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“As for the rest…” He stopped at the threshold. “Assemble your council and make your plan. I will, since you are so insistent on my input, look it over myself and grant you the supplies if I find it agreeable.”
For the first time, she bowed just slightly. “Thank you, Highlord.”
“Do not make me regret this.”
Ri’kara blinked, pulling herself slowly out of the knotty memory. Somehow, the switch from the old feeling of Slayn’s thin air and the horrific smell of death and decay to Aiur’s clean and fresh atmosphere left her shoulders heaving as she clung to the table in front of her, gripping the crystal in her other hand so tightly she thought it would break in half.
Her hearts wrenched for the phase-smith, the raw desperation and scrappy, panicked defiance she had so clearly resonated with in her words, even when viewed from the perspective of someone like him. She felt tears prick at her eyes, and for a moment she couldn’t help but let out a sob.
“Ri’kara?” The Hierarch stepped forward a little.
“It’s fine, I’m fine, that was…” She composed herself, taking a moment before wiping her face and standing up straight. “Of course they locked the doors. I saw some of us being dragged off, I was almost captured myself… No wonder I haven’t met any other smiths here.”
Hopelessness tightened her chest briefly, and she dropped the crystal onto the table, backing away into a patch of sun and occupying herself with her scarred fingers. She didn’t want to look at the thing anymore.
“Why did you even show me this?”
Alarak finally spoke. “Artanis decided that the perspective of a phase-smith was necessary.”
Somehow, hearing him after everything she had seen sparked rage inside her; her voice immediately raised. “You have one! She laid it out plainly for you. Don’t tell me you haven’t bothered to even do one thing she asked for—”
“Of course I have; we struck a bargain.” He scoffed, rolling his eyes. “I am no fool.”
The Hierarch stepped forward. “I believe what he meant to say—” He shot Alarak a slight chastising glare before continuing; “Is that he wants your perspective on how to continue to keep the peace.”
Ri’kara took a short moment to calm herself, lifting a hand to try and rub the headache from her brow; even the imaginary smell of Terrazine was enough to bring on that slight pain. “Sorry. The phase-smith. I- You told her to take the lead; is she still alive?”
Alarak nodded. “Yes.”
Relief washed over her, tears welling in her eyes again.
“I’ll need to speak with her myself.”
“Why?” He scoffed, scowling. “As though I would lie.”
“Because I want to hear it from her how she might want to continue negotiations.” She snapped back. “With all due respect; I trust a phase-smith more than I trust you.”
The next silence was strange. Instead of continuing to protest, he seemed to deflate, nodding curtly. “… Fine. I will speak with her and arrange your line of communication.”
“Thank you, Highlord.”
After another moment, he swept from the room, leaving her and the Hierarch alone.
In the corner of her eye, she saw him hesitate before moving to stand beside her. “Are you… Alright, Ri’kara?”
“… Yes, Hierarch. I’m sorry for my outburst, I just… I keep thinking about her.”
“The phase-smith you saw?”
“Yes. She’s right; I was lucky. If not for Ilira and Uljia…” She trembled slightly. “I just wonder if… If I hadn’t escaped, if I had even survived for long enough, maybe that would have been me in that room. I would have done that for my people.”
“You would have survived. You are strong.”
“I don’t know…” She let out a soft, sad laugh. “I know neither of you understand.”
“I wish to try.”
In her mind, she saw Urach’s one eye sliding down her form, felt the way that his fingertips lingered on her shoulder, shivering a little with the memory before scowling. “To be plain, Hierarch, if I’d stayed, I would have been my Overseer’s pet.”
It took a moment of him searching her face before she saw the disgust pass over his eyes as he realised exactly what she meant, followed by a twinge of pity. She didn’t let him respond just yet.
“I don’t know if I could have survived that. If he didn’t decide he was bored of me and killed me out of spite… Maybe I would have done it myself.”
“… I am sorry.”
“I still see him when I close my eyes, you know. I can’t imagine what the others see. I just want what’s best for everyone that continued to suffer, and I’ll fight Alarak until my heart stops beating on that; I won’t let him say no to what she wants. You’ll help me with that, won’t you? Please.”
He nodded, placing a hand on her shoulder briefly.
“So long as this does not lead to the both of you fighting more than you already do.”
“I’ll try my best, but I can’t promise anything.” She shrugged. “He’s better, especially after… Well, your threat seemed to shake him, and he apologised, but there are some things he’ll still try to be stubborn about.”
“I have seen some of the change; I have made a few other breakthroughs myself. It will take time, but he will warm up to cooperating with us.”
“I doubt he has the ability to warm up to anything, but…” She shrugged. “I trust you, Hierarch. I wouldn’t be here if I didn’t.”
He nodded. “You know…”
“Hm?”
“I saw that memory for myself. I understand now why he has been particularly difficult about you.”
She tilted her head. “What do you mean?”
“Her eyes. You look at him as she did; I doubt he enjoys being reminded of the one he had to directly bend the knee too.”
“… He felt sorry for her. Somehow.”
“I felt that too.”
“It’s strange… The range of emotions that they were cut from, how much control He truly had over us…”
“I am curious to know how that would have worked; you have no Khala that he could have taken hold of. It is the reason we could be allies in the first place.”
Ri’kara thought about it, cast her mind back to when she was small, when that Votary… Could she call him her father? He took her into a large temple room, and a priest covered in deep red patterns sat her in the centre of a circle…
“… I was a small child. They conducted a ritual, gave me Terrazine, and I heard Him for the first time.” The memory was spotty, filled with a searing pain in her head and chest, and an ache as though a parent had left her out in the cold. “I think mine went wrong. He told me I was defective, that I could never hope to obtain the glory of Ascension. I don’t know if it was my mind or if it really was Him, but my hearts almost gave out; I could have died.”
