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It had been a month since he’d last seen Mickey. A whole month. Objectively, a month wasn’t really that long, but for Ian, not seeing Mickey for a month felt like a year.
It had been a month of tears and lying around in bed and hating his life. After he left Mickey’s wedding, he went out of his way to avoid Mickey and, by extension, Mandy. He also really didn’t want to know how Mandy felt about their relationship now that he’d drunkenly screamed it out at Mickey’s wedding. So not only was he missing his…whatever, he was also missing his best friend. It had been a long month.
It was one morning that he finally cracked. He started the day normal, maybe a little better than he had in the last month, since he actually got out of bed and went for a run. When he came back, Debbie was the only one at home; she was on the laptop, looking at a random website. He pasted on his best smile, pretending that he hadn’t run past the Milkovich house at least three times on his run.
‘What’re you doin’, Debs?’ he asked, ruffling her hair to her annoyance. When she looked up at him, he frowned at her wet eyes. Immediately, he crouched down beside her and asked gently, ‘What’s going on?’
Debbie sniffed. ‘Nothing to me. I’m just…I’m reading this thing on Tumblr.’
Ian ignored the fact that he had no fucking clue what Tumblr was and prompted, ‘Yeah?’
‘This girl, she was raped by this guy at her college.’ Debbie rubbed at her wet eyes harshly. ‘And her boyfriend said that she cheated and broke up with her, even though he knew what had happened! He said that if she apologised, maybe he’d forgive her, as if she was the one who needed forgiveness. She refused to apologise and she had to deal with it all alone…I don’t know…I just hate the world…’
Ian frowned, thinking about all the times he had tried his best to avoid Mickey. He thought it would’ve been hard, but Mickey didn’t seem to be around at all. In fact, this whole month, he hadn’t seen Mickey anywhere, not even out front of the Milkovich house. He remembered a week ago when he had asked Kev if he’d seen him, unable to help himself.
Kev had shaken his head. ‘Nah, man. Maybe him and the missus shut themselves in that house instead of having a honeymoon, if you know what I mean.’ He winked, oblivious to Ian’s stomach twisting up in knots.
‘If he really loved her, he wouldn’t have been such a prick. It just sucks he didn’t support her,’ Debbie finished, shrugging. ‘It’s probably stupid crying over someone I’ve never met.’
Ian shook his head, realising that he had seen Svetlana out and about, but not Mickey. ‘No, it’s not stupid, Debs.’
He patted his sister’s shoulder before rushing upstairs, much to her offence. She was crying, here, and her brother just went to have a shower? Debbie frowned as Ian immediately rushed back down the stairs, but in different clothes.
‘Where are you going?’ Debbie stood, following Ian to the door. He didn’t say anything, just raced out, and Debbie called after him, ‘You didn’t even shower, Ian!’
He was already gone. Debbie just shrugged, figuring he was uncomfortable with her tears and felt the need to bow out of the conversation. She sniffed again before turning back to shut the laptop. Brothers just didn’t understand.
*
Ian sprinted to the Milkovich house, feeling his calves burning with the additional exercise. He ignored it and forced himself forward, hoping that Terry wouldn’t be there when he got there. He paused at the front door, looking around for a weapon just in case. Picking up a brick, he entered the unlocked house and walked in to see no one was home, but he still called out.
‘Mickey?’ Ian wandered into the bedroom to see no one was there. He scowled at the double bed before heading back out and searching most of the house. ‘Mick?’
He heard a gasp from where he stood in the bathroom. He hadn’t seen anyone in the lounge room, but it sounded like it had come from there. He raced in to see Mickey curled up against the back of the couch. He had his head between his knees and he was gasping for air, shaking almost violently. Ian rushed forward immediately, settling by his side and being careful not to touch him.
‘Mickey,’ he said gently. ‘Mick?’
Mickey lifted his shaking head to see Ian, blue eyes widening. He didn’t say anything, he couldn’t. He was too busy hyperventilating, tears falling down his face.
Ian had no idea what to do. He had had a panic attack before, but there were different ways to calm different people down. He had never seen anyone, not even his family, having a panic attack. He realised his own hands were shaking as he lifted them to Mickey’s cheeks, cupping his face.
‘Mickey, can you look at me?’ Ian requested softly, watching as Mickey’s flittering eyes settled on his own. He reached and took Mickey’s hand, placing it on his own chest, breathing deeply and evenly. ‘Breathe with me, Mick. Come on, you can do it.’
Eventually, Mickey’s breathing settled and he gasped out, ‘Ian’, before burying his head in Ian’s chest, immediately wrapping his arms around him.
Ian hugged him back just as tightly, tears pricking his eyes. ‘I’m sorry I left you, Mick. I’m sorry.’
‘I’m so—’ Mickey tried to apologise, but Ian shushed him.
‘Don’t apologise. You don’t have anything to be sorry for.’
‘I can’t do it, Ian,’ Mickey breathed, still sobbing slightly. ‘I can’t do it. I can’t fuckin’ live here and see Terry all the time. I can’t watch Svetlana get bigger and bigger and, fuck, I don’t want this fuckin’ kid.’ He pulled away, bashing his head into the back of the couch. ‘I hate this fucking couch, I hate my fucking life, I-I can’t—’
‘Mick, Mickey,’ Ian tried to get his attention, realising he was starting to panic again. ‘Breathe, okay? You don’t have to. You don’t have to stay here. Terry can fuck off and we can go, okay? We can run. Wherever you want, okay?’
Mickey blinked up at Ian, confused. ‘But, your family—’
‘I love them and will call them constantly, but you’re my family, too. You need me, so I’m going to be there for you. Let’s just go. Let’s just run away—’
Mickey immediately buried his head in the crook of Ian’s neck again, sniffing back his tears. ‘Shut the fuck up for a minute.’ He laughed a little and so Ian felt it was okay to chuckle through his own tears. ‘Can we take Mandy?’
Ian smiled to himself. ‘Of course.’
They stayed silent for another few minutes before Mickey breathed out, ‘Ian?’
‘Yeah?’
‘I love you.’
Ian buried his face into Mickey’s hair, feeling the tears roll down his cheeks and choked out, ‘I love you, too.’
*
A few days later, Ian Gallagher and Mickey and Mandy Milkovich sped out of town, leaving nothing but a burning couch, bad memories, and a puff of smoke behind them.