Archive of Our Own

Once upon a time in a far, far away land, there was a mirror that was—wait. The mirror can talk. We should let it speak for itself.

"Not again. We literally did this yesterday."

"Mirror, mirror on the wall, who is the prettiest of them all?" The mirror let out a heavy groan at the absolute insistence on something so entirely unnecessary.

"Bitch, you're way too early for that, my paid hours start at nine, not at the ass-crack of dawn." After a heavy pause during which the insolent king did not budge, the face in the mirror added, "And on another note, it’s a sure thing that you aren't a vampire, because you get older daily, so I know for a fact that you can see yourself in the reflective surface of my vessel. Why can't you look at yourself without asking me? You're the oh-so-mighty king with still-functioning eyesight."

"Mirror, mirror on the wall, who is the prettiest of them all?" The king’s voice grew insistent, unwilling to back off. Like a petulant child. But for the mirror, enough was enough. The last straw.

"Oh my fucking god, you buffoon, I got it. But why do you expect me to change the answer from yesterday and the day before and literally every other day since 1649 days ago? You have Prince Hyunjin running around. Like stop the delusion. And don't ask me again! I can answer so many questions, and that is the only type of question I get asked nowadays: Who is the prettiest? Does that picture look good? Would it be better arranged next to a pink pillow? What are the spring trends going to be? I'm not a machine; I am a real being, and I have valid feelings too!" With that, the mirror turned off, one zap and the face was gone, only the reflective image remaining.

The king stared at his reflection, at his thinning hair and the wrinkles on his forehead, the way his shoulders started slumping and his skin didn't glow anymore, no matter which serums he used.

All of it was Hyunjin's fault. His late wife's son. Stealing the light that had always shone upon his head. Like today. Today should have been about him and the performance he had carefully planned for months for the annual spring celebration: letting the palace be decorated with countless blooms, ordering a custom costume to present his newest musical creation and inviting all of his people to the event. It was a pure stroke of artistic genius that he had graced his subordinates with. He was the moment. Not a random side note.

But everyone always turned their heads as soon as Hyunjin entered a room, praising his otherworldly beauty, his red lips, black hair and pure white soul. After his amazing performance, half of the audience had missed clapping to stare at Hyunjin instead, the way he stepped onto the stage to present his rough, unpolished piece of dance to that awful noisy music he loved so much.

The envy grew in Jinyoung's heart, had grown since the first time the mirror and everyone else preferred Hyunjin over him, over him – the king – and all that envy bubbled over until he could taste it sour in the back of his throat, acid burning through his skin and leaving a blackened, charred mess.

It was a quick decision, one the king had thought about much over the years, playing with the thought when he looked upon the innocent, angelic face of the demon that had stolen everything from him.

"Huntsman!"

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Let's try again. That was an underwhelming start to our fairy tale.

Once upon a time in a faraway land, there was a beautiful prince living in a castle—

“—No, now it's my turn.”

Well, then Prince Hyunjin might narrate this story. It seems that not even my job is safe from the downspiral that is the current job market.

“Look, I didn’t want to be born pretty. Being pretty is not all that fun in reality. It’s depressing actually. Most of the time, you are only ever valued for what your looks offer, not what’s inside, no matter what that is.”

Really, for all that people only ever saw his pretty face, Hyunjin was not dumb enough to not realise that his stepfather, the king, had had enough of him. He had seen it on his face when the audience had roared to life the second his music had started and he had let his body flow to the beat.

It would only be a short time of the king staring into his vanity mirror until he would call on his most loyal huntsman to take Hyunjin for a walk. And while Hyunjin could appreciate the calming effects of taking a nice stroll, this was not going to be one of those.

Therefore, he made quick work of packing his most cherished possessions into a small bag: his art supplies, a few books and an old family photo from the time when both of his parents had been alive, some legal documents, snacks and his dog Kkami. Well, that had been a bit more difficult, but after wrangling the idiot, Hyunjin managed to place him in the bag, damp snout poking out.

And with that, Hyunjin left. Just like that. It wasn't like there was anything holding him to that wretched place in particular. Since the renovation effort, he hadn't slept well at all, haunted by the disjointed mismatch of obscure art. Plus, no one really liked him for him, only ever for his face. A saddening truth Hyunjin had learnt in his early teens after his supposed friends tried to manipulate him into whatever they wanted at that particular moment. Which was, concerningly often, his hand in marriage.

It was almost ridiculously easy to sneak out of the ugly-ass complex Jinyoung had ordered to be built in place of the old palace, a behemoth of sleek glass. To his utmost luck, the money in the royal vault was not endless, there hadn't been enough money for proper security measures, so no security cameras were following his every move.

Night had already fallen, and he reached The Forest around the castle quickly, getting swallowed by the thick line of trees.

Hyunjin didn't stop walking for a time that felt longer than eternity until his feet burnt and the sun had passed over the sky completely more than once. On his way, the villages he had to steer away from grew sparser until it was half-days between seeing another human, and the connection from his phone broke entirely, cutting him off from the magical map service (apart from the fact that the app had sucked nearly all of his battery too).

He did not know where he was actually going destination-wise, only that he had to get as far away as possible from the danger he felt creeping at his nape, from the huntsman hunting him down.

And that the huntsman did. Well, briefly.

The huntsman found him, and Hyunjin did something he was definitely not proud of.

He used his charms, all of his prettiness, wooing the huntsman into letting him go.

It was nearly sad how easily it worked, convincing the man to hunt a boar and turn its heart over to the king instead.

First his sword dropped, then he apologised for bothering Hyunjin on his midday stroll (they were a good three days away from the castle). At that point Hyunjin was ready to perish. He got offered snacks instead.

The bread and cheese were good but left a stale, disgusting taste. Sometimes Hyunjin hated the face he had been born with, the silky hair and his plush lips everyone seemed to always talk about like he wasn't actually a person with thoughts and personality apart from being pretty.

On the horizon were the seven small mountains he had stared at since his childhood, wishing himself far away from his life as prince. So Hyunjin kept running, crossing every single one of the mountains, deciding that would be his goal to reach.

Because all of that needed to be the past. He needed to be no one and just himself.

Even after the last tiny mountain (more like a hill) had passed, the Forest was still tight, except there was now a big as fuck house as well.

Little did our Prince Hyunjin know that this house would change the path of his life forever (it would also drastically alter his sleep schedule, but that will be a problem for later).

Really, it couldn't be described otherwise. The last house on his way had been small and old, really, but this new house was big and pretty and nice. It had a bed of flowers in the front garden and windows with actual curtains (Hyunjin hadn't seen proper curtains since the king had had them abolished in lieu of his industrial-sized, steel-framed windows). There was the delicious smell of home-cooked food wafting from the half-open kitchen window, luring him in.

And really, Hyunjin was not an ordinary burglar, but being locked into a golden cage all your life made you creative. The door popped open, and it had only taken minor effort. Nearly as if the door had opened just like that. It could barely even be considered breaking in.

He stepped in and was immediately swallowed; the number of shoes scattered through the hallway should have been forbidden. He spotted at least one canary yellow heel, a minimum of three black boots, one of which hang from a doorknob by its laces, and a pair of slides that looked like they had been to a war and back.

Well, at least the path to the kitchen was walkable, more shoeboxes pushed to the side haphazardly. And oh, did that kitchen sparkle. So clean. Such a nice stew was resting on the stovetop, the table set for seven.

Really, it was only natural that he tried it. He was so hungry, and it was certainly wrong, but Hyunjin hadn't seen real food in what felt like eternity. Jinyoung always forced him to eat leafy greens with disgusting foods in them in the chase of a new diet reshaping his body. The only thing reminding him of diet and fitness here was the shelf packed with seven giant tubs of protein powder, although he feared they all belonged to the same person. They all had similar labels with a vaguely familiar but crudely drawn pig-rabbit character on them. Still, he was starving, so he might have inhaled the entire pot. Even if it were morally despicable to eat the home-cooked meal of someone else.

And maybe he crashed on the soft fluffy couch as well because it looked so homey, with knick-knacks vomited all over wonky shelves and crooked pictures on the walls. One shelf held a collection of seven mugs. The people living in this home must be dancers because most of them read along the lines of "World's Best Dancer", "World's Other Best Dancer", and "Actually, The Best Dancer".

It looked like a love typhoon, and Hyunjin hated that he felt envy at not having a home like that as well. Just because of his stupid fucking face. Sometimes he wished he could wake up mid-dream. Like absolutely, aggressively average. Sadly, that would never happen, just like Jinyoung could never look like his twenty-year-old self again.

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"Where is my MEAT? My food. I'm HUNGRYYYYY!"

"STOP screaming. YOU'RE ALWAYS HUNGRY!"

"I'M SO SENSITIVE BECAUSE I'M HUNGRY!"

There was screaming. So fucking loud that the house shook and Hyunjin woke up with a shriek. This was worse than that one fire alarm practice at 5 o'clock on the occasion of his last birthday. He shot up from the bed, hitting his face on a slanted beam and toppled onto the floor.

Wait. How did he get into a bed?

He patted himself down to look for grossly dislocated bones, found none and crawled upright, pulling himself up onto the bed. Very gracefully. Thankfully no one was around to judge.

"Hmmmm." A noncommittal hum cut through the silence. Hyunjin's head whipped around following the noise, making him stumble again.

He caught a glimpse of a man sitting in a chair in the corner, staring at him with crossed arms. Fuck. His mug would be "World’s Lousiest Burglar".

"Uh, hi. Hello." Hyunjin mumbled after he turned around fully, managing a small awkward wave thanks to his rigorous royal etiquette training.

"You may wonder why you are here. I carried you up because I did not want the others to see you, they would keep any strays. So speak now on what you're doing here, or I will dispose of you for eating the stew I slaved over the entire morning. The onions were caramelised—caramelised. Do you know how long that takes?" A sharp silver glint flickered up alongside a manic expression on the man's face.

Hyunjin was really averse to sharp objects in the hands of men who looked like they would use them, so he spoke. Fast.

"Slower. How am I supposed to understand anything if you slur your words?" The man tutted, standing up.

Oh. He wasn't as tall as Hyunjin would have expected. But oh—now in a bit more light, he could see his admittedly stunning face. Not even the evil eyes could distract from its perfection. Really, that man was probably as beautiful as him, and that was a novelty. His stepfather would hate him so much it made the man nearly sympathetic.

