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Series:
Part 1 of Ava Needs a Break
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Published:
2026-03-06
Completed:
2026-03-10
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2/2
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The (Un)official Rules of the C.O.I. Towship

Summary:

Due to several incidents and concerns aboard the towship commanded by C.O.I. Captain Ava, She has determined that the rules for her ship must be updated to match proper procedures and protocol following the SM-13 Expedition Incident. The following are the current and updated rules she has written down and expects all under her command to follow.

Addendum: Updates to rules will be done if enough incidents occur that require the list of rules to be updated

Chapter 1: The (Un)official Rules of the C.O.I. Towship

Notes:

Hello once again for another fic that I never thought I would write but here we are. This time based on a type of fic I have not seen in over a decade. I swear I can not find any for the life of me lol. If any of you remember those fics named like: 100 Things XYZ Are Not Allowed To Do, think that but its the rules Ava has had to painstakingly update to match the insanity that is her crew and situation

Edit: I have added new rules! Just pretend Ava had to go back and update some rules bc her crewmates are incredibly chaotic and she needs to update them every few days/weeks

(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)

Chapter Text

  1. All personnel must follow Captain Ava’s instructions, rules, or orders, failure to comply will result in punishments that Captain Ava deems appropriate

  2. All rules are subject to change based on Captain Ava’s determination and incidents that may occur, see inciting incident information regarding specific rules

  3. If Captain Ava is incapacitated, injured, sick, or unavailable to a degree that she is not able to command, 2nd in Command David will become temporary captain until Captain Ava has recovered or returned

  4. If 2nd in Command David is also incapacitated, injured, sick, or unavailable to a degree that he is not able to command, report to C.O.I. Council for further instructions

  5. Any concerns or requests from crew members on the towship must be given anonymously to the current captain in charge then held as a vote/discussion by the end of the week to ensure fairness and that all issues are resolved peacefully

  6. 2nd in Command David is not allowed to add rules outside of what is appropriate to C.O.I. process and procedure

  7. All convicts who have completed Conviction Realization are now designated C.O.I. Citizens and are welcome aboard the towship, however this privilege will be revoked if former convict is deemed a threat to personnel on boat, to The C.O.I., or other former convicts

  8. Former Convict: Simon is designated Navigator of The Blood Ocean and oversees the progress of former convicts (C.O.I. or Eden), if any crew members have questions direct them to Simon

  9. Any rumors about Simon’s motives, alliances, potential allegiances outside the C.O.I. must end immediately or face punishment

  10. The following subjects are not to be commented on unless required for new expeditions or approved procedures: Changes to Simon’s eyes, arm, or other mutations found on body, Filament Station, the SM-13 Expedition Incident, The Radiation Gun Incident

  11. Simon is not allowed to have any form of command beneath Ava or David due to his prior attempts at one man “mutinies” aka his consistent complaints to Captain Ava

  12. Singing songs related to the ocean, underwater, submarines, prison, or death purposefully in front of Simon are strictly prohibited and Captain Ava is not responsible for what Simon will do in response

  13. The following songs are especially prohibited:

    • Yellow Submarine

    • Scylla

    • Bones in the Ocean

    • Mama

    • Waltz in E-Major, Op. 15 “Moon Waltz”

    • Butcher Vanity

    • I Don’t Want to be Free

    • Willow Tree March

    • The Mind Electric

    • Dream Sweet in Sea Major

  14. The Little Mermaid: Story or Songs are henceforth BANNED:

    • Inciting Incident: Personnel decided to sing the song Part of Your World in front of Simon as an inappropriate joke, Simon in response, Attempted to push said employee overboard saying “Try singing Under the Sea next time asshole, see what happens”

  1. Musicals are now banned from the towship

    • Inciting Incident: Crew Member began singing the opening to Sweeney Todd leading to Simon to become upset over learning the context of the story

  1. Sea Shanties created about the Blood Ocean are forbidden (original or parody)

  2. Do NOT make Drunken Sailor verses about the Blood Ocean

    • Inciting Incident: Over 15 verses of Drunken Sailor lyrics had been created inspired by the SM-13 Expedition Incident

