Chapter Text
Noelle remembered to bring an extra jacket this time. It was difficult scaling down the side of the house from her window without getting it dirty. The front door would’ve been easier, but her mother had fallen asleep on the couch tonight. Carol had always been a horrifyingly light sleeper, almost seeming like she never truly slept at all. Noelle figured that must run in the family.
The clearing was unchanged from the last time Noelle was there. The same rocks, the same litter, the same moonlight, and the same girl sitting in the center. She really wasn’t sure whether Kris would come or not. She can’t blame them for not talking to her after what she did, she did ask them to forget, to not bother coming back here. Noelle’s breaking the promise she gave, and she’s not really sure why she asked Kris to meet again. Clearly they were not interested.
But then, what was up with how they were acting today? Kris never talks so clearly, they barely look at people let alone speak to them. Noelle thought that maybe what she had with Kris was special, that she was safe enough to confide in. Then she messed it up. She let her feelings overtake her. Is that why she wanted to talk to Kris alone again? Is that selfish? Is that so terrible?
She won’t know until she asks but she’s too scared to have any kind of answer. Maybe it’s better to not know everything, like how knowing speedrun tricks makes it hard to play a video game normally.
Yeah, this is just like a game! She can think through this ‘feelings puzzle’ with logic.
Who is Kris to Noelle? They’re cunning, they like pranks, they love exploring and playing pretend, they love crazy music, and they’re a real piano prodgedy-
No. These are all things Kris was when they were kids. Noelle doesn’t know if they're like this at all anymore, especially after Dess…
To Noelle, it always felt like Dess had a close relationship with Kris in a different way than Noelle did. Almost like Dess was Kris’ older sister just as much as she was Noelle’s. Dess was hard on Kris, she never let any mean behavior slide, especially towards Noelle. She also spent lots of time alone with Kris, not because she seeked them out or anything, but just because Kris would always find their way to her.
Sometimes Dess would escape the house to go explore the woods on her home. She would always come back smelling kinda strange at the same time of the night, right before Mom and Dad started waking up. She’d peek through Noelle’s door and say, “I was here the whole night, okay Elly?” with a wink and a finger held over her smile. Of course Noelle would never say anything, even if she really wanted to ask what she was doing. The extra jacket Noelle had wrapped in her arms still had a faint scent to it, so she’s pretty sure she knows now.
But sometimes Dess would come back far earlier, a bit irritable, and Noelle would spot a small pair of footprints next to the hoofprints in the backyard the next morning. She thinks a time like that is the reason Kris became so distant and Dess went far enough away that distance wasn’t a factor.
Just before she starts to fall into her thoughts, Noelle’s ears twitch as she hears a stick snap in the woods. A distinct silhouette and a single, almost glowing eye stares back.
“K-” She coughs, “Kris, you’re here?”
They make an indistinct mumble. This has to be Kris, it must be! They shamble towards where Noelle sits and kneel on the ground.
“You, you forgot a jacket again, faha,” When Noelle passes the coat over to Kris, they tense when they touch it.
“...this is Dess’...?”
Hearing Kris speak, so softly, the way they used to, it makes Noelle’s heart ache.
“Yeah, she- she’s not going to wear it anytime soon, and it was in my closet anyways, so…” Noelle winces at how that came out. Kris does too.
“Smells like weed.” They put the jacket on. It's a soft flannel, a dark cerulean color.
“I remember she asked me if she could hide it in my room, but she put it into a plastic bin with a lid on it, so it- it never aired out.”
“...hm.” It looks nice on Kris. Kris looks a bit dirty otherwise. They’re covered in scuffs and dirt, likely from hopping out their window. Noelle’s always been the more athletic window hopper.
They also have pie crumbs all over their face. Noelle neglects to mention this.
“Why… did you want to meet here? Again.” They’re staring at Noelle. There’s a slight waiver in their voice.
“I…” Noelle can’t keep their gaze. “Are you okay? After… we… k- you know.”
Kris doesn’t respond right away.
“Sorry, Kris- I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have done that, that- our memorial- that was about Dess and I made it about me, it wasn’t right, and-”
“...I didn’t hate it.” They’re so quiet. “I… want to be… around. More. But…”
Noelle feels like she wants to throw up. The cold’s getting to her too now.
“I can’t. It’s not… safe. For you.” Kris is talking into their shirt.
“...Why?” Noelle asks, just as quietly. “What’s not safe? If- if you want to be friends, if you want to be m-more, why not?”
Kris takes what feels like a long time to reply. “I can’t tell you.”
“Why not? Is it, do you have someone else? We don’t even need to be… like that- I just want to be friends. I just- I miss you so much Kris, I feel like you’re the only person who understands. Who understands me.” She only realizes she’s crying when a tear drops off her chin.
