Work Text:
Ryan stares at the divorce papers, sitting on his coffee table, wondering if he's making the biggest mistake of his life.
But then he thinks about the mess that became of his relationship with Sam.
They're not perfect.
They argue, a lot.
They don't see each other for long periods of time, not even texting as much as they once did.
He kept silent about any mistakes, any cracks there were, and that's where his mistake became the catalyst.
Ryan was so busy chasing perfection that he ruined reality.
His parents aren't perfect, yet that was the comparison he made, even when Sam told him not to.
That's what he wanted their relationship to be.
But it's not.
It never could be.
They're not the same people, and Ryan's glad for that.
Their relationship may have started similarly, but it didn't continue the same way. Their problems have been communication and timing. They don't spend time together without work being between them, but when they're off, they don't spend that time together either.
They stopped learning about each other.
So, as much as he hates this, he picks up the pen and he signs the stupid papers.
He loves her too much to hold her hostage.
"This fucking sucks," mutters Ryan to himself as he pens his name down on each line, initialing where he needs to. "But she deserves better. Guess I better get that list of therapists from Rox again."
Once he's folded the papers up, he grabs his phone and looks at the list, setting up an appointment with Ms. Mathers for the next day he can. It's virtual, but that doesn't matter.
He needs to do this, not only for Sam, but also for himself.
Ryan moves to his messages with Sam, bare as always, and when he starts typing, he knows he needs to stop. Instead, he grabs a piece of paper. He has to give her these papers later, when her shift ends, so she has time to drop them off to her lawyer. But he hasn't said everything he wanted to yet, so maybe a note will give them both a little bit of clarity to wrap around their closure.
~~~
Sam,
I love you too much to hold you hostage. So, the papers have been signed, and they're ready for you. I'm sorry for getting so lost in the idea of perfection that I forgot to face reality. That wasn't fair on you, I know, so I'm sorry that I failed you and us.
Perfection was my parents, for a long time, but the reality is that it's not.
They're so strong together because they owned their problems, not because they didn't have any.
I blew it, Sam, and I know exactly why now.
So, I hope you find the love that you deserve.
With Love,
Ryan
~~~
Maybe he'll give this to her. Maybe he won't. But his piece is said, in case she doesn't want to hear it from him.