Chapter Text
It was a beautiful morning. The sun was shining, the birds were singing, and the wind was casting just the right breeze. But of course, not everything was sunshine and rainbows for the ten contestants of EPIC: Monster Or Man that stood on the beach of Calypso's Island.
“Gooood morning! Gods and goddesses, heroes and prophets, spirits of the dead! Welcome to EPIC: Monster Or Man. A, dare I say, legendary reality game show!” Athena’s loud, enthusiastic voice rang from the two tall speakers that stood surrounding the couple small cabins that sat proudly on the far left side of the massive island. “I am your host, Athena! The goddess of wisdom, master of war. Now, in this show, you will—”
“Hey, uh, one question.” A voice shouted from the line of contestors. Athena met the gaze of Telemachus. “Why and how did we get here?”
Athena blinked and cleared her throat. “That is just what I was about to explain, Telemachus.” Raising her microphone to her lips once more, she continued. “In this show, you will be split off into two teams. Throughout the next four weeks, you will participate in difficult, cutthroat challenges that will test you physically, emotionally, and spiritually—”
“Yeah, but how did we get here? I seriously don’t remember flying, or swimming, or sailing—”
“We teleported you all.” Athena interrupted, squeezing the bridge of her nose, slightly irritated. She let out a sigh, and, again, raised her microphone. “Now, let the games begin!”
With every gameshow, there is bound to be rivalries. Athena knew this, and, thus, created a talking booth where each contestant could go in and speak their mind. First up to the booth was Hermes.
“What do you happen to be most excited for in this game show?” Hera, the camerawoman asked.
Hermes placed his hands gently in his lap and spoke. “Well, dawling, I suppose I am looking forward to the bragging rights I will receive after I absolutely destroy the competition!” The messenger god laughed. “I’m going full ‘no mercy’ mode! Not even for my great-grandson and great-great grandson. May the best player win!”
Tiresias was up next. When asked the same question, he responded: “I’m not. They have taken away my prophetic abilities, to an extent. I genuinely still don’t understand why I am here. Nonetheless, it is quite exhilarating to be around so many deities at once.”
Then Odysseus. “Gives me a chance to spend more time with my wife.” He answered, bluntly.
Hera blinked. “What about your son, Telemachus?”
Odysseus felt an embarrassed heat rise to his face, “Ah, yes, of course. Him, as well.”
Penelope stepped in, next. “It finally gives me the opportunity to destroy my husband in something other than our bedroom-"
Hera coughed, loudly, cutting off the queen of Ithaca. “Thank you, Penelope. That is quite enough.”
Now, Telemachus. “Honestly, I'm excited to just not be in the castle for once. It’ll also be nice to meet some of my fathers friends, as well as making some of my own. That, and getting to be around a couple more of the gods.”
Circe walked up, eyes glowing with magic and pride. “It will give me another great reason to prove that women are obviously better than men. Once I beat all of these manbabies, I’ll have another great story to put into a feminist novel I plan on writing.”
Next, Calypso. “Gives me another chance to find a husband—also, to possibly seduce Odysseus—and, if I win, I will hopefully be granted the favor of the gods and maybe get off this SH—Beeeep—HOLE ISLAND!”
Poseidon, who responded with: “Revenge.”
Now, Polites. “I’m excited to see my best friends again! The Underworld can get pretty lonely and boring, at times. The spirits don’t like to play monopoly with me, they always rage quit.”
Lastly, Eurylochus. “I only came because I heard they’d have free food.”
Everyone was eventually introduced and split into two teams. The Screaming-Sirens and The Killer Cyclops. The Screaming-Sirens consisted of Odysseus, Calypso, Hermes, Tiresias, and Polites. The Killer Cyclops included Penelope, Telemachus, Circe, Poseidon, and Eurylochus. The campsite on the island was small. There were two cabins, located right beside one another, a main building that consisted of a dining hall and hangout area with a couple couches, two bathrooms, one for guys, one for girls, a massive firepit with a bunch of benches surrounding it, and lastly, a small stage.
A loud wailing noise could be heard from all corners of the island. Odysseus held onto the fabric of his wife’s dress like it was a life line, tears and snot running down his face. “Ody, please—” Penelope began, patting her distressed husband on the head, attempting to comfort him. “It’ll be okay, our cabins are right across from each other!”