The Hierarch stayed silent, his expression one of pity.
“I think you’re meant to feel good when you take Terrazine. He provides it, and we’re dependent on feeling those good things and feeling powerful under its influence. Now he’s gone, feeling that ourselves, feeling the things that would mean that we would need to be a community rather than always divided… must be overwhelming.”
“How did you cope with such a thing?”
“I’ve always felt more than most. I had to hide it, or I think I would have been killed. He was right; I was defective, at least for what He wanted of us.”
Suddenly, embarrassment washed over her. “I’m sorry; I shouldn’t be rambling so much—”
He shook his head, raising a hand to stop her. “It is informative; I enjoy the opportunity to learn more about you and what your people have gone through. You have been such help so far.”
“None of it is nice, Hierarch.” She shrugged. “Being able to get to Aiur was the best thing that ever happened to me… But maybe I’ll tell you about our trips to other worlds. We did a little planet hopping before we came here.”
“I would enjoy such stories.” He smiled, patting her shoulder. “For now, I suggest some rest. It seems that took more out of you than I had predicted.”
“Alright. I’ll wait for him to summon me again.”
Ri’kara shuffled her feet in front of the communication panel in the small meeting room. She had hoped she would be able to take the call from her home, but both leaders were concerned about a security risk, and so she had trawled her way back to the capitol building for an audience with the phase-smith.
The chirrup continued intermittently in the silence, anxiety squirming in her chest the longer the waiting time stretched. She laced her fingers together, staring at the orange light blinking and wondering when she would decide to—
The display flashed up, a soft, high-pitched voice answering. “Yes?”
It was strange to see Cornu through her own eyes. Half of her face was scarred, all the way to the top of her wavy, three-tiered crest. She kept her cords in loops either side of her, attached to the waterfall of them at the back with a silver band.
“Hello. I’m Ri’kara.”
“Ah.” Her eyes hardened slightly as she looked her over. “The Highlord said to expect you. I’m surprised he has a phase-smith to help him over there.”
The slight disdain in her tone made the little Tal’darim inwardly wince, the excitement she had felt at meeting another of her own people deflating instantly. Of course she wouldn’t trust me.
“I made him let me speak to you. I didn’t want to have your requests filtered through him, so…” She played with her cord decoration nervously.
“Is it just you on Aiur?” Her eyes narrowed. “I don’t know how many managed to get out of here apart from the ones I had the Highlord send off.”
“I don’t know either… I haven’t found any.”
There was a long pause. She glanced at something out of view for a moment and frowned. “I want to make sure the phase-smiths we sent to Aiur have actually arrived. I want to make sure he didn’t lie to me.”
“I can ask the Hierarch.”
“The Hierarch?” She scoffed, giving her a look. “Wow, you really are up there, aren’t you?”
The way she said it was almost… mocking. Ri’kara suddenly felt shame flash across her, warming her crest. “I was the only one who would help. I wouldn’t say I was any more ‘up there’ than you. You get access to the Highlord, don’t you?”
“When he’s here.” Softening slightly, she shrugged. “At least I might get more done with you around… Alright, yeah, ask the Hierarch, get me some sort of proof.”
“Is there anything else?”
“I want to know how you did it.”
She blinked. “Um…?”
“How did you escape? It’s a miracle I’ve even been able to find someone that has. I want to know how.”
“Ah.” Her eyes slid to the side. “I had two friends on the Chain. They told me they were planning to go, and if I wanted to go with them, I needed to be there before nightfall. My overseer cornered me, so I…” She trailed off, making a stabbing motion with her hand. “I had a few vents opened so I could get to the surface sometimes, so I used those and we left.”
Cornu scoffed again, suddenly looking irritated.
“What?” More shame washed over her, as though she had somehow done something wrong. The way that the other smith looked at her made her insides squirm. Resentment, annoyance.
“Of course you had friends on the Chain while the rest of us had to try and claw our way out. You couldn’t have convinced them to take more of us?”
“They didn’t trust anyone but me, and I was… I was my overseer’s favourite; I didn’t have anyone else that would have trusted me enough to believe me.”
“You didn’t try?”
She couldn’t help but raise her voice in frustration. “You were there! You saw what was happening the moment he gave that order; I couldn’t have got anyone to follow me without getting caught again myself, and then nobody would have got out!”
Doubt began to bloom in the back of her mind. Whenever she had tried to look for more of her people on Aiur, whenever a lead failed or she hit a dead end, she had wondered if she could have saved any of the others. This just brought that back up to the surface. She had only saved herself.
Selfish.
The other smith had said nothing, her expression both sad and angry, as though re-living the same frantic chaos and panic that she was.
“… I’m here now. I had no way of knowing what happened from here, but now I do and I want to help. I’ll fight the Highlord on whatever you want, and I’ll make sure I win. I know I didn’t manage to save anyone else then, but I can do it now.”
Cornu finally nodded after a long pause. “Yeah. I appreciate that. Contact me when you get the news.”
“I will.”
The feed cut off, leaving Ri’kara to wallow in the turmoil she had been left with. She had hoped that maybe they would bond, that the phase-smith leader would see an ally in one of her own, but… She was on Aiur. Cornu wasn’t. That divide wasn’t a crack between them, it was a gulf, filled with resentment and anger. If she could help now, why didn’t she help then?
With a long sigh, she rubbed her eyes and turned to leave the room. She didn’t know the answer.