Work Text:
“Are we there yet?” Jake asked for what might have been the sixth time as his and Amy’s car pulled into the driveway of Holt’s house.
“You’ve driven to the Captain’s house before, babe- you know how far away it is.”
“Shh, I never asked to grow up.”
Amy looked her husband up and down judgmentally, from his wrinkled pants to his incorrectly buttoned-up shirt. “Yeah, that’s pretty freaking obvious.”
Jake gasped in mock offendance as he unbuckled himself and opened his door, making Amy smirk. “Wha- Hey!”
“Just telling it how it is. Oh, thank you,” Amy said as he came around to open her door as well.
“M’lady.”
“You weirdo,” Amy said as he laughed, punching him in the arm. “Okay. One sec, I just need to go grab my binder from the trunk.”
“You made a binder for dinner with our- actually, I’m not surprised.”
“Hey! This is a good situation to make a binder for!”
“I personally think there’s no good situation for a binder.”
“This is why you lost our debate yesterday,” Amy said as she opened the trunk, noticing how her husband’s facial features sobered up when she mentioned their debate and immediately regretting bringing it up- this was why she always planned beforehand, and now things between her and her husband were…tense, to say the least.
It didn’t seem like it- Jake was great at pretending like everything was okay and turning conversations that could be awkward into comfortable conversations, but he was certainly acting differently around her, turning on his jokey persona that he used to employ earlier in their relationship, the one that turned anything that could be real (whether it was serious or romantic) into a stupid pun.
She still remembered the days where whenever her and Jake kissed, it was promptly followed by a “noice.”
“Pft… yeah,” Jake mumbled, flapping his hands the slightest bit and looking down at his shoes.
Amy opened her mouth to apologize for bringing their fight up, knowing that Jake wasn't exactly ready to have another talk about it so soon, but quickly closet it again after Jake laughed awkwardly and made a joke about how Holt might love to see the binder Amy had made on him for that night, making her flush and tell him that he was in no world allowed to show their Captain that.
She knew they were going to have to talk about their argument later and what it entailed- Jake had told her he did want to be a dad despite his fears, but she couldn’t help but wonder how much of that was the truth and how much of it was the pressure from her.
Which she had put on him, she had to admit.
It wasn't completely fair, sure, but she knew she had a point, and she did want to be a mom sometime soon. She just really didn’t want to have to give up Jake to do so. If she and him had just talked about it earlier, their issues during their ‘Casecation’ might never have happened.
But the reality was, Amy Santiago had been scared.
She had actually prepared eleven binders about her and Jake having kids as early as six months into their relationship, and had been thinking about it for much longer. Not in a creepy way- she just liked to be prepared, and with every new relationship she of course thought about them as if they were “the one,” and her idea of that person involved them wanting to be a dad.
But Jake was different.
He wasn’t someone Amy could plan around- he wasn’t predictable, and neither was their relationship.
And Amy was terrified that he wouldn’t want kids, because if he was, then she might have to make the choice to leave him- something that had always been an option and had even made her end relationships with several men, but again, Jake was different.
Amy wasn’t sure how she was supposed to let him go if he didn’t want kids, and so she waited.
She pushed the thought to the back of her mind and convinced herself that every little thing he did pointed to him wanting to be a dad- his love for animated children’s movies (except Finding Nemo, for some reason), how he ate applesauce for breakfast almost every day, and of course the waterpark incident, where she fully convinced herself that, yes, Jake had agreed to having kids.
(He had not, and it was Amy’s fault she had let the misunderstanding get this far.)
And now they were here, with Amy terrified that Jake didn't actually want this, and terrified that he would tell her the next time they talked about it, and terrified that she would have to start over.
With someone who wasn’t Jake.
She blinked tears away from her eye at even the thought of it as she watched her husband in question read over her binder on having dinner with Holt and Kevin as he teased her.
Life without Jake? Having kids, buying a house, growing old without him?
She would do it- she wouldn’t give up on her dream of being a mother for anyone- but she also knew it would be incredibly hard (title of your sex tape, the Jake in her head whispered).
Amy sighed, cracking her knuckles, and tried to push away those thoughts from her head- tonight was supposed to be fun, and it was just another chance to impress Holt. She snatched the binder out of Jake’s hands and stuck her tongue out at him, (making him laugh) and shoved it back into the trunk of the car after giving it a quick look over.
Yes, she could have fun tonight. Or, as fun as it can be, having dinner with your boss’ house and his husband (very fun! No sarcasm).
And she would not think about her and Jake and the ever-looming threat of him maybe not wanting to be a dad after all.
“Captain! Hey!” Amy forced a smile onto her face as Holt opened the door, his expression as stoic as usual save for the tiniest twitch in his mouth as Jake reached down to pet Cheddar and started talking to him in a baby voice, which Amy smiled at as well.
He was so cute sometimes. (Jake, not Cheddar. Dogs were evil.)
“I presume you took your anti-allergy medication, Santiago?” Holt asked, turning back to Amy as Jake continued to rub Cheddar’s belly.
“Yes, sir! I should be relatively okay with Cheddar for the next few hours.”
