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“Holy shit.”
Holy shit was right, but it was so much more than that. Words could not describe, not yet, not now.
Ragatha couldn’t quite comprehend the implications behind Zooble’s now-enabled sailor mouth, all she could think was… nothing, really, her brain was numbed by utter shock at their current circumstances.
Caine… gone…
It didn’t seem possible. In all of her assumptive years in the circus, nothing quite like this had ever happened before…. unless, of course, you counted abstractions… she had been present for many of those.
Caine didn’t abstract.
The ragdoll trembled, a hand reaching to cover her mouth. She felt ill.
“I-I think… I think there might be a way for me to fix this.” Kinger spoke in a hushed tone, wincing as a hefty pillar in the far backdrop crumbled and came plummeting to the ground. The malfunctioning environment rumbled under its weight, foreboding and ominous.
“To- to bring him back-“
“Bring him BACK?? Are you SERIOUS?” Jax spat, stomping a foot into the ground. “HE JUST TORTURED ALL OF US!! The- the- the dickhead!! HE’S PSYCHO!!” The rabbit’s words halted as if expecting some sort of censor, only to be met with… Freedom, uncensored, unadulterated freedom; but with it came with whatever was happening to the circus, the place they once considered home. Comforting, no, but familiar? Of course. Not quite as familiar now though… was it worth the trade off?
Ragatha wasn’t sure. Not when one wrong step could send them descending into the endless void below. Without Caine, there was no one to save them. To snap them back to their normal selves when things went awry. To teleport them to safety when they became stuck or bugged on various objects. To keep them entertained when they grew weary.
What about- what about what Kinger said to do!? To… wish something into existence?? Can I still do that?
Ragatha tried focusing, imagining the circus back in its normal state – she’d been here so long it was no difficult feat to picture it in her mind. But the voices around her, the arguing, the sounds, the chaos in her own mind… All she wished to do was curl into a ball and sob until her tears ran dry.
I’m not strong enough to do this.
“We are not bringing Caine back. Not after all he did to us.” Jax folded his arms, glowering at the rest of the cast with that signature look of his.
“Are you fucking stupid?” Zooble shot back, pointing a clawed finger at his chest. “Look around you! This is what the circus is without him!!”
“Is it really any better than what he was doing to us? Treating us like- like his TOYS?!”
Zooble scoffed at his words, shooting him a look full of venom. “Like you’ve been treating us? Like you’ve been treating Gangle?”
Silence. Only the soft hum of glitching floorboards. Zooble laughed bitterly. “It doesn’t matter how you - or Caine - treated us. It’s a shitshow no matter how you spin it.”
That must have hit home for Jax, as Ragatha could see the regret flash briefly across his expression. She took this opportunity to step in and mediate, the sight of his pitiful expression doing something to her heart.
“…Hey, guys… now isn’t the time to argue, right?? We have to focus on what we’ll do next.” It took a lot of energy for Ragatha to get the comforting words out let alone in such a soothing tone, though she just barely managed. Nods and mutters of agreement were exchanged amongst the small crowd… except Jax, who backed off with his shoulders held high and brows furrowed.
I wonder what’s going on in his mind…
All the ragdoll knew was it couldn’t be good. He was more complex than he would ever let on to the others.
“It‘s… it’s going to be okay, Jax. No matter what.” She extended a trembling hand, allowing it to hover over his shoulder. When he didn’t aggressively swat her away as expected she finally made contact, and in turn she felt his muscles relax under her touch. Her brows raised. What…? He’s letting me-… Ragatha could hardly recall the last time Jax had actually given her permission to comfort him. While it wasn’t verbal confirmation it was certainly obvious, at least to her.
“…You always say that,” he muttered, glaring with slitted pupils before averting his gaze. “It means nothing to me. All of this, it means nothing.” Finally, as anticipated, he pushed the ragdoll away, turning his back to her and by extension everyone else.