  1. Simon is no longer allowed to listen to music without proper earphones

  2. Do not ask Simon if he is a tree

  3. Do not ask Simon if he is apart of a hive mind

  4. Do not ask Simon if he is a mermaid

    • He has gills, fins, and legs that turn into a tail in the ocean, hes a mermaid

      We are not calling him a mermaid David

  5. Do not ask if Captain Ava is a mermaid (the answer is still no)

  6. Do not call Simon the “Blood God”

  7. Do not ask Simon if fish are friends or food

  8. Do not ask Simon about his harness

  9. Discussions regarding theology, deities, gods, etc. shall not be discussed in front of Simon

    • Inciting Incident: Philosophical debate during break time turned into full on argument after Simon declared “The Quiet Rapture occurred because some fuckhead god being decided to peek in our universe and thought it knew everything, I saw the thing, it’s a giant eye”, incident ended with injuries not limited to bruises, scrapes, black eyes, minor head trauma and a migraine that took Captain Ava 3 days to recover from

  10. If Jack and Simon are in the same room arguing, do not engage, they are adults, let them sort it out

    • Inciting Incident: Jack had confronted Simon regarding Radiation Gun Incident, attempts by 3rd party to diffuse situation led to both Jack and Simon turning on 3rd party for trying to insert themselves in conversation

  1. If Jack starts making physical aggression/contact towards Simon, once again do not engage, they are adults, they will handle it, if physical contact turns into full on brawl inform Captain Ava who will handle their temper tantrum (see above incident)

  2. If Jack and Simon begin to act friendly towards each other, it’s the 2nd end of the universe and all hope is lost inform Captain Ava so that a wellness check can be performed and to determine if they are actually being friendly towards each other or pretending so that people will leave them alone

  3. Do not let David and Simon be in the same room as each other without supervision of a third party

    • Inciting Incident: 2nd in Command David had goaded Simon into “experiments” regarding Simon’s mutations and ‘control’ of the blood ocean, results of said “experiments” nearly capsized the ship, leading to mass hysteria/chaos onboard

  1. Eye puns/jokes are banned

  2. Arm puns/jokes are banned

  3. Do NOT ask Simon to throw you into the blood ocean under ANY circumstance

  4. Addendum to rule above: Do NOT under any circumstance Jump in, Swim in, Drink or Cook with the blood (Yes, Simon is able to go into to the blood ocean without a sub, No he is not the god of the blood ocean because of this, it will kill you, not make you immortal)

  5. Do not introduce Simon to Pre-Quiet Rapture Memes

  6. Do not introduce Simon to Post-Quiet Rapture Memes

  7. If a crew member is sick, it is inappropriate to ask if we have to feed them to the Blood Ocean Tree, the answer will always be no and the person who suggests it will be put on sanitation duty for a month

  8. C.O.I. Council Members make random in person checks to see our progress regarding Blood Ocean research on AT-5, It is recommended that Simon not be present during these checks, please follow proper procedure:

    • Alert Captain Ava using appropriate code and direct Simon to nearest secure area (e.g. dorm, closet, the blood ocean) until C.O.I. Council Member leaves to ensure no arguments between Simon and the council member occur

    • Inciting Incident: Impromptu check from C.O.I. Council Member Joseph had to be rescheduled as council member and Simon began to have heated debate over the current Conviction Realization regulations nearly ending with Simon getting sent back to incarceration had Jack not stepped in and drew Simon’s attention away from the council member

  9. Games such as Uno and Monopoly are now restricted to 2-3 players per game due to consistent issues of threats and fights by players during games

    • Inciting Incident: Simon had unexpectedly won a game of Uno on his first try after 3 hours of nonstop playing, leading to the 5 other crew members plotting to throw him overboard and lock him out of the towship, all crew members involved were reprimanded and punished

  1. Simon is prohibited from jumping into blood ocean to escape duties on towship he deems unnecessary or annoying

  2. Do not volunteer any crew member for Conviction Realization just because you do not like them

  3. Do NOT touch the remains of the SM-13 or other burner subs unless authorized

  4. Do not go "fishing" in the blood ocean using Simon as bait

  5. Do not touch Jack’s equipment he is very particular about his stuff

  6. Do not threaten to throw Jack’s equipment into the ocean if he doesn’t help you right away, Captain Ava is not responsible for what he might do in retaliation

  7. Do not try to set up Simon with any personnel for a date onboard the towship

    • Inciting Incident: Several Crew members believed that Simon had a crush on Jack, the result of the planned “date” ended with Simon holding Jack back while Jack threatened to weld all their beds into the next SM sub