“Nooo!” Odysseus cried, his voice so slurred and filled with congestion, it was almost inaudible. “Not– not againnnn!” He whined, burying his face into Penelope’s thigh. “Nooo…”
Penelope deeply inhaled and ran a dainty hand through her long, brunette hair. “What am I going to do with you?” She mumbled, leaning down and placing a soft kiss on her husband's head.
Soon, the infamous king of Ithaca was ripped away from his beautiful wife by Hermes and Eurylochus, screaming and crying like a toddler that just got their favorite toy taken away. Athena’s voice then came from the loudspeakers, once again.
“Everyone group up with your teammates! There are rules that must be discussed before the fun begins.” She commanded, her voice firm, yet, enthusiastic. Everyone did as they were told—although, some were much more hesitant than others—and got into their assigned groups.
Hermes looked over at Tiresias, who was blankly staring at the water. He’d heard about the prophet, though he’d never seen, nor spoken to him before. The messenger god cleared his throat, and called “Tiresias, dawling, come stand with us!”
Tiresias, being the blind prophet he was, didn’t know exactly where his team was. Athena had taken his prophetic abilities, so he couldn’t see the future of the game's events. In fact, he didn’t even know who was speaking to him. Slightly embarrassed, he ignored the voice and looked down at his feet.
Hermes blinked, confused. He’d rarely been ignored by non-godly figures. He walked over to the lonely prophet and placed a gentle hand on his shoulder. “Did you not hear me?” He asked, his wings flapping with a slight annoyance. “Come, dawling. Come stand with the group.”
Now realizing that he must be speaking to a god, Tiresias turned. “I- my apologies, Lord—?” He paused, knowing that he knew not of which god he was speaking to.
“Hermes.” The god answered, his hand still lingering on Tiresias’ shoulder.
Tiresias’ blindfolded eyes went wide, and he felt his face get hot with shame. “Lord Hermes! My- my apologies, once more… Athena has taken my ability of prophecy, and I didn’t know-”
A small smile tugged at the corners of Hermes mouth, and he felt a compassion he had long forgotten was there. “It is quite alright, dawling! I understand.” He, in fact, didn’t understand, but it felt like the right thing to say at that moment. He took the prophet’s rough, bony hand in his own. “Come, dawling. I’ll lead you to the group.” He said, brushing a strand of light brown hair from his eyes as he began to walk them both back towards the group they were supposed to be with.
Not having felt the touch of anyone in a long time, Tiresias felt himself gasp as the kind god began to lead him. “Thank you, Lord Hermes.” He managed to stutter out, smoothing down his long silver hair with his free hand.
Hermes let out a joyous laugh. “Oh, drop the formalities, dawling! It’s the least I could do for one of my teammates.” He hummed, his brown-gold eyes shimmering in the dimming light of the sun. Once they joined the team, Athena’s voice rang through the speakers, once again.
The goddess appeared on the stage, and the two groups gathered around. She cleared her throat. “Before we dismiss for dinner, I have a few rules that must be followed, or else you will suffer punishment, torture, and even elimination.” She advised, her voice full of happiness.
Circe leaned over to Telemachus and whispered “Does she find joy in making all of us suffer?”
Telemachus nodded, “Like all the gods, yes.”
Athena continued. “Alright, listen up, everyone. The rules are: No Magic, No Flying, No Looking Into The Future, No Switching Cabins—Odysseus—No Switching Teams, No Interacting With The Other Team During Challenges Unless Advised, No Sleeping Outside, No Cooking Your Own Food, No Eating The Poison Ivy—Eurylochus—and No Quitting.” She took a moment to catch her breath before speaking again. “If any of you break any one of these rules, you will get a warning. Break one again, and you will be punished severely, break one a third time and you’re eliminated. Capiche?”
“Capiche.” Everyone said in unison.
“Great!” She chirped. “You are all dismissed to explore! Dinner is at 5 in the big building over there.” The goddess pointed a slender finger towards the massive wooden warehouse in the middle of the camp. “Have fun, and don’t die!” Then, she disappeared into thin air.
What a wonderfully long four weeks it was going to be. Of course, everyone on the island didn’t know that. They thought it was going to be something similar to a child's summer camp! How foolish, they all were. Little did they know, they were in for one heck of a ride.