His words and actions held no real conviction, no bite, offering Ragatha all she needed. He appreciated her comfort even if he refused to show it. And if he didn’t, at least he took some reassurance from her… right? Why do I still care? I thought I gave up…
“It does mean something,” Ragatha insisted, pulling back to rub her forearm gingerly. “You… mean something, to all of us. Like what Zooble said, we can’t have you going off abstracting somewhere.” The words felt strange on her tongue… She was angry at Jax, yes, but it was rare she ever let that anger manifest into something verbal, something physical. Fury, rage; they were emotions she refused to show to any circus member, even to the one many would consider the ‘worst of the worst.’ The one time she’d snapped at him, she’d felt horrible afterwards… such harsh emotions just weren’t for her. Weren’t okay for her, to feel, to indulge in.
Despite waiting a moment, Ragatha got no response from Jax. She gave a weary sigh.
That’s all I can do for him.
She closed her eyes for a short moment, her chest aching as she spun to face the rest of the crew. She wasn’t sure she could mentally handle more interactions with him right now, so she would designate her energy to someone more receptive.
Gangle, Kinger, Zooble… Pomni?? Where’s Pomni?? Ragatha’s heart dropped, a sense of dread washing over her as she scanned the crowd another time. “Pomni??” Her alarm was evident in her raised tone, causing the other three to look her way.
“…I-I see her over there… she’s… looking at something.” Gangle spoke up meekly, gesturing a flimsy ribbon-arm off to the side.
As expected, there Pomni stood, and Ragatha felt her plush body sag with relief. Thank God she’s okay… Side-stepping the cast she approached, equal parts curiosity and concern pulling at her thoughts with how stranded she was from the rest of them. “…Pomni? Is everything okay?- I-I mean-… obviously not I just-…” She chewed the inside of her lip, stopping close by.
Now that she was near it made more sense — Pomni was standing a safe distance from one of the many large cracks in the floor, staring down into the abyss with a blank, somewhat teary look in her eyes. She clasped her gloved hands together, thumbs rubbing gently over herself.
“I’m… just… looking, I guess…” The jester mumbled, visibly trembling. “Trying to make sense of everything…”
Ragatha's face twisted with empathy and concern, shifting closer still. I wonder if she’s upset at anyone… at Kinger? Us? Me? “I understand… it’s a lot to take in, isn’t it?”
Silence, though somehow it was worse than her moment with Jax; more tense. It made Ragatha’s throat tighten as she gazed at Pomni, not for too long, though, that would be staring and that would be uncomfortable… For the jester, more so, Ragatha knew she herself enjoyed looking; the sight, the mere presence of Pomni was comforting, in a weird way.
I’m being stupid…
“It’ll be okay Pomni. I promise! This is just- just… a little mishap! Or something… I’m certain.” Ragatha tried offering a smile, though even she couldn’t conjure up something so fake in that moment. Her words, while genuine in their intent to comfort, were lacking the assurance they usually held. Both of them knew there was a possibility things may never go back to how they once were… and that was scary. But what was Ragatha to say on that? She wouldn’t linger on it — she couldn’t, mentally the thought was too painful to bear.
Pomni sniffled and Ragatha’s hands twitched at the sound, aching to reach out and comfort her physically. She was tempted for a heartbeat or two but opted against it, fearing it might worsen her discomfort.
“If… if you want to talk about what happened- what Caine did-“
“No! No I don’t!” The sudden snap from Pomni was enough to make Ragatha flinch, shaking hands now drawn to her chest in a defensive position. Stupid, stupid Ragatha! Why did you say that?? Of course she doesn’t want to talk about it. Her eyes stung with tears she was quick to blink away, hunching her shoulders. There was a pause between the two of them as Pomni finally turned to look at her, pinwheel pupils blown wide with immediate regret and shame. Ragatha would’ve thought the big-eyed gaze she offered her was cute, if not for the current circumstances. Perhaps she still did, not that she would ever admit it.
“I’m sorry Ragatha, I’m sorry! I didn’t- I shouldn’t have…”
Ragatha shook her head, forgiving her in an instant, not that she was ever angry at her to begin with. “It’s okay Pomni! We’re all stressed right now, I understand.” She gave a weary thumbs up, though Pomni did not seem convinced by her play.
“No, it was wrong… it’s not your fault. None of this is.”
