Chapter Text
Ava knew exactly where she was before even opening her eyes. The familiar smell of pinewood and cinnamon wafted to her nose, flooding her mind with the memory of all those early mornings spent in the living room. The feeling of comfort and familiarity. Of home.
It always gave her a sense of belonging. Home made her happy in a way few other things could. Now, lying on the couch with her eyes still closed, she took it all in, but somehow she didn't feel like she had expected. She didn’t feel right. Ava had thought relief would wash over her. Relief over the fact that, despite the surreal reality of her dream, that it had been just that, a dream. But what Ava felt wasn't relief or even comfort, on any level.
What she felt was different.
It was a strange, twisted feeling of emptiness. Like she had left a part of herself behind. Like this was a facade, a lie. Like this wasn't were she truly belonged.
In the darkness of her eyelids, she allowed herself to be honest.
She wanted to go back. As frightening and downright traumatizing as the experience had been, she couldn't help but long for it. For the people she knew and yet didn't. For the wonder and danger of the world she had only thus seen through a screen.
For adventure.
She didn't open her eyes for a while. Simply enjoying the memories that flooded her mind. It had been so vivid, so incredibly real.
Cassandra's threats that had sent her heart racing, Varric's mirth that was so incredibly infectious, and Solas’s laugh, which almost had her giggling like a love-struck pre-teen...
Ava indirectly noticed someone moving closer, but didn't want to open her eyes yet. She didn’t want to let go of her alternate reality.
But her mother's voice snapped her back into the present reality faster than a dying controller.
"Sweetie, are you awake?" A warm hand reached out and lovingly caressed her messy head of auburn hair. Ava flinched slightly but then leaned into her mother's touch.
"Honey, are you crying?" She asked concerned. Somehow, Ava hadn’t noticed the wet streaks running down her cheeks.
Another hand joined the first, and soon Ava's face was hugged by a tangle of fingers. "Everything is all right now. You're okay, you're safe."
Safe
The word echoed in Ava's mind. That's what she always chose wasn't? No risk, just the safe comfort of mediocrity.
"I made you breakfast." Her mother continued "It's your favorite, pancakes with strawberry jam."
Ava opened her eyes, blinking away the tears and sleep. She smiled at her mother and then her gaze fell upon the familiar flower patterned tray, with a snow white plate and a cup she had made when she was five. She barely noticed the food.
"Thanks mom but I don't think I can eat right now."
A shimmer of worry flashed over her mother's face.
"At least drink your hot chocolate," she pleaded. "After all, it was freezing yesterday. And although Harper wrapped you in a cocoon of blankets, I think warming yourself from the inside is a good idea."
Ava looked down at herself and smiled at the heap of blankets. She noticed Birdy, Harper’s favorite bright yellow blanket, had a stitched insignia near the edge of the fabric. There had been a time when she could not sleep without it. How much her little sister had grown...
Ava shifted up and took a sip of coco.
"I'm sorry," she mumbled against the cup.
"You should be. I mean really, what were you thinking?" Her mother's words were harsh but her tone is gentle and soothing.
She seems more concerned than mad… I hope.
"I don't know," she evaded. Her mother’s brow began to raise in debate as she continued. "It all just got too much. I ... I just had to clear my head."
Her mother's lips pursed.
"So you just had to leave." Her words were heavy with unsaid implications.
Ava swallowed.
"Yes."
"So, what you’re telling me is that you actually want to leave, is that it?" Her voice started to waver. "Has money has become more important to you than your own family?"
"Mom that's not true! You know that's not true!"
"Don't lie to me Ava!" Her mother's hands started to twitch. "Don't you dare lie to me! We have raised you better than this!" She let out a huff of air. “At least I thought we had."
Ava's heart twisted. She saw the disappointment, the raw hurt in her mother's eyes. She would give anything to not see her like that. She would sacrifice everything, even her own happiness. Which was ultimately what she was about to do, wasn't it?
"Mom if it means that much to you I'll stay." She could end it there, just close her mouth and smile. Be the good little girl she had always been. But it flowed out of her like a fast, crumbling waterfall of words. "But if I’m being honest with you, it's not what I want."
There was a moment of silence in which she met her mother's stare. Her glare practically burrowed right into Ava's soul. It was deeply unsettling. Ava's heart started to pound in her ears. For the first time she could remember, she was frightened of her mother.