“Good. I apologize again that we were not able to have him out of the house. Our neighbour, Evangeline, who usually watches him, is currently in Costa Rica using the money from her husband’s life insurance to spoil herself.”
“Ooh, I spot a motive,” Jake said, standing up with Cheddar in his arms. “She did it, right, Cheddy? Yes she did! Good boy.”
“Hmp. Cheddar is much too dignified for a nickname, Jacob,” Kevin said, coming out to the foyer to greet his guests. “Hello, Amy.”
“Thank you for having us, Kevin. It’s a pleasure.”
Kevin nodded approvingly. “Please, there is no need for formalities. Call me Mr. Cozner-Holt.”
“Um… alright?”
“He’s kidding, Ames. Trust me, we’re basically besties. Right, Kevin?”
“We are certainly not, as you say, ‘besties’, but yes, Amy, I was joshing. Apologies if it was not clear.”
“Oh, no problem! So… Kevin?”
“That’s perfect. Raymond, would you go check to see if the rice is ready?”
Holt nodded, walking away to the kitchen as Kevin attempted to steal Cheddar away from Jake’s arms, the dog seeming to latch onto Jake, making Amy giggle and think of the future, of kids running around in the backyard of a large house with a picket fence, playing catch with a hypoallergenic… poodle (or something) and their dad, their wide brown doe eyes sparkling with delight-
Oh, no, those were Jake’s eyes.
Her imaginary kids looked like Jake.
Of course they did.
Shit.
"I- I’m going to go help the Captain in the kitchen!” Amy said, hurriedly hanging up her coat and ignoring the looks from Jake and Kevin.
She was not going to think about that tonight.
“So then I told her, ‘Yeah, I’ve met Taylor Swift before, we’re best friends,’ and she didn’t believe me! My own cousin!”
“To be fair, Jacob, you have mentioned that when you met Ms. Swift, she filed a restraining order against you,” Kevin said, wiping his mouth with his napkin even though there was no food on his face.
“I wasn’t being weird! I just wanted to play her a song that I wrote on my guitar!"
“Oh, God, I think I understand why she didn’t want to see you again, babe,” Amy said, cutting up her steak into chewable pieces. She, Jake, Kevin, Holt, and Cheddar (yes, the dog) were sitting at the table in their hosts’ dining room, a white tablecloth spread out with steak and rice being served.
“Hey, I’ll have you know that I only play guitar horribly when I’m trying to interrogate somebody,” Jake replied to his fiancee. “I’m actually a very talented musician.”
“Jacob, I understand you’re trying to impress Santiago, but I do feel the need to let her know some additional information," Holt said in his Teasing Voice (which was exactly like his normal voice, save for the fact that he was saying something as a tease, usually to Jake).
Kevin tilted his head to the side in confusion and Amy grinned, waiting for the inevitable truth about Jake’s guitar playing.
“Captain… You didn’t,” Jake said with an exaggerated gasp.
“I did. Santiago, he was attempting to write a love song for you in the break room whilst you were still in a relationship with Edmund on one of your days off. It did not go well.”
“Oh, babe, I have to hear that one day.”
“Betrayed by my own captain- wait, who’s Edmund?”
Kevin cleared his throat. “I believe you may have known him as ‘Teddy,’ Jacob.”
“Teddy’s full name is Edmund?!” Jake laughed, opening his mouth to show his food and disgusting the other three members at the table who had, in fact, not been raised in a barn (metaphorically, of course- Jake was born and raised in New York.) “God, he’s even more boring than I thought!”
“Says you. Your name is Jake,” Amy teased.
“Jake’s a cool name!"
“If I’m correctly using this slang from Gina,” Holt started, passing the salad to Kevin (who hadn’t even said anything- Amy found it pretty sweet they were able to communicate without even speaking after so long being married.) “‘Jake’ could be considered a ‘white-ass name,’ if I’ve ever heard one.”
Even Kevin snorted at that. Amy had to admit, as she watched Jake try to tell Holt and his husband that ‘Kevin’ was as bad a name as Jake in terms of commonness, the night was going pretty perfect.
She could almost forget about everything that had happened the day prior.
So of course Cheddar had to go and mess everything up.
“Oh- Cheddar!” Holt scolded as the corgi shoved his snout onto the table, causing the jug of water on the table to tip over and spill on the rice and Kevin’s plate, causing the four members of the table to stand up in an attempt to not get soaked. “Bad dog!”
“Cheddar, I expected better of you!” Kevin said, staring with disgust at the mess on the table before turning around to the kitchen to grab some hand towels.
“Really, Cheddar,” Holt said, beginning to clear the table. “We have guests. What are we going to do with you?”
“I got this, Cap’,” Jake said after making sure neither he nor Amy were affected by the water, reaching down to the little dog and kneeling beside him.
Cheddar looked at him expectantly for about two seconds before releasing a pitiful little whine.
“Jacob,” Kevin said as he came back into the kitchen raising an eyebrow. “What in the world are you doing?”
“Just wait,” Jake said as Cheddar continued whining. “I’m a dog whisperer.”
