Work Text:
Love me for who I am
Your face is expressionless as you stare down from the bridge into the water. Even though it is late into night because of the lights from the castle you can see yourself reflected in the water. It is pretty far away and yet you can make out some of your features. You dislike doing that, it always leaves a bitter taste in your mouth to look at yourself.
There are days where you feel better, where you take a short glance and think that you look kinda cute but on others it leaves you with this deep swirling distaste for yourself. The one thing that never changes, however, is that the face you see doesn’t seem to belong to you. You touch it, it feels real, it is real and yet it doesn’t. It feels wrong and a voice inside you seems to be screaming that this isn’t you. But what are you then? You don’t know.
“Ah, there you are! You can’t just sneak off like that!” Leviathan called as he made his way towards you. You knew that it was a bad idea to steal yourself away like you did, somebody was bound to notice and search for you but you couldn’t help yourself. This sinking, swirling feeling inside you made it impossible to stay and smile alongside them. A lot of the time you put on smiles because you didn’t know what expression to make or how to appear ‘normal’. But right now it was too difficult.
They were much too nice to you by now anyways. At first most of them either didn’t care for you or even disliked you. But everything has flipped as soon as ‘it’ was revealed. It is a bother and you could have done without it. One more glance is thrown at your reflection as you think that of course, they could only like you because of ‘that’, there is nothing much to like otherwise.
“Are you alright?” Leviathan now questions as he stops upon noticing your expression. Concern creases his brow as he seems to analyze you. He probably wants to say more, ask questions, but he is silent. It is far too easy to witness the conflict going on inside him from the expressions he is making.
“I’m fine.”
Lying comes easy. It is no big deal either so you will not make a fuss about it.
“Ah… Really? You… uh… seem sad…” He stutters, unsure if he should press the matter or not. His shy and awkward nature is something you find endearing. Levi is struggling with all things social and while you are better at hiding it, you two are the very same in that regard. He might even be the brother you like the best. While he was very rude at first he warmed up to you before the reveal. He is passionate and an honest soul. He is far too bad at lying to truly hide anything. You don’t have to guess what he is thinking and that is comforting. Levi is the kind of person you find yourself to get along with easily. You got somebody to finally talk about all your nerd interests with, after all, and Levi, being the hardcore Otaku he is, revels in being able to rant about the latest game and anime with somebody who is into the stuff as well. As embarrassing as it is, being able to discuss all that stuff with Levi just made you even nerdier.
“Uh… If you are… I would like to help you.”
At that you have to laugh. That demon is truly the best at lifting your spirit. Leviathan instantly blushes, his pride insulted. He groans at you: “Don’t make fun of me!”
“I am not, I promise,” You stop laughing, the pain in your chest still weighting heavy as your smile falls again, “I appreciate it.”
“Now you seem gloomy again. Seriously, what is wrong with you today. Stealing yourself away during a party is weird for you as well. You seemed gloomy the entire time inside as well.”
Ah, so he had noticed. For somebody who is supposedly bad at socializing he is competent in reading people.
“Just had something on my mind. It is no big deal.”
Your fingers glide over the cold railing as your mind continues to be clouded by the depressing thoughts of earlier. It’ll be better the next day but the feelings are bound to come back.
“But if it makes you sad, then it is a big deal!” He counters, seeming a bit angry now. It startles you a bit. Levi is kind to all people who are important to him but it still startles you that he is this passionate about your well-being.
“Fine, you win,” You sigh, knowing you will not get around the topic. If there is something he wants Levi will not stop until he got it. It is better to give up quickly rather than dragging it out, “I just don’t get why you all are so nice to me.”
They are demons. They are supposed to be evil or at least intimidating creatures and yet they have treated you better than any human has. You had nothing in the human realm. Nobody cared and sometimes others picked on you. And yet these demons treat you as though you are part of their family.
Your gaze falls to your stomach. You aren’t skinny, far from it. If you had to describe yourself you’d say you are both chubby and ugly. It was rare that people were rude to you upright but their behavior said all. You don’t think there is something wrong with either of those but it is hard to not feel bad after all. It is fucked up that the world is that way, but there is no changing it.
You have seen other chubby people that were so pretty you got jealous. Thoughts like ‘I wish I were that pretty’ came to you and honestly, most of the time it was only in admiration. Others looked cute like teddy bears but you, you didn’t have any charm like that. Make-up could help, but you don’t really have the skills to make it work. And so you gave up, thinking that it is at least a good way to filter out most of the unkind people of this world. You have simply been born with an ugly face and there is nothing that can be done about it. Yet it doesn’t help the constant feeling of being judge and being seen as lesser for it. Many people treat you according to how you look, after all.
You expression seems to have soured significantly because you can see Levi soften. He is confused as well, his brow creasing in the way it only does when he is thinking hard about something: “Isn’t that obvious?”
He grows red once again as his gaze averts yours: “...You are important to us, so o-of course… we are treating you well…”
It is there that this frustration wells up inside you again. So many times you have thought it but never said it and now you cannot hold back anymore. The words slip from your tongue before you can think any better.
