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It was late at night at Shaw’s after his seventh Halloween Heist (technically easter heist), and Jake Peralta wasn’t sure how to feel.
He glanced over at Rosa grinning evilly as she proudly wore her crown, relishing in starting an argument between Hitchcock and Scully about who could lie on their back the longest (Jake was pretty sure neither of them were going to be able to get up afterwards).
He turned his attention to his wife, who was currently side-eyeing and not-so-subtly judging Charles as he talked to Holt about some new Korean dish he had recreated (Jake wasn’t really paying attention to the conversation, but judging from the look on Holt’s face as well as Amy’s, his best friend had certainly made something… interesting. Jake grinned into his drink at his best friend’s enthusiasm for cuisine.)
Amy spotted him staring and grinned, waving him over (Jake was 50% sure it was just to run away from Charles).
Jake tried to smile back, but he was pretty sure it ended up just looking more like a grimace, and Amy knew him well enough by now that his fake “everything’s fine” tricks wouldn’t work on her. Her face fell as he looked back down at his drink, not really caring enough about her opinion at the moment to make himself seem alright.
Back to Rosa.
She was looking at him funny now too, her gaze sharp as she tried to decipher what was up with him.
He didn’t make eye contact.
He’d been ignoring his wife and friend all night so far, and it was going pretty well, if he had to say so himself. He figured it was the least they deserved after what they had done.
Or was Jake overreacting? Maybe. But he couldn’t shake the way what they said had stung.
“Wait, how did you know about Jake’s bunny plan?”
“You weren’t the only one listening in on his therapy.”
“You guys were listening in on my therapy?” Jake had said, not quite believing it. Rosa and Amy? No, they wouldn’t. “That feels like a real violation-”
“Jake, Jake, this is Rosa’s moment.”
“Yeah, man, go tell it to your fake therapist.”
“She’s fake!?”
The topic was brushed over- Jake’s was practically told his feelings didn’t matter as much as the heist, as much as his friends did. He had cheered as Rosa accepted her awards, pretended to be okay for the entire night, laughing and smiling on the way to Shaw’s with his friends and wife, but now it was late, and his head hurt from all the noise, and Rosa and Amy were looking at him like he was the weird one, the one acting strange, when they had started all this in the first place.
He wasn’t about to talk to them about it or anything- it was his fault he couldn’t get over it, and he wasn’t about to throw a tantrum like a child.
(So instead he opted for holding a grudge like one.)
But it would have been nice to have a real conversation with them about it.
One where they didn’t brush it off and act like he should have known better, that he should never have trusted them in the first place. And maybe he shouldn't have. He had always blindly trusted and followed anyone who showed him an ounce of kindness in his life, often overestimating how close he actually was with some people, but with Rosa and Amy (his own wife!) he thought it was different.
He thought he could trust them.
Trust was a funny thing when it came to friends.
Jake gave it out so easily (anyone could know that; just look at his friendship with Doug Judy), but it was also something that could be taken away just as fast as it had come.
And Jake felt like his trust was being taken away right now, as he watched Amy and Rosa glance at him a few times with curiosity but not even stop to think whether they could be at fault, whether they just ruined every trusting memory he’s had with them and his therapist for the past eight months.
He felt a hollow pang in his stomach at the thought of every single time he’d spoken about his relationship with his parents, his (maybe slightly unhealthy) work-life balance, how he had felt over his time spent undercover and in prison; all of that, and one of his closest friends and his wife were spying on him.
Jake took another ship of his drink to hide the way his mouth pulled into a tight frown as he blinked away tears.
Amy shot him another worried glance, and for a second Jake felt his hurt and betrayal replaced with anger.
How could she do this to him? Her and Rosa? It wasn’t fair.
It had taken him so long to be trusting enough of a therapist to talk to, to finally start to heal from everything that had happened that he’d kept bottled up for so long, and now she and Rosa were just going to act like nothing happened? Like they hadn’t made him reconsider ever going to therapy again, even though he was finally getting somewhere?
