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“Durin.” Hat Guy materializes in Durin’s room at The Flagship looking very stern. “I need to talk to you.”
Durin almost knocks his lunch over the table. “I’m sorry! Albedo told me to eat the chazuke! I was hungry, and I—”
“What?” Hat Guy eyes the bowl in front of Durin. Or rather, he glares. Hat Guy looks at all things as if they personally offended him in a past life. This time though, he looks a little more thoughtful, a little less scary. “No, that was for you.”
“Oh.” Durin scratches his head. “Is this about the time I left my room door open? I promise nobody saw my dirty laundry—”
“Wrong again.”
“…Is this about the test I failed last week? I know I didn’t study enough, I’ll try harder—”
“Durin.” Hat Guy’s voice oozes with a tone that indicates he’s trying very hard to control his patience. “This has nothing to do with you being in trouble.”
“Oh.” Durin sags with relief. “Why didn’t you say so?”
“You kept talking over me.”
“Right. My mistake. What did you want to talk about then?”
“It’s about Albedo.”
Durin wouldn’t describe himself as the brightest of the bunch. He’s still getting used to the physical world of Teyvat and its laws. But even he could tell that there’s something strange about the way Hat Guy says Albedo’s name.
“Is he in trouble?” Durin asks.
“Nobody’s getting in trouble,” Hat Guy pronounced clearly and carefully. “I wanted to ask you if Albedo is seeing anyone.”
Durin stares. And stares. Then he bursts into laughter, so suddenly that he topples off his stool. Hat Guy catches him with anemo, uprights him, and glares at him with a ferocity that could have set him aflame. Durin would have stopped laughing if it weren’t for the twin cherry spots on Hat Guy’s cheekbones.
“Durin, this is a serious question.” Hat Guy is practically growling now. “Is Albedo seeing anyone?”
“Huh.” Durin coughs in his attempt to gather himself. “Isn’t he seeing you?”
“Haha, very funny.”
Durin stops laughing immediately. He doesn’t, in fact, understand what was very funny.
“Am I… am I mistaken?”
“You very much are,” Hat Guy says. “Now answer the damn question. Is he seeing anyone?”
Durin’s still trying to recover from the lore bomb. He counts to ten in his head the way Albedo taught him to whenever he’s feeling overwhelmed, and exhales deeply before responding.
“I guess not.”
“Oh.” Hat Guy’s expressions don’t change much, but Durin can see the moment his face shifted from defensive to pleased. “I see. Thank you for telling me.”
Durin stares at Hat Guy. The gears in his head are turning so rapidly he’s afraid they’re going to grind a hole through his skull. Unfortunately, Hat Guy catches him looking, and his face immediately morphs into a frown again.
“What are you looking at?” He demands.
“Nothing! Nothing at all.” Durin grabs his leftover lunch and tilts his head to the door. “I’m going to wash this bowl in the sink.”
There are several reasons for Durin’s crisis.
First of all, Hat Guy hates everyone. Or rather, he looks like he does. Durin knows that he’s just a little bad at expressing affection. But there are some people he shows his care for more easily. For example, Durin himself, the traveler, and Albedo. Especially Albedo.
This is the source of his confusion. Durin’s seen the way Hat Guy looks at Albedo when they’re together. He looks at him like he’s the reason the sun shines on them every day. Like he’s the first spring flower of the season. Hat Guy looks at Albedo with more affection than Durin’s ever seen him look at anyone with.
Second, Albedo talks about Hat Guy a lot. Like, a lot. Durin has lost count of the number of occasions Albedo’s brought him up, even during times he didn’t need to be mentioned.
“Durin, have you seen that report Hat Guy left for me?”
“Durin, do you remember when Hat Guy said he was coming back from Sumeru?”
“Look at this, Durin.” One time, Albedo passed Durin a pot with a strangely-shaped plant growing in it.
“…What am I looking at?”