“That is only because I am the reincarnation of Lilith!” You scream and it is the truth. Belphegor made a complete 180 as soon as this fact had been laid on the table. They all have started treating you differently. You are no longer a human but the human that used to be Lilith. To them, you are their beloved sibling. It stings, it sucks, you simply want to be appreciated as the person you are and not some angel’s reincarnation.
“Ah…” Leviathan’s face falls at that, “Is that what you think?”
You want to stay strong, but it is impossible as you can feel you face grow hot and the tears burning at the corner of your eyes. You look even uglier when you cry but it is probably not meant to look pretty anyways.
“Hey…” Levi starts, stepping up so that he is close to you, “Is it okay if I…”
His voice trails off but the awkward movement he does with his arms lets you guess anyways. You silently nod, your heart yearning for the comfort despite knowing it will never be directed at you but Lilith instead.
Now that the floodgates have opened, the tears only continue to stream. You heave a heavy breath, small sobs breaking your breathing pattern despite you trying to keep some of your pride by crying silently. Warm arms encircle you and you find yourself sinking into the embrace instantly. It is so nice and comfortable. Even if you can feel the hesitation in him, his muscles soon relax as he grows bolder and caresses your back. Levi is seriously the best, you think as you close your eyes and start relaxing yourself.
“I can’t speak for my brothers even though I know how they feel… you probably will only believe it if you hear it from their mouths, so I will only speak for myself now…” He takes a deep breath as though he is trying to hype himself up to gain the confidence to say whatever he is intending to, “Of course it was shock when you were suddenly revealed to be the reincarnation of Lilith. Once you know, you kind of hunt for similarities and while there were some, you are not them. You are not Lilith. You are my best friend, my Henry and the person… I-I… I like best!”
The last few words are forced out of him and you are silent as you watch his flustered expression as you look up at him from your place on his chest.
“You are really important to me. As the person you are.”
While his gaze is averted from his nerves, you find new tears filling your eyes. You know that all of that was honest and that alone is enough to turn the ugly swelling inside your heart to a beautiful one you treasure.
“Ah! You are crying again! I am sorry! I am sorry! I didn’t want to make you cry!”
“Those are happy tears, idiot,” You tell him with a smile, your forehead bumping lovingly into his chest.
“Ah…”
“Thank you,” You tell him, your arms snaking around him to squeeze him as tightly as you can. He is making a sound of discomfort for you are stronger than expected but you know he loves it. The next day he will probably approach you all shy and requesting you to do it again just like he did when you took his hand for the first time.
It is a shame as you two disconnect. But you wouldn’t want to overwhelm your poor Otaku demon too much. It takes some time for him to calm down and you wait patiently with a big smile on your face. This time it is genuine and you know it.
“Why would you think we are only kind to you because of the matter with Lilith?” Levi suddenly questions and you find yourself embarrassed now. While you know it to be stupid, it isn’t like it has ever been any different and Levi, of all demons, should understand, you think.
“Well, the thing is…” You trail off, it is hard to say, when you cannot make a joke out of it, “Look at me.”
Gesturing to your form you can see his confused head-tilt. He has absolutely no idea what you are talking about. Of course he would not make it easy for you.
“I am ugly, as is obvious. And my personality, well, it isn’t stellar enough to balance it out,” You laugh, scratching the back of your head. It is both awkward and kind of stressful to say it out loud. What can anybody answer? Say no and lie? Or yes and make you feel even more bad? It is pretty unfair to put him into this situation but just as you want to apologize and tell him to forget it, he surprises you by boldly taking your hand. In his eyes there is the passionate, fiery glint you normally only see when he is talking about his games and anime: “That is not true! Not everybody might think of you as pretty but to me you are beautiful! Both inside and out! You have helped me so much! You encouraged me to become a better person! Whenever you smile I can’t help but think how pretty you are!”
“...Hahaha…” You start weakly laughing, tears once again threatening to fall, but this time you majorly succeed in pushing them back. Only a few stray ones manage to roll down your round cheeks. You brush them away gently as you shake your head. His hand is just as warm as his body, you think as you put your other hand atop of his. Precious Leviathan is truly thinking so great about you; it is heart-warming. And while you cannot find yourself to be anything close to pretty, you know that he does and that alone is enough for you to feel better.
“You truly think so?” You ask, despite knowing the answer. You only want him to say it again. Just say it one more time, your heart seems to call.
“I-I-I do…” He stutters as you thank him once again.
“Do you want me to tell you a secret?”
He weakly nods as he is finally looking back at you. His cheeks are still flushed but upon seeing you smile again a small smile is slipping unto his lips as well. It is so endearing you wish to squeeze him again but you will get the chance to do so many more times, you are sure of.
“You are my favorite,” You whisper to him, a devilish smile on your face and as soon as the words are uttered he completely falls into fluster. Your hands are no longer connected and you laugh at his innocent reaction. You knew he would react like this and you can’t help yourself from teasing him if he reacts in such adorable ways.
But well, even if you teased him, it doesn’t change anything about the truth of your words.
“Come, Levi! Let’s go back!” You scream, full of energy again as you take the flustered demon by the hand and drag him back inside.
You will have to talk to the others about the matter as well but no matter what happens, you know you will always have Leviathan by your side.