Jake clenched his glass a little harder, grinding his teeth together.
No, no, he was overreacting, it was all fun and games. They had done it for the heist, and everyone knew that nothing that happened in the name of the Halloween Heist was at all personal.
So why did it still sting so much?
Well, Jake knew why, of course- it had taken him decades to finally accept going to therapy, and now he didn’t ever want to go back.
It was supposed to be a safe space, a place where he could vent to someone that wasn’t part of his life about his life, and now he learned that not only was Dr. Sterban never really there to help him, she was also let Amy spy on him (he was pretty sure she didn’t know Rosa was ever there).
Not that he had anything to hide from his wife or Rosa, but the point still was that if he had, they would have invaded his privacy and found out anyway.
Against his will or knowledge.
For the Halloween Heist.
Jake had seen before what people would do to win, yes- Amy had announced herself pregnant one year (even if it was just in the spur of the moment, Jake still felt a little crushed when she admitted she really wasn’t), but it had never gone this far. Jake sighed. As if he didn’t have enough trust issues already.
“You good, man?” Terry asked, coming by to order a second drink. “You’ve been pretty quiet. Terry knows something’s up.”
Jake smiled softly. Terry had noticed he was feeling shitty. Terry asked if he was okay. Gentle, kind, reliable, Terry.
(Would he have spied on Jake, too, given the chance?)
“Yeah, I’m good. Just bummed from losing the heist. Gotta up my game next year.”
“Mhm,” Terry spoke. “And you’re sure that’s it? And it’s not because your wife and friend… how do I put this lightly- highly invaded your privacy?”
Jake laughed bitterly. “Yeah, I mean, that could be part of it.” He glanced at Amy and Rosa to make sure he wasn’t being spied on (again) before turning back to Terry. “I dunno. They haven’t even said anything.”
“Maybe you should try talking to them, Jake,” Terry suggested. “You gotta stand up for yourself, even if it’s around your family. Especially if it’s around your family. What they did isn’t okay.”
“How are you so good at this?”
“I’ve been a dad for almost ten years, it’s what I do.”
“Thanks, Terry.”
“Anytime, Jake.”
Jake thought about what Terry said, he really did. It was just- he wasn’t going to lie, it was scary.
One of the reasons he hadn’t gone to therapy for so long was because of how he’d grown up with his mom too spacey to teach his anything half the time and his dad visiting a few times a year to let him know how unmanly it was to be vulnerable (which was literally what therapy was all about).
Jake was getting better, sure, but this had definitely set him back a bit, and it wasn’t helping that he was so, so scared about how Rosa and Amy would react if he tried to talk to them about how they hurt him.
Eventually, he decided to let it go- he would get over it on his own, like how he’d always done before therapy, and everything would be okay just shoved down.
Yeah, he didn’t need to talk to anyone about his feelings. He would be fine.
Unfortunately, he wasn't really given much of a choice in the matter.
“Outside. Now.” Rosa grabbed his arm as he took another sip of his drink about ten minutes after her conversation with Terry, Amy right behind her with a softer, more apologetic look on her face than Rosa’s constant murderous stare.
“Wait, I just need to tell somebody where I’m going first so they know who did it when they find my body,” Jake half-joked, partially just not wanting to talk with the two at the moment.
If only Amy and Rosa didn’t know him so well that they could tell he was being purposefully avoidant, he might have actually been able to run away to the men’s bathroom for the rest of the night. Although he would be kinda homeless if he tried avoiding Amy and longer after then, seeing as they lived together and all that.
“Jake, please,” Amy said quietly. “I think we should talk.”
Jake looked her in the eyes for a moment, his grin sliding off his face as he muttered, “Fine.”
“Thanks, babe,” Amy said, reaching out to grab his hand as the three walked out the door. Jake put it in his pocket, ignoring the hurt on her face.
“Yeah, that’s exactly what we’re gonna talk about,” Rosa said in acknowledgment of Amy’s awkward and tense attempt at hand holding. “Why are you acting so weird?”