“A researcher from the Akademiya engineered a hybrid out of two endangered species. He got expelled and his research was almost completely terminated. But Hat Guy was able to scavenge it and send it to me.”
Durin scooted away immediately. “Two dangerous species? Is it going to explode?”
“Endangered, not dangerous.”
Durin wasn’t convinced. The plant looked like it had teeth and was swaying like it had more sentience than any plant should have. “Is he allowed to give that to you?”
“No.” Albedo looked starry-eyed as he examined the plant. “But I’ve always wanted to study a hybrid like this…”
Albedo didn’t part with the plant for the rest of the day.
Third, he isn’t the only one who thought they’d been seeing each other.
“Hey Durin!” Varka hollered at him one day from across the plaza at Nasha Town. “Have you been practicing your sword drills?”
Durin had not been practicing his sword drills, so he laughed and waved at Varka as though he were a passing tourist. “Grand Master! Nice to see you! Goodbye!”
Varka took hold of Durin’s collar before he could run away.
“You should be practicing your drills,” Varka lectured, with one finger in the air and everything. “Is Albedo not helping you keep track of them?”
“A little bit,” Durin said. “He recently got a plant from Hat Guy, and he’s very focused on studying that.”
Varka dropped Durin and nodded knowingly. “Ah, of course. I should have known. Nothing’s going to disturb Albedo’s research, especially not on something his boyfriend got for him.” He ruffled Durin’s hair. His body had to bend at a right angle for him to do so. “Well, have a good day. Remember to practice those drills, young man!”
Another time, he was hanging out with Jahoda at the Speranza when they spotted Albedo and Hat Guy walking around together. Jahoda had immediately shoved Durin’s head beneath the table while he was eating his hot dog, sending sauce flying everywhere.
“Jahoda, why’d you do that? Now I have mustard all over me—”
“Shhh!” Jahoda hissed. “Your parents are on a date! Don’t you want to see what they’re up to?”
“They’re not my parents, Albedo’s like my brother—”
“You get my point. Come on.”
So Jahoda and Durin abandoned their lunch at the restaurant to spy on them. Jahoda seemed to be having a good time watching Albedo and Hat Guy hang around Nasha Town together, but Durin, who spent a substantial amount of time with them already, was starting to get extremely bored.
“I think we should go back,” he told her. “We haven’t even paid for our meal, they’re going to think we ran off because we don’t have Mora—”
“It should be fine! Katya knows who I am, she’ll probably just put it on the Curatorium’s tab or something!”
So they continued spying until they parted ways in the evening. By then, Durin was mourning his abandoned hot dog and was a little bit annoyed at Jahoda.
“I guess it’s time for me to get back,” Durin said, managing a weak wave.
“Of course,” Jahoda said, still looking at where Albedo and Hat Guy had embraced goodbye. “You’re lucky to have them in your life, you know.”
Durin stared at her, then at the entrance of The Flagship.
Fourth and finally, he had witnessed a moment between them that practically screamed the fact that they were lovers.
They had been discussing something in The Flagship while Durin was working on assignments from Albedo. Durin can’t remember what the conversation was about anymore, but he knew it was something serious. Albedo was frowning, and Hat Guy’s voice was a little more strained than usual.
“If you’re not coming back, I don’t want you to go through with this,” Albedo said.
Hat Guy proceeded to swipe a stray hair out of Albedo’s eye and tuck it behind his ear. “I will come back. Have some faith in me.”
Albedo reached up to grab Hat Guy’s hand before he could take it back. Hat Guy startled with surprise, but he didn’t pull his hand away. They both stared at each other for a while, one holding the other’s wrist. Then Hat Guy tilted his hat back and began to lean in, and Albedo’s eyes were fluttering close, and Durin was starting to freak out because he was right there and he was watching this unfold before his innocent eyes and he probably shouldn’t and—
Durin fell off his seat with a resounding crash. His writing tools rained on his forehead from his desk as he lay on the floor. From the corner of his eye, he saw Albedo and Hat Guy jump apart and rush to help him.
