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Jake Peralta, as much as he tried to deny it, was a lightweight.
He could have up to about three drinks before it was as though he had a truth serum, spilling his thoughts out to anyone nearby. And he certainly had a lot of thoughts.
It was reasons like these he almost never had more than one or two drinks when he was out with his friends, just in case he happened to spill something that could cause any Awkward Emotions with his friends- Jake was pretty sure they wouldn't want to deal with the actual messed up parts of him, after all.
Which was why he was currently here, sitting at the counter at Shaw’s, six drinks in and rambling on to some drunk woman beside him about Florida.
See, as someone who didn’t go to therapy, this was the next best thing- he wasn’t about to pay someone to do exactly what…
“What’sss your name…?” He slurred, pausing his thought train to turn to the blonde.
“Shirley,” she purred. “But you call me ‘mommy.’”
Jake laughed. “I’m dating Amy Santiago! We’re in love, love, love…”
“She sounds like a real bitch,” Shirley pointed out.
“No,” Jake replied simply before taking another swig of his drink. “Did you know I almost blew my cover in Florida because I missed her so much…?”
“You might have mentioned it once or twice, cutie.”
See? Why would he pay for some shrink to listen to him when he was perfectly fine talking to Shirley for free until the alcohol numbed his pain completely? Jake giggled drunkenly.
Everyone going to therapy was so stupid.
“So,” Shirley said, twirling a strand of her blonde locks around her finger. “Remind me why we’re not having sex right now?”
“I’m not single. I’m dating Amy Santiago,” Jake repeated. His girlfriend’s name felt nice in his mouth. “‘M not gonna be like my dad.”
“Ooh, there’s more of you? What’s he like?”
“He’s an asshole,” Jake muttered. “He cheated on my mom too many times to count and was never around.”
“I bet he’d be around for me.” Jake began to grow annoyed with- what was her name?- Shirley. Why was she acting like she knew his dad? Like she knew what he’d done?
“Yeah, I’ve heard that before,” Jake replied.
“Why so bitter, Jakey?” Shirley teased. “You know, daddy issues aren’t sexy. Or maybe they are. I forget.”
“Sorry,” Jake bit out (he wasn’t sorry at all), grabbing his drink and standing up to go talk to someone else.
Maybe this was why people chose therapy- probably less of a chance whoever you were talking to was just trying to get in your pants.
“No, Jakeyyy!” Shirley reached up to grab his arm, not letting go even when Jake tried to pull away. “C’mon ditch… Jaime, or whatever, let’s have some fun.”
Jake shook his head, knowing he had the strength to pull away if only he wasn’t so drunk that his arm wasn’t seeming to process the pull away signals being sent from his brain.
He grumbled, growing more annoyed by the moment. “Let go.”
“Not until you give me your number,” Shirley said, smirking and giggling.
“I’m not single!”
“Give me your dad’s number, then.”
“What, so he can beat you, too? Hell no, I’m not letting that happen again. Let. Go.”
“Ooh, he beat you? Kinky…”
“It’s- No! It’s not! It fucking sucked!” Shit, Jake was yelling now. Whatever.
This was why he didn’t go out with his friends, right?- so he could say whatever the fuck he wanted while drunk?
“He was a deadbeat who fucking abused me and my ‘mum, and even though you’re pissing me off right now I’m not letting him do that to you, too, Shayla.”
The blonde woman glared, not even acknowledging what to some might be a concerning lore drop. “It’s Shirley, dickhead. God, you seem fine to me. C’mon, let’s go to my place.”
“Let- ugh- let go!”
“C’mon, Jakey-”
“Nope.” A hand grabbed around Shirley's wrist, pulling her hand off Jake’s arm.
Jake felt like he recognized who it was, but he was also halfway through his seventh beer, so he could have just been hallucinating. Plus, he’d lived in Brooklyn and had been going to Shaw’s for years now- chances where he had met this person before. Maybe it was someone he helped on a case. It could be that, seeing as they were helping him right now.
“He’s being pretty clear that he doesn’t want to do that, lady. Let. Go,” whoever it was growled in Shirley’s direction.
“Ugh, are you that Amy bitch?”
“Nope. But she’s not a bitch,” another voice spoke up, lower than the first- Jake recognized this one, too. His name started with a T, maybe…?
“Yeah, I’m not- now back the fuck off my boyfriend.”
My boyfriend…?
Oh, shit.
“Well, fuck you,” Shirley said, grabbing her drink and drunkenly swaying over to bother somebody else.
“Jacob, would you like to press charges for sexual harassment?"
“Hang on, Cap’, give him a sec.”
“That was so weird!” another voice spoke.
“Wow, Charles calling something weird. Crazy.”
Charles?
Fuck, fuck, shit, Jake was pretty sure he knew who these people were, his brain assigning names every time a new voice spoke.
“Hey! I might be accidentally sexual sometimes, but-”
“Never say ‘sexual’ again. Ew,” Gina muttered.