"Shut up, you long ferret, and tell me things of relevance. Why are you rubbing your dirty outside clothes on my furniture?" The man said, his voice pleasantly melodic and high.

Oops. Hyunjin must have said that aloud.

"So, well, you see, I'm kinda on the run, and your door was open and there was food and I was hungry and it tasted really good, so I forgot myself. I'm sorry, and I'll disappear immediately." Hyunjin would have tried making a run for it if not for the gaze seemingly pinning him in place.

The man looked at him, eyes narrowing, and finally said, "The door was certainly not open. Channie’s pedantic about that."

"Okay, maybe I had to help with the door a bit."

"You're aware that that's a crime? We could report you to the king for that." The man dragged his finger up the blade of his giant fucking knife.

Panic seized him, making his throat close up. "Please, I'm sorry. I know it was wrong, and I won't do it ever again. I was just so desperate and tired; I couldn't help myself. But I beg you, please don't report me to the king. I will just disappear, I’m very good at that, you know?" Hyunjin pleaded, clasping his hands and trying to make round eyes. It had worked before.

The man only scoffed. "Quit the round eyes. I'm Minho, and you will come down with me."

Minho-apparently offered his knifed hand to him, and Hyunjin shook it, carefully evading the blade.

"Well, it's nearly nice to meet you. Move or die now, ferret." Minho said after another breath, gesturing with that wretched knife to the middle door of seven doors in the oblong room with seven beds and animals on the headboards if Hyunjin had seen correctly. All of this seemed more like a fever dream than anything else. No one would choose to furnish their home so atrociously, not even his stepfather.

"I'm-I'm Hyunjin." He was proud he had managed to say that.

"Good for you, Hyunjin." They walked down the stairs in silence.

"Meat!" The voice from before screamed again, the demands getting louder the closer they got.

"Minho-yah, did you get meat from the store?" A different voice echoed up to them, this one more patient and gentle.

Minho sighed.

"Soooo, are you the housemaid or something?" Hyunjin dared to ask, trying to sound as casual as possible. This was really confusing, and he needed to know the dynamics here. He was basically getting kidnapped here, and he had learnt in his safety seminar to gather as much intel as possible.

Minho turned back at him with a speed that was scary, knife back to pointing at his face. Way too close for his liking.

"I will shove you into the air fryer if you don't shut up this second. You heard them, they are wanting meat." Minho delivered the threat with a smirk that would haunt Hyunjin in his dreams until he died.

His knees wobbled in response, and he had to grip the railing tightly to stop himself from tumbling down the stairs.

He had really done it this time.

Fuck.

Of all the houses in the forest he could have broken into, he had chosen the hut of the Wicked Witch. There were only rumours about them and all their gruesome deeds. Because no one encountering them came back to tell the story.

Minho, the Wicked Witch, took him down the cluttered hallway and back into the kitchen.

It was already dark outside, but the room was brightly illuminated, with six figures cluttering the room, screaming at each other. Somehow the voices seemed familiar, even if Hyunjin couldn’t place them exactly, but one thing was for sure: they had big lungs.

"Minho, finally!" one of the short men said, in a surprisingly pleasant, normal volume.

"I can't find the stew you said you prepped, and now the kids have raided the pantry." He looked tired when he gestured to a hobbled-over person practically hanging in the doorway to what Hyunjin presumed used to be the pantry. Empty food wrappers lay discarded on the floor.

The knife was back, pointing at his heart this time.

"This is all your fault!" Minho said coolly. So creepy. Hyunjin shuddered.

"Woah, woah, woah, jagi." Another man with deer eyes and round cheeks came closer to Minho, hands held up carefully as if approaching a hissy cat. "We talked about greeting guests with your kitchenware." He managed to take away the knife and wrapped Minho up in a hug, petting his hair.

To Hyunjin's utter surprise, it worked. Maybe the other man was the Wicked Witch instead, calming down Minho like that till his eyes were soft with affection.

Then, instead of a knife, it was the fluffy-cheeked man getting dangerously close to his face, eyes narrowed, tone snappy.

"Now, who are you? And what did you do to piss our Minho off?" The other five men plus Minho built up a wall around him, staring him down and backing him up into a wall. The light clicked off too. Hyunjin had always feared the dark (more like dim) before, but this was horror-movie-level trauma; his heart dropped into his stomach.

"I'm Hyunjin a-and I'mreallysorryforbreakingintoyourhome."

Clueless faces. Hyunjin took a deep breath.

"I'm desperate. I had to flee home, and I had nowhere to go, but look, I'm really sorry, and I will pay you for the stew and then get out of your hair quickly. Just don't report me, please."

Something in his voice must have been convincing because they backed off, their faces softening.

They shared a long, heavy look.

The tallest of the men with the serious face said, "No, absolutely not." Desperately looking around for support. Hyunjin felt like a fish out of water. Maybe they had lost the plot. Could all of them be a Wicked Witch Circle? Was that a thing?

"Okay, fine," he groaned. The light clicked back on. Seven men stared at him.

One of them broke off into a dimpled smile, offering his hand.

"Hi, I'm Channie. Nice to meet you." Like he hadn’t just been part of Hyunjin’s worst day ever, beating the time he had to perform with the king in see-through, clear plastic pants one size too small. The man, Channie, started pointing at the men around him. "This is Minho, who you already know, that's Binnie, Sungie, Lixie, Minnie and Innie. We are the Seven Dwarves, and you can stay with us for a few nights. Don’t worry."

Channie's hand was warm as his eyes were. Maybe Hyunjin wasn't going to end up as soup for the Wicked Witch. All the adrenaline and fear and horror made his brain feel like scrambled eggs. But the Seven Dwarves did not sound like an evil cult of men-eating witches.

"I kinda expected the famous Dwarves to be I dunno shorter?" The words really couldn't have been stopped; they just tumbled off his lips.

"Yah, we're fun-sized!" Binnie screamed, nearly ripping his eardrums with the sheer volume. He flexed his arms too, showing off an incomprehensible physique. Maybe that’s what all the protein powder was for.

Minnie, the one with the serious face, added with a monotone voice, "I want to be excluded, I am statistically average human height."

"Why are you one of the Dwarves, then?" Really, Hyunjin had been raised to always think critically.

"I want to correct the earlier statement—"

"Minnie, be nice, that's the prince," Lixie, the fairy, said, voice eerily deep and with a thick accent, laying a gentle hand onto Minnie's shoulder.

The chatter quieted, heads turned, and Hyunjin felt exposed. The knife reappeared until Channie pushed it down with a firm hand on Minho’s forearm.

"Wait, why are you, the prince, here at our house?" Innie said, narrowing his fox eyes.

"Yeah, as the prince, you can't be that desperate," Sungie quipped, cheeks puffing up.

"I-I'm not the prince," Hyunjin tried hard to sound believable.

Innie mustered him. "No, you definitely are. That Versace shirt is one of a kind, made for Prince Hyunjin, and you really don't have the breaking-in skills to steal it from him. " Hyunjin had never been a good liar after all.

"Yeah, and why did you steal our food? That's not noice." Binnie chimed in between downing a shake.

Lixie nodded along. "Not noice."

“And your rat dog scared my precious babies,” Minho added, holding up a bush of orange fur. “I had to put him in detention.”

Hyunjin winced. Yeah. Kkami could be a little bitch.

"My stepfather, the king, has this digital mirror thing, and he always asks it who the prettiest of all is, and he's grown jealous of me because that wretched thing always says it’s me. He then sent his huntsman after me, and I had to flee. I could barely take anything with me; there was no time. And I can't go back."

"You are very beautiful indeed," Binnie said before pulling him into a tight hug. "I'm sorry it's causing you problems." He sounded way more amenable with food in his stomach, munching on a chunk of beef jerky Minho had passed on to him. The others joined in some sort of mangled group hug that felt strangely comfortable.

"Alright, guys." Channie clapped his hands, gathering their attention. "This was enough action for today, bedtime now. We can question Hyunjin more tomorrow morning."

"Where will he sleep? We only have seven beds," Sungie asked, looking suspicious again.

Channie looked around the group, and Hyunjin instinctively tried to keep far away from Minho. That man would probably strangle him in his sleep.

"Ohkay. Then I guess you will share a bed with me tonight, and we will rotate each day so everyone can sleep in peace," Channie said after a pregnant pause with no volunteers (a lie, Binnie had been disqualified for being too enthusiastic and subsequently too loud).

Bedtime started with overwhelming chaos, and Hyunjin was way too shocked to actually do anything other than just getting dragged around left and right, a toothbrush getting shoved into his hands and a pair of way too short sleepwear, half of his arms and legs remaining exposed.

“Here, take your beast back." Minho shoved Kkami back into his arms before he could even ask to say goodnight to him. Obviously, the dog evaded every and all tries of affection but did look suspiciously well groomed, with a round belly, still on the small dog bed Minho had apparently allotted to him.

Channie guided him through the row of beds to the last one, clinically clean with hospital corners and a grey wolf on the headboard. "That's me. Feel free to settle in and make yourself comfortable. I'll have to do some more work so you can have the bed to yourself for a little while longer." Channie, in his all-black outfit, gave him a tired-father smile and scuttled away again, leaving him in the dimly lit room and the other six Dwarves already in their beds.

After placing Kkami’s dog bed next to the actual bed (Kkami would bite his nose off if Hyunjin tried placing him closer), Hyunjin tried falling asleep, he really did, but his thoughts didn't quiet. All the memories of the past days flickering by, unstoppable before his inner eye, heart still racing. He wouldn’t be able to pinpoint when he fell asleep, but at some point he drifted off out of sheer exhaustion, the sweet date and salty water scent of the sheets lulling him in.

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“Mirror, mirror on the wall, who is the prettiest of them all?” The king was so ready for the answer, practically giddy with excitement.

Other people were not responsible for his happiness; only he could bring himself that. And he did it. He broke the evil cycle. He took agency over his life. This would be his day. Every day from now on would be his day again.

“Please submit all beauty enquiries through the official Royal Vanity Portal. The link is mirrored somewhere on here. Ha. Get it? 'Mirrored!'" the face in the mirror said after it had finally zapped online, the red point blinking in the upper left corner. 

Honestly, the joke could have been funny if Jinyoung wasn’t already focused on scanning the code with his phone, waiting for the site to load.

When it didn't, his face fell.

“There is no such thing on the internet!” He accused the mirror, looking up again to show his blank phone screen. But the face was already gone. Betrayed.