“Are you alright?” Albedo asked, lifting Durin’s arms and checking for injuries. “Did you break anything?”
“What the hell is wrong with you?” Hat Guy growled, pulling Durin up by the shoulders. “You’ve got to be aware of your surroundings, regardless of where you are or what you’re doing!”
“I’m sorry.” Durin knelt back down to help Albedo gather his fallen things. “You guys can go back to what you were doing, I’ll go back to this—”
Albedo dropped the pencils again with a loud clatter. He cleared his throat. “Um. What do you mean by that?”
“Huh?” Durin’s face is blank.
Hat Guy looked equally flustered. His head was turned away, looking at anything but both of them. “Just focus on your damn assignments.”
Looking back now, Durin wishes he hadn’t fallen off his chair. Maybe then Albedo and Hat Guy would have kissed, and they would have realized they liked each other, and Hat Guy wouldn’t have to ask him if Albedo was seeing anyone.
Or maybe he’s the problem. Durin’s still pretty young after all. Perhaps their gestures and the time they spent together weren’t a courting ritual like he initially assumed. Perhaps that was just how their friendship was. Hat Guy is only now realizing his feelings for Albedo and longs for them to be lovers. So he asks Durin about it to confirm that he can start his pursuit without obstacles. Yes, that’s got to be it.
But then Durin remembers that Albedo and Hat Guy aren’t human, not in the traditional sense. So then maybe this is just how non-humans are, then?
Durin doesn’t know what to believe anymore. Definitely not himself.
It’s fine, he thinks. It’s gonna be fine. He’ll just ask his friends for confirmation. Communication is key, after all. Maybe they’ll have the answer.
Ineffa assesses Durin with an expression of absolute confusion. “Albedo and Hat Guy are not courting each other?”
“See!” Durin exclaims. “I’m not the only one who thought that!”
“There is a lot of evidence to suggest that they are lovers,” Ineffa says this with a finger to her temple. Her eyes glow as she accesses past data. “I find it hard to believe the opposite.”
“Yeah!” Aino exclaims, leaning over the couch as she tinkers with her tools. “I’ve seen them staring at each other with googly eyes and gaping mouths and shi—”
“Language,” Ineffa says.
Aino sticks her tongue out at Ineffa. “Jahoda’s said worse, and you never scolded her for it!”
Durin feels like he might cry from relief that he hasn’t gone crazy. He turns to Ineffa. “Do you have any recordings to confirm that Albedo and Hat Guy act like lovers?”
“Certainly.” Ineffa nods.
“What do you need the recordings for?” Aino asks.
“I have to show it to them. That way, they’ll snap out of it and realize they’re in love with each other.”
“Ah.” Aino rubs her chin and appraises Durin knowingly. “That won’t be enough.”
Durin blinks. “What wouldn’t be enough about evidence?”
“They won’t believe you. They’ll just think you’re deluding them into thinking they like each other.”
Ineffa pauses her search and nods in agreement. “Aino is correct. When one is in love, their perception of the truth is often warped.”
Durin feels like crying again. “Then how do I get them to see the truth?”
“Easy peasy!” Aino exclaims, throwing her tools into the air. “Lock them up in a room for an extended period of time and have them talk or make out with each other!”
Durin chokes over his own spit as Ineffa stops downloading immediately.
“Who taught you that term?” Ineffa demands. Her eyes almost appear to be glowing red.
Aino is undeterred. “Jahoda.”
Ineffa’s red eyes disappear almost instantly. “Jahoda. Are you lying to me, Aino?”
“No, I’m not! She lent me some of her books, and they talked about the characters making out! Apparently, it’s something people do when they really really really like each other!”
“I’m going to talk to Jahoda about lending you romance novels.”
“Don’t bother. She’ll make out with you and you’ll forget the question.”
Durin has heard enough. He stands up.
“Thank you both for your help,” he says. “I will listen to your advice.”
