Chapter Text
Tea Time 🫖 @itsteatimewithj
Holy moly, look at that POLE-Y! Images of Ottawa Centaur’s Caption, Ilya Rozanov-Hollander, featuring his, ahem, sizable package go viral:
Photo 1:
[Photo taken from a distance using a zoom lens: Ilya Rozanov-Hollander is hoisting himself out of a hotel pool. He’s wearing a small pair of skintight, black swim trunks that leave little to the imagination.]
↳Suffering Montreal Fan @gometrosgoiguess
Oh I get it I too would also sell the Metros to Satan for a corn chip for schlong like that
↳↳Ex Montreal Stan @imonlyhereforhollander
Metros never stood a chance, I fear
↳↳↳Cents and Centsability @goodgollymissmolly
Someone tag that tiktoker who takes measurements in videos 🕵♀️
↳↳↳↳Ra Ra Rozanov🐻@mrsraiders81
Streets saying it's around 8 soft friend 🤪
↳Cents Stan @centsoncentsoncents
ROZ
↳Boston FTW @raidersforthwin
Rozy also having a big dick….when I get to heaven I'm gonna ask God some questions cuz why am I playing life on hard mode????? 😩
↳Ride the Rose🌹@landryfanatic
JEEZUS
↳No It IS That Serious 🏒 @hockeyismylife46
Shane is a soldier fr fr
↳↳Its Hole-ander actually @hollalujah
Shane ridin that and then putting BTA every gameday?????? oh he's THEE athlete😩
Tea Time 🫖 @itsteatimewithj
Celebutante Carolyn Slater reminisces about an alleged romantic “encounter” between herself, Ottawa Centaurs’ Captain Ilya Rozanov-Hollander, and Boston Raiders’ Captain Cliff Marleau on Instagram live: “And that's just soft, y’all. He’s a grower.” and “I swear it was nine inches. Eight and a half minimum.”
Hock-Tea😈 @HockTeaGossip
Anonymous insiders say the Boston Raiders referred to Rozanov as “Big Dick Roz” in the locker room 🤪🤭
↳Shane Hollander’s left tit @lilylaughsart
Ahhhhhhh
↳↳Shelly 🏒 @gearheadgirl
Oh I know Roz’s DMs look crazy rn
↳↳↳No It IS That Serious 🏒 @hockeyismylife46
Old bitches and new bitches we gotta get Shane a gun 😫
↳Dream Girl 🌈@dreamgurlevul
Bruh how many hockey players has roz cracked 🤨😫
↳caecilia 🙂@caellysworld
Please guys, Roz is a reformed™ whore PLEASE
↳Pour it Up @bostonbgirl
Shane Hollander hoarding dick up there in Ottawa it ain’t fair 😒😤🤧
↳↳Anya’s secret sister @allaboutthepuck
Oh brother we got the cock constable over here
↳↳↳Shane Hollander’s left tit @lilylaughsart
The dick detective
↳↳↳↳hollanov on top @itsashutout46
The peen police
↳↳↳↳↳Its Hole-ander actually @hollalujah
The schlong sheriff
↳↳↳↳↳↳Cents Stan @centsoncentsoncents
The weiner warden
↳↳↳↳↳↳↳Shelly 🏒 @gearheadgirl
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
Vivienne Townsend @RealViviTownsend
I mean….I could make a trip to Ottawa if Roz ever wants a repeat of Nashville 2014 😘
↳hollanov on top @itsashutout46
We got influencers entering the convo….chat are we cooked????
↳No It IS That Serious 🏒 @hockeyismylife46
HES MARRIED
↳↳Vivienne Townsend @RealViviTownsend
When has that ever stopped a professional athlete, lmao????
↳Shelly 🏒 @gearheadgirl
🚨🚨🚨 containment has been breached!!
↳↳Anya’s secret sister @allaboutthepuck
2319!! 2319!!
↳let my cens fight @censgoaliestan
The normies thirsting over roz on main plss this is family business 😩
↳Cents Stan @centsoncentsoncents
How many times do we have to tell y’all? Roz ain’t going nowhere but the flowershop to pick up a bouquet for his boo
↳↳Vivienne Townsend @RealViviTownsend
Men who buy flowers cheat, too 😘
↳↳↳No It IS That Serious 🏒 @hockeyismylife46
Praying on the downfall of Shane Hollander’s marriage like he’s not obviously divinely protected is….a choice
↳↳↳↳Anya’s secret sister @allaboutthepuck
No because every tongue that rises against shane falls we been knew this
↳in Lands we trust @duvalthesmall
Thinkin bout some peen from 2014????? Sista we MUST move on!!
