Chapter Text
“I think...” Kinger began, the reverberation of his voice under the bucket fading as he lifted it with a finger, “I accidentally killed Caine.”
It was like all the sound in the room just flat lined.
Everyone stared into Kinger’s eyes—not sure where to look, not sure what to say.
“Holy shit.” Zooble shook their head in pure disbelief.
Their hands clapped over their mouth, eyes bulging.
That was all the proof they needed.
No censor, no chastising for swearing, nothing.
Caine was gone.
He was really gone.
Ragatha winced, struggling to keep her breathing steady, “...Oh god, what are we going to do?” Her arms latched onto her hair like she was pulling a lever that would bring Caine back to life.
“We’re...We’re going to be stuck here forever, aren’t we?” Her voice grew thick as she stared wide-eyed into the void ahead of her. “We’re gonna... Oh my god...I-I can’t—”
Pomni clutched Ragatha’s dress, the jester’s eyes appearing as though they were pleading with her.
“Everything is going to be okay, I promise. Just focus on your breathing with me, okay?”
But Ragatha stared straight through her, like Pomni wasn’t even there.
Pomni nervously shifted her hands onto Ragatha’s forearms as she glanced at everyone around them.
Zooble was cradling Gangle’s head whilst they watched Ragatha worriedly. When they caught Pomni looking at them, they shot her an empathetic nod before refocusing on comforting Gangle.
Her hands began to caress Ragatha’s forearms in an attempt to guide her back to reality.
“I think it might be best if you sit down,” Pomni suggested fretfully as she began to lead Ragatha to the floor, “Don’t worry, I’ve got you.”
Ragatha’s head cocked into Pomni’s arm, her eyes growing more resigned. Her mouth trembled as if all of her worries were falling out at once, yet she couldn’t bring herself to make any sound. Fear welling up in her eyes, she began to drag herself into Pomni’s waist. Once the tears started, they couldn’t stop.
Kinger peeled Ragatha’s fingers open, placing his hands between hers as he knelt in silence.
Caine had taken the ever-present brightness of the circus with him, allowing Kinger’s sanity to remain without a bucket or fort over his head to shield him from it.
“...I’ve seen you go through so much since you arrived here. Things far worse than this. Things that you went through alone. Don’t let this break you, Ragatha.” He removed a hand from hers, placing it over a shoulder. “We will get out of here, I promise.”
Ragatha babbled sounds that quickly turned into sobs.
“I...I can’t...I can’t do it anymore—” she whispered breathlessly, tears seeping into Pomni’s tunic.
Huddling together, they sat, preoccupied with Ragatha’s unravelling.
Jax stood far away from the commotion he’d already tuned out, swaying languidly. Unnoticed.
A metre ahead of him, a section of the floor had already collapsed inward, revealing a gateway into the churning noise of the Void.
It was like a moth drawn to a light bulb. Stepping through the floor and letting himself freefall inside the white was too tempting.
Maybe Kaufmo and Ribbit were out there now. Released from their prison when the Circus collapsed.
His pupils dilated, absorbing every square inch of the brightness that projected from the ground. He tread forward carelessly until he met the edge of the world, his toes curling over the edge.
He never knew that something so scary could be so inviting.
Rocking himself gently, he let his hands drop beside him as his eyes slid closed.
One moment he’d be standing at the rim of the hole, and the next he’d be falling into it. There’d be no evidence. No mess.
None of the others would even recognise he was gone.
The sharp, cracked tiles pressed into the pads of his feet as they gripped the edge.
The pain almost felt grounding.
An instinctual part of himself screamed to step away. It made his body stiffen at the sight of the drop. He compromised with his mind by dropping into a sitting position, letting his legs dangle inside the Void. The stability of the pose made it feel more tempting to fall in.
Maybe he could think of it like getting into a pool. It’s not like anyone would see him chickening out like this anyway. Hell, they’d probably be wishing he did this sooner after everything he’s done.
Jax craned his neck over his knees to lean forward, his grip on the crumbling tiles tightening. A single slip would probably be fatal- or whatever the equivalent of death was in this world.
He didn’t care. He didn’t want to be around if the others actually figured out how to escape the circus. He didn’t want to be around if they never did either.
Even if he left the circus- he’d just kill himself eventually anyway.
The ending will always be the same. It was practically his destiny at this point.
The cold air that rose from the Void began to claw at his ears.
He should probably get this over with before the others notice him.
Jax lifted one of his legs from the Void, hugging it against his body so that he could dive in.
Just like diving into a pool.
He tilted forward again, testing gravity’s pull on himself.
One minute there, one minute gone.
He breathed in.
His grip on the floor let go.
In that moment, a sudden force yanked him backward.
Two arms locked tightly around his waist, causing the air he just inhaled to sputter out like someone had just performed a Heimlich manoeuvre on him.
Jax was hauled off the edge in one violent motion, resulting in the side of his face connecting with freezing ground.
“Don’t—“ the breathless voice from behind him panted, their fingers clawing deeper into his ribs with desperation.
Jax twisted out of their grip, his rage bubbling over as he pinned the culprit to the floor.
The back of her head banged against the tile, causing her to let out a yelp.
His hands gripped onto her forearms like they were handlebars.
Jax didn’t think he’d ever seen her this terrified.
“J-Jax—“
A confused and disgusted expression grew over his face, emotions so raw his eyes began to twitch.
Why the fuck would she even bother to save him?
He huffed, pressing his gloved hand over her face in anger as he stood up.
Red and Blue hands grasped onto his arm from below, sending him flying back down onto her.
“Get off me!” Jax yelled, his wrists burning from the girl pulling his arms.
“I don’t want you to hurt yourself!” The girl screamed at him as she fixed her black hair with one hand.
“I’m not going to do anything- I wasn’t even going to do anything!” He backed away, freeing himself from her grasp.
“Bullshit! I saw that look on your face, Jax. Why are you lying to me?”
“You don’t get it, do you?” A hollow laugh escaped him as he wiped his mouth with the back of his glove.
“Then at least try explaining it to me—give me a chance!” Pomni cried out, her voice cracking on the last word.
The hum of the Void hijacked their conversation, calling for Jax to finish what he started.
He didn’t even answer her. He couldn’t. He just stared off into the distance.
It took him a moment to be able to look back at her.
She looked nothing like herself.
And it was all his fault.
“...You don’t get to just—just throw yourself away and pretend like it doesn’t matter!” She spat as she fanned her arms like she was pleading with him.
“That’s the whole point. Hell, Caine’s gone, and you guys are already trying to patch it over like it never happened. You may as well do the same thing with me.”
Jax turned away from her and began to walk in the opposite direction.
“Jax—”
“I’m not jumping, okay?” He rolled his eyes as he continued walking away. “Relax.”
“But—you don’t just get to—”
“Watch me.”
He turned again, stepping into the uninhabited space of the circus.
“Jax,” Pomni called out to him softly. “Please...”
He stopped walking for a moment, but he didn’t turn around.
“Don’t waste your breath.”