“Do not listen to Aino’s advice,” Ineffa says. From afar, her cheeks look pinker than usual, although Durin is sure robots shouldn’t be able to blush.
“No, listen to me!” Aino exclaims. “Ineffa’s just upset because Jahoda hasn’t made out with her yet—!”
“Language!”
Durin practically flees Aino’s workshop.
Durin realizes that Aino might have a point. Maybe not with the idea of locking Albedo and Hat Guy in a room together. That would be too mean. Plus, both of them could break out of the room themselves; they have powerful visions. Regardless, he still needs to get them to talk to each other and realize that their feelings are mutual.
So, as Albedo meets up with Alice and Varka about Mondstadt business, Durin accosts Hat Guy and demands they hang out around Nasha Town together..
“You want to hang out?” Hat Guy asks, his signature incredulous tone coming out strongly in his question. “Don’t you have work to do?”
“I do, but that can wait!” Durin latched a hand onto Hat Guy’s shoulder, as if he’d fly away if he didn’t. “Let’s hang around Nasha Town for today! Please? You’re usually so busy.”
Hat Guy sighs. “Fine.”
So they walk around Nasha Town for a while. Hat Guy spent half the time grumbling about the chilly air, but Durin knew he was secretly enjoying himself. If he didn’t, he would have left a long time ago. Of course, he should have known it still wasn’t the right atmosphere to pose his question.
“So… Hat Guy.”
“What is it now?”
“Did you… ask Albedo yet?”
Hat Guy stares at him in confusion. “Ask Albedo what?”
“The question you asked me two days ago. About him seeing anyone?”
Hat Guy looks away. “Why would I ask him that?”
Durin stares at him. “Um. Why not?”
“Because I don’t know if he feels the same way.”
Durin wants to scream. How oblivious can he get? “Have you tried… I don’t know. Asking him? If he does?”
Hat Guy squints at Durin suspiciously. “Did you tell him that I asked you?”
“What? No, I didn’t!”
Hat Guy’s cheeks are slowly turning bright red. He shoved a finger into Durin’s chest, causing him to step back. “Did you? Don’t lie to me.”
Durin raises his hands in the air, feeling panic take hold of him. “I’m! Not! I’m not lying to you!”
“You’re stuttering.” Hat Guy grabs Durin’s collar and looks him straight in the eye. “If I find out you’ve been lying to me, I’ll get Albedo to make you write lines for three hours, understand?”
Durin swallows. Inwardly, he’s screaming, Albedo likes you! He likes you! You have to believe me! Please! But Hat Guy is terrifying when he’s angry, so all he manages to say is, “Yes. Alright. I get it.”
Hat Guy sets Durin down pretty gently for someone who was fuming. “Let’s get this hangout over with.”
Durin manages a smile as he wonders which nation is furthest away from Nod-Krai, Mondstadt, and Sumeru. Inazuma, probably. Yeah, he should just run away to Inazuma.
Since talking to Hat Guy didn’t work, Durin tries speaking to Albedo about it instead. Albedo’s a little more patient, a little more tolerant. He’ll probably listen to what Durin has to say. Right? Right?
“Hat Guy asked you if I was seeing anyone?” Albedo asks, brows furrowed.
“Yes, but don’t tell him I told you that or he’s going to tell you to make me write lines!”
“I won’t make you write lines,” Albedo promises. “But please don’t say things like that to get my hopes up.”
Durin blinks. “What?”
“I know you think Hat Guy might harbor feelings for me, but I assure you, he does not.”
This is it. It’s over. Durin should just go back to being a character in M’s storybook. At least he won’t have to worry about stuff like this over there.
Albedo interprets Durin’s face of distress as something else entirely. He pats his shoulder.
“Don’t worry about me. Focus on your studies instead. My feelings for Hat Guy will not affect my relationship with him at all.”
“Okay,” Durin says, resigned. Perhaps he has to accept the fact that they will never be together unless something miraculous happens.