  8. All SM subs must be referred to their designated title, no nicknames, including:

    • The Iron Lung

    • The Metal Tube

    • The Heap of Garbage

    • OSHA Violations

    • Geneva Convention Violator

    • The Sin Against Nature

    • The Microwave

    • The Yellow Submarine’s Evil Twin

    • That Thing

    • The Titan Submersible (Jack specifically takes offense to this)

  9. During expeditions into blood ocean, all SM subs must be accompanied by Simon to deter potential threats/issues that may occur

  10. During these expeditions rules related to songs or music still apply personnel driving SM subs

    • Inciting Incident: SM-15 pilot began to hum the song: Bones in the Ocean only to hear loud screeching and banging noises outside (Simon could hear the crew member underwater, became frustrated, and found a way to stop them)

  1. Personnel piloting SM-15 are prohibited from asking Simon during expedition to get in front of the sub and “smile for the camera”

  2. If Simon declares an area of the blood ocean off limits during expedition, he is not keeping you from the secrets of the universe or preventing you from meeting a god, he is keeping you from dying

  3. During expeditions on SM-15, personnel are banned from holding down camera button to “save time and energy” it’s a radiation gun, you will be irradiated if used frequently, read the manuals

  4. Materials found inside SM-15 are not to be used to pilot SM subs, do not hold the controls using binders, tape, or medical equipment onboard (See SM-13 Expedition Incident)

  5. Life jackets are not to be put in Simon’s room

  6. Any new convicts for rehabilitation originally from Eden must either be kept separate from Simon or must have 3rd person with them until they are deemed completely rehabilitated, for the new convict’s safety and crewmates sanity

    • Inciting Incident: New Eden convict subject to Conviction Realization had escaped bindings and attempted assault on Simon, stating Simon had betrayed Eden’s cause, Eden convict was quickly subdued by Simon who throat chopped convict, threw them the ground, held them down, and proceeded to threaten to “make them listen to the loudest most annoying fucking thing they have ever heard” if they did not calm down, when convict did not comply, Simon proceeded to put his headphones on the new convict and play his music player at full blast (It was later revealed that Simon had the hull breach alert recorded onto his music player, the audio file was found to be around 2 hours long)

  1. Reformed convicts specifically from Eden are not to request Simon take them to the Blood Ocean Tree (See incident above)

  2. Reformed Eden convicts are not to refer to Simon as the Blood Ocean Tree’s “Messiah” (Once again: see incident above)

  3. Personnel are not allowed to explain lore from centuries old stories to Simon to see how he'd react. Including but not limited to:

    • Five Nights At Freddy’s

    • Warhammer 40k

    • The Lord of The Rings

    • The Call of Cthulhu (H.P. Lovecraft in general preferably)

    • The King in Yellow

    • Dune

    • I Have No Mouth and I Must Scream

    • Half Life

    • Subnautica

    • Sonic the Hedgehog

  4. If Simon returns from an expedition with a fish big or small: do NOT eat the fish, give it to the researchers immediately

  5. All researchers onboard ship must ask permission from Simon to study the Blood Ocean Tree, do not coerce him into saying yes, he will get revenge later

  6. Researchers are not to perform experiments on Simon without the full consent of both Simon and Captain Ava, blind or hidden experiments do not help the C.O.I. and do not build trust amongst crew members

  7. Do not call expeditions into the blood ocean Simon's:

    • Enrichment time

    • Walkies

    • Play time

    • Olympic Training

    • Excuse to not participate in group activities

    • Excuse to meet god

    • Tree worship time

  8. Due to Simon’s new "abnormalities" after SM-13 Expedition Incident, he must return to the Blood Ocean minimum twice a day for 30 minutes each, do not try to prevent him from going, and especially do not score his dives into the blood ocean

    • Inciting Incident: Simon had begun to have issues breathing due to forgetting his required time in the ocean, he began to panic and sprinted to the SM hanger and yelled at someone to "drop him". He then proceeded to do a professional dive into the ocean below, 3 crew members inside the hanger who watched him ranked him 10, 10, and 7

  1. Simon is not allowed to read from website: archiveofourown.org for more than 1 hour per day (See incident above)

  2. If Simon loses his knife holster and you find it, immediately return it Simon, if he deems you “worthy”, this means nothing he’s just fucking with you

