Chapter Text
Dess never had a funeral. She never had a memorial service, and she certainly never had a committal. One day she just disappeared. ‘She did not die,’ Noelle tells herself. ‘It was too sudden,’ she rationalizes. ‘If she ran away she would have taken things with her,’ she thinks. ‘If it was suicide there would have been signs,’ she posits. Although Noelle knows that last one is far from true. The therapist had told her such several times.
But among it all, on the day Dess left her and her family, Noelle finds herself in the Hometown woods. Midnight was when she and Kris would meet in a small clearing they both knew very well. One their entire group used to frequent, sometimes all together, sometimes alone. The melted cigarette butts buried in the ground were proof of that. Every year for the nine years that had passed they would talk. Or rather, Noelle would talk at Kris. They were never talkative, but they were a great listener. For just one day out of the year, it could be like they were still friends.
But tonight, as Noelle sits on the cold ground waiting for Kris as year ten passes, she is alone. Kris had never been the most punctual, even when they were young, but it was nearly 1 AM, and if Noelle wasn't home soon enough her mother would know she was gone. She had been debating calling Kris’ cell for the past twenty minutes or so, and it had become her only choice. She takes out her phone, and scrolls to the oldest contact, transferred across several devices for the last several years. Noelle feels like she never would have gotten their number if she didn’t ask Toriel the day she first got the device.
It takes until the final ring for Kris to answer. There’s no muttered greetings or any sign of someone on the other end except the once familiar ambiance of their room buzzing through Noelle’s speaker.
“Kris? Are you there?” Noelle asks, hearing her voice echo for a moment before Kris audibly slams the volume down button a few times.
They make a noise that could reasonably be heard as ‘yes.’
“Our… memorial? For Dess?” Noelle isn’t sure what to call it. “It’s past twelve.” She speaks in a hushed tone. Even if nobody could hear her this deep into the forest, it feels wrong to talk at a normal volume. Disrespectful, almost.
It takes a minute for Kris to say anything back. They assure Noelle that they will be right there. Then, before Noelle can respond, they hang up.
It doesn’t take much longer for Kris to appear. The clearing is closer to the Dreemurr house than Noelle’s own. Kris isn’t wearing anything more than their usual striped sweater and slacks.
“It’s a bit chilly out to not bring a jacket, don’t you think, Kris?” Noelle says, with a quiet ‘faha’ at the end. Kris doesn’t respond. They glance around the clearing before walking up to her and sitting next to her. A bit farther away than she remembers last year.
“You… How are you feeling?” Noelle asks. Her voice bounces between the trees and she feels a bit guilty. She slides closer to Kris, getting her skirt dirty. She had dressed nicely for the occasion, she always did, but as the sharp rocks littered across the ground rolled and pressed into her legs, she wondered if making herself pretty was worth it. Well- no, of course she had to. This is for Dess.
If Kris said anything, Noelle had missed it. She nods as if she heard anything from them and continues, “It’s been ten years now. Since…” Kris was shivering. They must be so cold. “Kris, you-” She stops herself. There’s no way they forgot right? She can’t ask that, they must feel terrible.
“Sorry.” Kris says. Just barely audible.
“Oh, Kris it’s okay, it’s a school night after all, you were probably sleeping!” Noelle moves closer. This seems more familiar. They used to be attached at the hip. At least, when Dess wasn’t around. Then they were competing for her attention instead. “Faha, I should apologize, if anything.”
They don’t reply. Noelle can almost feel the lack of body heat. She remembers Kris always being warm, almost hot. She hadn’t been this close in a long time, even in memorials prior they kept distance.
“Kris, you… You’re freezing.” Delicately, Noelle grabs Kris’ hand. It’s as if she was holding ice. The morning chill isn’t much to her. Noelle was built for this, and she knew Kris wasn’t. “I- I’m sorry, come here.” She pulls Kris onto her lap and wraps her arms around them. Their head fits under hers neatly. She’d been taller than Kris for a while, regardless of antlers. She can’t help but smell remnants of shampoo and more recent sweat. Clearly, Kris hadn’t washed their hair in a while. Noelle realizes she doesn’t dislike the scent and mentally kicks herself. She wishes she was around to remind them.
“If I had a jacket I would’ve offered it,” Noelle feels her own body heat being drained, “But I figured you would have brought one. I should’ve been more considerate, I’m sorry.”
She thinks she sees Kris jerk and bite their cheek. She’s almost sure. She only felt them lean further into her. They sit in silence for some time before Noelle speaks again,
“...Do you remember when we all went out during that blizzard? School was canceled and everything.” Noelle rests her head on Kris’. “Your mom was so worried you and Azzy would freeze so she made you both bundle up so tight you could barely move, faha.” She feels Kris breathe moist air on her neck. “I remember thinking, ‘Is that really Kris in there? Under all those layers?’ But I knew it had to be, Dess even said,” Noelle did her best impression of her sister’s voice, “‘Well of course it’s Kris, I can still see their cute li’l face!’” She’s not sure if that sounded like Dess or not.
“And then we all came inside covered in snow, and warmed up with that hot chocolate your mom made. It… It was nice.” Noelle realizes she had been rubbing circles into Kris’ back. She didn’t stop. She sniffles, “Kris, I- I really miss being around you. Why, why did we stop?” She thinks she feels Kris’ heartbeat quicken. Or maybe it’s her own. She lets go of Kris’ hand to pull up their chin so they could face her. “Kris, I… don’t…” They look decidedly neutral. It's not until Noelle brushes the hair out of their deep red eyes and leans in closer that she sees Kris as she knew them. As they were last year and the times before that. Pretty. Vulnerable. Scared of the world. Just like she was. Just like she still is.
“Please, just let me have this.”
When Noelle pulls her lips away the haze of nostalgia is replaced by a sharp cold breeze. “I- I’m sorry Kris, I didn’t- I thought that- I’m so, so sorry,” Quicker than she would like, Noelle stands up, keeping in contact just long enough to make sure Kris doesn’t fall over. “I need to go home, I’m sorry. I- Let’s, Let’s just forget this happened okay? We don’t need to d-do these meetings anymore, I’m sorry.” As Noelle turns around and stumbles away she feels herself getting colder. She doesn’t think to turn around and see how she left them until she’s already in her backyard. Noelle never heard Kris walk away, but it could’ve been drowned out by the sound of her footsteps or the pulsing in her brain.