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Summary:

Tea Time 🫖 @itsteatimewithj
Holy moly, look at that POLE-Y! Images of Ottawa Centaur’s Captain, Ilya Rozanov-Hollander, featuring his, ahem, sizable package go viral:

-or-

Suddenly, there are a lot more eyes on Shane's husband than usual. He is not pleased.

Notes:

We back and still having fun. Honestly, yall have blown me away with your response to this silly little series. I'm so so happy to get to be silly on main and I am blowing kisses to each and every one of you!!!!

Shout out to JoolsLebron and amoobari on tiktok for making me lmao and continue this series

(See the end of the work for more notes.)

Chapter Text

Tea Time 🫖 @itsteatimewithj

Holy moly, look at that POLE-Y! Images of Ottawa Centaur’s Caption, Ilya Rozanov-Hollander, featuring his, ahem, sizable package go viral:

Photo 1:

[Photo taken from a distance using a zoom lens: Ilya Rozanov-Hollander is hoisting himself out of a hotel pool. He’s wearing a small pair of skintight, black swim trunks that leave little to the imagination.]

 

Suffering Montreal Fan @gometrosgoiguess

Oh I get it I too would also sell the Metros to Satan for a corn chip for schlong like that 

↳↳Ex Montreal Stan @imonlyhereforhollander

Metros never stood a chance, I fear

↳↳↳Cents and Centsability @goodgollymissmolly 

Someone tag that  tiktoker who takes measurements in videos 🕵‍♀️

↳↳↳↳Ra Ra Rozanov🐻@mrsraiders81 

Streets saying it's around 8 soft friend 🤪

 

Cents Stan @centsoncentsoncents

ROZ

 

Boston FTW @raidersforthwin

Rozy also having a big dick….when I get to heaven I'm gonna ask God some questions cuz why am I playing life on hard mode????? 😩

 

Ride the Rose🌹@landryfanatic

JEEZUS

 

No It IS That Serious 🏒 @hockeyismylife46

Shane is a soldier fr fr

↳↳Its Hole-ander actually @hollalujah

Shane ridin that and then putting BTA every gameday?????? oh he's THEE athlete😩






Tea Time 🫖 @itsteatimewithj

Celebutante Carolyn Slater reminisces about an alleged romantic “encounter” between herself, Ottawa Centaurs’ Captain Ilya Rozanov-Hollander, and Boston Raiders’ Captain Cliff Marleau on Instagram live: “And that's just soft, y’all. He’s a grower.” and “I swear it was nine inches. Eight and a half minimum.”

 

Hock-Tea😈 @HockTeaGossip

Anonymous insiders say the Boston Raiders referred to Rozanov as “Big Dick Roz” in the locker room 🤪🤭

 

Shane Hollander’s left tit @lilylaughsart

Ahhhhhhh

↳↳Shelly 🏒 @gearheadgirl  

Oh I know Roz’s DMs look crazy rn

↳↳↳No It IS That Serious 🏒 @hockeyismylife46

Old bitches and new bitches we gotta get Shane a gun 😫

 

Dream Girl 🌈@dreamgurlevul

Bruh how many hockey players has roz cracked 🤨😫

 

caecilia 🙂@caellysworld

Please guys, Roz is a reformed™ whore PLEASE

 

Pour it Up @bostonbgirl

Shane Hollander hoarding dick up there in Ottawa it ain’t fair 😒😤🤧

↳↳Anya’s secret sister @allaboutthepuck

Oh brother we got the cock constable over here

↳↳↳Shane Hollander’s left tit @lilylaughsart

The dick detective

↳↳↳↳hollanov on top @itsashutout46

The peen police 

↳↳↳↳↳Its Hole-ander actually @hollalujah

The schlong sheriff

↳↳↳↳↳↳Cents Stan @centsoncentsoncents

The weiner warden

↳↳↳↳↳↳↳Shelly 🏒 @gearheadgirl

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣





Vivienne Townsend @RealViviTownsend

I mean….I could make a trip to Ottawa if Roz ever wants a repeat of Nashville 2014 😘

 

hollanov on top @itsashutout46

We got influencers entering the convo….chat are we cooked????

 

No It IS That Serious 🏒 @hockeyismylife46

HES MARRIED 

↳↳Vivienne Townsend @RealViviTownsend

When has that ever stopped a professional athlete, lmao????

 

Shelly 🏒 @gearheadgirl 

🚨🚨🚨 containment has been breached!!

↳↳Anya’s secret sister @allaboutthepuck

2319!! 2319!!