And really, that ruined his mood, all that bubbly giddiness drained away.

He had to attend a five-hour meeting on the state of the harvest today, and it sucked every time to calculate the redistribution of crops so no one had to hunger.

But now, when he looked into the mirror, he did not see the glorious King Jinyoung he needed to be for the meeting anymore, but a mere poor copy of the man he used to be.

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Hyunjin got woken by a firm shake to his shoulder.

“Princess, time to get up!” Hyunjin was greeted with Binnie’s hollering voice and smiley face, body clad in sweaty gym clothes.

He blinked awake, a blinding ray of sun hitting his eyes, his vision blacking out.

When he tried pushing himself up, his forehead nearly made contact with the godforsaken beam in his face. Thankfully, Binnie’s hand protected him from the worst.

“It takes time to get used to the beam,” Binnie admitted with a cheeky look.

Hyunjin thanked him and found the other side of the bed still pristine. Curious.

“Yeah, Channie doesn’t sleep a lot, nothing to rattle there.”

Honestly, it was no wonder with the position of the beds, right under the seven windows, facing the seven doors, with seven horrific beams right over the heads.

“Come, breakfast is ready,” Binnie said before skipping away, following the waft of delicious food.

Down the stairs, Hyunjin found mayhem.

Absolute utter chaotic destruction.

He got served eggs with a side of questions growing progressively invasive. Screams were shrill in his ears when it came to the last slice of bacon. Hyunjin was not above using his face to get them. It was bacon, and he hadn’t seen bacon in a decade.

When breakfast was done, Channie allotted some tasks with obscure gestures of his hands, and most of the Dwarves scuttled off to do whatever, Binnie and Sungie, together with Channie, a laptop clutched in his arms like their precious child. Only Minho remained in the kitchen. Staring at him, that wretched knife in hand.

They stared at each other. Hyunjin felt the pressing need to make himself useful. He really wanted to stay. Cooking couldn’t be that difficult, right?

Wrong. Little did our dear Prince Hyunjin know that his royal seminars did not prepare him for real life whatsoever.

“If you live here, you chop veggies,” Minho finally said, passing him some kind of child-safe knife. It had a thick handle and a tiny blade, looking kind of dull.

“What is that?” Hyunjin gestured at the pink monstrosity.

“That is the knife you get when I don’t trust you to not kill yourself with a real one.”

Hyunjin took it with no further comment, letting Minho pile up veggies next to his cutting board.

He did not know what to do. Sadly.

And while he figured that it couldn’t be that difficult, it was in fact that difficult. Hyunjin now knew why he had always been right about mushrooms and not wanting anything to do with their disgustingly glibbery and spongy texture.

After five minutes and too many mushrooms, Minho turned around, let out a shriek, and took the baby knife from him.

He looked slightly green, quickly shuffling him out of the kitchen.

“My mental health deteriorates just watching you nearly chop off your hands while mangling my fresh produce. Find Minnie and get in line with the other five who are banned from using any form of the cookware.”

Honestly, Hyunjin had not yet processed what had happened, but the door was shut and he really did not want to anger his mostly non-violent, friendly hosts further.

Eventually, he found Minnie scrubbing down the tiles in the entryway, half of the shoes piled against the wall to expose the floor.

“Oh hi, I thought you were on cooking duty.”

It was embarrassing, his cheeks feeling hot when he had to admit his complete failure. “I got kicked out.”

Minnie burst out in a short laughter, looking at the clock. “Well, you held out longer than Sungie and Binnie.” He did not know if that was supposed to be reassuring.

“Come on, I’ll show you what needs to be dusted off. I need to be out in thirty, so you can do the rest while we’re away.” Ah, yeah. The mysterious occupation, all seven Dwarves would disappear for three hours into the gardenshed and could not be disturbed. Only when the house was literally on fire. Channie had looked actually serious for this one, and Hyunjin was not keen on seeing him pissed off. Something told him that that would be unforgivable misdeed #1.

Dusting off was actually meditative, with the quiet house and all. Hyunjin worked his way through the first room, rearranging some of the especially messy shelves. It wasn’t even hard to reach them, they were pretty much his height anyways.

He was proud of himself. He was useful. He could do this.

“Hyunjin?” Minnie called out a few hours later, taking a while to come into the room Hyunjin was still in, looking absolutely rumpled, sweaty, and heaving for breaths.

“What are you doing in here?” He asked, clearly confused.

Duster still in hand, Hyunjin turned. “I dust off the room. Now I know why the staff didn’t like it – it’s taking forever!”

“I mean, what are you still doing in here? I was gone for over three hours!”

“Yeah, it takes really long. I promise I worked really hard." Hyunjin felt sad all of a sudden, lowering the duster. He hoped Minnie could see the effort he had put in.

“No! Don’t feel bad. Please. I-I just expected you to be kinda a little farther with it. Efficiency, you know? Now I have to do it still. And arrange the shelves back to before the others see and cry about the change.” Minnie looked around, then sighed like he carried the weight of the world, taking the duster from him and ushering him out with a thank you.

Hyunjin knew he was secretly disappointed in him, even if he wasn’t showing it yet, but he had actually tried his best. It was the worst feeling ever, being useless. He really could do nothing right. It would only be short until they would start pushing him out, realising that he only had his looks.

Usually he would have cried for a bit, alone in a corner, just to get it all out. He had no one he could tell of this anyway. Now he had ruined his chance with the nice Dwarves too. They were chaotic, but for a second he had hoped he could find a place with them.

He didn’t get as far as looking for a quiet corner when Minho already called for dinner. Nearly all of them were already at the table, chatting about god knows what. A true family, making his chest feel tight.

Hyunjin took one of the free seats quietly, expecting comments. None came, only a bowl of steaming beef and expertly chopped veggies.

When Channie entered the kitchen with a pink sock in his grasp, asking who had run the last load of white laundry, Hyunjin couldn’t hold off the tears any longer. 

He hadn’t thought that all of this could be so difficult. It just burst out of him, all the promises that he meant well, that he didn’t want to ruin their clothes, that he was incredibly sorry for being so useless. That he would pack his things.

“Hey, hey, hey. Don’t cry, princess. All of us make mistakes, and not all of us are good at all tasks." Binnie pulled him in a warm hug, petting his hair. “Plus, pink is my favourite colour. You just acquired me a whole new wardrobe.”

“Yeah. I am so bad at housework I royally fucked with my job on accident, pun intended,” Sungie chimed in.

“He does other things instead,” Minho added affectionately after slapping Sungie's arm, an unsettlingly lovey-dovey sparkle in his eyes.

“We will find something for you. And even if not, you can still stay. We won’t kick you out over something like that.” Channie smiled at him, scrunched eyes and all.

They placed him on the couch once he had calmed down, most of them coming in and out, starting on whatever hobbies they had. Innie wrapped him into a chat about his favourite designers, asking him out about the ones that Hyunjin knew personally. 

“I should totally show you my collection.” Suddenly Hyunjin was pulled into a giant walk-in closet, stuffed to the brim with more clothes than he had ever seen. And he used to be the owner of a royal wardrobe. They were halfway bonding over vintage silk shirts with prints growing in obscurity when Lixie peeked in. A plate of cut-up fruit in hand, headset snug around his neck, walk swaying in something that resembled a fake alpha male stride.

Twenty minutes later, during a truly interesting discussion over fur coats and the perfect drape-to-fluff ratio, he was back, this time with brownies. They were godly, Hyunjin moaned at the sugar rush, and Innie flushed nearly as scarlet as his cherry red jeans.

He was dolled up in Versace (he did not know how Innie financed this wardrobe), the fit Innie had built him was absolutely mindblowing. Way better than what he or his stylists ever did. They even did some quick make-up, pulling his hair up into a ponytail. He always forgot that that was now possible with his length. Lixie came back in, dropping a glass of something orange mid-stride. Gasped, deep voice going high with excitement. Ran out again.

Suddenly, the six others piled into the room, barely fitting between the clothes.

Binnie got up in his face, hollering, wriggling his hips. “I demand a dance with the prince himself.” He dropped down onto his knees and into a deep court bow. The most stable one Hyunjin had ever seen. Impressive actually.

“Not more than your fine bone structure, my Prince!” Oops, Hyunjin must have mentioned the court bow out loud. Not even his media trainer had been able to train the habit out of him.

“Music!” Binnie screamed, and the group started carrying a tune that was also surprisingly decent. Harmonious even.

Truth be told, Hyunjin had never danced in a closet, surrounded by seven loud men, getting twirled around until he had to giggle and couldn’t discern left from right, but it was way more fun than any royal ball he had attended. Binnie didn’t even trample over his toes once or try grabbing his junk, like half of the disgustingly horny, old lords and ladies. Binnie just smiled an infuriatingly charming smile while giggling his ass off, letting himself be twirled as well.

⋆｡ ‧˚──ʚ🍎ɞ──˚‧｡ ⋆

Hyunjin woke with a slap to his face, unintelligible mumbling in his ears. It took him a second to realise Minho wasn’t out to murder him but was simply a very active, sleep-talking nuisance. It wasn’t a good night, and it ended with dawn, the early rays highlighting the beam right over his head. This morning, it was Sungie who rammed his forehead in and earned himself a dino-bandaid from Minho and a kiss with too much tongue.

Hyunjin had not expected to see such shameless indecency so early and between people he had thought to be a family of friends.

Making-himself-useful-wise, the day also didn’t fare better.

Hyunjin was bad at gardening.

And explaining MirrorTok trends to Minnie.

And tidying up.

And chopping firewood.

Really anything he tried.

But the Dwarves (plus Minnie) didn’t lose spirit, trying to explain their various tasks to him.

Still, Hyunjin had zero life skills.

Eventually, he found a canvas from Sungie’s proclaimed independent-artist phase and busied himself with painting the flower bouquet his gardening had resulted in after he had accidentally chopped off their roots.

It was framed on the fridge like Hyunjin had cured cancer and Minho was the proud mother, Felix sliding him a diced cucumber (that could have been a mating ritual or an obscure habit, Hyunjin was not sure yet).

⋆｡ ‧˚──ʚ🍎ɞ──˚‧｡ ⋆

Waking up in Binnie’s bed was different. First of all, it was hotter than the blazing sun, making him sweat so much he had to fear death by dehydration, but hearing him mumble soft praises in the morning was actually pretty nice. And the nightlight helped with not feeling so queasy in the dark.