TMZ @TMZ
Does Shane Hollander have competition? Here’s a list of all the influencers/celebs/models/athletes who’ve shot their shot at Ilya Rozanov so far:
↳Harris Drover @HarrisDrover
No ❤️
↳Troy Barrett @Troy_Barret_Official
No ❤️
↳Cassie Boodram @CassBoodUp
No ❤️
↳Luca Haas @RealLucaHaas
No ❤️
↳Lisa Hayes @DrLisaHayes
No ❤️
Puck Buzz @puckbuzzgossip
OG YouTube influencer Vivienne Townsend sits rinkside at the Ottawa Centaur’s latest home game wearing a Rozanov jersey. She was allegedly seen “blowing kisses” at Ilya Rozanov-Hollander throughout the evening. Click to see more:
↳Ra Ra Rozanov🐻@mrsraiders81
Oh yall are bold
↳missing the Holz @metros4hollanov
Sister do you hear them saxophones playing
↳↳Its Hole-ander actually @hollalujah
No fr like did you know you got 30 minutes????
↳↳↳No It IS That Serious 🏒 @hockeyismylife46
30 yes!
↳ally 🏒 @allywallypally
Openly chasing someone else’s husband…in public…are we okay?
↳↳caecilia 🙂@caellysworld
It’s gotta be crack. Like, crack COCAINE
↳↳↳No It IS That Serious 🏒 @hockeyismylife46
Not an ounce of class, couth, or decorum i fear
↳Cents Stan @centsoncentsoncents
Hey OP play the rest of the clip where the whole arena booed her. Guardian’s fans included.
Harris Drover’s Public Instagram Story
Photo 1:
[Taken in Zane and Cassie Boodram’s backyard. Several members of the Ottawa Centaurs are pictured. The photo’s primary focus is Troy Barrett stuffing his face, his cheeks round like a hamster’s. Text across the photo reads “There’s no BBQ like a Bood BBQ #GoCens”]
Photo 2:
[A selfie with Lisa Hayes, Cassie Boodram, and Selena Chouinard. Text across the photo reads “Shoutout to the WAGs and the HABs.”]
Video 1:
[Shakey video captures the middle of a conversation happening in Zane Boodram’s backyard:
“Roz won so pay up, Hollzy!”
“Yeah, yeah!”
Shane Hollander-Rozanov can be seen, pink-cheeked and laughing. He’s standing next to a seated Ilya Rozanov-Hollander, who raises his arm and flexes, bicep bulging. Hollander places a small piece of watermelon atop Rozanov’s flexed arm before he places his hands behind his back, leans over, and slurps the piece of watermelon into his mouth. Cheers can be heard coming from the crowd around them. Shane stands back up and wipes juice from his mouth. Text across the video reads “And Shoutout to the First Husbands of hockey ♥️”]
↳Its Hole-ander actually @hollalujah
Oh Roz ain’t going anywhere
↳Jelly Belly @gearheadbi
Uh…are we interrupting?
↳Shane Hollander’s left tit @lilylaughsart
Really? Right in front of Dr. Lisa’s salad?
↳Anya’s secret sister @allaboutthepuck
Ohhh!!
↳↳let my cens fight @censgoaliestan
Shane said that's his fineshyt lmao
↳Ra Ra Rozanov🐻@mrsraiders81
You sign up for the " I Love Ilya Rozanov " contest, but your competition is Shane Hollander 😔
Ilya Rozanov’s Public Instagram Story
Photo 1:
[Mirror Selfie: Ilya is holding a half-full bottle of lotion with a pink pump dispenser in one hand and his phone in the other. Text on the photo reads: “@fentyskin Miss Rihanna Fenty, please put warning label on your lotion. Makes my husband smell so good I might almost give him a concussion 😫”]
↳Anya’s secret sister @allaboutthepuck
ROZ DELETE
↳Pour it Up @bostonbgirl
Oh he putting Shane through the headboard….lemme open the Ulta homepage
↳↳caecilia 🙂@caellysworld
What did Meg say? One leg on the headboard, the other leg on the mattress 🤭
↳Cents and Centsability @goodgollymissmolly
“Miss Rihanna” Roz never change 🤣