It felt like a blur, a dream, as now the jester was actually hugging her. Tight, but not too tight, comforting unlike anything else. Ragatha wasn’t sure Pomni had ever hugged anyone in the circus up until this point. Was she the first?? How flattering… Ragatha felt a rush of dopamine in the moment despite herself, allowing her body to relax as she rested her head against the jester's oversized hat. Their base selves had no modifiers such as a sense of smell — that was saved for specific adventures, not that she had a real nose to do so anyway… but if she could, she would’ve been inhaling the comforting scent of her clothes.
“I’m sorry for snapping. Really. I’m just-… maybe we can talk about it later?” Pomni gazed up at her, and Ragtha swore she felt her face heat up at the sight. She stammered over herself multiple times before finally mumbling a vague “of course!” In which Pomni seemed satisfied, letting go of her and stepping away.
My legs are so weak… Ragatha nearly toppled over, feeling empty and unsafe in the absence of her closeness. She was certain Pomni didn’t feel the same way she did, this same pleasant flutter in her stomach and comfort in her presence… but perhaps that was for the best, she thought as she watched the jester amble back to the group.
As long as she’s happy, right…? Did I even make her happy?
Ragatha watched her walk away miserably, though to her surprise, the jester paused mid-step and glanced over her shoulder, as if to check if her friend was following. She extended a hand with a gentle smile, one she’d seen on her before. Ragatha’s dull expression lit up considerably at the gesture as she stumbled after her, taking her hand in her own tentatively.
No matter how awful it is… we have each other. I have Pomni. Ragatha smiled, a real smile this time as her thumb nervously brushed the back of Pomni’s knuckles. They would get through this… she could only pray.
For what felt like hours, the cast discussed what to do next, huddled together to avoid any loose debris. Kinger was mumbling about some coding stuff, terms and concepts none of them were quite familiar with but nodded along regardless. He seemed intent on bringing Caine back, explaining that the circus was too unstable without him. After all… he’d never intended to kill him, only stabilise. It seemed for once Jax had nothing to say, no snarky input or snide comments regarding their plans. He simply stood off to the side as he had been since the whole ‘Able’ schtick, isolating himself from the rest of them.
Should I try and talk to him again? Ragatha was tempted, though she couldn’t quite bring herself to pull away from Pomni’s side.
She’s still holding my hand…
Unfortunately she was not given enough time to ponder on such a gesture and the potential behind it, as Zooble’s voice cut through the thick air of silence now fallen upon them.
“Should we… look around? See how fucked everything really is? Maybe there are parts of the circus that are safe to stick around, until we figure out what to do next.”
This wrung a few approving hums from the crew, though Gangle seemed most enthusiastic at this suggestion, nodding with a gentle smile as one of her ribbons wrapped around Zooble’s hand. The two shared a look, one that was undoubtedly full of affection. Ragatha wasn’t sure she’d ever seen Zooble so happy – or Gangle – for that matter, despite the horrid circumstances.
They’re so sweet together, she thought, though she would be lying if she didn’t admit – only to herself – that their bond brought about some twisted sense of jealousy, deep deep down in the pit of somewhere.
If only she-…
The ragdoll grimaced, disgusted as her gaze drifted instinctively to Pomni. She knew the jester did not reciprocate, or perhaps that was something she told herself to avoid rejection. Regardless of thoughts and feelings, fiction versus reality, it was easier to imagine these forbidden emotions of hers were one-sided… as much as it dismayed her. And yet, she couldn’t stop herself from picturing the two quite like Zooble and Gangle – smitten, joyful, comforted by each other's presence. Perhaps it was the reassurance she craved from such a connection, or the mutual understanding… God if she knew.
It’s all this shit going down, it’s driving me a little insane… I’m sure… these feelings will go away… I need to focus on the situation, on staying calm, on HELPING! Not just on her.
“Right, we’re all in agreement. I say we should split up, and meet back here to discuss our findings. We’ll cover more ground, and figure out if there are any safe spaces.” Zooble nodded with satisfaction, seeming pleased that no one had objections to their abrupt leadership. No one but Kinger.
“I think that’s a good idea, Zooble, but… I’m not sure breaking off into pairs is smart… without Caine, the circus is highly unstable. One wrong step and…” He trailed off with a shudder. “...Who knows what.