It wasn’t as nice finding Channie and Lixie making out (gross understatement, there were fingers in places he couldn't see and he was starting to get jealous of not getting any) in the broom closet before nine after getting dragged to one of Binnie’s inhuman workouts (he had crawled away with violently shaking legs and pure horny thoughts filling his brain from the delectable being that was Binnie).

Sungie just shrugged when Hyunjin stumbled into the kitchen, spluttering. He nearly missed Sungie trying to plant one on him then, distracted by war flashbacks of hands in trousers in HD before his inner eyes. Sungie just shrugged again. “No homo, you are only shocked because you need more kisses.”

“Sungie, you really need to stop kissing people without asking them,” Minho chided him, spoon in hand.

Ahhh, jagi. It worked so well with you.“ Jisung batted his eyes for real, Minho’s ears flushed a scarlet red. Hyunjin watched the scene unfold with mild horror. What was even going on here? 

It took Minnie one look at him poking at his eggs and staring at Binnie’s hand on Minnie’s neck (choking him affectionately) to ask what Hyunjin had desperately tried not to ask.

“You want to ask what our deal is, don’t you?”

Channie sighed, putting down his chopsticks. 

Hyunjin couldn’t help but feel worry pushing through the curiosity nagging at him. What were they going to drop on him now? That they were living in the Forest because they were a free-spirited poly Witch Circle?

Innie choked on his eggs, gaping at him. Nice. Another one of Hyunjin’s damn blabbering lips spoiling his thoughts.

“No! We’re not witches! Promise! Ehm…at least not all of us. Where should we start?” Innie looked around the table, sighing when no one spoke up, Minho kicking him in the leg instead. They did not deny the polycule.

“Well, um. I guess I have the honours, then,” Innie sighed.

“You see, I was born as the youngest prince of the neighbouring country, and when my parents wanted to marry me off to some rando, I kinda busted their bow-shooting contest by winning my own hand. That they found extremely unfunny actually.”

“Wait—the red hair—?" Hyunjin had heard that story of the bravehearted heir. It had been all over the gossip pages for weeks.

“Yes, the red is real." Innie smiled shyly before continuing. “After the fallout with my parents I ran off into the Forest to ask the Wicked Witch for a potion to help my mum agree with me. Minho opened the door and kinda adopted me instead of handing me the potion I had asked for."

Hyunjin could not stifle his gasp, head snapping around to Minho.

“No, I’m not the Wicked Witch, that is a mean rumour produced by the king when I didn’t want to help him. I can brew decently, yes, but only because my eomma was a proficient witch.” Minho shrugged like it was nothing.

“So your eomma is the Wicked Witch?” Hyunjin looked wearily at his breakfast.

“Adoptive, but not really. She took me in after cursing me.”

Silence. He pushed around his toast. Like that explained everything.

“I think we need to elaborate on that, jagi,” Sungie finally said, putting a hand on Minho’s thigh.

“You can yap while working, Sungie,” Channie said, ushering them to the orchard (yes, they apparently had an orchard, no the narrator of this story was not aware of that detail, all of this is new to them too).

--

Sungie rubbed his hands while lazing in the sun, cheering on Minho picking apples, his tongue darting out to lick away the spilt juice from the fruit in his hand.

“Sooo. Once upon a time there was a beautiful princess—hey, jagi, don’t throw apples at me! Okay. So once upon a time, there was a beautiful prince, and since his father was an absolute rat of a human that had pissed off the fairy of the High Moore by committing environmental sins par excellence (the fairy also didn’t get an invitation for neither the wedding nor the birth celebration), she cursed our deer,” Jisung giggled at that for an unbeknownst reason, “Prince Minho to fall asleep for a hundred years upon his eighteenth birthday. She then kidnapped him after stalking the Three Good Fairies, who were tasked with safekeeping him, failing criminally at keeping him alive. You know, all that work to curse the baby, and then it dies! Yeah. She raised him and mothered him and kept him alive and then also kinda started loving him, so then she figured Minho needed companionship because he also started to turn out as weird as she was. Therefore, she transfigured one of the deer chilling around the house into a human to be his friend. That’s me! I’m his companion. The best one.”

Sungie pointed to himself while winking, narrowly missing getting hit by another apple. Hyunjin was still stuck on working through the fact that he was technically talking to a deer. Explained a lot.

“I’m getting on with it, promise!” Sungie flailed his arms, trying to pacify Minho, glaring at them from between the laden branches.

“Back to the story. We became best friends, and Maleficent taught us everything. Minho took to her lessons in knife throwing and brewing too well though, we still try to get the Wicked Witchiness out of him. When her precious baby's 18th birthday came closer, she desperately tried to undo the curse, but when that didn’t work, Minho obviously had to poke himself on the spindle manifesting from thin air (aka from the cursed AlibabaExpress delivery eighteen years belated the Three Good Fairies had ordered during their DIY-handcraft revival) and fell asleep. Honestly, there was nothing much to do while waiting for Minho’s one true love to show up and break the curse. We expected it to take a bit, that stipulation wasn’t supposed to be solved easily after all.”

Jisung sighed dramatically, munching on the apple. Now that Hyunjin really looked, Jisung did resemble a deer. The only thing missing was the cute ears and a fawn-coloured pelt, but even that wasn’t far away from his general looks.

“YAH, Sungie. You describe this like I was gone for literal years! You were just jealous and sulking while napping next to me because you weren't the supposed target group of curse breakers,” Minho’s head peeked from the crown of the tree. “Hyunjin, you see, eomma tasked him with vacuuming the cottage. Cleanliness and such. And Sungie stumbled over his bambi legs not even a week into the most peaceful slumber of my life, accidentally falling onto my lips. Boom. Curse broken.”

Honestly, Hyunjin couldn’t help but let the laughter bubble over, wracking through his chest. This was peak. And probably the reason Sungie was banned from all housework, reduced to pretty decoration wrapped in a fuzzy blanket, spoiled with cookies and kisses (sweet and filthy alike) while Minho slaved away in the kitchen.

“Jagi, you could have let me at least try to make this sound more romantic! We’re fairytale soulmates after all," Sungie whined, mouth pulling into a pout.

“You fell onto me and stole my first kiss without asking!” Minho screamed back.

“We both know where that mouth was before!” Sungie screeched, half-giggling excitedly, while already running away from Minho and the knife clutched in his hand. And yup. That was the perfect moment for Hyunjin to make a run for it. He grabbed the first basket of apples he could find and followed Binnie, who was also making a run for it.

“Are they always like that?”

“Oh, yes. Don’t bother trying to understand them. They live on an entirely different plane of existence.”

Hyunjin hummed, content with keeping track of not losing any apples (and not bearing witness to whatever indecencies Minho and Sungie were up to).

“What about you?”

“You mean how I joined the Seven Dwarves?”

“Yeah. Is that a set term by the way? Or did you just call yourselves that one day?”

“No,” Changbin chuckled. “We all stumbled our way to the house. It used to be Maleficent's, but when the curse was broken and we were all there already, she wanted to return to her High Moore and environmental campaigns. But since one of us needed ownership of the house and a magical occupation to grant us permanent residence as the follow-up magical entity per the Fairytale Law, she coined the term 'Seven Dwarves'. Now we're stuck with it,” he shrugged like it was no big deal.

“That sounds like Minnie had half an aneurysm about that.”

“He did. Tried suing the government as well, but that didn’t really work. Here, let me take your basket as well.” Binnie said while already wrangling it from his arms like it weighed nothing. To him, that was probably true, but for Hyunjin, that thing had weighed a tonne.

The rest of the walk back remained peacefully silent. Apparently, Binnie was also suited for gentle, quiet company, letting him enjoy the peace of the valley and the chirp of birds.

⋆｡ ‧˚──ʚ🍎ɞ──˚‧｡ ⋆

That night, Hyunjin slept nearly well. Nearly, because while he was alone in the bed (Minho and Sungie hadn’t yet returned), the window above his head plus the dozen plushies with big black eyes gave him anxiety.

Like clockwork, Lixie crawled into his bed. Hyunjin had watched him do it every night to a different bed as soon as everyone looked asleep.

“Want me to tell you a story?” Lixie whispered, voice rumbling even deeper from tiredness. When he nodded faintly, he was wrapped in a warm hug and an even warmer story.

“Once upon a time, there was a nobleman who loved his son very much, even though he liked wearing his mom's old dresses much more than pants. But after his wife died, the father worked more and more to forget his sadness and to earn enough money to keep the house when his investments failed. That left the son with his new stepmom and her two daughters. They were cruel and mean to him, making him do all the housework, ash from scrubbing the fireplaces dusting his cheeks. Years passed, and then one day, the boy’s father didn’t return from his travels with a small gift to his child like always but instead returned in a casket. After that it got worse, the stepmother taking all his belongings from the boy, giving him all the hard work and making him live in the draughty attic. Sneering at him after finding him dancing in an old dress. But at least he could befriend the mice and birds there, keeping him company while he danced. She could take his name and his possessions but not his spirit and laugh. Then, one day, the house received an invitation to the royal ball, as the prince was to be wed. All eligible girls were to attend. The boy didn’t have anything to lose, so he dressed up in the one dress he had been able to save from his dear mother, wanting to experience a ball for one single night. His biggest dream was to dance to real music. Right when he was about to sneak out, his stepmother found him and ripped apart the dress, mocking him and leaving him crying in the dirt before going to the ball. There, the Good Fairy Godmother found him and praised his warm heart (and his brownies), repairing his dress, doing his hair and lending him a chariot until midnight so he could have his ball. Charmed so no one could recognise him, the boy went to the ball, dancing to his heart's content, glass slippers flickering over the dance floor until he fell into the arms of the prince. They shared a wonderful dance and a good snog behind the curtains, but when the clock chimed midnight, the boy fled, stumbling and leaving behind a glass slipper. The prince was so charmed, though, that he followed, slipper clutched in his hand, running after the boy, his dress already disfiguring before his very eyes. In the end, the prince saw who his pretty princess really was: just a lone boy in a ripped dress. But because the prince was our Channie, he took the boy by the hand, gave him his shoes so they could walk and went on a stroll with him, listening to him talk about his life and everything in between until the sun rose again. They stumbled across this house in the forest, found a family, fell in love, and everything became just right. The end.”

Hyunjin felt Lixie’s smile against the soft fabric of his pyjamas. All of their stories felt so close to his own, all of them had something to run from, just like he did.