The next time Durin finds himself at the Flagship, he contemplates ordering a drink. It’s not that he likes alcohol or anything; he just thinks his situation warrants the occasion. Unfortunately, before he could trick the bartender into thinking he was a 500-year-old dragon, Varka swoops in and takes his alcoholic order instead.
“What are you thinking, ordering something so strong?” Varka doesn’t sound mad at him in the slightest. If anything, he sounds amused as he swigs his mug. “Did something happen?”
Durin wants to sob from distress. “Nothing. Just the fact that Albedo and Hat Guy haven’t been dating this whole time, and they don’t believe me when I tell them they like each other.”
Varka spits his drink over the counter. “What?”
“I know!” At least Ineffa and Varka have been tricked as well. At least he isn’t going crazy. “What am I supposed to do?”
“Have you tried confronting them while they’re in the room together?”
“No… Albedo’s busy, and Hat Guy hasn’t been visiting us because he thinks I told Albedo about his feelings.”
“Did you?”
“I did, but only after he told me not to!” Which, actually, sounds much worse. Durin drops his hands into his palms and groans. “What am I supposed to do now?”
“My suggestion,” Varka says as he puts the mug down and brings his fingers together like a wise man about to grant him sage advice, “is that you should bring up the situation while they’re in the same room together. That way, they won’t be able to escape the conversation, and they’ll learn that you’ve been telling them the truth all along!”
“I will perish if I do that.”
“No, you won’t. They won’t hurt a single hair on your head.”
Durin eyes Varka’s large build, the beer in his hand, and the shining smile on his face. He seems so confident. Perhaps he knows what he’s doing.
“How’s your relationship with that mage?” Durin asks.
“Who? Alice?”
“The yellow one. Miss Nicole.”
Varka’s face turns bright red almost instantly, and Durin knows it’s not the beer because Albedo’s told him that he’s far from a lightweight, and he’s only drunk half the mug.
“I have no idea what you’re talking about!” Varka laughs, setting the beer down and slamming Mora on the table. “Well, I must get going. Good luck with your parents. Toodles!”
Durin stares after Varka. Since when did the Grand Master of the Knights of Favonius say ‘toodles’?
It takes another week before Durin finds himself alone in a room with just Albedo and Hat Guy. Even then, it’s pure torture.
Albedo keeps shooting glances at Hat Guy, as if waiting for him to say something. Meanwhile, Hat Guy’s nose and the tip of his hat are buried into his thesis, his quill pen practically brushing his cheeks whenever he writes. And Durin knows that he’s pretending to be absorbed in his work because when he looks over at what he’s writing, all he sees is Albedo’s name repeatedly scrawled in poor handwriting.
Somebody kill Durin now.
“Mr. Guy, you shouldn’t write so harshly,” Albedo says, placing his hand on Hat Guy’s pen. “You’ll rip through the parchment.”
“Who’s telling you to call me Mr. Guy?” Hat Guy huffs, but there’s no poison in his words. It’s just fondness. Pure fondness. He’s so down bad for him. Durin doesn’t know who to feel bad for more.
That’s a trick question. It’s himself.
Albedo smiles at him. “Do you like that nickname?”
“It’s better than the one the traveler gave me, that’s for sure.”
They’re staring at each other like they might eat each other’s faces. Durin can’t handle this anymore. He stands up, kicks his chair down, and screams.
“AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!”
It is enough to garner their attention. Albedo and Hat Guy jump apart as Durin starts kicking his chair around like it’s a Temari ball.
“Durin, stop that,” Hat Guy says. For once, he sounds more concerned than angry. “What is up with you?”
“I should be asking the two of you that!” Durin exclaims, pointing accusatively at the two of them. “You… you… I can’t believe the two of you aren’t dating!”
Albedo’s jaw is fixed open. “What are you saying?”
Hat Guy’s still in shock from Durin’s sudden tantrum, and can’t quite bring his own anger to the surface. “Didn’t I tell you not to say anything—”
“Shut up!” Durin roars at him.
Hat Guy blinks.
