Chapter Text
Lucy~~
Lucy Chen has always been the fierce one. The strong one. The stubborn, powerful, independant one. The one that never lets anything take her down. The one that had been kidnapped and buried alive, yet came out of it with a smile. Thats why Lucy ignored all the signs. Signs that she wasn't okay.
There's nothing for her to be upset about - is there? She is as happy as she can be, living with the love of her life for over an year now. Making waking up and actually getting off bed easier, with someone holding her and making her feel loved instead of waking alone with her thoughts.
Lucy brushed the feelings of as tiredness. It made sense - being a cop for 9 years can seriously mess with your head. She remembered hearing something about it once. The seven year glitch. Where cops who are seven years in get doubtful on whether they want to continue pursuing the path they are headed. Where most cops face burnouts harsh enough they end up quitting because they can't handle it anymore. Lucy wondered if thats what's happening to her. Only an year late.
She brushed off the sudden dark cloud in her mind for exhaustion. The fatigue running through her veins for winding down after work. The spiraling for the lack of sleep. And the sudden hatred towards how unfair her life truly is for the effects criminals left on her.
How unfair it is that they never know the next time they'd be dodging grenades.
How unfair it is that they constantly have to be on edge, danger looming everywhere they go.
How unfair it is that the sick psychopaths can hurt them withour any guilt. As if they're just toys to be played with.
How unfair it is to the victims of these bastards who did nothing to deserve to be used for their sick speculations.
How unfair it is to all the women who are seen as constant weak, fragile targets.
And how unfair it is that they are expected to smile, to "serve and protect" while fighting their own minds and fighting for their lives.
Lucy was sick of it. Absolutely disgusted with it. She's tired of being hurt and used. She's tired of getting injured and almost dying in fires. She's tired of explosions and crimes and criminals. She's tired of being hurt by the people she loves. Tired of being the constant source of dissapointment for her mom: For not being the "picture perfect" daughter she wanted, for doing what Lucy herself wanted to do for the first time, for not choosing the career path her mom told her to choose, for being the outcome of a careless hookup that can't be undone. And more recently, getting hurt by a psycho who tried to kidnap her and managed a slice to her stomach in the process. Whom brought back unwanted memories that had Tim on guard all night, making sure she doesn't break into a panic again.
She's tired of being a burden.Tired of being everyones consistant sunshine. Tired of being there for everyone. Tired of doing her best to not fall into self destructive ways to find release. To find a peace of mind where she could control something.
The bathroom was dark except for the faint light Lucy turned on. The light reflecting of the small blade in her hands. She knew that if she gives in, there's no turning back. She knew from the cases she had and the psychology classes she attented, that there's other ways. Addiction is a dangerous thing. She knew that she's risking her job, temporary leave, and even mandatory therapy if anyone finds out. But she couldn't bring herself to care.
The blade stared at her like a relentless call. Threatning to pull her in and consume her into a void where nothing makes sense. Just dark, numb, and empty. She traced a ghost line over her thigh, touching enough to draw blood. But not nearly enough for pleasure.
She took in the feeling. It didn't sting like she needed it to. Didn't show enough for proof that she is, in fact, in control.
She pressed harder, and even harder, before dragging it across fast. Letting out a wince as blood pooled and dripped down her thigh.
'That's gonna scar.' She thought so matter of factly that she wondered if she's really that far gone. Maybe she is truly broken. Maybe she has been all along.
Lucy let her thoughts consume her. Let her drift so far away from herself that she doesn't feel what she's doing. Instead, its like she's watching herself through a TV screen. In another body. Dissociation. A cruel thing, truly - isn't it? Yet so nice. Taking you to another void when yours feel too full. Till your just a shadow following the body.
Tim's soft knocks started her to her consious. "Lu? You alright? You've been in there for almost an hour." His voice seeped in.
"Yeah, im fine. I just..." She trailed. "Spaced. I'll be out in a sec." Lucy removed the blade from wherr it was pressing onto her skin. Blood flowing from various places she's suprised she got while distracted. She ripped a handful of toilet paper, mopping up as much as possible before discarding it in the trash can she kept in there.
She splashed water to get rid of what was left, managing to stop the bleeding with some tissues. She hid the blade behind the first aid kit in the cabinet under the sink. She didn't dare think about taking the gauze from it. He'd notice.
Slowly, she put on her jeans, trying to block out the pain as much as humainly possible. Lucy unlocked the door and stepped out, only to be met with Tim half way. He grabbed her forearms, holding her close as he asked, "What's wrong?" Worry lining every visible part of him.
"Nothing." She replied, trying her best to look sincere.
"Don't lie to me Lucy." He said, his voice stern. "You're pale and your eyes are red. And you've been acting off for days now. Talk to me.
She got out of his wrath, brushing past him to get into bed. "Im fine, Tim. Just exhausted from work." She said laying on her side. Back to him.
He walked towards her, sitting beside her as he sighed. "Come on. Its your day off, its afternoon and your already in bed."
She shrugged as best as she could. "Left over exhaustion. My nervous systems fried.
He went quiet, thinking before easing down. Laying beside her and turning around. Making her face him. Her breath hitched. Her eyes showing a flick of something before it dissapeared. Pain.
" Are you hurt? What happened?!" He cupped her face. She avoided his gaze. "No. Nothing!" She exclaimed. She tried to shift pressure on her thigh as slowly as possible. Lowering her head and fixing her eyes on anything but his face.
"Lucy..." He whispered. "What?" She replied, her voice shaky. "Im fine. I really am. I need you to trust me, Tim. Please. I just need rest. Thats all."
Tim frowned. Is she talking to herself?