Chapter Text
October 2, 2016
Dear diary,
Paris feels different lately. The streets are calmer than they were a few months ago, even though we still have akuma attacks frequently, so the sudden moments of peace almost feel unfamiliar. People smile more, cafés stay open later, and tourists are slowly returning. From the outside it looks like Paris has finally started to heal.
It has been three months since the final battle against the supervillain Monarch. Three months since everything changed.
Three months since I lost my father.
Ladybug told everyone the same story. According to her, my father helped her during the final moments of the battle. He sacrificed himself to stop Monarch and saved Paris in the process. Because of that, the city now remembers Gabriel Agreste as a hero.
Statues and memorials have even been discussed. Sometimes reporters mention his name with admiration when they talk about the end of Monarch’s reign.
And yet, every time I hear it, something inside me feels wrong.
I keep thinking about the man I grew up with. My father was distant. Cold. Strict in ways that sometimes felt impossible to understand. He rarely showed emotion and almost never spoke about anything that was not work or my future. I remember dinners that passed in complete silence, long hours alone in the house, and the feeling that I always had to be perfect.
That man saving Paris with a heroic sacrifice does not make sense.
I want to believe it. I really do. But the pieces in my mind do not fit together.
These thoughts have been circling in my head for weeks now. Sometimes they keep me awake at night. That is why I started talking about them with my therapist. At first I thought it would feel strange, but it actually helps more than I expected. Saying things out loud makes them feel less heavy. Still, every session ends with the same question that nobody can answer.
Who was my father really?
Whenever I walk around the house now, it feels empty in a way I cannot explain. Nathalie still takes care of things and she does her best to keep everything running normally. She has been kinder lately, softer somehow. Sometimes I catch her looking at me like she wants to say something but stops herself at the last moment.
Maybe I am imagining it.
Maybe everyone is just trying to move on.
Being Cat Noir has helped keep my mind busy. The new holder of the Butterfly Miraculous has not given Paris a moment to breathe. Whoever they are, they seem determined to continue Monarch’s work. Akumas appear almost every day. Some are small incidents and others turn the entire city upside down.
Ladybug and I barely get time to rest.
Sometimes I wonder if the new Butterfly holder is trying to prove something. The attacks feel more chaotic and unpredictable than before.
Still, Ladybug and I manage to stop them every time.
Working together with her has always been the best part of being Cat Noir. Even after everything that has happened, she remains strong and focused. Paris trusts her more than ever.
But something about her has changed.
It is subtle, but I can feel it.
She carries more weight on her shoulders now. Sometimes when she thinks no one is looking, her expression becomes distant. Like she is thinking about something far away. Something heavy.
I want to ask her about it when we are fighting together, but there is never time.
Outside of our hero lives, I get to spend time with Marinette. Being with her is still the happiest part of my day. We try to go on as many dates as possible between school, patrols, and the chaos of Paris. Sometimes we walk along the Seine. Other times we just sit together and talk about nothing important.
At least we used to.
Lately she has been busy almost all the time. More than usual. She always says it is because of school projects, helping her parents at the bakery, or designing new things. I believe her, of course. Marinette always works harder than anyone I know.
But something feels off.
There are moments when she looks nervous when certain topics come up. Especially when people talk about Monarch or the final battle. She quickly changes the subject or finds a reason to leave the conversation.
I tried asking her about it once. She smiled and told me everything was fine.
For some reason that answer made me feel even worse. I hate the feeling that something important is happening around me and I am the only one who does not understand it. Like everyone else is reading a book while I am stuck on a missing page.
Today something strange happened that I cannot stop thinking about.
At school, Nino mentioned the final battle again while we were eating lunch. He was talking about how incredible it must have been when Ladybug defeated Monarch. Everyone started sharing theories about what the fight looked like.
Marinette dropped her fork.
It was a small sound, but the entire table went quiet for a moment.
She quickly laughed it off and said she was just tired. Then she stood up and said she needed to go help in the art room. She left before anyone could ask more questions.
I watched her walk away and felt something twist in my stomach.
Maybe I am overthinking things.
My therapist says that grief can make people search for patterns that are not really there. Maybe that is what is happening to me.
Still, tonight when I was walking through the halls of the house, I passed my father’s office.
The door was slightly open.
That room has been closed for weeks. Nathalie told me it would take time before anyone sorted through his work and designs. I never questioned it. I did not feel ready to go inside anyway.
But tonight the light was on.
I stood there for a moment, looking at the door.
Part of me wanted to walk away.
Another part of me wanted answers.
I do not know why, but I suddenly felt like that room might hold something important. Something that could explain the strange feeling that has been following me for weeks.
I did not go in.
Not yet.
But I think I will soon.
Because the more time passes, the more I start to feel that the story everyone tells about my father might not be the whole truth.
And if there is something people are hiding from me, I need to find out what it is.