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Contrary to popular belief Madeline Ashton isn't a jealous person. At least she wouldn't say so. She had little to nothing to get attached to in order to be possessive or jealous of. So truly she wasn't a jealous person. Or she didn't used to be.
Everything changed when she met Helen Sharp.
When they met Helen was barely anything more than a bookworm in grandma clothes she would be sharing a room with because they were both taking the same acting lessons.
She didn't think much of it. She was focused on starting anew. To be a new version of herself away from her mom's shadow, her dad's reputation and all her small town bullshit.
But everything changed in first class when she saw Helen acting for the first time.
It was a simple silly scene and yet the way Helen delivered each word with so much emotion brought her to tears. She was enchanted. Helen was shining so bright. She couldn't see that shy girl she met before. She saw a strong, confident woman. Her heart beat so loud she was sure everyone around could hear it.
She was fairly confident in her own acting abilities. She's been doing it since she was old enough to think. She knew how to please and how to play dumb. She knew she'd ace this. But watching someone acting like that gave her the first taste of jealousy. She wasn't sure her acting could do to someone what Helen's did to her.
When they met back in their dorm room she had already made a plan. She'd do whatever it takes to befriend Helen and figure out a way to break her.
What she didn't expect was to find Helen starstruck talking about her and telling her how she got chills watching her acting. She was caught off guard by the glimmer and the sincerity in Helen's eyes. She didn't have a heart to keep her plan on. At least not yet. For now she wanted to be Helen's friend for real.
And so they became fast friends. They'd rehearse together and give each other notes. Truly the best duo of the whole damn school.
She tasted jealousy for the second time when the tests started. Helen was the best student in their class getting straight As in everything and they'd even be head to head for the protagonist roles even though Helen insisted she didn't want the role.
Madeline kept the nasty bitter feeling inside and believed her. Helen, as good of an actress as she was, had a terrible case of stage fright. She'd panic and forget all her lines in front of big audiences. So when after the first semester she told Madeline she was changing her major to writing she was relieved and truly happy for her new friend.
They remained roommates and everything was heaven. Madeline had everything she ever wanted. Then she found out Helen's family was RICH and her parents were still together. That tasted funny in her mouth. Helen didn't have to reinvent herself and lie to survive. She didn't have to deal with scream matches in the middle of the night. She wasn't abandoned to care for a useless drunk mother or left to raise herself with little to no money and became the talk of town. It didn't sound fair.
But it was fine. Of course it was. Helen was publicly a nobody. All that money and her family name couldn't buy her the natural charm Madeline had. And she had some bullshit excuse about wanting to get out of their shadow. At least with that she could relate.
After a few months their friendship evolved. And they became each other's biggest critics, always with a well crafted joke or comment about the other. They were transparent, 100% honest with one another. Maybe too honest.
Helen would ask her how many guys had she slept with that week. She'd reply asking her when she would stop hiding behind books and admit she was scared of being seen and wanted. Helen would call her an attention whore who could not stand not being wanted and the main character in every interaction and she'd tell her that some people didn't have their parents money to give them everything and still failed at being likable.
They knew how far to push and how much easier it was to be vulnerable in a fight and act like nothing happened later. It was nasty, raw and toxic, they knew that but that was the charm of their friendship.
And besides all that they came to be Mad and Hel, the unbreakable duo that'll take shit from no one but would constantly talk shit about each other to each other's face. So what if no one else wanted to be their friend? They didn't need anyone but each other.
That was until Kevin showed up.
Kevin asked Helen out, she said yes and a few weeks later Madeline walked in on them making out on the sofa.
The image that would be forever ingrained in her brain tasted so bitter it made her want to vomit. Her stomach twisted into knots. Her chest filled with rage.
Who was that big sack of nothing to be touching her Helen? Who the fuck did he think she was to kiss her like that? Useless piece of shit.
She put on her best mask and decided she'd do whatever it took to break them up even if she had to sleep with him.
And so she did with Kevin. And Bob. And the others that came after she couldn't bother to remember their faces or names. She did what the thick taste of jealousy led her to. Neither of those guys deserved Helen anyway. She was too good and too pure for them.
In the few years they spent apart as her career grew she had little time to think about Helen or how jealous Helen made her feel. She was the star. Her name made headlines. Helen wasn't much in her mind, or so she told herself.
Sure they'd talk and hang out sometimes but it was each to their own type of situation and she was fine with it, why wouldn't she be? All good.
That was until that fateful day Helen visited backstage.
She was nervous about seeing Helen in NY after all those years. And when they hugged and started the compliments laced in comments for a fleeting second the old butterflies flying around her stomach were there and she was happy for a second until she saw him and every nasty sour feeling rushed back.
Watching the glimmer in Helen's green eyes as she shoved the ring in her face while telling her about the engagement brought back all of her envy.
It wasn't fair. Why did all those useless boys that knew nothing about her Helen get to love her like that but she, her best friend, didn't? She hated them for having her like that.
But most of all she truly was jealous of Helen and everything she was. So she did her thing and stole another one, marrying him to make a point. The plastic surgeries for free were a nice added bonus.
10 years after all went down and 6 long years without a word from Helen, she stands at the corner of her book launch watching her from afar, allowing her eyes to roam over her body. She's sick and tired of denying herself the things she misses and wants. So she finally admits the true culprit of her jealousy.
Yes she feels jealous but not of Helen per se. She is jealous of her hands that can roam free through her soft skin. Jealous of her hair, the way it falls and frames her face perfectly. Jealous of the red Dior gown wrapping around her curves. Jealous of the red stone resting between her supple breasts that were kept hidden in turtlenecks for so long. Jealous of that red lipstick that could adorn her lips.
But most of all she was truly jealous of Ernest.
He had Helen in front of him not throwing shade or nasty comments about his appearance or lack of flair. She was indeed seducing him and speaking in a hoarse soft tone.
It should be her there. Where did she go wrong that Helen wasn't doing that to her?
She cried, feeling all her life, career and everything around her falling apart as Helen, once more, chose a boy over her. Why wasn't she enough? Why couldn't Helen just pick her?
Mid her cries she finds the card that led her to Viola's door and as she downs the potion that promises her back her youth and beauty she prays and hopes that maybe that would be enough to make Helen hers. To for once be her choice. She fixed herself. She was once again her best self. She'd be worshiped and loved by the masses again. So now Helen had no choice but to choose her.
Right?