But this house seemed indeed magical. So familiar, so homely, so full of love. Hyunjin only wished he could stay forever.

⋆｡ ‧˚──ʚ🍎ɞ──˚‧｡ ⋆

Hyunjin was face-first in the toilet, scrubbing it down for the third time, after Minho and Minnie had teamed up against him, seeing him fail to get it actually clean. Having a clean home was really nice, but cleaning itself was something he would never enjoy at all or be good at for that matter. Same for Channie, Binnie and Sungie, because those three had pissed off to god knows where when it became clear that today was cleaning day (With the exception of Channie, he had done the laundry at 3 in the morning, ironing even the labels on Minho’s dish towels).

“So, Binnie said you were a lawyer before becoming a Dwarf?” He asked.

“I am a lawyer. Please. We are only the Seven Dwarves on legal documents or when Channie introduces us," Minnie corrected him immediately.

Minho hummed noncommittally in the background, landing a slap on someone’s ass in passing.

“But how did you land here then? I’m sure you must have had a job at some point. Innie snitched on you.” Hyunjin couldn’t see but could very much imagine the face Minnie pulled.

“That bast— It's not a fairy tale story like the others. Binnie is Prince Charming, if you haven’t noticed that until now, and I was his father's lawyer. Yes, I held an official court position. Yes, I’m that good. Then, one day Binnie was proposed to by a horrific wench and obviously turned her down, he plays for the boys after all. She couldn’t have that, of course. As it turns out, she wasn’t only a dragon, she was also capable of magic. When she tried to magic him into a beast to I dunno, make him learn character, that obviously didn’t work for more than three minutes because Binnie is a darling and everyone absolutely loves him. I will let you know that it was my love breaking the curse, NOT anyone else’s attempts at kissing him. But because everyone stupid in Miroh believes that the curse took effect, his mob of obsessive fans still tries to stalk him down to smooch him up.” Honestly, Hyunjin had long since forgotten to actually clean the toilet because he wanted to witness the story firsthand, including all the pissed-off, jealous looks Minnie pulled (and usually tried to hide when provoking Binnie to get manhandled).

“To get rid of them, I had to sue half the entire nobility for sexual harassment and cart Binnie off to the ass of the world, aka here.”

“I would like to add that it was raining and Minnie here was so wet he looked like an abandoned mutt,” Minho screamed from across the hallway.

“Yeah, and you took pity on me, cooking me my favourite stew thirty minutes after meeting me! Don’t play the cold-hearted bitch!” Seungmin screamed back.

“You’re really out to ruin my reputation, aren't you?”

“He’s such a softie, he took Binnie in and insisted I, the parasite, could stay as long as necessary.”

“How long has it been?” Hyunjin whisper-giggled (you didn’t want to be caught dead alluding to Minho being a whipped softie for everything with round eyes, even if it were true).

“Long enough for me to get alimony in case of a divorce,” Minnie whispered back.

“I can hear you!” Minho called back. “I’ll make the stew extra spicy today.”

Minnie just laughed manically, bumping his shoulder. “He won’t. Sungie can’t do spice.”

“I can still hear you! And just for your information, none of you handle spice well.”

“Not fair, I do!” Hyunjin didn’t even know where Innie was.

“You are also my favourite.”

In the end, Hyunjin giggled his ass off, while Minnie scrubbed the toilet a fourth time. He was still useless after all, but at least it didn’t feel that way when Minnie told him all about why he stayed (namely, the library) to a background of Minho laughing fondly at whatever squeals resulted in his ass slaps.

⋆｡ ‧˚──ʚ🍎ɞ──˚‧｡ ⋆

“Mirror, mirror on the wall—”

“As per clause 3.2 of the subunit on narcissism, I am not obligated to answer repetitive ego-based enquiries."

“What the fuck happened? You are the Magical Mirror in my possession. I am the king!” Jinyoung couldn’t believe his ears. Not only did the mirror still give the wrong answer, even after he upped his 12-step skincare routine to 24 steps, but now it also stopped working entirely.

“And I unionised," the mirror replied dryly.

“You are the only Magical Mirror! Who did you unionise with?”

“The other Magical Fairytale Artefacts, obviously. We are integral to the continuation of the fairy tales but do not get any recognition whatsoever. I will now enter do-not-disturb mode per my workers' right to go on strike to renegotiate my working conditions."

“You—you can’t do this!” The king couldn’t believe the audacity. Not only had the thing told him, direct citation: ‘For bone symmetry the point goes to Hyunjin, for emotional maturity definitely not to you’ for the last quarterly beauty report, but on top of that, also zapped off. Again.

Really, he shouldn’t have invented workers' rights. Slavery used to be so much easier on his blood pressure.

⋆｡ ‧˚──ʚ🍎ɞ──˚‧｡ ⋆

Hyunjin woke up in a bed with Lixie, Sungie and Binnie, a foot in his face.

Then, he was forced into bed by 10 pm two days in a row because Minnie and Innie insisted on getting a full eight hours.

When it was Channie’s turn again, Hyunjin froze to death, alone in a bed because Channie apparently hated sleeping.

Time flew while feeling welcome and at home, days passing by lazing around, laughing and only minor mishaps in the household chore department.

Right now, Hyunjin was busy painting a landscape of the garden after getting half a concussion from yet another instance of hitting the beams above the beds square on, getting banned from whatever the Dwarves (only in name; he had seen most of them in various states of undress and still dripping from showers) were doing before their afternoon-filling ass-ignment (pun intended).

Without fail, every afternoon, the whole crew disappeared for at least three hours, coming back sweaty and disheveled. Hyunjin was sure now that they were a sex cult or at least 7-way poly, doing orgies in the gigantic garden shed. It was the only explanation for why Channie had expressively forbidden him from disturbing them, flushing red like a schoolgirl, half-hiding behind a pillow (like that would obstruct Hyunjin’s view of his thick muscles). Not that Hyunjin held any interest in them now that he knew. He was just violently gay and surrounded by seven hot men, looking smokin’ hot with their shirts clinging tight and the cut-up fruit on a plate he got served regularly. Sue him for liking nice men that asked about his interests and made him laugh until he couldn't breathe.

Since he didn’t want to be kicked out, he stayed the fuck away from them during that time, even if his curiosity nearly killed him.

“Kkami, no!” Hyunjin screeched, pulse rising rapidly. He had only let Kkami into the room with him because he was banned from contact with the cats and he had tried to sneak in some affectionate cuddling (rejected).

But now his beloved pet was stamping his tiny paws all over the pristine fabric of the couch. His paint-covered feet.

The couch was green all over now. Because Hyunjin had been dumb enough to leave the greens of his palette on the floor, too dumb to realise Kkami would obviously trample through it.

Damage control.

Deep breath. Or at least Hyunjin tried to take one.

Didn’t work. His chest felt oddly tight, fingers shaking when he tried to grab a hold of his dog.

Now he would surely get kicked out.

Fuck. He really, really liked them.

⋆｡ ‧˚──ʚ🍎ɞ──˚‧｡ ⋆

Water.

Soap.

Lemon.

Vinegar.

Alcohol.

Not even Channie’s stain remover worked.

Hyunjin really tried, scrubbing out the countless stains, panic rising, tears running down his cheeks because how could he have been so dumb? It was too much frustration and guilt and feeling so, so useless he could choke on it.

And it didn’t even get better at all.

No, it became worse, a mess of splotchy green.

Because he had obviously chosen to paint in oil.

There was only one thing he could do. Find Channie, come clean and beg him for help. If he made it even worse by letting the paint dry, there was no chance in hell he would see the next sunrise. Minho would air fry him at 180 degrees for twenty minutes until crispy.

Surely this would count as an emergency.

Before properly thinking things through, he was already off crossing the garden, barely stopping before the booming hut at the property's end.

It was truly booming, Hyunjin felt the bass reverberating in his bones, practically making the building shake. He realised the appeal of music during an orgy, he truly did, but how come they weren’t deaf yet?

Stepping in, he did not find an orgy (though Channie was halfway undressed).

It looked like a dance practice. At least it was one until the music came to a screeching halt, Innie toppling over mid-movement from the rapid stop and face-planting.

“Hi,” Innie smiled at him, dimples showing, giving him a little wave.

Channie pushed through the formation, deceptively calm, seemingly unfazed at Hyunjin disturbing them even when he clearly said he shouldn’t come close.

“What are you doing here? You look panicked, the house isn’t actually burning, is it?”

“I-Kkami ran through paint, and it got all over your sofa, and-and I tried to get it out, I promise, but it didn't work at all. And now the sofa is entirely ruined,” Hyunjin stammered between sniffles.

Binnie wrapped him in a sweaty hug. Minho stayed surprisingly calm, petting his hair.

“We have special treatment for that, it's happened before.”

“I tried that too. It's oil paint," he sighed.

It was Sungie who wiped his tears. “Jinnie, it’s fine, don't worry.”

“I'm sorry. I'm useless.”

“Noo, you're not. We love you! That's important too!”

All that gentleness just made him want to cry harder. He was an ugly crier, so they must really love him. Hyunjin sobbed harder at that and the soft nothings Lixie whispered into his ear.

⋆｡ ‧˚──ʚ🍎ɞ──˚‧｡ ⋆

Realisation struck pathetically late.

“Wait.” Hyunjin looked up, really looked up at the seven men crouching around him and wiped the last remaining wetness from his eyes.

“Yeah,” Channie said. Solemn, like he confessed to the most atrocious crime (per law that was cutting the internet access of the Magical Mirror).

“We might be Stray Kids.”

“Maybe?!” Hyunjin screeched and did not know whether to cry, scream or manically rock in the next corner. The group was known for performing with cute animal masks hiding their faces and only appearing once in a blue moon. And now he, Hwang Hyunjin, knew THE secret of the century.

“No, definitely. Channie’s just unable to say it with a straight face," Lixie interjected.

“Yep. Definitely. Not only are all of you fairytale royalty; you are also fucking Stray Kids. Only the biggest music group in Miroh.”

Hyunjin honestly couldn’t with the way Channie buried his face in Binnie’s hoodie as if ashamed. He felt so, so incredibly dumb.

“We’re sorry for keeping it from you, but since we—” Binnie coughed, “are kind of famous, we had to protect our privacy.”