“I dunno,” Amy said, shrugging when Holt and Kevin looked at her expectantly. “Just ‘cause he’s my husband doesn’t mean he makes sense to me.”
The three of them turned back to Jake and Cheddar to see the dog flop over on his belly in another attempt to get Jake’s attention, but nothing seemed to be working.
“This is something I used to do with the dogs around my neighbourhood when they stole my shoe when I was younger,” Jake explained, still not falling victim to Cheddar’s puppy dog eyes. “You get them to expect attention from you, and then bam!- Nothing.” Jake wagged his finger at Cheddar. “Nope. You spilled some water buddy. Although it’s your dads fault for having you at the table in the first place. Dogs eat on the ground.”
“Cheddar is not just a common dog,” Holt declared, picking the corgi up. “He’s a refined individual. Although perhaps he shouldn’t eat at the table, seeing as he has proven he cannot control himself.”
Amy smiled at her husband warmly- she wasn’t around dogs that much (for obvious reasons), but she imagined if she was, Jake would certainly just help her fall more in love with her every time he did this Dog Whispering technique. She had to admit, it was adorable.
“Jacob…” Kevin breathed, taking Cheddar from his husband’s arms. “That was incredible.”
“Oh, why thank you, Ke-”
“You and Amy are planning on raising children, correct?” Kevin asked, not seeming to notice the way Jake and Amy tensed up as he spoke. “You know, you’re going to be an excellent father, Jacob, but have you ever considered adopting a dog instead of-”
“I have to go!” Jake stood up, making Cheddar flinch. “To the… bathroom! Um. Bye!” He dashed out of the room, leaving behind a bewildered Kevin and Holt and a very, very concerned Amy.
So much for not thinking about it.
“Jake?” Amy knocked on the bathroom door, not sure whether Jake had locked it or not and not wanting to invade the space without making sure he was ready.
“Mhm? Oh. Hi, Amy.” There was a pause. “I’ll be out in a sec. I’m all good.”
“Actually…” Amy took a deep breath. “I was wondering if I could come in there instead? To…talk?”
Jake didn’t answer for a long time. Amy was just about to leave and go back to Kevin and Holt (who were currently reading 1984 together at the exact same speed) when he finally said quietly, “Okay.”
“Hey,” Amy said after she closed the door behind her to find Jake standing with his back against the wall next to the sink.
“Hey.”
She moved towards him slowly, giving him time to give her a clue if he needed space, but he didn’t look up from where he was staring a hole into the floor, so she moved to stand beside him, their hands almost touching. After a few seconds, Amy spoke.
“Can I ask you a question?”
“You just did.”
“Pft. You know what I mean.”
“Shoot.”
“Do you really… want to be a dad?”
Jake opened his mouth for a second, no words coming out.
“I mean,” Amy continued. “I know we talked about this yesterday, and you said yes, but I just want to make sure you don’t feel pressured-”
“No!” Jake’s head snapped up and he turned to look his wife in the eye. “No, Ames, I don’t feel pressured. I meant what I said at the hospital.”
“Jake… I don’t want to force you to do this. Seriously. We need to do what’s best for ourselves.” Even if it means leaving.
Jake sighed. “I… I want to, Ames. I swear, I do want to have kids. I’m just still so fucking scared.” He sunk back down to the floor, running his hands through his hair.
Amy sat down beside him, exhaling softly.
“I’m scared, too,” she finally said.
Jake looked up, his brown eyes shiny like they were on the brink of tears. “You’re-?”
“Yeah. I… I really don’t want to start over, Jake. Having kids is important to me, but you are, too. And I guess I was just scared of making that choice, so I tried to deal with it in a way that made sense to me.”
Jake breathed out a laugh. “Structured debate? With people listening in and judging me?”
Amy smiled. “Yup.”
She and Jake sat in silence for another minute, hearing the muffled noises of Cheddar’s little feet padding just outside the bathroom door.
“That’s not an excuse, though. I am sorry I acted that way. You deserved a real conversation from the start, and it should have been private. Without some random depaters listening in on it.”
“It’s okay,” Jake replied softly. “I don’t think either of us are in the wrong, exactly. I mean, I definitely knew what I was getting into when I married you.”
“Structured debates?”
Jake smiled. “That too. But also arguing. And making up. And messiness, and disagreements, and apologies.”
“And conversations on the bathroom floor at our boss’ house?”
Jake nodded. “And conversations on the bathroom floor at our boss’ house.”
“Kevin was right, y’know. You are gonna be a great dad.” Amy leaned onto her husband’s shoulder.
“And you’ll make a great mom, Ames.”
“And you’re sure you’re not pressured?”
“Maybe a little… At the start. But I’m so glad I was. I think sometimes I just need someone to push me to do something scary.” Jake laughed (it sounded like wind chimes and butterflies and everything beautiful) and Amy lifted up her head to look him in the eye before continuing. “Amy, I can’t wait to start a family with you.”
“Start a family? We already are one, babe. We just have room to add some more members, I think.” She rested her head back on his shoulder, feeling more content than she had for days.
“I think so, too,” Jake replied.