“Durin.” Albedo places a hand on the young dragon’s shoulder. “Breathe.”
Durin breathes. He counts to ten. He exhales. He fixes a calm smile on his face and regards the two idiots before him.
“This whole time, I thought… I thought you two were in love with each other and that you both knew that. When I learned that I was completely off, I thought I was going crazy. Then I realized other people around us thought you were dating, which means I wasn’t crazy at all! But then I’ve been trying to tell both of you that you have feelings for each other, but neither of you would listen to me, so I was still going crazy!” He points a finger at Hat Guy. “One of you even threatened me with lines in the process!”
Hat Guy isn’t even paying attention to Durin anymore. His gaze is fixated on Albedo, again with a look signifying that the person of his attention could do no wrong.
“You have feelings for me?” He asks.
Albedo turns pink immediately. “Uhm. Well. I—”
Durin throws his hands into the air. “That’s it! I’m leaving!”
He storms out of the room and slams the door shut. It only takes him five seconds to regret what he’s done. He’s going to get a long telling off from Hat Guy, that’s for sure. Durin stands in front of the door, wondering if he should go back in and apologize, when he hears Albedo’s response through the door.
“I do like you a lot. I just… I wasn’t sure if I was misreading the signals. I should have asked you directly.”
“No, it’s… it’s my fault, as well.” A long exhale from Hat Guy. “I’ll have to apologize to Durin for making him go through this.”
“We make it up to him.” A few moments. Durin wonders if he should open the door and re-enter when he hears, “Would you like to kiss me?”
Durin’s fingers jump away from the doorknob as though electro was running through the metal. He whistles off-key to himself as he walks away from the door. Their apologies could wait. He isn’t going to interrupt another kiss between them, not after everything he went through to give them that opportunity.
A few hours later— by which Albedo and Hat Guy emerged a little out of sorts, their clothes tucked in the wrong places, their faces thoroughly flushed— Durin is summoned back to the room, forced to sit on a chair in front of them as though he were being interrogated.
“Durin,” Hat Guy says, his voice gruff.
Albedo nudges his shoulder gently. Hat Guy clears his throat and tries again.
“Durin, I apologize for threatening you with lines.”
“It’s okay,” Durin says. “I’m sorry for telling you to shut up.”
“No, I deserve that.” Hat Guy’s face morphs into a frown. “If anything, you should learn how to tell more people to shut up. You have the right to do that, you know.”
“Let’s not go there,” Albedo suggests. He passes Durin a round red fruit. “I’m sorry you had to go through that. Hat Guy and I have talked. We’re lovers now.”
It looked like they did more than just talk it out, but Durin decides it isn’t wise to bring that up. He observes the fruit instead. “I’m glad it’s sorted out. What’s this?”
“It’s a fruit from the hybrid plant I was studying.”
Durin fights the urge to drop the fruit and flee. “The dangerous one?”
“Endangered,” Hat Guy sighs.
“It’s safe to consume,” Albedo says. “I’ve made some modifications to the species. It’s sweet while still nutritionally beneficial for synthetic humans like us.” He glances at Hat Guy with a smile. “It will satiate us easily, so we won’t have to worry about food stocks during trips.”
“But first you’ll have to find a way to clone this plant to fill up our supply,” Hat Guy reminds him.
“What would be the problem with overworking this one?” Albedo grins.
Hat Guy shakes his head. “I’m in love with a sadist.”
“Oh, you’re in love with me?”
“Obviously.” Hat Guy glances at Durin apologetically. “Someone had to suffer for that, so let’s not even try to deny it.”
Durin doesn’t know what overcame him, but he jumps to his feet and wrestles Hat Guy and Albedo into side arm hugs. Albedo throws his own arm over Durin’s shoulder while Hat Guy demands, “What’s this?” without squirming out of his grasp.
As they stand there, Durin smiles at the fruit in his hand. He thinks about how grateful he is to be loved, to have people to love, and to be surrounded by it.