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three years ago was when valt went to the nationals and won.
three years ago was the last time he picked up a beyblade.
three years ago seemed like an eternity.
---
his few memories of nationals are growing fuzzy and fuzzier.
sometimes he likes to remember the glow of the arena after his last match in the finals, but what he recalls most clearly is shu's expression in defeat.
---
he remembers seeing shu on the other side of the stadium, his eyes more guarded, his smile a bit more subdued.
he remembers--vaguely, but he remembers--reaching out his hand, trying to close the distance between them, but then pulling it back. later he realized something caught in his throat.
he had to say something, anything, but he hopelessly remembers that he lost his chance to hear what shu said in the next moment, when he was surrounded by reporters holding cameras and microphones. he felt like he couldn't breath. he didn't want to breath.
the last thing he remembers, when he was squinting beneath the glare of the cameras, is shu quietly slipping away.
---
sometimes he thinks about what would have happened if he hadn't won nationals.
in his brief moment of victory, everything around him was shining, glowing, radiant.
and then it all came crashing down.
when he stepped off the stage, his hands heavy with the weight of the trophy, the world started to lose its color.
three years ago, he thought he would understand when he got older. three years later and he still doesn't understand what happened, what changed, still doesn't know what exactly was gained and lost.
maybe it was the load on his shoulders, lighter with his dreams finally accomplished and heavier with his dreams lost forever.
maybe it was how he felt--was it envy, resentment, nostalgia?--when he saw his friends practicing from morning to night, saw the spark in their eyes still burning with passion, hopes, and expectations.
he wonders if he looked like them, before nationals.
---
he didn't see shu until a few weeks after their finals match.
they were sitting outside on the grass, looking out into the stream, both of their gazes averted from each other. the distance between them was more awkward than empty--it left valt aching for something more.
shu was the one to break the silence, but his voice was low at first. "what?" valt asked.
he hears shu mumble, "i'm moving, valt."
even then valt can't bring himself to look at him. "oh." is all he could muster, a little dumbly.
the next few days were a blur. valt saw him off at the airport with his family, which is when their eyes finally met.
shu was the first to look away. at least, that's what valt wants to believe.
---
it's only after his mother scolds on him how long he's let his hair grow out that he decides to take a good look at his reflection in the mirror.
at first he notices the slightly drooping corners of his eyes. then he sees the heavier smile plastered on his face, and the lack of tension in his rounded shoulders.
with one hand he pushes aside the bangs curling above his eyelashes, but they fall back in place.
it's the first time that he understands what people mean when they say time has taken its toll on him.
---
their first kiss was messy and embarrassing.
the day before the semifinals was when shu finally lost his patience with him, finally stopped holding back.
he wishes he could forget the look in his eyes when his lips and hands and entire body pressed down on his, stifling his breath and making him wonder if he was dreaming or not, because he didn't want it to be a dream.
three years ago, he was looking into a pair of rubies shining redder than blood.
---
the day he sees off shu at the airport is the day valt locks away something inside of him.
he smiles in a way that he hopes can reassure his parents, before cooping himself up in his room for what he thinks is about an hour, letting loose a torrent of tears that he didn't think he was possible of letting out.
half-sobbing and half-laughing, he wipes away the droplets forming at the corners of his reddened eyes, trickling down his swollen cheeks. he feels numb and empty and thinks about giving up on everything and looks over at the beyblade he left on his table, untouched since his finals match.
all he can see is the thin layer of dust collecting on it.
---
shu sent him letters every two weeks.
at first he read them devotedly and sent back letters of his own, written in clumsy handwriting that he didn't bother to correct. after all, he knew that shu could and would read them.
when the letters started getting shorter and shorter, valt tried to stay positive. 'he's just busy', he thought to himself, 'that's all there is to it'. but the messy mix of emotions that he had been holding in got the better of him, and he feared for the worst. so he decided to cut off the string attaching them together before it got torn apart.
'it's for the best', he assured himself as he took each letter, still un-opened, and tied them all together into bundles that he hid underneath his bed. he didn't have the nerve to throw them away.
shu stopped sending letters.
---
shu shows up at his doorstep during the summer time.
valt takes in his features like he's taking in a gulp of air after drowning. his skin has a healthier sheen, his eyes are sleeker and sharper, and his hair is trimmed shorter, curling above the nape of his neck. even at this age he's still taller than him, his shoulders are broader than his, his back more reliable-looking. somehow his appearance sends a wave of nostalgia through valt.
he notices shu staring at him with the same intensity he had three years ago. for the first time in a long time he feels heat rushing to his cheeks, giving his skin a rosier color that he knows must look silly.
shu's expression softens, and he puts on a gentle smile that valt happily knows is reserved for him and only him.
"long time no see."
---
it's convenient that the guest room is next to valt's room, because they spend most of their time catching up on the things that they missed about each other in three years.
valt is surprised to see how much shu hasn't changed. there are things about him that he remembers well, like how his eyes light up when he observes but doesn't comment, or how his fingers weave through his strands of hair, or how his posture relaxes when he takes in his surroundings.
it doesn't take long before he finally gets to the topic valt wanted to avoid the most.
"how is beyblade?" he asks, a little quieter. "have you gone to any more competitions?"
he doesn't respond because he knows that shu has a habit of answering his own questions. but it doesn't make it any easier to stomach when his piercing red eyes settle on the abandoned beyblade sitting on the table, now covered by a handkerchief.
after a moment that drags on far too long, shu looks back at him in a way that makes him feel like he's standing on top of the stage again.
"i know, valt." he murmurs, reaching out his hand to cup the smaller boy's cheek. "i don't blame you."
---
it hurt him to know how much he had changed.
of course he wasn't the same--he wasn't the boy who won nationals, the champion who stood there three years ago with pride and joy and his beyblade by his heart. but everyone around him had already moved on from the past, and he was stuck on the crossroads, still waiting for a train that wouldn't come.
and the longer he waited, the less he was sure. sure about "going back to normal". sure about being carefree again. sure about ever regaining what he lost three years ago--about either of them regaining what they lost three years ago.
it was fine if others scorned him because he knew he could get back up on his feet, like how he did after nationals. but it was different with shu.
if he lost shu, the world would really come crashing down on him.
so when shu did nothing but smile and nod, valt felt like everything was glowing, sparkling, radiant.
he wonders if he had been this happy three years ago during nationals.
---
their second kiss was different, in a good way.
valt was the one who took the initiative. he wrapped his arms around shu's neck and pressed his lips briefly to his, savoring everything about shu that he had missed for three years; he was soft and warm and gentle and smelled like everything valt liked.
"i'll write to you again," valt whispered into his ear, a little taken aback by the spreading redness on his cheeks. it looked nice on his pale skin.
"make sure you do," shu replied, placing his hands around his waist and kissing him back, more lovingly than he would have dared to do three years ago. valt hooked his finger on the collar of his shirt and tugged it.
the last thing he remembers is how nicely their bodies curved against each other.