He took a moment to allow his words time to sink in, then nodded. “We should… stick together, just in case.”
The group blinked, silent for a moment. It seemed Kinger’s lucidity was still a little stunning, as usually the chess piece character could hardly string together a coherent sentence let alone… this. Of course, he’d been speaking before, but it never failed to feel quite jarring for those who had not witnessed it. Ragatha felt lucky to have already seen that side of him… to know him so well.
Do I trust his word more than Zooble here? Who do I agree with?
“You make a good point, but we can’t all wimp in the corner. We need to do something,” Zooble objected, resting the hand that wasn’t occupied by Gangle on their hip. Speaking of the ribbon, after quite some time she finally spoke up;
“What about- about… the abstracted humans? Kaufmo…” She sniffled, looking around as if expecting the appearance of their hulking figure.
In hindsight, this thought was rather horrifying. If Caine was gone, who kept the abstracted in their cellar? Was he even the one keeping them there, or was his job done once they were imprisoned? Ragatha wasn’t sure, and she wasn’t sure Kinger knew the answer to this either, as he lifted a hand to rub his ‘chin’ in deep ponderance.
“How about we all just kill ourselves? There’s clearly no point anymore.”
Ah, there it is. Jax’s casual input was unwelcome by everyone, earning a few scoffs and glares.
“No one’s stopping you,” Zooble hissed coldly, though Ragatha was certain they didn’t actually mean it… if Jax ever tried anything, she knew herself and the rest of them would jump to intervene.
“That might make it worse…” Kinger piped up, though he didn’t exactly elaborate, and it seemed none of them had the guts to inquire further.
“So.. what are we doing, guys? We need to come up with something, soon.” Pomni’s voice was a pleasant interruption indeed, quite the goofy albeit subtle smile spreading across Ragatha’s face the second she spoke. Pomni will come up with something greaattt… wait, huh? What’s wrong with me?? She tensed, feeling the incessant need to slap herself. Would that even stop her mind from conjuring up such silly thoughts?
I know it won’t… it seems I’ve lost control of myself these days…
…
The decision was made to split off in pairs, with specific locations made known to each other in case one group didn’t return in time — Jax and Kinger would scout the outskirts of the circus, Gangle and Zooble would observe the structures for any safe passageways or rooms still intact, and Ragatha and Pomni… would check the bedroom hallway. This decision delighted her, though given the circumstances that felt quite ridiculous. This was no joyous, laughing matter; in fact it was more serious than anything they’d ever been through before as a team.
Before their departure, Ragatha had insisted with Kinger that he keep an eye on Jax, perhaps try and talk with him in that calming way that always worked wonders for her. They couldn’t have him wandering off doing God-knows-what… the whole suicide comment really had her worried.
Lucky for her, she had Kinger's word that he’d be mindful of it. It was enough to put that worry to rest, at least for now. Now for the other fifty-seven-thousand concerns plaguing her mind.
The walk back to their rooms felt oddly calm, despite the warping environment around them. Pomni had offered to hold hands again, much to Ragatha’s delight, though she guessed it was only for safety reasons… one could pull the other up and out of a hole better this way. She didn’t wish to read into such small gestures, though she still allowed herself to feel fleeting joy from their contact.
“Soo…” Pomni spoke up at last, making Ragatha’s non-existent heart leap. “...Jax is mopier than I’ve ever seen him. It’s kinda weird.”
Are we really talking about Jax…? Ragatha winced. As much as she enjoyed speaking with Pomni about any topic, Jax was high on the list of things she preferred less. She likes talking about him… does she still like him? More than me…?
“Oh, haha, yeah I-I guess… but it’s completely understandable, really, we’re all dealing with it in our own ways.” Ragatha said casually, stealing a glance at Pomni to gauge her reaction.
“I guess so,” the jester murmured, gazing at her simultaneously. Their eyes met, and despite her embarrassment Ragatha struggled to look away. “...How are you dealing with it?”