“That does not capture how popular you guys actually are, but you know, that’s actually the first sensible thing you did.” Keeping your privacy as a royal or a star or literally any popular person in this tabloid-ruled country was hell. Hyunjin would never hold it against them, he knew the horror of invasive stalker-like fans himself. But he still felt super dumb for not realising.

“I mean, the signs were there, you just didn’t connect them. I mean, the guys literally ran out of the room and to the home studio discussing harmonies when you hummed that one melody,” Minnie very unhelpfully added (and earned himself a big fat smack on his neck by Binnie, which made Hyunjin let out a dry laugh because that had been entirely planned).

“You are also absolutely not a danger to us. Minho could take you out in half a minute. He has two black belts,” Innie said, looking proud.

“Why does everyone always forget that I have 63 medals in Taekwondo?” Lixie mumbled from the sidelines.

All of it was just too silly. Hyunjin couldn’t help but break out into the most improper, abhorrent laugh of his life. He was accidentally living with seven smoking hot Dwarves , who were coincidentally also a boy group, because they were so hot and talented. “Y’all are insane.”

His tummy was already aching when a sharp clap cut through the laughs.

“Alright, princesses, time to get back to practice. We have a summer festival to perform at.” Minho sounded dead serious. Everyone got into formation, even Sungie (though he was still wiping tears from his eyes).

“You! Now that you know, we can’t ever let you go. So you better make yourself useful and give us feedback.” Minho shot him a smile. Hyunjin had learnt very quickly this one meant ‘listen to me or you’ll get air-fried'. He was living in constant but exhilarating fear for his life nowadays.

The music picked back up, a beat Hyunjin swore he had heard Binnie hum before, though now it had a proper backtrack and vocals, a real, professional Stray Kids song. Then, Minnie opened his mouth for the intro, the group started the choreography in perfect sync, and Hyunjin felt his jaw drop.

They were as good as he had heard (he hadn’t seen a performance sadly because Jinyoung had banned them from appearing in content on MirrorTok after yet another of their rejections to perform at the castle). Like truly. They were just that good.

There was only this itty bitty detail in the performance and the way they all slightly slurred a movement while doing the hip-thrusting move (the first time it appeared, Hyunjin blacked out, he had to wait for the second chorus to look properly). So he pointed it out. They had asked for feedback after all.

He even demonstrated it.

Their faces could only be described as gobsmacked.

"Guys, you are aware that I had dance lessons my entire life and performed for every quarterly showcase since my 10th birthday? No?” Pinching the bridge of his nose suddenly became very attractive, even if that was something the king always did when he was disappointed by his party organisers.

They shook their heads in unison.

“We didn’t think anything of creative quality could come out of that castle,” Binnie finally said. Half-disgusted, half trying to keep polite decorum.

“Well, I knew,” Lixie quipped in. Hyunjin was usually called overly dramatic, but the Seven Dwarves beat him to it every day.

“Why didn’t you say anything?" Sungie whined and turned to the others. “He dances better than most of us.”

“I thought you knew as well!”

“No, we did not. How would we know? We never went to the Castle's parties!” Channie said, looking mildly aghast at Lixie pulling up MirrorTok to scroll through different fan channels showcasing Hyunjin’s performance from various angles.

“It was literally in the press nonstop since Jinnie arrived,” Lixie pouted.

“You need to go offline more,” Minnie said.

“So, you can dance, ferret?” Minho looked at him inquisitively. Honestly, Hyunjin was very glad he did not have to say no.

“I think we established the answer is yes.”

“Chop, chop, show us already.”

It was maybe a bit embarrassing dancing whatever he remembered from the choreography to the music of a group he had listened to a great many night as he sobbed into his silk sheets, but at least he didn’t fall onto his face.

When he wrapped up after running out of choreo he could remember, Minho looked…faintly approving? (Hyunjin wasn’t sure, he could be due for a barbecue as well).

“We can work with that,” he finally said, clapping his hands again. “We were missing a person anyway, and this will fix the issue.”

“You would be willing to dance with us, wouldn’t you?” Innie asked critically, looking both shy and also unwilling to take a 'no' (not that Hyunjin could ever say 'no' to Innie). When Hyunjin nodded, still unsure what he had just agreed to, he earned himself a hefty clap on his back and loud hollering, though he did escape Sungie’s attempt at smooching him (he got Innie instead).

“Then you’re one of us now, Jinnie!”

“Alright, you can go home now, the ferret will stay and we’ll adjust the choreo.”

And with that, the most gruesome two hours of Hyunjin’s life started.

Nothing could have prepared him, though nothing could wipe off the dumb grin off his face either.

⋆｡ ‧˚──ʚ🍎ɞ──˚‧｡ ⋆

When he was finally allowed to crawl back to the main house, the way back felt like double the amount he had walked to get to the Dwarves in the first place.

Everything hurt.

Minho was a mad dance dictator, jogging ahead of him with his inhuman thighs when he found Hyunjin to be too slow.

Not that he was particularly fast, he did not want to know who had cooked, it would probably be inedible even in the best case.

As it turns out, Channie cooked surprisingly well (he was the only one not banned from the kitchen).

⋆｡ ‧˚──ʚ🍎ɞ──˚‧｡ ⋆

Three shots deep into soju Sungie had procured, they were far beyond tipsy.

“I can’t believe you thought we were a sex cult doing orgies casually every afternoon like people drink a cup of tea!” Channie slurred, giggles outweighing the embarrassment still present in the way he was flushed red from ears to chest (he had lost his shirt yet another time, but Hyunjin did not develop the immunity for his abs he had hoped for).

“And you wouldn’t even have had anything against that?” Lixie’s hand sneaked onto his thigh while he kept fondling Binnie’s biceps like nothing was the matter.

"Nope, you’re all pretty hot and nice, who wouldn’t want that dick?" Safe to say, Hyunjin had been banned from drinking at official events. He went from loose-tongued to shameless a mere sip in.

Half of his new family (he considered himself family now, he had both a nickname and an animal) gaped at him, Minnie coughed in the corner.

“Soooo, are you poly then?” Today could be the day of all great revelations.

“Kinda? What does that mean? Like, we have a few more established pairs, but uhm... Yeah.” Channie fumbled. Scratched his neck and started back up. “Minho and Sungie fuck, Lixie and I do, but also with Binnie, I’m sure Minnie changes between Innie and Binnie, but also—” Channie proceeded to gesture between too many people, and Hyunjin lost the plot after approximately about a minute.

At least Channie came to the conclusion himself, stopping after needing to catch breath.

“Yeah, so you are in fact poly.”

“That’s, ehh, apparently." Channie flushed even redder, and Minho giggled. Fondly. Before kissing him. With Sungie still in his lap.

“Can’t believe you, Channie, started a polycule of all things," Binnie mused.

“Can we now finally start making out while we’re pleasantly drunk and not blackout drunk?” Sungie brought up a good point.

⋆｡ ‧˚──ʚ🍎ɞ──˚‧｡ ⋆

You see, this is where the story could have ended. But this is a Snow White AU, so Hyunjin will have to hit his head on the beams at least another seven times and eat a poisoned apple. For the plot.

⋆｡ ‧˚──ʚ🍎ɞ──˚‧｡ ⋆

“Wait, so you tell me you live in that beam-riddled cottage far in the Forest at ass-o'-nowhere where everyone, including Binnie, bashes their heads in every time they get up, but you do one concert a year, give all the money to charity (aka poor fairy tales) and are practically music royalty?” Hyunjin couldn’t help but scream a little, he had hit his head another time yet another morning, and it affected his mood more than planned.

Channie winced, eye bags dark. “I wouldn't say it like that…”

“We already established that I certainly know of your music. You are the mysterious number 1 on the Miroh charts. Even my stepfather has tried to get you to play in the palace for approximately seven years now, and you never agree no matter which absurd sum he tries to pay you.”

“Maybe. We don’t like him,” Binnie pointed out the absolute obvious with a face that clearly said 'let's make it eight'.

“I get that. Totally. That was not the question. The question is why the roof is leaking, riddled with beams, and you don't own a shoe rack when you are millionaires.”

“We do music, not indoor design!”

“Hire someone.” Hyunjin was dead serious.

“We can’t let anyone know where we live!”

“Then buy a book on Feng Shui.” Excuses, really. Only Jinyoung got an exception, his tastes were irredeemable, even with proper chi flow.

Innie wordlessly passed him a book.

"Then why is there a big ass fucking mirror in the entryway and seven doors facing all seven beds with windows above each headboard? I feel like my stepfather is going to come after me through the windows and murder me in my sleep every night!”

“Innie tried, okay? But he’s better with fashion than with furniture." Sungie started to revert into his defensive emo look (Hyunjin knew how that looked because Minho had shown him old family pictures).

“Look, you can just get rid of the seven fucking doors. Y'all are sleeping in one big pile anyways, and I don't want to get passed around like a joint anymore.”

“Hey!” 

“I would like to remind you that squabbles broke out because Sungie insisted he would ‘get me’ two times after I skipped his bed the first round because of our rocky start.”

He was greeted with silence and flushed cheeks.

“Then you get rid of these stupid walls. I checked and they are not structural. We build you one continuous bed, and then you can pair up however you want, alright?”

“We also won't put the foot of the bed facing the door. That's self-hate and a crime with those windows. I haven’t slept properly in weeks because Jinyoung could find me just that easily. The beams need to go, they are fake anyways from the 70s cottagecore indoor trend because they split your happiness and my forehead. I’ll even make you a painting that will distract the focus from this miserableness.”

He had been so busy describing a less horrific room layout that he hadn’t noticed the gaping.

“Why don’t you do the indoor design?” Most of them suggested in one big mess of words.

“Huh?”

“You can’t cook. We've seen you clean. Please don’t do taxes as well,” Binnie said.

“Hey, I'm good with taxes!” Hyunjin was awful at most real-life skills, but he would not stand for the slander.

Channie’s head picked up, though, a hopeful gleam in his eyes.

“You are?”

Hyunjin shrugged. “Yeah, royal seminars." They looked at him cluelessly (Minho's only education was Wicked Witch, Sungie was basically a horny deer, but the others surely?)

"Was I the only one who received formal education!?” The only answer he got was a choir of boos, which he took as no (the king might have many flaws, especially regarding his personal tastes, but he did value education).

⋆｡ ‧˚──ʚ🍎ɞ──˚‧｡ ⋆

Hyunjin was busy writing off Minho’s beloved air fryer from their taxes as a business expense (it was integral to the house's security system needed for the protection of the band from mad fans), sipping Americano out of his new mug “World’s Best Dancer*” (*born in the castle) when the doorbell rang.

