Chapter Text
Caine was gone.
It had been quick, the deletion. Jax hadn’t even realized it until Kinger had walked up to all of them and told them the news. Seeing him go had been odd; one second he was there, full of pent up rage and bruised ego, and the next he had just.. Disappeared.
Jax was supposed to be happy, wasn’t he? The pain, the torture, all of those cruel adventures were over. But throwing the AI in the trash bin once and for all didn’t feel any more like a win than it did a stalemate.
The circus had dimmed and parts had fallen apart, all until the place had looked like a toxic wasteland: bleak and devoid of color. ‘Finally,” Jax tried to crack a joke to himself, maybe because he couldn’t bear the gaping quiet standing in the room and needed someone to make it seem better. ‘An exterior that represents its true colors.’
Frankly, Jax didn’t know what to do. None of them did, just stood in a mix of silence and shock until Zooble had spoken up. “Holy shit,” he said, putting a hand to their face when the censor didn’t cover the swear up. Pomni was the next to say something.
“So,” she started, unable of forming a complete thought. “This is it?” Looking at her, Jax saw how defeated Pomni’s face seemed. Everyone had the same expression, resignation blended with numbness and fury, even him. Other people started to chime into the conversation: Gangle, then Kinger, even Ragatha shared her thoughts on whether there was a way to get Caine back or not, with which Kinger provided a “It isn’t likely.” Eventually, everyone had talked, except for him.
Jax tuned his ears out as they continued to speak. With Caine gone, what even was the point of the entire simulation? As Caine’s sole purpose had been to entertain the players with adventures, hadn’t the players sole purpose been going on those adventures? Jax knew there was no chance for a life outside of the circus, but now, with the ringleader gone, he couldn’t help but feel like there was now no chance for a life even inside of the circus.
Without catching anyone’s gaze, Pomni’s included, the rabbit walked away from the rest of the group. He avoided all of the gaping holes in the floor, all surrounded by a ring of bright purple, and snuck back into his room before anyone noticed. Why would they have noticed? They had way more important things on their mind than him, after all.
A slump in his shoulders, Jax opened the door to his room. It hadn’t changed at all. The place was still pristine, no tears and no moderations, that it looked like Caine hadn’t left at all. Caine had made their rooms, Jax had thought that the AI’s death would’ve at least changed something. Slowly, he tried to set himself onto his bed. Maybe, if nothing had changed in here, if he closed his eyes long enough he’d forget anyone was even gone.
All of Jax’s muscles were stiff, and the rock hard mattress did nothing to help him relax, but it felt nice to be able to lie down, staring at the smooth, cream-colored ceiling decorated with glow-in-the-dark star and planet stickers. He just wanted to rest, to be free from all of whatever mess he had gotten himself into for at least a few moments if he could be given those.
When he blinked, and the crack showed in the wall, Jax knew that want had caught up to him. Of course, he’d driven himself to the point of abstraction, miraculously escaped his fate, and took himself there again. Willingly. An unique experience, and an especially unique performance. He had never even deserved a second chance, the only person he knew who had was Ribbit, but she had never gotten one.
Jax realized that he wanted to abstract. Why bother with the endless pain, suffering, and feeling like you’re nothing, if you don’t have to? He could be free from everything, nothing else but a black-ambigious blob that might pose a problem for a few minutes when the circus members find him, but will never make any mistakes again.
He blinked again, trying to will the process faster. ‘Just get me out of here,’ he thought weakly. He had finally given up. This time, when Jax finally saw Ribbit’s hand, he breathed a sigh of relief, and took it with ease.