  3. Refer to Simon only as his name, do not call him:

    • Convict

    • Butcher

    • Ariel

    • The Eden Guy

    • The Eldritch Being’s Favorite Chew Toy

    • The C.O.I.’s Pet Goldfish

    • Nessie

    • Nemo

    • Mermaid Man

    • Sashimi

  4. Personnel are not to ask engineers if the SM subs can run Doom

  5. Personnel are not to bribe engineers to attach working Doom rom onto SM Subs

  6. Engineers are not to try and run Doom on towship or SM computers

  7. It has been made aware that someone had uploaded handheld device emulators and Pokémon Roms onto the towship tablets. it should be noted that we are here to observe and research the blood ocean, not catch digital creatures

  8. Addendum: Tablets with the roms can be used during communal hours/breaks

  9. Addendum 2: Competitive Pokémon battles between crew are banned

  10. Stop humming the Jaws theme when Simon comes up from an expedition

  11. We don't need a bigger boat

  12. The creature found during SM-13 Expedition Incident is not the ship mascot

  13. Simon is not the ship mascot

  14. Stop asking for a ship mascot

  15. At beginning of SM mission is it not appropriate to say "Here's hoping this one doesn't implode" as good luck

  16. Due to reasons not quite clear to the Captain, Simon has printed out pictures of 2 dogs and taped them to his room wall. He will not give an answer as to how he found the pictures and has confirmed he does not know who they are, he just says they are his Morale Boosters, do not touch the pictures it's the happiest we've seen him in a while

  17. Simon will sometimes appear to be standing still not responding, do not panic, when Simon is in this state he is in his words, "Speaking to the God-Being Prick"

    • Inciting Incident: Simon was found standing motionless near guardrail of towship, medical was alerted immediately who found nothing wrong physically, when Simon awoken after nearly 7 hours, psychological evaluation was conducted, no issues found aside from what was previously diagnosed, when asked what happened, Simon explained that he was summoned by the god (Note: Simon specified it was not God himself) that caused The Quiet Rapture, whom Simon had immediately started demanding they bring back the planets and stars or fuck off. He had apparently spent the full 7 hours explaining what grass was to the entity, according to Simon this is a regular occurrence and he has made some progress (Note: C.O.I, Council will not be informed of this, I doubt they would believe anyone if reported). 

    • Procedure if Simon is found in this situation: Inform Captain, attempt to direct Simon to closed off area to prevent him from going overboard accidentally, have one crewmember watch over in case issue arises (shift rotations may be necessary)

  18. Personnel are not to ask Simon to explain memes to the god

  19. Do not form a cult around Simon and the entity or compare them to biblical figures

  20. When expedition completes Simon must wait until completely washed and dried off until he can resume walking on towship to prevent contamination and to ensure Simon returns to normal shape and size

    • Inciting Incident: After required 30 minute ocean time, Simon had decided to crawl around the towship instead of waiting for his features to become more human, causing several personnel to run in terror thinking a blood ocean creature got on board (they were only half right) and as a result had entire towship waste time cleaning off the towship of the blood stains

  21. Do not ask Simon how many swears he knows

    • Inciting Incident: 15 minutes of unique curse words

  22. Don’t not say "Why has God forsaken me?" when minor inconvenience happens

  23. Do not reply with "God has forsaken us already."

  24. Do not try to do a guessing game of Simons last name (Apparently it's considered rude for non friends/family to know ones last name on Eden)

  25. Stop asking if Captain or Jack know Simon's last name

  26. No betting pools on the survival of the SM Pilot during expedition

  27. To prior Eden convicts, please stop trying to use the blood in an attempt to make compost or soil without assistance from R&D, It is very volatile

    • Inciting Incident: Prior Eden convict had taken a small sample of ocean blood in hopes to use it to create a small garden for the towship, Small vial containing the blood had quickly been overrun with blood vines and took several hours to cut through

  28. Do not ask if Captain Ava has a favorite crewmember Maybe I do maybe I don't :)

  29. Stop putting the computer desktop backgrounds as the Blood Ocean creatures found during expeditions

  30. No putting personnel in SM sub as a prank

  31. Simon is not to be given a weapon during expedition

    • Inciting Incident: Simon was given a welded spear after requesting one several times, even drawing a crudely drawn picture to convince Captain Ava to approve the spear (see image attached). Spear was made out of scrap metal of little to no value. Simon brought the spear during an expedition and unfortunately the spear got severely bent after stabbing a creature defending the SM-15, said spear now stays in his room as a decoration after repair was done

    • Simon's Drawing:
    • Simons Picture

Notes:

yes that image was made by me, I made it on my phone in 3 minutes, no I am not an artist, and in my head Simon is a great cartographer but not a great artist