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The campus hadn’t changed at all.
Azul shouldn’t be surprised by that. It had only been a year since he was gone, less actually since he had been on campus a couple of times during his internship. However, knowing who the current house wardens were, well it was still a little shocking.
To be honest, he was just happy the Sage Island Mostro Lounge location was still standing. He did his best to run things while at his internship away from the school, but he had his doubts that it’d still remain standing. Afterall, this is NRC.
Nevertheless, the school is still here, and his lounge is thriving. Azul appreciated the sense of familiarity in this. He was glad the school hadn’t changed much while he was gone, even if it was only a year. Now he's graduating in what feels like the same place he started, and that’s…nice.
It does, truly. It feels good and a nice, big, tie-a-bow on it, full circle moment. It just felt odd to actually be graduating. That was something he still couldn’t wrap his head around.
It was the third day of a week-long graduation practice. For the whole week, the fourth years were forced to return from their internships and spend their days figuring out graduation procedures and setting up a stage for them to walk. So, less graduation practice, more glorified tech-week.
Azul sat in a restaurant, surrounded by many other fourth years, some genuine friends he had within his own grade. They had all been so busy with their internships, it had been awhile since anyone could genuinely catch up with one-another.
Azul still saw Floyd and Jade plenty, but he was missing everyone else. Especially Jamil, the person near and dearest his heart.
They had gone long-distance during their fourth year. It wasn’t something Azul loved and was very straining, but he loved Jamil and it was clear how happy the man was at this point in life. He would take a long distance relationship over Jamil being upset ten times out of ten.
Azul nudged Jamil’s knee with his own, smiling a sweet smile when his boyfriend looked over at him. Jamil returned his smiles with a small and very clearly forced one, pushing Azul’s knee further away.
That was…odd. “Is everything okay?” Azul whispered, trying to keep quiet. His love might murder him if anyone overheard what could be a sensitive topic. But Azul was concerned, this wasn’t typical Jamil behavior, so sue him for being determined to make his boyfriend feel better.”
“It’s…nothing.”
“It helps no one if you lie to me, my heart.” Jamil winced at that.
Why?
“Okay fine it’s…something, but…” Jamil paused right as he looked Azul in the eye. What was so hard for him to say? “Just… Can we talk later? Privately, please?”
“Of course, you may always talk to me.” Azul grabbed his hand and intertwined their fingers.
Jamil huffed at that, focusing his attention straight forward. “Yeah, figured you’d say that.”
“Excuse me, wha—“
“Hey, are you two gonna keep being sappy? You get to see each other again, big whoop. We’ve got food to eat.” Ruggie interrupted whatever Azul was about to say. He couldn’t come up with a response to their friend quick enough, so Jamil did.
“Yeah, sorry, just,” Jamil yanked his hand from Azul’s, turning his head to the side, “happy to be with each other again.”
Azul was completely bewildered and entirely taken aback. He was sure that he looked it too, because the faces made from his friends at the table mirrored his own confusion.
“Well, uh,” Kalim cleared his throat. “We’re all glad to be here, yeah? It’s been so long since we all got together!”
Azul was thankful for Kalim's innate ability to just be positive all the time. He himself could maintain a fairly positive outside view, but keeping it on all the time was fairly exhausting. Someone naturally able to do so made getting over awkward conversations far easier.
“It has been. I missed seeing all of you.” Silver chimed in, followed by affirmations from across the group. Although Ruggies sounded more like he missed people paying for his food.
The dinner continued on as normal, as it had been at the beginning of the night, yet something was wrong. Every remark Azul made towards Jamil, every little flirt or small movement was brushed off. No bantering back just, acting completely indifferent to the mer all together.
Azul tried, hard and desperately throughout the dinner to make his stupid boyfriend notice something, anything about him. But he refused. He didn’t even give into a bit of taunting, something that had always worked before.
Floyd and Jade shot him confused, almost angry and annoyed looks throughout the dinner. Clearly they had seen Azul’s attempts and were less-than-pleased with Jamil’s reaction.
Azul just shook his head ‘no’ at the two of them. They wanted to say something, that much was evident in their faces. But last time they got involved in an argument between Azul and Jamil, it didn't end well. Azul would rather avoid that whole mess again.