Jake couldn’t help it. He had been trying to keep it to himself all night, trying to avoid the topic because he didn’t want to seem like he actually got hurt, that he actually had feelings. But he just couldn’t help it anymore. “I’m acting weird? Me?”
Amy nodded. “Mhm.”
“You two were the ones who were acting weird! Do you know how fucked up it is to spy on my therapy for eight months?!” Jake tried to keep his voice down as much as he could, seeing as they were only just outside Shaw’s and no one was drunk enough to forget about this tomorrow if they remembered. It was bad enough that Jake was about to have Amy and Rosa laugh at him, let alone the rest of the squad (except maybe Terry and Charles).
Although he may have been a bit off in his hypothesis that he would be made fun of, judging by the actually… apologetic looks on Amy and Rosa’s faces?
“Told you he was pissed about that,” Rosa said to Amy, who ignored her.
“Wait, Jake, it was just for the heist… I didn’t mean to-”
Well, that wasn’t an apology.
“Yes, you did mean to!” Well, if Jake was doing this, he was going all in. Might as well spill all his guts out. Metaphorically, of course. “I know it was for the heist, but… ugh! There’s boundaries, Ames! And you too, Rosa!”
For once, neither his wife or his friend had an answer. No snarky comeback, no explanation, not even a “sorry”.
Jake huffed and re-entered the bar, neither Rosa or Amy trying to stop him.
He woke up the next morning to find Amy's side of the bed still made. Or, well, it would have been made if Jake didn’t move so much when he slept, but the point was, she never came home.
Jake checked his phone to make sure everything was all right, memories of the night before coming back in bits and pieces as he woke up. A single text from Amy.
Holly Gennaro <33: Staying at Rosa’s. See you at work.
Jake sighed. He had really fucked this up. He really hadn’t thought through last night- sure, it might seem like Amy and Rosa were in the wrong on the surface, but Jake had never been great at knowing when he was acting childish or when he was actually deserving of an apology.
(Hell, it had taken him years to finally tell off his dad- before then, he’d genuinely just blamed himself.)
He ran a hand through his hair, sighing as he ran through an apology in his head to tell Amy and Rosa when he got to work. Maybe he was overreacting. It was all just for the heist, right? Just fun and games.
He was still going to cancel his next booked appointments with Dr. Sterban, though.
The car ride was boring, because even though Jake was finally allowed to play whatever music he wanted, he had gotten used to driving into work with his wife every day, talking about their weird dreams and whatever movie they had watched the night before. Jake locked their car and walked into the building, spotted Rosa’s motorbike as he did, along with her helmet and an extra locked up with it- Amy must have ridden in his her. Jake smiled as he pictured Amy “safety first” Santiago on a motorbike- even though Rosa was probably the best driver he knew, it was still pretty dangerous.
“Hey, Charles,” He said as he stepped into the elevator to find his best friend there as well. “How’d you sleep?”
“Eh, you know,” Charles shrugged. “Nikolaj still hasn’t fully recovered from seeing Adrien in his closet. I have to wait until he falls asleep to go to bed, which can take a while.”
“Another reason to not have kids,” Jake joked, but was really proud of Charles- Nikolaj had such a good dad (not that he was jealous of a kid. Nope).
“I think you’d be a great dad, Jakey,” Charles replied, yawning, and the elevator doors opened.
Here goes, Jake thought to himself, ignoring how he felt relief when he didn’t see Amy or Rosa.
God, he really needed to apologize, huh. Maybe they were ignoring him, too? Jake's phone vibrated on his desk, quickly ruining this theory as Rosa’s contact on his phone showed up on the screen.
knife lady: Meet me in the supply closet. Now.
Jake sighed and grabbed his phone to reply, hoping to defuse the situation before he had to go have an awkward conversation in a tight closet with his scary wife and equally scary friend.
am tiredd rosa
must i
knife lady: Get here right now. We still need to talk.
we did that last night lol
knife lady: Jake, I will go out there and drag you in here myself.
ok ok jeez
Jake huffed and turned off his phone, taking a quick peek into Holt’s office to make sure the captain was occupied with work before sneaking off towards the supply closet.