This question took the ragdoll by surprise. Of course, it was flattering that Pomni cared, but it brought about a real question; how was she coping? Her digital brain was like mashed potato, formed and ‘solid’ enough to sit upright but collapsing under even the slightest pressure. Ever since their adventure with Abel she’d been given very little time to process or think about any of it, though all things considered that wasn’t a unique experience by any means. No one had the time or energy to mull over it extensively, to stew in their own misery. But now with Caine gone, even if only temporarily… there’d be plenty of time for that.
“I… oh well…” Ragatha’s unoccupied hand clenched around the fabric of her dress, finally averting her gaze. “I’m just… trying to keep my spirits up! I-I worry if… no one else is positive then… who will be? Y’know?”
It wasn’t so often Ragatha was vulnerable with anyone, let alone Pomni. She hated the idea, so much that her skin crawled once the words left her mouth. She didn’t want the jester thinking less of her, thinking she was selfish and artificial as Jax claimed; her strongest desire was to make her friends feel better, to lift their spirits when joy felt otherwise impossible. It was her purpose here in the circus, it gave her meaning when all else failed to do so.
And even if it was about staying on their good sides? Having them like her, or — at the very least — not hate her? … That was simply a benefit of being nice, right…?
Pomni hummed, and Ragatha could’ve sworn she felt her gloved hand squeeze hers. “That sounds… exhausting.”
It is. It’s so exhausting.
…Is what Ragatha would have said, assuming she had no self control, though she managed to hold her tongue for the moment. “Oh, it’s… it’s okay, really Pomni… it’s worth it, if it helps you guys.” She smiled weakly.
“But that doesn’t make it any less exhausting.” The jester insisted, tilting her head with a gentle expression. “I guess my point is… I see you. And I’m here for you, if you ever need someone to talk to. But I think that things are gonna be okay.”
Ragatha was stunned for some time, though in reality it was only a few heartbeats of silence. Was she about to cry?? God she hoped not, that would be mortifying!! And entirely unnecessary…
But she’s just so sweet… too sweet… she’s always so kind. Ragatha thought, a little dreamily. How can someone like her just… exist?? Her watery eye regarded the jester with deep appreciation and warmth, a smile on her face that almost certainly looked stupid.
“Th-thanks Pomni… I appreciate that, a lot, more - more than you t-think…” The ragdoll felt so close to breaking, the tremor in her voice becoming uncontrollable. She means it… at least I think she does… A pause, her cheeks warming as she continued to walk and gaze at her companion. “…Has anyone ever told you you’re so-…”
“RAGATHA!!”
One wrong step and Ragatha felt her body lurch downward, stuffing insides churning with nausea and shock at such an abrupt decline. She made the mistake of looking down, down, down… it was so… pretty down there…
Ragatha had only witnessed the void once, though it had grown to be a distant memory after her lengthy time in the circus. Purple, white, blue, green, Ragatha could see all sorts of colours down there, spinning together in some strange, glitchy amalgamation which left her mind at unexplainable ease.
Peaceful… so peaceful…
The one thing tethering her to the circus above was Pomni’s hand, which swiftly shifted to two, her grip so tight she feared it may rip her stitching apart at the shoulder. A part of her wanted to plead “just let me go”… to fall and drift quietly in the void. It had to offer more solace than their current situation, and in the moment, seemed more appealing than facing whatever feelings she had. Not just about Pomni, but everything — Caine, Jax, the circus, what their ringmaster had put her through not very long ago. The reminder was sickening.
“Ragatha?? Ragatha are you okay?? I’m- I’m gonna try and pull you up!!” Pomni’s voice snapped her from her daze, and slowly, her eye drifted up to the jester. She looked so worried…
I can't give up. I’m not just failing myself… I’m failing Pomni.
This worked surprisingly well as motivation, given she was just about ready to give it all up. “I’m - yeah, I’m… I’m okay. Try to pull me up!” Ragatha called from her position, dangling limply. “I’ll try as well…” The ragdoll reached for blocky edges of the fractured flooring, feeling around with her free arm to locate an area with ample grip. With the help and attractive surprising strength from Pomni, she was hoisted from her predicament with great force, though not without landing directly on top of the poor jester who saved her.