Charles let out an offended gasp, but was interrupted by Terry before he could say anything.
“Guys, Terry’s all for letting Charles know when he’s being weird, but I think we have other issues right now.”
“Yeah, man, you good?” Rosa asked, and shit, did she hear? She sounded worried-
“Oh, babe, let me see where she grabbed you-”
“Give him space, guys-”
Jake couldn’t handle not knowing anymore.
“Did you hear?”
He squeezed his eyes shut, crossing his fingers that it had been loud enough in the bar or that they had only gotten there after he had spilled everything he had been hiding from his closest friends and girlfriend for years, the fact that Roger was maybe worse than Jake had ever let on.
The fact that he was more fucked up that he had let on.
Jake opened his eyes again and looked back up to the squad to see most of them looking down at the floor as if deciding what to say next.
Fuck, not a good sign.
Charles cocked his head. “Hear what?- oh.”
“I believe he’s speaking about the conversation he was having with-” Holt started, only to get interrupted by Terry finally speaking.
“Yeah, I think Charles remembers, Captain.” He paused. “We heard, Jake.”
Shit.
Not good, okay Jake, maybe you can gaslight them into thinking they didn’t hear you. Play dumb.
“Um… Who’s Jake?”
Not that dumb!
“Uh, I mean, heard what? I’m drunk, you know how drunk people say crazy stuff sometimes! I don’t even remember what I was talking about- was it Die Hard? It was probably Die Hard, I love that movie, did you guys know I love-”
“It wasn’t…about that, Jake,” Amy said, looking him in the eye. “I think you know what we heard.”
“You heard wrong,” Jake replied, growing increasingly defensive as he noticed even Holt was looking at him with his Concerned Face (a slightly deeper frown and tiny crease between his eyebrows)- no, even his Dadptain was looking at him like… that.
Like he was someone to pity.
Jake shivered even though the bar wasn’t cold. Ugh.
“I don’t think we did, dude,” Rosa said, raising an eyebrow.
“Yeah, man, Terry’s got great hearing! And I know what I heard!”
“Well, what the fuck did you hear?”
A few of Jake’s friends flinched back when he snapped, but he honestly couldn’t care anymore- plus, drunk Jake was always a bit like his father in the sense that he was constantly angry.
Why were they shoving their noses into his business? He had been fine for years now with them not knowing.
What were they gonna do, tell him nice things and hug him? (Actually, that sounded pretty nice). They were better off not knowing. He was better off with them not knowing. (Right?)
“We heard that your- that Roger…” Charles swallowed and quietly started, trailing off as if he couldn’t bear to say it.
No one finished his sentence, making Jake grow even angrier, and fuck, he hadn’t even realized he was this mad, but all of a sudden it was like it was the only emotion he could feel.
Why the fuck did his dad do that? Why was he allowed to get away with it? And why was his awesome, amazing, family stuck with him?
He was broken, he was messed up… he wasn’t worth it. He wasn’t worth them. Wait, no that wasn't right. He was pretty sure the alcohol was making him more insecure than usual.
“What?” He said, his voice cracking as he squeezed his eyes shut again. “That he… hit me?”
No one said anything for a couple seconds, but it felt like forever.
Jake opened his eyes and looked up to make sure they were still there just in time to see Amy and Charles rush towards him with a hug. Jake's eyes widened slightly before he practically melted into the affection, whispering a “thanks, guys” to his girlfriend and best friend.
“That’s fucked up, dude,” Rosa said beside him comfortingly. “Want me to kill him?”
Jake blinked a few times before smiling at Rosa’s strange but nice form of affection. “Nah. Thanks for offering, though.”
“Anytime, man.”
Terry ordered beers for everyone after pulling Jake into a hug as well, Gina already back on her phone (although from the buzzing in Jake’s pocket and the way she kept looking up to see if he had checked his phone yet, he was pretty sure she was sending him everything she wasn’t saying out loud- couldn’t ruin her reputation as office Bad Bitch).
Holt appeared beside Jake as soon as Amy and Charles let go, asking if he wanted to press charges (to which Jake said no- he really didn’t want to deal with his dad anymore that he had to, which his new dad Captain thankfully understood).
No one was pitying him, and if they were, it was only showing in the form of affection. They cared about him, and they liked all his parts- even the ones that were a little messed up from things his dad had done.
"Sorry I didn't help back then, Jakester," Gina said after Jake had ignored her messages in the hopes that would actually come talk to him (it worked). "I mean, not tat it's my fault- it's all your asshole of a sperm donor's, obviously- but I didn't notice, and I feel like-"
"It's okay, Gina. I wasn't exactly making it well known," Jake said, leaning on Amy’s shoulder as she kissed the top of his head, trying not to think about the inevitably horrible hangover he was going to have the next day. “You’re helping now. That’s pretty cool.”
"Huh," Gina said, leaning her elbows up against the bar counter behind her. "I guess it is."