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Jack brought Castiel back.
It wasn’t something that should have happened. Or maybe it did. Jack didn’t know anymore. Was it destiny? Was it predestined? Was it inevitable? If he was being honest, he was scared to believe in something good. Even though it kind of was in his hands now, being God. Maybe especially because of that.
What he did know, however, was that he had sworn himself to be hands-off - apart from cleaning up Chuck’s mess and reconstructing, well, everything - but he had sworn himself to not interfere with individual lives, to respect Castiel’s choice, to respect the balance of all things, but even still, Jack was just a kid.
He was God, but he was also just a kid.
Castiel’s kid, to be specific. A child that missed his father, a child that didn’t know how to be grateful for the sacrifice Castiel had made, because Castiel was gone and he couldn’t redeem himself, apart from being a good God. Which, to him - seeing what had happened with Chuck - included not selfishly interfering, ever, even when his own heart was breaking, even when now he technically could have the family he so desperately wished for, even when-
Because he had sworn-
The thing with prayers is that they are so much more than words being passed. Feelings, intentions, sometimes even memories, were included, too. In varying intensity, but there always was more than just words. They were sacred, the principle was sacred and that is why no one ever talked about this aspect. The ones receiving prayers took pride in this unspoken knowledge. Jack had not.
Being God, Jack received more prayers than he knew there to be stars in the sky. It had been extremely overwhelming, disorienting, and most of all painful. The moment he brought everyone back, prayers had started and he had not been able to think or do anything for a long, long time. Probably just for a few minutes on Earth, but it had felt like days, weeks for him.
Weeks of trying to make sense of everything, trying to tame the screaming beast of chaos inside his head.
He had managed to tune them out, eventually. He felt guilty about doing this. He hadn‘t done it to be cruel, never to be cruel, but to have the mental capacity to do what he needed to do. Keeping everyone, everything safe. To maintain neutrality, too. He knew human pain. He had experienced it. He had felt desperation, loss, anxiety, panic, grief, all of it.
If he wouldn’t have tuned them out, he would have succumbed to them. Choked on them, drowned in them. He was so, so sorry to turn away from this much suffering, but it wouldn’t have done anyone good.
One prayer, however, Jack was haunted by.
Dean Winchester’s.
Jack didn’t even know why he was receiving Dean’s prayers, because Dean wasn’t praying to him. Dean was praying to Castiel. He received Dean’s prayers muffled, sometimes cut off, sometimes even without words, just emotions.
Still, it was the worst kind of pain Jack ever had to endure.
Dean, too. Whatever Dean had gone through in his life, this was worse. To even call this ‘praying‘ bordered on blasphemy. It was torture, to both of them, and nothing less.
So, at the altar of Dean’s and his own pain, Jack - God - had been forced to kneel and bow down.
With the first prayer Dean thought to him instead of Castiel, with agony more unfiltered than ever before, Jack had broken.
“Jack, please“
Castiel was brought back on a Thursday.
One moment Jack was choking on a sob and a scream, tears burning in his eyes, his own hands tearing at his hair, the next moment he was gently pulled into an embrace so full of love Jack nearly exploded.
“Dad-“
And oh, Castiel had cried. Never once in his seemingly infinite life had Castiel felt so much at once.
He knew Jack saw him as a dad, referred to him as his dad, but he had never called him dad directly. It felt like a gift, like love, almost like worship. Though he knew it was laced in despair, pain, grief - and even though it was cruel – knowing that in times of such great hopelessness, Jack would wish for him, was one of the highest, proudest things Castiel had the fortune of experiencing. This was a moment sacred to him.
Castiel did not feel deserving of it.
At the same time, Castiel had become selfish. Between everything that had happened, between his first glimpses of the Universe, of Creation, to his own downfall from Heaven and Belief, to this very moment with Jack in his arms, clinging to him like he was the very necessity of Jack‘s existence, Castiel had grown to be selfish.
He had started to look, to admire. To wonder, to ask. To doubt, to choose.
To hope and to want.
And this is something that he wanted. He wanted to be Jack’s father, and he wanted Jack to be his son. Not that they hadn’t been before, but not as close, as long as they could have been.
As they could be now, maybe.
Long after their tears had stopped falling and their sobs had stopped wrecking their bodies, Castiel dared to ask.
“How? I can sense...enough to guess, but I would like to hear it from you, Jack.“
Jack sighed. Let go of Castiel, though still holding him by the end of his dirty trenchcoat sleeve and let his gaze fall to the floor in shame.
“I failed. No – I mean, gosh“ with his free hand, Jack wiped over his forehead, closed his eyes, then pressed his index finger and thumb to the inner corners of his eyes. Hard. Castiel reached up to pry away Jack’s hand, to hold it gently in his own. Drew Jack’s eyes back up to him, expression gentle. Jack took a deep breath.
“I am God. We defeated Chuck and I absorbed all of his power. He left this mess, this, this –“
Jack scrunched his face, as if he was in pain, but continued, voice strained.
“I have to fix so much Castiel. Everything is broken. But I couldn’t, the voi-the prayers were so loud and I missed you so much, and Dean - it hurt. I still don’t know why I received his prayers. It was like torture, all the time he was hurting and I was too - I - I promised myself to not interfere on earth, because I am scared of messing up like Chuck, but it hurt so much I couldn’t take it any- I’m sorry I couldn’t do bet-“
“No, Jack, no. This is none of your fault and it is certainly not something that should ever be your burden. I can’t even imagine - Jack, I-“ Castiel interrupted, then stopped, his voice was breaking at the end. He wrapped his arms around Jack again, one hand on the back of his head and neck, the other one on his back. “I am so sorry, Jack.“
Before Jack even had the chance to respond, Castiel continued: “I will help you with whatever you need. Anything. I never wanted this for you, I wanted you to live, have a family with Sam and Dean. To finally have peace.“
“There is no peace in this without you. You underestimate your impact, Castiel.“ Jack, his Jack clung to him and Jack’s tears stained his trench coat once again, but Castiel knew that this was God speaking. He could hear Jack’s “I need you“ clear in between, though.
Castiel, the self-hating Angel of Thursday, did not argue with God about his own worth. Not on a Thursday, at least.
Jack sighed as he separated himself from Castiel again. Then, cautiously: “We need to talk about Dean. I need you, as a father and as an Angel, but Dean needs you as Cas just as much. More, I think. No, I know. You don’t know how much he hurts.“
Castiel’s gaze dropped. “Please, show me.“ Castiel breathed. Jack lifted two fingers to Castiel’s forehead. “These are his prayers. I’m sorry.“ Jack breathed back, before he touched Castiel.
Castiel felt as if - he didn’t even have anything to compare it to.
Like getting vapourized, while simultaneously having the weight of the entire universe on his chest. Usually there was a centered pain, burning, flaming, ripping, piercing, but this felt like he was imploding under the pain. Erased by it, until there wouldn’t even be matter left to put him back together with. He felt his soul dissipate.
It stopped as soon as it had started.
Barely having time to come back to himself, Castiel was met with Jack talking to him, voice stern and certain: “I will fly you to him. I don’t know if you can, I don’t know anyth- we can talk later. Later today is fine. I can manage a few hours alone, now.“ And then he was hugging Castiel again. When Castiel lifted his arms to hug Jack back, they were already in Dean’s room.
“I love you, Dad.“ Jack smiled into Castiel’s shoulder. “See you later.“
“I love you too, my son.“ Castiel kissed Jack’s temple. “Alligator.“
Then, Jack was gone.
Castiel turned to his left. Devotion to big it could rip through space and time unfurled within him.
“Hello, Dean.“