“Hello?” He said, ducking his head inside the dark closet. “Ames? Rosa?” The door slammed behind him suddenly, causing him to jump. “Hey, wait, I’m in here!”
“It’s locked,” said Rosa’s voice from the darkness, her and Amy’s faces quickly being illuminated as one of them turned on the light. “We wanted to make sure you didn’t run away again.”
“I didn’t run away! Holt would say I... speedwalked.”
“You still left before we could really talk,” Amy explained.
“You could have come home,” Jake muttered. “We could have talked then.” Not that there was anything to talk about.
“I wasn’t sure you’d want me back home yet.”
“Huh.” Jake cocked his head to the side like a puppy, genuinely confused. “I thought it was because you were mad at me.”
“Mad at- why would we be mad at you?!”
“Damn, man, your insecurities are making me even more guilty that I broke in on your therapy.”
“It’s… fine. It’s whatever. I was drunk last night, I didn’t mean it.”
“It’s not fine. And you only had one drink, you were nowhere near drunk, Jake.” Stupid Amy and her stupid attentiveness.
“Yeah, well, it was stupid, and I’m sorry I got mad.” Jake shoved his hands into his pockets and looked down, itching to leave. “I know that it was just for the heist, and-”
“Nope,” Rosa interrupted. “That’s not how this is going. We are sorry.”
“Yeah, it was super messed up that we did that. And then completely dismissed how you might have been feeling,” Amy agreed. “Even though it was just for the heist, that doesn’t make it okay. There’s some lines that we shouldn’t cross.”
“Yeah, I think everyone’s been getting a bit intense lately. Maybe we should set up some ground rules,” Rosa said. “Ugh, I can’t believe I just suggested rules.”
“Rosa, you’re a cop.”
“I’m also a murderer. You can be two things.”
“You’re a- Rosa! What the hell?!”
“It was self-defense.”
Jake barely even processed Rosa’s new backstory lore drop, his mind working to try and come up with an answer as he blinked at the ground.
So it wasn’t his fault. He was allowed to be feeling like this, Amy said it was messed up.
They were in the wrong. His feelings were… valid.
He had come a long way to finally trust a therapist, and they had taken advantage of that, and they were apologizing for it.
Most of the people in Jake's life who had taken advantage of his trust had used it against him and said nothing (*cough cough* Roger *cough cough*), and yes, Amy and Rosa had done that, but they were saying sorry.
“Yeah… yeah,” Jake said, nodding. “Yeah, there should be ground rules. And you guys aren’t allowed to spy on my therapy anymore. Or use fake pregnancies as a distraction.”
“You got it,” Rosa said as Amy nodded vigorously.
“Okay… yeah, I’ll go get started on that right now! I guess I should add ‘serious injuries’ to the list- honestly, surprised that hasn’t happened yet- and of course the therapy thing-”
“What about work, babe?” Amy joked (at least, Jake thought she was joking- he never really knew with his wife).
“Let him have this, Santiago,” Rosa said, unlocking the door (she was probably just as ready as Jake was to get out- too many Emotions in here).
“Fine. But only ‘cause I was a bad wife. And a bad person. I’m sorry again, Jake.”
“It’s okay. I’ll forgive you if…” Jake paused for a moment, dramatically tapping his chin as if in thought. “If you both promise to help me win the heist next year and let me take the credit- no betrayals!”
“What.”
“Aw, what! No, I already had such a good plan, babe!”
“Too bad! As the amazing Taylor Swift once said, karma’s a bitch!”
The two grumbled as they exited the room to get back to work before Charles would start asking any questions about a threesome, but Jake could see the relief on their faces as he switched back to his old self around them.
He still hadn’t fully forgiven them yet- rebuilding his trust could take a little more time- but, they were human, and they made mistakes too.
Jake could still love them just the same.