"So you really are abandoning your family?" Her mother screeched.
"Mom, that's not fair! I..."
A small voice interrupted from across the room. Harper was standing at the door with a look of devastation on her face.
"You're leaving? Why? Where are you going?"
She turned just in time to catch a glimpse of her younger sister's face, before it practically slammed into Ava’s stomach. Wrapping her in a hug that felt more like a cobra than a seven-year-old girl.
Ava didn't know how to soothe the look of pure sorrow in her large hazel eyes.
"Harper I..."
"Your sister is abandoning her family."
"Mother"
Harper's little hands clutched even tighter. "Ava don't leave! Did I do something wrong? I'm sorry I'm in your room now, you can have it back! You can have your dolls back too! Just please stay!"
Ava gave Harper the most encouraging smile she could muster and patted her back encouragingly.
"Oh Harper! No, no, no! I'm not leaving because of you! I could never leave you! I'm just moving. It's just... a great opportunity. An adventure!"
Harper seemed to consider that information for a moment.
"You... you could go in the cellar!" She yelled and started to bounce. "It's practically the jackpot of all treasures! Last month I found a dreamcatcher there!"
"That..." Ava started, but Harper wasn't finished.
"Or we can go into the forest! Like last year!"
Ava smiled at her.
"We can still do that Harp!"
"No but... if you want to move somewhere, can't you just come back here? You can stay in my room! We’ll be roomies again! Or I’ll stay on the couch! Or you can stay on the couch if you like it better. Or..."
Ava wrapped her hands around sister's soft face.
"Harper, sweetie listen. I..."
Harper's eyes started to well. She stepped away. Her soft hands balled into baseball sized fists. And then she started holding her breath.
"No, Harp."
Ava reached out to her, ready to pull her into a hug; but before she could do so, her sister, the sweet, innocent little girl, the most important person in her life, simply shattered into pieces.
Ava's scream tore through the air, the sound laden with despair and agony, and yet it is not enough. Nothing could ever put this feeling justice. She stared wide-eyed at the remains. Chunks of flesh, pieces of her sister littered the floor.
Ava looked at the fleshy heap that laid before her with utter incomprehension.
Her eyes frantically scanned the room, seeing and yet somehow not seeing. Then they froze on a piece with Harper's face, staring back at her with lost eyes, like the broken mask of a porcelain doll. Ava felt as though she was the one being torn apart.
Her mother threw herself to the ground, crying, desperately trying to fit the pieces together. The rational part of Ava's brain knew that this was illogical, impossible. And yet it was eclipsed by a much stronger feeling.
Her sister was gone. Her sweet, innocent, kind hearted sister was gone. It made no sense. This wasn't real. This couldn't possibly be real and yet it clawed at her heart with such a force that sucked the breath from her soul.
Her mother had apparently given up piecing her sister together. Now she simply cradled the broken pieces like a baby.
And then, with a loud 'clank', the door slammed open and her father stormed in. He stared around the room his eyes wide with shock, and them they locked with Ava's.
His stare was one with deadly intention.
"What have you done?" he screamed, the vein on his forehead pulsing dangerously.
"I..." Ava screeched, having barely enough air for that "I..."
"What have you done?" he bellowed again and Ava winced. Tears began to flow down her face as she struggled to catch her breath.
This isn’t my fault! How could this possibly be...
Her thought was stopped by another pulse of shock.
Her father's face started to shift. At first Ava thought her eyes were playing tricks, a mirage caused by her unbearable hurt and panic.
But soon it became obvious that it was no hallucination. His face was actually beginning to transform.
His jaw shifted and his body began to twist in ripples, as if starting to boil. Ava recoiled instantly, something bumped into her feet. She couldn’t bear the thought, but she knew it was Harper’s remains. But her mind was alert, focused. Prey trying to escape its’ predator. Somehow her hand instinctively found the knife on her plate. She looked up. Her father was now a distorted version of himself. His arms were now demonically extended to the floor, mouth agape with fangs hanging from his gums. His green eyes that were so much like her own, stared back at her with fiery rage.
"Dad, please!" Her plea hoarse from fear.
She had no time to think. He came at her like a raging beast.
Ava braced herself for the impact. She could hear him scream in agony, as the knife dug into his flesh.
Ava screamed in despair as she snapped awake.