Chapter Text
Dear Heavenly Father,
I started college a week ago, and I am still unsure what to do with all the new impressions and new people around me. I have not been around this many strangers before in my life. Home is so many miles away, I feel lost and alone.
But my roommate is a good person I think. His name is Han Jisung, he is a year above me, or at least I think he is? He talks a lot, but I am not always able to follow what he is saying. Does that make me a bad person? I really try and listen, but at the moment I feel like I am getting distracted far too easily. I don't know myself like this.
Mom called me every day so far, and I am grateful for her support, but hearing her voice tell me over and over again, that I will be fine and I will make friends and ace all my classes, I cannot help but feel pressured to perform in ways I never learned.
But speaking about friends, I have met one person who I get along with so far. His name is Seungmin and we share a creative writing class together. He makes me feel a little less insane. He reassured me that he also still felt overwhelmed with everything going on around him. He said he really likes structure and schedules, and not having gotten used to the new one is throwing him off.
I think I understand him to a degree. I didn't go to mass last Sunday, because I don't know if there are churches around here. There surely is, right? I will find a place where I can feel more connected to You again, and talk to a priest, so I can stay on top of my confessions and regain a sense of normalcy.
I know I haven't been the most consistent with my prayers lately, but I will try harder.
In the meantime, please guide my paths and show me strength to get back to where I am meant to be. I feel lost, please find me.
Amen
Jeongin put his pen down, taking a deep breath. He hadn't had the time to write a prayer down before. His father always said, his prayers don't need to be written down, they can just exist in his mind. But Jeongin felt imperfect in his mind, like he wasn't able to remember everything he wanted to say. His thoughts felt jumbled up and all over the place, so instead he wrote them down. There wasn't anything wrong with that, right? God wouldn't care in which form Jeongin spoke to him, as long as he talked to him and confessed all his sins.
When Jisung came home that night, Jeongin hid his bible and his notebook from his roommate. He didn't know why he felt the need to hide it, he had never been secretive about being raised catholic.
But Jisung was giving the vibe of someone who wasn't… religious like that. And Jeongin didn't have a lot of experience with people questioning his beliefs.
In his mind he was already holding a debate with Jisung about why he believed in God, even though he had no idea what Jisung would even say. He had no basis to believe Jisung would mock him, or argue with him about it. But Jeongin still felt like he wanted to keep this to himself for a little while longer.