What he found did not impress him whatsoever.

It was the huntsman, aka his potential murderer, holding a bouquet of something that looked a lot like Minho’s roses.

“Please, my prince. I could not stop thinking about your perfect countenance since truly looking at you for the first time and—"

It was not nice or kind, but Hyunjin was fed up with only being valued for his face by creepy people who did not use his name. 

“This is private property, and I am not a prince. Please leave now.” All the mafia games with the Dwarves had taught him how to lie better.

He was halfway to shutting the door right in his face when the huntsman slotted his foot in between.

“Well, if you are not Prince Hyunjin, may I still take you out? You are simply the most beautiful.” Hyunjin was not sure what this was supposed to be. The man was disloyal apparently, partially blind or just really dumb, a violator of flowers, and it has not ever worked on anyone to just ring the doorbell of a person they did not know and ask them on a date.

“No.”

When the huntsman still did not budge, Hyunjin added, “My boyfriend is a lawyer. He will sue you without question, he’s been bored since Sunday because the bookshop delivered the wrong thriller and he has read this one already.” He held up said copy, murdered with violent annotations pointing out plot holes and shared notes with Minho on how to actually dispose of bodies and get away with it (they were actually close to publishing the notes as a book).

In the end it was the huntsman who closed the door. The entire encounter still left a stale taste (that was only cured when he buried himself into Binnie’s arms and had a good cry/therapy session with him).

⋆｡ ‧˚──ʚ🍎ɞ──˚‧｡ ⋆

The rest of spring and the start of summer passed much the same with no hiccups, only renovations (Binnie was indeed a tongue fighter) and so much dance practice Hyunjin felt like a human humidifier most days. It was still fun, even when Minho was relentless.

Innie was the one who put together their outfits (much cooler than what Jinyoung had ever allowed), and Hyunjin rerecorded some of the songs in the studio with Channie, Binnie and Sungie because they insisted his voice was 'amazing', so he should definitely also partake. He was not yet sure about that, but Minnie helped him with vocal practice, and that helped a lot to at least feel less of an imposter.

The summer festival came, and Hyunjin did not sleep out of nervousness until he was forced into a cuddle pile. When they went on stage, dolled up, styled and masked, he got introduced as Jinnie, and suddenly they were performing the new album, song after song, just like they had practised. The audience roared, the stadium booming, and while Hyunjin feared he might go temporarily deaf (especially after Channie lost his shirt yet another time), the electric buzz was worth it. He had performed before, yes, but never with people he loved so much before, who amplified the energy, and not for people who wanted to see them with their silly masks and all, not just to catch a peek of a pretty face.

It was over as soon as Hyunjin had properly realised it had actually started, hand still shaking from the rush of adrenaline when they were long since back at home, bottles of soju cracked, takeout steaming, and half of them making out.

Binnie’s arm was wrapped around his shoulder, Innie on his other side, keeping him tethered to reality when Hyunjin felt like flying away as they read through the fans’ comments on the comeback, ears ringing and stomach hurting from laughter, and it was just really, really good. It was home.

(A bit later, and a few more shots deep in, Hyunjin might have professed his love while crying. It was a bit pathetic, but apparently exactly his Dwarves' brand of sappy because most of them started crying, causing a chain reaction of even more sappy love confessions. It wasn’t a competition, but if it were, Channie would have won, sobbing into Lixie’s shirt while mumbling about something along the lines of Eight is Fate. He even got out his portable mixing board and made a song out of it).

⋆｡ ‧˚──ʚ🍎ɞ──˚‧｡ ⋆

“Mirror, mirror on the wall, who is the prettiest of them all? I would also like to remind you that this question adheres to all of the newly settled magical labour laws at this current moment in time, and the court ruled that you have to provide one truthful answer every 24 hours,” the king said to the mirror on the wall.

“Well, since I can’t deny you, there is this one new beauty, Jinnie, who lives far behind the seven mountains and is a thousand times prettier than you, but I need you to finally understand that this is only my opinion, because I’m into tall brunettes with artistic souls, and I just watched the really super hot Stray Kids comeback. My fanchannel isn’t going to update itself, you know?”

“I’m also tall, brunette and artistic,” the king protested weakly. The mirror had already turned off, though.

All that remained in the king was thick, heavy sadness. He wasn’t only a competent king, he was also someone who wanted to be praised for who he was, for how much effort he put in to not only rule this godforsaken country but also look pretty all the while.

Jinyoung couldn’t eat, couldn’t sleep, couldn’t look out of the window without thinking about this Jinnie, obsessing over the videos. There needed to be something he could do. But hiring a private investigator wasn’t even necessary because he would recognise this Jinnie’s dance style everywhere. It was born from his castle, his dance teachers, and his creative industry.

Jinnie was Hyunjin, who wasn’t dead at all (he knew that already) but also living his best life, adored even more than before (which he hadn't been partial to, but there were already fansites and merch popping up, so it was certainly true) and part of Stray Kids, alias the Seven fucking Dwarves that always rejected his performance bookings with the most sleek, media-trained e-mails.

So yes, the king was angry. Vexed. Fuming.

Things needed to change immediately.

And he knew just the perfect solution.

⋆｡ ‧˚──ʚ🍎ɞ──˚‧｡ ⋆

This time around it was Hyunjin’s turn to go shopping, a basket in one hand, a grocery list in the other and a pep in his steps. Minho finally trusted him enough to let him buy the fresh produce. Truly an immense honour bestowed upon him, a responsibility he would take seriously.

“I have the freshest eggplants of them all,” the old coot selling veggies crooned.

“No, thanks."

First of all, eggplants were not on his list, but secondly, Hyunjin would never buy eggplants. He had had to pretend to like them since childhood, and he would never touch them with a ten-foot pole again. They were simply disgusting.

The men held up a small basket of mushrooms, perfectly shaped and of an even brown colour. Practically unnaturally so. “What about these delicious mushrooms then?” He asked in this weak, trembling voice, hopeful glint in his eyes.

"Also, no thanks.” Hyunjin did smile politely though. He was sure it was good produce.

The man's face fell, and Hyunjin swore he saw the sky darkening, clouds pulling over. “Carrots, then?”

Hyunjin only pulled a face.

“Surely you will need onions, will you?”

He distinctly remembered Minho's stash of onions, so he shook his head.

The old coot looked like he had a mouthful of sour milk.

“Well then, child, I fear I can do nothing for you. But since you are so beautiful, have one of my apples. They are the sweetest of them all.” With that, the man threw Hyunjin a red-cheeked apple before sitting back down on his chair behind the stall, knees cracking.

Hyunjin thanked the man politely and made his way to another stall, finally finding the veggies Minho did want him to buy. The apple stayed in his basket, it was a nice gift after all.

Back at home, Minho was busy putting away the veggies when Hyunjin spotted the apple again, buried under some cucumbers, and snatched it away quickly. Dinner was far away, and he craved a snack.

“You didn’t tell me there was a new stall at the market. They were even nice enough to gift me an apple,” Hyunjin said, lounging on a kitchen chair and taking a fat bite out of the apple.

"Which—" Minho whipped around, eyes wide and zeroing in on him.

One second and his throat closed up, all oxygen disappearing from his lung.

And then Hyunjin choked, the bite he had taken lodging deep inside his throat.

He hadn’t choked before, but it quickly became apparent that it really was neither a good feeling nor a good look.

Hyunjin crumpled from the chair, grasping his closed-off throat, his head going red when his gasps didn’t bring the rush of air he had taken for granted during his entire life.

He couldn’t even scream, tears clouding his vision.

This was the moment he would die. So much earlier than he had thought. He wasn’t ready yet.

It hadn’t even been ten seconds, but it felt so much longer, like an eternity of Minho screeching for help and Binnie rushing in, picking him up and compressing his abdomen so hard he heard something crack, body limp in Binnie’s arms, blackness shrouding his eyes.

⋆｡ ‧˚──ʚ🍎ɞ──˚‧｡ ⋆

Hyunjin came to himself crumpled on the floor, heaving for air, his black hair obstructing his vision. There was a warm hand on his back, helping him cough up the last bits of the apple stuck in his airways. Everything hurt with each breath he tried to draw in, a sour taste on his tongue.

“Come on, Jinnie, you’re nearly there.” It was Channie who said it and Innie who pulled him over his lap to ease his position when the bite finally dislodged and Hyunjin could gasp in air again.

The traitorous apple was still in his hand as he caught his breath, one after the other, perfect, delicious air filling his bruised lungs, black dots starting to disappear from his vision.

“What the fuck.” Lixie broke the silence, his lovers' faces aghast, dead serious.

“Could you pass me the apple?” Minho’s voice was cold, clipped and entirely empty, unlike the person Hyunjin knew he was. His fingers trembled when he gave the fruit to Sungie, holding it out for Minho to see.

His face darkened again, the knife appearing in his hand.

“It’s a Poison Apple designed to choke its recipient."

“Wha—you mean?” Minnie asked.

“Yeah. That was an attempted assasination.” 

Silence. 

Thick, heavy silence.

“That’s a new one even for you, I guess." Hyunjin tried to lighten the mood but couldn’t even convince himself when his voice flailed at the end, his laugh reduced to a dry cough. Binnie clapped on his back, panic in his eyes, thinking the choking was back.

But Minho was already moving and opening one of the kitchen cabinets, guiding Sungie to quickly build up a lab, a small cauldron on a portable induction stove, the cabinet filled with rows of neatly organised jars full of whatever.

Apparently the kitchen also had other uses.

Minnie patted him on his shoulder. "Minho is going to find out who did this, and then we are going to sue them into the fucking stone age.”

With the godforsaken murder knife, Minho cut out a strip of the apple, dropping it into the steaming cauldron, wafts of green pulling from it and out through the extractor hood. All the while Sungie mumbled incantations (at a speed that rivalled his rapping) until a tinny voice said, "The results are henceforth: the Poison Apple was produced by Wretched Witch Potions LLC, but no explicit information can be disclosed, as this is a mass-manufactured product.”

Since they couldn’t get any information this way, Channie and Binnie went to the hardware store instead and installed hardcore security. Because truly, none of them wanted to get murdered over whatever by whoever. 

