Work Text:
maxi pad
Lando:
i just had a wet dream
jesus fucking christ
Max:
IN WHAT DIMENSION DO YOU THINK I WOULD LIKE TO KNOW THIS PARTICULAR INFORMATION
Lando:
this is serious max
what the fuck
why is this happening to me
Max:
it just happens sometimes ig
or you have some sexual desires towards the person in your dream
either way, don’t ever tell me if it happens again
Lando:
i do not have any sexual desires towards my teammate
Max:
your teammate??
it was about Oscar??
are you crushing on that rookie??
that’s bad
Lando:
i’m not crushing on him
it just happened
never ever before
Max:
okay, please spare me the details
Lando:
what do i do
Max:
idk why you asking me
never had this problem
Lando:
i know you lying bitch
Max:
excuse me, I’m not having wet dreams about other drivers
Lando:
IM NOT TALKING ABOUT THE DREAM
how do you deal with a crush?
Max:
“i’m not crushing on him”
Lando:
please die
Max:
make up your mind
also, why are you asking me?
as if I have any crush do deal with??
Lando:
as if charles fucking leclerc doesn’t live in your head rent free??
Max:
literally die
Lando:
“charlie, i have some space for you”
EMBARRASSING YOURSELF ON LIVE TV
Max:
you remember how I promised to tell nobody that you had a wet dream about Oscar?
Lando:
no?
Max:
exactly
business chat (george said)
Max:
you won’t believe what just lando fucking norris told me
Lando:
NO
no no no
i swear to god verstappen
Ollie:
I’m intrigued
Kimi:
according to Lando’s panicking it must be spicy
Carlos:
please do tell us, I was pretty bored until now
George:
this chat is only for business (just as the name says)
why do you keep bringing up unrelated stuff
Max:
oh, believe me, this is everyone’s business
Lando:
I WOULD KINDLY DISAGREE
Oscar:
I’m kinda interested in the gossip too
Max:
just the guy I needed
Lando:
max
max please
max
Alex:
he’s begging, oh my god
that must be something serious
Lando:
@Max if you tell i tell them too
Carlos:
it’s getting interesting
Charles:
uuuu they gonna fight
Max:
…
it was not that interesting anyway
sorry guys
George:
OH REALLY ??
Carlos:
hello??
Kimi:
I want my gossip
Ollie:
looks like Lando knows something spicy about Max
he immediately shut up
Charles:
come on, guys
I was excited to hear some news
Lando:
one of that wouldn’t be news for anyone
just saying
Max:
so what you think about your new teammate??
Lando:
ummm oscar is fine
yeah
Max:
any other feelings about him?
Lando:
not really no
Max:
so the dream you had was just about you two being friends?
Kimi:
dream??
Carlos:
oh god
Ollie:
this is gold
Alex:
I think I know where this is going
Charles:
I have dreams about other drivers all the time
nothing weird about that
Carlos:
drivers as in plural or just one particular driver??
tell us, Charles
Max:
I don’t think you have this kind of dreams, Charlie
Alex:
Charles, you’re a little bit oblivious so I’ll advise you to not speak for now
you’re just making it worse for yourself
Oscar:
@Lando based on what you wrote before, I don’t know if you like me as your teammate or if you killed me in your dream
Lando:
it was not a bad dream or anything like that
Max:
oh, I’m sure it was not a “bad” dream for you
Carlos:
we all know, Lando
Kimi:
it just occurred to me what they mean
hahahha
George:
@Lando did you at least top?
Isack:
he’s asking the real questions
Oscar:
he’s topping me in every charts
he’s more experienced so of course he would top me even in his dreams
Lando:
…
Kimi:
OSCAR
Ollie:
jesus fucking christ
Gabi:
that’s not what he-
Carlos:
I think that’s enough internet for today
Max:
I’m fucking crying
Oscar:
what did I say wrong, guys??
he has been in f1 longer than me, this is my first year
of course he’s above me
George:
I bet he would like to be above you
Kimi:
Oscar, please, shut up
this is just a humiliation ritual at this point
Isack:
gonna screenshot it and show it to him some years later
Lando:
okay that’s enough
stop making fun of him
he’s just innocent
Max:
you pervert
I bet you enjoyed defiling him in your dream
Lando:
MAX
Oscar:
how would he defile me?