This sent the two into quite the comical spin, a tangle of limbs and funky collision until a nearby wall put an end to it. With a bonk and a few curses from both women, they groaned into each other, pupils spinning and heads throbbing from the harsh impact. They were undoubtedly dazed, though Ragatha was soon to realise just how close this tumble had brought them…
Oh… oops… I should… I should get off her…
The ragdoll found herself face-to-face with Pomni, her own head somewhere near her chest. While every nerve in her plush body screamed to move, to apologise profusely for invading her sacred personal space, there was something so comforting about their physical contact… Ragatha always enjoyed hugs from anyone who offered them, especially the jester, though this felt different — closer, more soothing, like perhaps things would be okay if she just stayed right where she was. Such thoughts of safety and reassurance were a scarce find nowadays, and she wanted to hold onto them tightly.
“Pomni… I-I…”
“-Are you okay?” Instead of discomfort, anger, or berating as Ragatha feared, Pomni’s reaction was actually quite the opposite. She lifted a gloved hand to rest against Ragatha’s face, as if examining her for any injuries. A crude blush had spread across her pale cheeks, one even the ragdoll could not overthink away through self doubt or uncertainty; it was there, plain as day, and the realisation had her entire body trembling with delight.
Is she embarrassed? Does she feel the same way I do?!
“I-I…” Ragatha couldn’t get the words out, she was too dumbstruck at the sight to really focus.
“Oh, goodness, m-maybe you hit your head harder than I realised…” Pomni mumbled, clearly growing anxious though her touch remained sweet as ever. Ragatha found herself leaning into her, smooshing her cheek into the jester’s touch with a shuddering sigh. Oh, how she craved this… tender contact, the kind that had warmth blooming throughout her entire body. The kind that made her feel safe, loved, like no one else mattered to Pomni but her, if just for this fleeting moment.
I never want this to end… please don’t end…
And just like that, the dam finally broke. Ragatha wasn’t sure why, what caused it — perhaps the thought of having to withdraw from their embrace, or maybe the events of the past few days had finally caught up with her. Regardless, questioning it did not change how pitifully she now sobbed, her lip trembling as tears gathered and streamed down her face.
“I-I’m sorry Pomni, I… I…” She gasped, unable to maintain eye contact out of pure shame.
You’re so weak.
“Oh, oh… Ragatha I- it’s- it’s okay!” Pomni’s voice, while awkward and uncertain, was a godsend in that very moment. Ragatha could listen to her talk for hours no matter what was said, in whatever tone she chose.
Just keep talking… please…
“What’s wrong? Does- does something hurt?”
Ragatha shook her head mutely, unable to speak coherently through her tears though she certainly tried. “I’m- hicc… so sorry… I-I… sniff, hicc… tried so so…”
Pomni’s frown deepened, not out of distaste but concern. “Ragatha, hey, let’s… let’s just try and take some deep breaths, maybe? Looks like you’re struggling with that right now.”
Slowly, as if to avoid startling her, Pomni’s hand drifted from her cheek to the side of her head, brushing absently through twists of scarlet yarn that substituted for hair. Her fingers worked through the curls in soothing strokes, moving gradually from the ends to her scalp in predictable swooping motions. It gave Ragatha something to focus on, something to anchor her to the present.
Right… breathing…
Somewhere far away she could hear Pomni guiding her, or at least trying to, though Ragatha found her touch and proximity helped more than anything. Feeling the woman’s chest rise and fall with every breath offered a guide to follow and, with some time, she was able to control herself, gasps slowing to gradual ins-and-outs. Now all that remained were her tears, but that was proven easier to remedy. Pomni’s fingers brushed over her cheek, swiping away any stray dampness amidst her petting.
“…Do you wanna talk about it? …All of it?” Pomni murmured, tilting her head. “I promise I won’t judge you. Ever.”
Ragatha finally gathered the courage to meet her gaze, and seeing how kindly the jester regarded her had fresh tears gathering in her eye. She looked like she wanted to listen, genuinely wanted to, she wasn’t just saying it out of obligation or to be nice. That was so foreign, so unusual, all of this was — the touching, the closeness, the gentle words… Ragatha wasn’t sure she’d ever known such tenderness from another human.
