Chapter Text
Chapter 1
“Goodnight Shane”
“Goodnight Ilya”
Ilya watched and smiled from the bed as Shane gave him one last look before the door clicked shut behind him.
The silence settled immediately.
He lay there on the bed for a few minutes, staring at the ceiling, one hand dragging slowly through his hair. His pulse still hadn’t properly settled. He could feel it in his throat. In his wrists.
He hadn’t meant to cry.
He hadn’t meant to say any of that.
The words had just… slipped out. Split open.
He could still hear his own voice from earlier. The crack in it. The way it had gone thin and unsteady. And he could still feel it too.
He swallowed.
The room felt smaller now - the air was heavy with everything he’d said, everything he’d admitted.
He needed a cigarette.
He pushed himself upright with a frustrated exhale and reached for his pants. This shitty hotel room didn’t even have a balcony.
Of course it didn’t.
He dressed quickly and left without looking back at the bed.
..
The air outside was cooler now, the worst of the Florida humidity finally fading with the sun. The pool area was empty, lights glowing faintly blue beneath the water’s surface. Too bright. Too clean. Most of the pool chairs stacked neatly. Towels cleared away.
Everything in order.
Unlike Ilya’s own head.
He dropped down onto Shane’s pool chair from earlier that day and leaned back, feeling the spot where his head had been resting. He could picture it too easily. The way Shane had smiled up at him. The way they’d laughed when Ilya was in the pool playing with the kids.
He lit the cigarette with hands that still weren’t completely steady and took a long drag, holding it in longer than necessary before letting it out slowly into the night.
The smoke helped. Something to focus on. Something physical.
He closed his eyes.
He could still feel Shane’s hands, warm against the back of his neck. The solid press of his body pulling him in.
Could still feel the steady pressure of that kiss, grounding him when he hadn’t even realised he needed it.
It had felt safe.
That was the problem. Safe meant exposed.
He pressed his fingers to the bridge of his nose.
Stupid.
He hadn’t planned to talk about his father tonight. Hadn’t planned to talk about anything real
It had just happened.
He tipped his head back and stared up at that dark sky. No stars visible here. Just city glow bleeding into cloud cover.
Quiet.
For a moment, his breathing finally began to slow.
Then he heard it. A small, broken sound.
Faint. Uneven.
He frowned slightly, eyes still closed. Probably the wind slipping between the buildings.
It came again.
No. Not wind.
He opened his eyes.
It was something thin and strained. A sound that didn’t belong in the stillness.
It was breathing.
Too fast. Too shallow.
Ilya sat up immediately, cigarette forgotten between his fingers.
He held still, listening.
There.
From the far corner of the pool deck. Near the stacked chairs.
He stood, dropping the cigarette and crushing it out under his shoe without looking, already moving.
“Hello?”
No answer.
The sound came again, a hitching pull of air.
He rounded the stack of chairs and froze.
She was crumpled awkwardly between the wall and one of the chairs, curled tightly into herself, bare arms wrapped around her stomach. Cheek pressed flat against the concrete, damp hair clinging to her face.
Her whole body was trembling. All she was wearing was a slightly damp swimsuit. Useless against the night air.
A swimsuit covered in pink and white flowers.
He recognised it from earlier.
In her fist, crumpled tight, was the wrapper of a candy bar.
“Hey— hey—” His voice dropped instantly, instinctively softer. He crouched down beside her. “Hey. Is okay. Is okay”
Her eyes fluttered but didn’t open. Her lips were faintly blue.
He swore under his breath in Russian as panic hit him in a clean, sharp wave.
He reached out.
She was ice cold.
His stomach dropped.
“Jesus—”
He slid one arm behind her back and another under her knees, lifting her carefully. She was lighter than he expected. Her head lolled weakly against his chest as he stood.
She made a small sound. Barely there.
“I got you”, he murmured, shifting her higher against him. “Is okay. I got you”
He sank down against the wall, pulling her fully into his chest and wrapping both arms around her, trying to trap whatever warmth he had left and press it into her skin.
Too cold.
She shouldn’t be this cold.
He rubbed her back firmly, trying to force warmth into her little body. “Come on”, he muttered under his breath. “Come on”
Her breathing hitched again. That awful, uneven pull.
His heart slammed against his ribs.
What happened? How long had she been here? Why was she out here all alone at night?
He should know what to do.
He didn’t.
He pressed his cheek gently to the top of her head. Her hair smelled sharply of chlorine.
“Tikhon’ko, malysh. Ya zdes’”, he whispered automatically. Easy little one. I’m here.
Her fingers twitched weakly against his shirt.
“Can you open your eyes?”, he tried softly. “Hey. Look at me”.
Nothing.
Her breathing stuttered again.
That was enough.
He fumbled for his phone with a clumsy hand and hit Shane’s name without thinking.
It rang once.
Twice.
“Shane”, he said the second it connected, voice breaking despite himself. “Please come down. I don’t know what to do”
Shane’s confusion lay heavy in the air. “Come down where? What’s going on? Are you okay?”
“To the pool. Please. Come quickly. I need your help”. The words came fast, tighter now.
“Okay okay. I’m coming. Just stay calm Ilya”
The line went dead.
Calm.
Right.
He set the phone down beside him and tightened his hold on her.
“You’re okay”, he murmured, rocking slightly without realising it. Back and forth. Small, steady movement. “You’re not alone. I’m right here”
Her lips moved faintly.
He leaned closer.
“Monny…” she whimpered
His throat tightened.
“Okay”, he said immediately. “Okay. We’ll find Mommy. I promise. Is okay. Shhh”.
He shifted and stood carefully, keeping her against his chest, moving toward the open centre of the deck so Shane would see them immediately.
Every second stretched thin.
He bounced her gently as he walked, rubbing her back continuously, trying to keep her responsive.
“Stay with me”, he murmured quietly, trying to sound calm. “Just stay with me”
Her head rested heavily against his collarbone.
She was so small.
He adjusted his grip instinctively, his hand coming up to cradle the back of her head.
“Almost there”, he whispered, even though he had no idea what that meant. “You’re okay”.