“Mom and Dad stopped looking for Dess a long time ago, Kris.” Noelle grabs Kris’ hand and they don’t pull away. “But they never found her. Nobody did, she needs to be somewhere right?”
Kris is quiet.
“You believe that too right? Right Kris?”
“...I have to.”
“Yeah, that’s- what?” Kris is still staring anywhere but at the girl in front of them, even as she closes the space between. “You have to?” Noelle wants to ask more, to dig deeper, but she never forgot what the therapists told her. That wouldn’t be healthy for Kris. “Okay. Okay, yeah. Me too. We can- we can hold that in our hearts, together.”
“...I can’t. It’s not… not safe. Please just stay away.” Kris tries to get up, but without any effort Noelle’s grip prevents them.
“Why not!?” Noelle’s louder now but she knows nobody else will hear. “Nobody tells me anything, Kris. Mom won’t talk to me about- about anything, Dad won’t tell me what he’s going through, and now you’re trying to, what, run away?” Between her words are sniffles and chokes. She’s being selfish. She’s being terrible. Just let Kris go. “I don’t want you to leave again, Kris. If you can’t tell me why, can you just- can we pretend? That it’s okay?”
Kris feels weak. “Nobody will hear,” Noelle tells them. It’s only them in the forest, after all. Who else would?
“...Okay.” They squeak out. They fall into Noelle’s arms where she sits, and she holds on tight. She can be selfish if she wants, Noelle thinks to herself. “It’s fine.” Kris says. Despite the jacket, Kris is still frighteningly cold. Noelle’s not sure if they’ll feel warm until they’re at home in bed, but for now she can just pretend they’re still warm, just like she remembers.
They lay on the cold, dead grass, tangled with each other. It’s really not comfortable, but this is the closest Noelle had been to anyone in a long time, so she doesn’t mind. Kris never let go of her hand, their grip almost painful.
Kris smells like Dess. Or maybe they just smell like weed. It's still enough to make Noelles voice shake when she asks, “Kris, do you remember her voice?”
She feels them nod against her.
“I don’t know if I do. It’s been so long since she disappeared, since I- we’ve lived longer than we knew her.”
“...I don’t think Dess… Is gone forever.” Noelle feels Kris talk more than she hears them.
“As long as I still think about her she’s not. It’s why it hurts so much that Mom and Dad seem so willing to just give up. She just can’t be dead. She can’t.”
Kris mumbles something in response.
“What was that? Kris?”
They fell asleep. Out cold. They looked very tired anyways, more than usual. Noelle’s watch reads 1:42 AM, more than enough time to get back home.
She doesn’t want to go. But she has to. So she sits herself and Kris up, and finds it easy to hold them up off the ground. They’re concerningly light. As she secures Kris against her she feels that they’re mostly skin and bone. Should she have reached out sooner? She always wishes she had, but if this has been hurting Kris this much then…
It’s not difficult to carry Kris bridal-style to their house. Noelle knows the path by heart. When she’s looking at their bedroom window she realizes this might be more difficult than she first thought. Getting back into the house is usually the hardest part of sneaking out, but she hadn’t ever scaled the wall of this specific house before, let alone holding someone else.
So she does something a bit mean, and tries to shake Kris awake. When that doesn’t work, she taps their face a bit. Also doesn’t work. Then she drops them on the ground.
They groggily open their eyes, and Noelle can’t help but draw comparisons to the Infected in Left 4 Dead. Gray, kinda gross, a distant look in their eye.
“You gotta get back in your house, sleepyhead!” She whispers. “I can help you up, c’mon.”
It’s a struggle, Kris doesn't appear to have much strength in their body. Eventually, with a final push, Noelle shoves Kris into their bedroom.
“I’ll talk to you later, okay? Thank you for listening, I… I think I needed that.”
Kris doesn’t respond, they probably just crawled into bed. That’s fine. Maybe tomorrow they’ll be better. Maybe then they can be friends again, for real. Maybe Kris can introduce her to Susie. Noelle would like that.
As Noelle walks back home through the forest, she passes through the clearing once more.
She almost misses the black shine of Kris’ smartphone laying on the floor where they were earlier.
As Noelle picks up the phone, it starts to ring. No contact info, no profile picture. But not an unknown caller. Who could be calling Kris at this time of day? She knows it’s rude, maybe invasive, but she’s curious. Too curious.
So Noelle answers the phone. Before she can ask “Who is this?” she flinches from the sound of static blasting through the speakers.
“...Library… fountain… ready…”
What?
“...Bring… Elly,…”
No.
“Hello? W-who are you?”
Silence.
“This isn’t funny, who is this!?”
“...shelter…”
Noelle tried to scream back, but Kris’ phone shut down. She stared at her own reflection for too long before deciding she wasn’t going to be getting much sleep tonight.