”
“He thought that he was enough. That no one else…well.”
“You see what I mean by a pattern of behavior? Steve Rogers is advised by a friend he trusts and who has expertise in a situation to take a certain course of action. But that course of action would require that Steve Rogers alter his decisions regarding the situation. So he ignores the advice of his friend. Tell me, do you know of a time when Steve Rogers took the advice of a friend or an expert to change a course of action he had decided on?”
“No. He certainly never listened to Natasha or Sam and changed his behavior. So not listening to me is just the way he operates?”
“It is a possibility. If he doesn’t listen to others, then it would be a pattern. And if it is a pattern of behavior, then you could not have changed it. If it is essential to Steve Rogers’ sense of self that he is not wrong about a situation, then you had no chance of a rational discussion. You just weren’t aware of the stakes.”
“But he did almost sign, until he heard about Wanda.”
“Does his reaction to the fact that you asked Vision to keep Wanda Maximoff at the Compound seem to you reasonable in hindsight? We have already discussed how you should have handled the situation.”
“Yeah, I know. I took away her agency by not discussing the situation with her – wow, does that sound like I am in therapy! He compared what I was doing by trying to keep her in the Compound to the internment of the Japanese Americans which is really a stretch.”
“Could he have been looking for an excuse not to sign? You had removed all his objections in a way and he would’ve been seen to change his mind.”
“And he sees changing his mind as being wrong somehow?”
“It is possible. I am not really concerned with Steve Rogers. I just want you to consider that his actions towards you, concealing the cause of your parents’ death, his actions around the Accords, might not have to do with you personally. That he might be reacting to something that had nothing to do with you.”
“So I shouldn’t take it personally?”
“No, he hurt you and you have a right to be angry about that. But you have expressed concerns that he behaved the way he did because it was you and I am pointing out that he may have behaved the way he did because he is Steve Rogers.”
Huh, well that was a world spinner.