Even if he wasn’t sure what they were arguing about this time.
Half way through the meal, Riddle, who was seated on Azul’s right, leaned over to him and spoke quietly. “Is everything alright between the two of you?”
“Hm?”
“You and Jamil. Are you two doing alright? Did something happen?”
Azul just hummed and kept cutting his chicken. Floyd and Riddle had been together for about as long as Azul and Jamil, this meant that Riddle was privy to just about as much as Floyd was, on account of the eel unable to keep his mouth shut. This meant he knew the strain long distance had on the two of them.
“No, why would you think that?”
“Azul, don’t play dumb with me. What happened?”
At that Azul looked up, “I honestly don’t know.”
“Azul—“
“Everything is probably fine, don’t worry about it. I’ll fix it, just enjoy your meal Riddle.” He flashed Riddle a small smile that was meant to be comforting. Riddle looked like he didn’t believe Azul.
Yet, dinner continued. Azul did genuinely have a good time, even if his boyfriend was ignoring him. He had spoken to everyone over the phone here and there but seeing and talking to all his closest friends in person was something Azul didn’t know he needed.
Soon enough, everyone finished their food, and after Ruggie ordered two more meals to-go and the bill was paid, they were all on their way to the separate hotels they were staying in.
“I love all of our friends, but seven am I exhausted.” Azul and Jamil booked a room together, and they were walking in that direction.
“Did you have a good evening?” Jamil didn’t look up from his phone.
“Was the food up to your standards? I thought it was decent enough.” Still no dice.
“Jamil talk to me please”
“…”
“Did I do something wrong?”
“What? Uh no, just busy.” It was the first Jamil spoke to him that hour and he couldn’t even bother to look up from his phone. Azul leaned over his shoulder to see what could possibly be taking all his time.
“Why are you looking at different hotel rooms? Did you not like ours?”
“What— hey, why the fuck are you looking over my shoulder?” Finally, a reaction other than dismissal, a reaction that came with eye contact.
“Because you won’t fucking talk to me. Besides, we look at each other's phones all the time, what does it matter?”
“Yeah, well, maybe this is personal.”
“Personal from your boyfriend of two years? Sweetie I hate to break it to you but I am your personal life.”
“Don’t say that, that’s weird.” Jamil mumbled and looked back at his phone.
“You're right, that was weird and made no sense. Whatever, will you at least talk to me now?”
“…” Great, back to the silent treatment.
“Oh seven Jamil, is this about the damn hotel room? If you didn’t like it we can switch, it’s not that big a deal—“
“It’s not about the fucking room!” Okay, wow, Azul wasn’t expecting him to yell.
Azul let the silence ring for a second before saying anything. “You said you had something private to discuss earlier, is it about that?”
“…”
“Jamil Viper if you ignore me one more seven forsaken-time—“
“You know what fine, yeah we need to talk.” Jamil grabbed Azul by the elbow, dragging him to a nearby bench away from the majority of the foot traffic. “Sit.”
Azul slowly sat on the bench, Jamil sat next to him, drumming nervously on his thigh. “Well, what did you want to talk about?”
“…we need to talk about us.”
Azul instantly sat up. Other than tonight, he didn’t think they were having any issues. We’re they? Was Jamil irrevocably angry at Azul for something he did? Did he no longer find Azul attractive? “What about us?”
“Our futures, my future.”
“Okay? I don’t understand, what exactly about our future.”
Jamil grabbed Azul’s hands and looked him in the eyes. “Do we think we have one…together.”
Azul’s eyes widened, what was Jamil saying right now? Of course they had a future together. They spent the last two years trying to make sure they had a future together. “Jamil—“
“I love you Azul, Like a lot. I don’t think I say that enough. But… our internships have put some things into perspective, I guess.”
“Like what?”
“Like, I don’t like long distance—“
“Well neither do I!” Azul could feel the burning in his eyes, the tears threatening to fall with every breath. He couldn’t help it, he was panicking. He might lose the love of his life. “I don’t think it’s worth breaking up over!”
