Chapter Text
It was a sort of open secret between the older members of staff at the Pitt. Something never acknowledged, but definitely remembered. The memories of an eager med student and an up-and-coming doctor on his path to being an attending. The spark between the two, as they poured over a case together. The touches, the looks. Until it was quickly cut short.
Frank had been so happy to find someone like him. A realist, surrounded by optimistic newbies being told by a sea of pessimistic doctors to cut it off. Frank and Robby were right in the middle back then. Never optimistic enough, but not yet soured or worn down by the world.
They had connected instantly, and soon were inseparable from each other. Robby, with a little more sway as a true doctor, would rope Frank into his cases. And after work they would go get food, debrief about work and talk about their personal lives.
Things had gotten particularly personal after an extra rough shift, where instead of going to their usual burger spot, Robby had invited Frank over to his apartment.
It was nice. Way nicer than the situation Frank had. He let out a casual joke, “So this is what a doctor’s salary can get you?”
“Oh, yeah,” Robby said, with pride dripping into his voice. He still loved every piece of the work back then. “But I’m saving up for a proper house. A little outside the city.”
Frank had smiled, at the idea of Robby wanting peace and quiet, at the idea he might get to see this future house. He really hoped he had a place in Robby’s future.
After watching some horrible cable TV, Frank bugged Robby about dinner enough for him to order in from their place. They watched more shitty TV, sharing fries and a milkshake, late into the night. Thank God they didn’t have work in the morning, or at all the next day.
“Getting tired?” Robby asked, sparing a look at Frank whose eyes were struggling to stay open. “You can crash here tonight?”
“You sure?”
Robby didn’t answer him. Instead, he went into his bedroom, coming back a few minutes later with some spare pajamas. Frank used the guest bathroom right off of the living room to change into them. Frank had been working on building up some muscle, but his build still wasn’t anywhere close to Robby’s. The clothes hung loosely on him, too big for him. It made that butterfly flutter start in his stomach, the one that often happened around Robby.
He wondered if Robby felt it too. Especially when he came back out and Robby gave him a sly grin, looking him over. “They almost fit,” Robby had said after a good minute of staring.
“Better than nothing,” Frank teased back, not exactly sure if Robby had been trying to flirt with him or not. It was best not to assume.
During his time changing, Robby had set up a makeshift bed on the couch. After the shift they had today, it looked like heaven. Frank wasted no time in making his way over and plopping down on the bed.
“Woah, woah, woah,” Robby said. A warm hand placed on Frank’s back. “This isn’t for you.”
“It’s not?” Maybe Frank had somehow misjudged this whole situation?
“A guest in my house doesn’t sleep on the couch. Take the bed.”
Oh. Robby wanted Frank to sleep in his bed.
Eventually Frank’s mind caught up to him, not frozen with what Robby had said. “No, this is your house. I can’t take the bed from you. That’s totally unfair.”
“Well, either you take it or we share it.”
And there was just no arguing with that. Not that Frank ever argued with Robby, who was everything he admired in a doctor. So he agreed. With no argument.
And he continued to agree as they laid there in the dark, breathing in each other’s Co2. All but said yes as Robby leaned in to kiss him. And his body ached with begging as it went on, and on… and on.
And, just like in the Pitt, Robby made Langdon feel so loved and cared for. There was no judgement once their clothes came off, not even a comment besides a whisper of how handsome Frank was. It was perfect.
So then why did Frank sneak out the next morning? Before the sun was even out, slipping on shoes, and his jeans… but Robby’s shirt that didn’t even fit him. He wanted to leave a note, but it was too dark and he didn’t want to go searching through Robby’s drawers. He just left.
Things went back to normal. The night was never mentioned. Frank assumed that it was a one-off, some cosmic shift in the universe after such a horrible shift that led to neither of them thinking correctly.
Then there was the distance. Self-imposed isolation from Robby. The symptoms had crept up on Frank. First he thought it was the flu, then a stomach bug, then it was undeniable. The morning sickness, the way that the smell of the IV made him want to vomit, but then the smell of rubbing alcohol sounded like the best thing he could ever imagine. And once Frank had finally admitted to himself that he was well and truly pregnant, he knew he could never be close to Robby like that again.
Frank rode out the months he could in the Pitt. With larger sized scrubs and careful avoidance of Robby, his best friend Jack, or the nurse that seemed to have an eye for calling out bullshit. Then he took a “family emergency vacation”. At least that was what he told his coworkers, the lady from HR knew the true story.
That he went back home to his parents house to have their daughter. He couldn’t risk Robby finding out he was pregnant, and he especially couldn’t go into labor unexpectedly and be rushed to PTMC just for Robby to treat him.
So back in his home town, in a hospital he didn’t trust as much, he gave birth to her. Trinity Ruth-Michelle. A good 6 pounds, 3 ounces of pure crying. She had Robby’s dark brown eyes, but Frank’s black hair. She was perfect.
Too perfect for Frank to keep. He would mess it all up. And it would mean that he could never go back to the Pitt. Or he would have to tell Robby everything. Face the disappointment that Robby would inevitably have. Robby had never talked about wanting a kid, or a family. And Frank couldn’t provide for a baby, not as a med student. He would have to rely on Robby. He couldn’t put either of them in that position.
So Frank gave the little girl two pieces of her father Robby. The name of his grandma and one matching his first name. Frank chose her first name for himself, hoping that she would find her path in life. Find a place for herself.
The hospital arranged the placement, and that was it. The social workers would be coming to pick her up by the end of the day, and Frank would go back to his parent’s house. Wait out the rest of his maternity leave and then rejoin the Pitt like nothing ever happened.
Frank held his baby girl one last time, smoothing out the hair on her head. He used a trick that Robby had taught him once.
“Thank you for coming into my life. I didn’t plan on you, and maybe if things were different, if I was better or older, this wouldn’t be a goodbye. But I’m glad to have had you. You will stay in my life and my thoughts forever. I truly do love you, Trinity Ruth-Michelle.” The words jammed up in Frank’s throat as she made little coos. “I forgive you for happening now, when I can’t keep you. And I hope you can forgive me one day for not making things work. I wish I could have made them work. But you deserve so much better, Trinity. I love you.”