I don’t get it
@Lando you didn’t kill me in your dream, right?
Carlos:
oh my sweet child
Gabi:
he killed him with that d
Ollie:
can’t believe this is a real life scenario
Lando:
maybe we should change the topic
Carlos:
so in that dream-
Lando:
CARLOS
Carlos:
-where did you top him?
George:
why are you even interested in that??
Oscar:
on a track, duh
Kimi:
@Lando ON A TRACK??
Alex:
@Lando damn, in front of everyone??
Oscar:
where else?
Max:
I would expect somewhere more private
but you do you
Ollie:
hmmm maybe in a bed like normal people
Lando:
GUYS
you’re the biggest traitors
i didn’t say anything about max’s crush just as i promised
oh ups
Carlos:
the problem is that everyone knows about Max’s 15 years long “crush”
Ollie:
he literally walked into a wall yesterday while looking at him
Charles:
oh, who we talking about?
was I there too?
Ollie:
yes, you definitely were there otherwise it wouldn’t happen
Max:
I don’t want to be that person but please enlighten me again why I have seen you wearing Kimi’s clothes multiple times?
Kimi:
things that never happened
Ollie:
@Max I don’t want to be that person but what if you just shut up?
Charles:
I think I’m missing something
Carlos:
a part of your brain, maybe
Charles:
no, the context here
why am I the only one who doesn’t know anything?
Max’s crush, hello?? never heard anyone talking about them?
at least not with me?
Lando:
look at this idiot
George:
well, isn’t this just lovely
there’s two of them
one is dumb as fuck, the other is just oblivious
Isack:
the other is dumb as fuck too
Lando:
are you talking about oscar?
Kimi:
look who’s here
a guy who’s having inappropriate dreams about his teammate
you cannot make this shit up
Oscar:
how is dreaming about racing inappropriate?
Gabi:
more like about “riding”
Oscar:
still, my point stands
Ollie:
this is a different kind of “riding”, Oscar
Max:
yeah, you just ride up and down instead of in a weird shapes
Oscar:
huh, never tried that before
@Lando how was it in your dream?
Carlos:
LMAO
Ollie:
boyyyyyy, no way
Isack:
he’s gonna off himself when he finally realizes
Lando:
@Oscar uhhh, it was good, yeah
Alex:
HE ANSWERED HIM, IM CRYING
Max:
the secondhand embarrassment is strong
Oscar:
@Lando then maybe we should try it in real life too
Kimi:
PLEASE TAKE HIS PHONE AWAY
Isack:
someone check on Lando
Carlos:
IM NOT EXPLAINING THIS TO HIM
Ollie:
I just know he’s making the bottom eyes rn
George:
@Lando please, ban your bottom from using a phone, it’s humiliating for both of you
@Max please, tell your bottom you’re in love with him, it’s embarrassing as hell when you just fuck him with your eyes all the time
Carlos:
@Charles
Alex:
@Charles
Ollie:
@Charles
Isack:
@Charles
Kimi:
@Charles
Charles:
what the hell are you all tagging me for
I have no idea who Max’s “bottom” is
George:
@Max you know, sometimes it’s better to let go
Lando:
@Charles you are max’s bottom
booom here you go
easy as fuck
you can thank me later
Max:
@Oscar in Lando’s dream, you were not riding in a car
you were riding him, hope that helps!
Lando:
you mf
you don’t even know that, i never told you any details
Carlos:
I just know you saw that bottom eyed Oscar gif on twitter
where else would your mind go if not riding
Kimi:
exposed on main
Ollie:
I bet he even bookmarked it
Oscar:
OH MY GOD
NO
tell me I haven’t said any of that
Charles:
Max walked into a wall because of me??
Carlos:
look at them, they grew up so fast
Kimi:
we never gonna see Oscar ever again
Gabi:
I feel like this was a social experiment
dumb and dumber