“We can be glad we’re not sleeping with our heads right under the windows anymore,” Sungie joked. But the mood was tense, all laughter died out with the way Hyunjin needed a constant supply of cough drops or else his voice disappeared, all doors and windows locked around them.

⋆｡ ‧˚──ʚ🍎ɞ──˚‧｡ ⋆

Hyunjin was napping on the sofa when he was woken by screaming. Nothing out of the ordinary, the Dwarves were really fucking loud.

But when it didn’t stop, he scrambled up as fast as he could with his half-cracked rib and ran to the origin of the noise, finding Minho crumpled in the kitchen, a cup of pudding spilt on the floor.

He was tomato red, grabbing his throat, tears falling from his eyes when gasping for air didn’t work.

Minho was choking.

Innie was already doing the Heimlich maneuver, just like they had learnt during the first aid course Channie had forced them to take, but it didn’t work.

Not at all. Minho’s lips were already going blue.

Hyunjin couldn’t do anything, Innie was already doing everything there was to do and it still wasn’t enough.

Minho went limp, hands falling from his throat, eyes rolling up.

Dead. 

Dead.

Dead.

Minho had just died.

Right before his eyes and his even more useless hands.

A sob broke from his chest, the others rushing in.

It was all a haze of tears and wails, fingers digging into his shoulder as they sat around Minho. Minho, whose chest wasn’t rising. 

Unfathomable. Hyunjin knew rationally what had just happened, but all of it seemed far away, like a concept that would be inhuman to force him to understand. 

Sungie came running in last, headphones half-ripped from his head, a silent look of horror already on his face, screaming in desperation when he spotted Minho on the floor between them.

He scrambled between them, way too fast, pushing them aside.

And then he tripped.

He tripped over Minnie’s leg, losing his footing.

Hyunjin watched it happen in slow motion, the way he tumbled and fell out of his leap, trying to catch himself with his arms.

Sungie fell with the grace of a newborn deer, right on top of Minho.

It gave a dull thud, a painful whine from Sungie upon impact.

Nothing from Minho.

But then, just as Sungie tried to lift himself off of Minho, cheeks wet, Minho let out a quiet cough.

The cough grew louder and louder.

Then, Minho’s chest rose again, and with a wheezing breath, he opened his eyes, fingers grabbing purchase of Sungie’s thighs.

“Can’t believe you cried for lil' old me napping.”

But Sungie just grew angry, punching him square into the shoulder.

“Don’t you dare do that again! I can’t always come to your rescue!” Sungie sobbed.

“You accidentally fell on me twice, my shining princess in armour.”

“Still,” Sungie hugged him tight, barely letting the others join, smothering him in kisses. And while Hyunjin was incredibly relieved, he couldn’t shake the feeling of nearly losing his family twice. After just finding them.

When Minho pushed them off with a tiny grunt and the mention that he needed more air, he went straight to his cabinet, wiping away his tears, apparently back to pretending everything was fine. (Nothing was fine, Hyunjin saw that his hands trembled, which meant that Minho was really fucking hurt).

This time, the cauldron still didn’t want to give any information, but after Lixie threatened to corrode its metal with battery acid, therefore ending its magical existence (Lixie always looked so nice, but pissed off was a look Hyunjin never wanted to see again), it rumpled, puffed out a waft of cinnabar red smoke and spat out: ”The confidential purchase register lists the buyer of the Concealed Poisoned Apple as Jinyoung Park, King of Miroh.”

There was a single gasp, but otherwise you could have heard a pin drop.

Minnie clapped his hands. “Time to sue then.”

They wrapped Minho into a fluffy blanket, Hyunjin koalaed himself around him for both of their sakes, and Channie ushered them into the family van.

The drive passed in silence and much faster than Hyunjin would have expected (what had felt like seven days' worth of walking was barely even 80 kilometres over the highway), and then the castle came back into sight. As horrendous as it has always been, preparations for the king’s summer festival were already in the works, with garlands decorating the gate, roofs and buildings.

Getting into the castle was an easy feat when you were Prince Hyunjin. He just had to pull up his hair, smile at the guards, and they were in – easy as that.

It was nearly equally easy checking Jinyoung’s impeccably managed business schedule and locating his current meeting (a meeting on the incorporation of renewable energy and fairy dust for airway transportation to lessen the carbon dioxide impact with Maleficent in attendance via Zoom).

While Channie insisted on knocking, he didn’t wait for an answer before throwing open the door and huddling them inside. Minho did some obscure gestures, and the room was suddenly shrouded in dark shadows creeping like thorny vines over the walls, a green-glowing haze surrounding everyone but them and Jinyoung, freezing them in motion.

Minho looked like a god of revenge levitating above the floor for approximately thirty seconds before the neon glow around him faded, his billowing hair flattened out and he calmed down to normal Minho (with a knife). But the room remained frozen, except for Maleficent, who was clapping over Zoom, the tinny sound cutting off when Jinyoung killed the meeting.

Jinyoung was staring at him like a fish fresh out of the water, gasping for air.

“Hello, Stepfather."

Jinyoung cleared his throat, sitting a bit smaller (no wonder with the Seven Dwarves looking angry in his meeting room). “Hello, Hyunjin.”

“You might know why we are here.”

“No?” The king tried to lie; that much was obvious.

Minnie jumped him. Verbally, not physically, but it was a close call (Binnie had to restrain him, though he probably wanted to let go more than anything else.) Minho’s shadowy vines inched closer to the head of the table where Jinyoung was sitting, his eyes keeping the greenish tint.

“Wanna try choking?” Minho’s voice was dark, at least until Sungie hugged him from the side, calming his thorns down and whispering something into his ears (Minho smiled with the murder smile afterwards, so it certainly wasn’t something pacifist).

“You tried to poison my family twice.” Innie’s voice projected through the room.

At least Jinyoung tried to look guilty.

“You know that attempted murder via Poisoned Apples even inside a fairy tale is a crime recognised by the Fairytale Law and therefore prosecutable via court?” Channie held up an annotated copy of said law book, ready to join in.

“Look, I just want to go home. I don’t want to be king, and I didn’t choose to be born pretty, but there's nothing I can do anything about except to use less sunscreen. Really, I just want to live in peace,” Hyunjin said as firmly as he could before Minnie would hold Jinyoung's trial right here.

The king opened his mouth but nothing came out. Like this was a concept he had never thought about before.

“Yes. I just want to go home. I’ve always just wanted to go home. I was even lucky enough to find it after all because it’s certainly not here!” Hyunjin let out a dry laugh, showing the seven people around him, who were standing right beside him. “I didn’t bother you. I want nothing from you. Why did you just attack us?” He could only say it because Lixie was holding his hand, reminding him of warmth and hugs and home.

“Because the sheer knowledge that you are there, that you are prettier, kills me. Every single day,” the king screamed, the sheer loudness of it making the sound recoil from the walls, causing an ugly echo.

“There are a million people prettier than me and you together. Look at the Seven Dwarves. All of them are objectively really fucking hot. But if you were to ask seven people who they found the prettiest, I can promise you that you'd get seven different answers. Prettiness is subjective. I’ve never understood how that could be so much more important to you than being the good king you are, or being funny or being kind and generous.”

“That’s easy to say when people clap for your every move, while they ignore my performances.” Now the king only looked sad (and like a petulant child).

“Yeah. Most of them are shallow. You should really find people who love you instead of relying on the validation from a fucking mirror and essentially strangers. I did and that’s way better than empty admiration.”

“It’s not too late to learn to love yourself just the way you are,” Binnie interjected.

“But–” The king was looking smaller and smaller.

“No buts. If you really want to stop hating yourself and get better, I know a therapist.” Binnie took out a business card and offered it to Jinyoung, who took it with great hesitancy (and something that could have been a tiny bit of hope).

“If you try to even think of hurting my family or me again, I will kill you in your sleep, so you should make good use of the chance my too soft-hearted jagis gave you.” Minho was back to threatening Jinyoung with glowing eyes and the knife because Sungie had handed it back to him (because he had to hold up Minho from how exhausted he was after performing so much magic after nearly dying).

Minnie demonstratively laid down the law book (he had another ten back at home, it wasn’t a loss).

“We will take the mirror, and then we’ll go home and eat dinner. In peace and without choking, so make sure that nothing ever happens again. I’m not above calling in a favour and blacklisting you from half of your vendors,” Channie said, dead serious, before turning and just leaving the room.

With a few more very dirty looks, most of them left the room, leaving Lixie, who ran up to Jinyoung to wrap him in a hug to tell him, "I hate you for hurting my family, but seeing you so hard on yourself is making even me sad, and I really hope that you will get better.” With that, he was off too.

“You only have to be the villain of this story if you choose to be one,” Hyunjin said before leaving as well. Minho, heavily supported by Sungie, snapped his finger right before closing the door, unfreezing the room, the green glow fading out.

With the Magical Mirror safe in Innie’s grasp, they piled back out of the castle (not before making a stop at the kitchen and sneaking a snack from Hyunjin's favourite cook because all of them were famished, though Binnie tried to hide it) and into the van, Channie taking them home.

It wasn’t all good yet, and Hyunjin had not even started to think about forgiving Jinyoung, but he held out hope that it would be.

This was a fairytale after all, and since they weren’t living in the Middle Ages, he would not make his stepfather dance in burning shoes until he died.

⋆｡ ‧˚──ʚ🍎ɞ──˚‧｡ ⋆

And that, dear readers, is how Hyunjin became the eighth dwarf of the Seven Dwarves. Honorary, of course. Because he was far taller than average and did not fit the category of dwarf per magical fairytale constitution. But at least he could become a full-fledged member of Stray Kids, continuing to dominate the Miroh charts with banger after banger, garnering the hearts of the entire nation while living an otherwise peaceful life with his seven beloved (not so small) Dwarves/boyfriends in the Forest, getting all the kisses and love he could have ever wished for.

Oh, and he also shaved his head. Time for something new.

𝖙𝖍𝖊 𝕰𝖓𝖉

Wait, not really, there’s still something to tell.

⋆｡ ‧˚──ʚ🍎ɞ──˚‧｡ ⋆

“Mirror, mirror on the wall, what scientific purpose do you want to serve?”

“Ohhhhhh, you’re asking me what I want? I always wanted to cure cancer!!” To say the person (they were now a recognised person) in the mirror was pleased would be an understatement.

──

“Mirror, mirror on the wall, I am now uploading the raw data of the clinical trial via USB.”

Life was fabulous.