 

let my cens fight @censgoaliestan 

The normies thirsting over roz on main plss this is family business 😩

 

Cents Stan @centsoncentsoncents

How many times do we have to tell y’all? Roz ain’t going nowhere but the flowershop to pick up a bouquet for his boo

↳↳Vivienne Townsend @RealViviTownsend

Men who buy flowers cheat, too 😘

↳↳↳No It IS That Serious 🏒 @hockeyismylife46

Praying on the downfall of Shane Hollander’s marriage like he’s not obviously divinely protected is….a choice

↳↳↳↳Anya’s secret sister @allaboutthepuck

No because every tongue that rises against shane falls we been knew this

 

in Lands we trust @duvalthesmall 

Thinkin bout some peen from 2014????? Sista we MUST move on!!







TMZ @TMZ

Does Shane Hollander have competition? Here’s a list of all the influencers/celebs/models/athletes who’ve shot their shot at Ilya Rozanov so far: 

 

Harris Drover @HarrisDrover

No ❤️

 

Troy Barrett @Troy_Barret_Official

No ❤️

 

Cassie Boodram @CassBoodUp

No ❤️

 

Luca Haas @RealLucaHaas

No ❤️

 

Lisa Hayes @DrLisaHayes

No ❤️





Puck Buzz @puckbuzzgossip

OG YouTube influencer Vivienne Townsend sits rinkside at the Ottawa Centaur’s latest home game wearing a Rozanov jersey. She was allegedly seen “blowing kisses” at Ilya Rozanov-Hollander throughout the evening. Click to see more:  

 

Ra Ra Rozanov🐻@mrsraiders81

Oh yall are bold

 

missing the Holz @metros4hollanov

Sister do you hear them saxophones playing

↳↳Its Hole-ander actually @hollalujah

No fr like did you know you got 30 minutes????

↳↳↳No It IS That Serious 🏒 @hockeyismylife46

30 yes!

 

ally 🏒 @allywallypally

Openly chasing someone else’s husband…in public…are we okay?

↳↳caecilia 🙂@caellysworld

It’s gotta be crack. Like, crack COCAINE 

↳↳↳No It IS That Serious 🏒 @hockeyismylife46

Not an ounce of class, couth, or decorum i fear

 

Cents Stan @centsoncentsoncents

Hey OP play the rest of the clip where the whole arena booed her. Guardian’s fans included. 

 

 

 

 

Harris Drover’s Public Instagram Story

Photo 1: 

[Taken in Zane and Cassie Boodram’s backyard. Several members of the Ottawa Centaurs are pictured. The photo’s primary focus is Troy Barrett stuffing his face, his cheeks round like a hamster’s. Text across the photo reads “There’s no BBQ like a Bood BBQ #GoCens”]

Photo 2:

[A selfie with Lisa Hayes, Cassie Boodram, and Selena Chouinard. Text across the photo reads “Shoutout to the WAGs and the HABs.”]

Video 1:

[Shakey video captures the middle of a conversation happening in Zane Boodram’s backyard:

“Roz won so pay up, Hollzy!”

“Yeah, yeah!”

Shane Hollander-Rozanov can be seen, pink-cheeked and laughing. He’s standing next to a seated Ilya Rozanov-Hollander, who raises his arm and flexes, bicep bulging. Hollander places a small piece of watermelon atop Rozanov’s flexed arm before he places his hands behind his back, leans over, and slurps the piece of watermelon into his mouth. Cheers can be heard coming from the crowd around them. Shane stands back up and wipes juice from his mouth. Text across the video reads “And Shoutout to the First Husbands of hockey ♥️”]

 

Its Hole-ander actually @hollalujah

Oh Roz ain’t going anywhere

 

Jelly Belly @gearheadbi 

Uh…are we interrupting?

 

Shane Hollander’s left tit @lilylaughsart

Really? Right in front of Dr. Lisa’s salad?

 

Anya’s secret sister @allaboutthepuck

Ohhh!!

↳↳let my cens fight @censgoaliestan 

Shane said that's his fineshyt lmao

 

Ra Ra Rozanov🐻@mrsraiders81

You sign up for the " I Love Ilya Rozanov " contest, but your competition is Shane Hollander 😔

 

 

 

 

 

Ilya Rozanov’s Public Instagram Story

Photo 1:

[Mirror Selfie: Ilya is holding a half-full bottle of lotion with a pink pump dispenser in one hand and his phone in the other. Text on the photo reads: “@fentyskin Miss Rihanna Fenty, please put warning label on your lotion. Makes my husband smell so good I might almost give him a concussion 😫”]

 

Anya’s secret sister @allaboutthepuck

ROZ DELETE

 

Pour it Up @bostonbgirl

Oh he putting Shane through the headboard….lemme open the Ulta homepage

↳↳caecilia 🙂@caellysworld

What did Meg say? One leg on the headboard, the other leg on the mattress 🤭

 

Cents and Centsability @goodgollymissmolly 

“Miss Rihanna” Roz never change 🤣