“Azul—“
“We’ve dealt with it the whole past year. We can keep dealing with it. Until we are both settled down, I don’t mind—“
“Yeah, but I mind!” Jamil was getting upset, properly upset. Azul could hear his voice waver as he spoke. “What if I don’t want to settle down?”
“What are you talking about?”
Jamil sighed and looked down, as if he was trying to collect his thoughts. “I don’t know, it’s just…I’m not stuck anymore.
“I love traveling, more than anything. I want to travel the world. See all the different places. And maybe, maybe I want to do that for the rest of my life.”
“But you can do that with me—“
“No I can’t.” Jamil huffed a humorless water laugh. “You…are a brilliant business man. You have ideas bigger than the stars and I don’t want to keep you from those.”
“Then don’t, you can go on travels and I can run my business and we can still be together.” Azul was crying, but he didn’t care. He just desperately wants to keep his crumbling relationship together.
“And what, barely see each other? You know that won’t work.” It wasn’t as if Jamil was in much better shape, if the tears falling from his eyes were anything to go by.
“Please, Jamil. I could be the home you come too every time you return from a trip. You know I wouldn’t mind you going anywhere in the world—“
“We barely made it through one year apart while on high school internships. Do you really think we could survive this for our whole lives?”
No, Azul didn’t. He knew they couldn’t. They’d both just be miserable. But he wasn’t done fighting yet. “So, what, you think that we should break up?”
“That might be the best thing for us.”
“No! It can’t possibly be—“ Azul stood up and started pacing in front of the bench. He rubbed a hand down his face, “there has to be something we can do.”
“Azul, there isn’t—“
“What, so you’re just giving up? You won’t try fighting for us?”
“I have tried fighting for us, Azul.” Jamil stood up, stopping Azul’s panic-pacing. “I’ve spent the last year fighting for us. Trying to find any solution so that we could go long-distance long-term. And I have been miserable every step of the way.”
Azul stayed silent for a moment. “Every step?” He whispered.
“No…no.” Jamil reached out and grabbed Azul, tucking his head into the former's neck. Azul started sobbing properly, clinging to Jamil’s shirt like his life depended on it. “That’s not what I meant.”
Jamil stood there, rocking Azul back and forth while he sobbed into the man’s shoulder. He knew Azul needed it, and Azul couldn’t bring himself to stop. He also could swear he felt the top of his head getting wet as well.
“Please…please don’t leave me.” Azul managed to choke out between sobs. “ I love you.”
“And I, you. But Azul, dearest,” Jamil pushed Azul back by his shoulders so they could see each other's faces. Now Azul knows he felt tears on his head. “This isn’t good anymore. It’s not fair to either of us. We deserve better.”
Azul couldn’t say anything else, he was doing all in his power to not break into another chorus of sobs. Jamil cupped Azul’s cheeks with his hand, and brought his face in so he could kiss the mer’s eye. “I’m sorry Azul. This is goodbye.”
And then he walked away. Azul dropped back down to the bench watching as the best thing in his life walked away from him, likely never to return. He couldn’t help but start crying again, after all, he was a crybaby at heart.
After a few minutes, he shakily pulled out his phone and dialed a number.
“Floyd?”
“Yo, hey Azul, what’s up? Didn’t we just see you?”
“Yes, I was wondering if you and Jade were still up.”
“Me an’ Goldfishie are, I think Jade said he was gonna crash though. Not sure. Why? Oh, you’re on speaker. Say hi Goldfishie.”
“Hello Azul.”
Azul silently huffed, “Hey Riddle, sorry to call you both so late.”
“Do not worry, we weren’t very busy. But what seems to be the matter, this is rather unlike you.”
“I just wanted to know if the three of you were up to getting some drinks?”
The other end of the phone went silent for a minute. “Drinks?” Floyd said. “Didn’t we literally just go out to eat? Why do you want drinks?”
“There’s no shame in going out with my closest friends, now is there?”
“Azul,” He could hear the sigh in Riddle’s voice, “what’s going on?”
“Nothing much, really. It’s just… Jamil broke up with me…” Azul’s voice started to crack, “and I could really use a drink right about now.”
“We’re on our way.”