“I’m… you were right, Pomni, I-I… I’m so exhausted…” Ragatha mumbled, finally being honest, not just with her company but to herself. “I’m… so tired of doing t-this… of trying to make everyone… like me… of being so scared all the time…” She gazed up at the jester with despair, her lip trembling once again.
“First it was Jax… I-I swear my stupid self pushed him away, always being so… so… hicc… so obsessed with what he thought… I-I just wanted him to like me…” She sniffled, burying her face against Pomni’s chest. Here, hidden away, things were a little less daunting… she felt safer to express herself without having to maintain eye contact, without having to see the expressions Pomni made as she rambled aimlessly. Not to mention she was rather cozy, all things considered, the warmth of her body seeping through her own.
“And for- for the longest time I was so scared you hated me too… and I… I still am… I just…” Her hands came to wrap around the jester, as much as she could given their awkward positioning, squeezing a little. “I don’t want you to hate me, Pomni… but… I-I feel like deep down… everyone hates me… h-how could they not…?”
That’s what she always said. Was she wrong…?
“What- no! Ragatha I… I don’t hate you. I never hated you,” Pomni insisted, sounding shocked at the mere suggestion. There was a pause as she took a deep breath, and Ragatha tensed, fearing the absolute worst.
“You’ve always been… so kind to me, ever since I popped into the circus. And I guess, after I reflected a lot, I realised I took your company for granted… maybe that’s why I seemed… standoffish.” There was guilt present in her tone, which had Ragatha’s mind reeling. That wasn’t at all what she wanted!
“It’s - n-not your fault Pomni… you’ve had the roughest first time out of all of us… and-“
“Shush,” Pomni scolded, softly and playfully. “I’m the one doing the comforting here.”
Of course, Ragatha obeyed mindlessly, falling silent. She would do anything if it meant those hands would keep running through her hair, if it meant she could continue listening to the jester’s sweet voice.
Pomni cleared her throat a little, just for the sake of it it would seem. “There are a lot of things I took for granted. Like Caine. When he… still liked us. I don’t think the adventures themselves were all that bad,” she continued, an air of thoughtfulness to her tone. “But my point is Ragatha I… I…”
She’s hesitating?
Ragatha stole a glance at Pomni’s face once again, and was flustered to see that blush had returned.
“I really like being your… your friend. Maybe more than anyone else in the circus. I don’t know who ever told you that you’re hateable but they were so, so wrong.” She smiled at her, cupping her cheek. “You’re the most thoughtful, kind person I’ve ever met, Ragatha.”
Oh, I wish she’d kiss me… Even the thought shocked Ragatha, who felt her cheeks flush immediately. Stupid!! She literally just friendzoned me!! Of course she’s not going to-…
It did seem odd, friendzoning someone while blushing and complimenting said person. She’s so pretty when she blushes… Ragatha decided it was easier for her poor brain to ignore all of that for now, and instead focus on the comforting moment.
“I could say the same for you Pomni…” She replied, a little dreamily, her adoration not at all masked as her eyelid began to drift closed.
For once, she felt tired. Full-body, drop-to-the-floor-asleep kind of tired. Never once had she experienced such a level of physical and mental exhaustion, but now, all she could think about was curling up against the woman beside her and falling into dreamless sleep. It sounded so good right about now…
“…Heh… Well… I hope you’re feeling a little bit better, now that you’ve got it off your chest,” Pomni said, continuing to smile. “Is there anything else you need?”
Ragatha nodded weakly, her body quite going limp in the jester’s embrace. There was one thing she needed, one thing she craved.
“I… really want a nap… here…” She whispered, once again hiding her flushed face against Pomni’s warm body. “Just for a little bit…” While the comfort lasts…
A pause, before Pomni chuckled, amused but fond. “Yeah, yeah uh, of course. Not too long though, the others might think we got sucked into the void.”
Ragatha barely acknowledged this, too focused on the way her chest rose up and down, how — despite lacking a heartbeat — she could somehow imagine what it would sound like… a steady thump against her ear, lulling her into a state of calm like no other.
Perhaps later, when she gained some energy, she would be back to apologising for her actions.
But for now… drifting into a nap, one short-lived but peaceful nonetheless … Pomni’s embrace was all she cared about.
Perhaps things would wind up okay after all.