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It's 7 am sharp and Dennis should be heading home to get at least some sleep before his next shift in 12 hours, however another emergency just rolled in and it’s all hands on deck. After that there is a small mountain of charting waiting for him.
It is now just past 9 o’clock and Dennis is not looking forward to the walk home to his and Trinity’s place. The air outside is cold and lately the wind has been picking up pace making it seem even colder than it was.
His way home, without the car, consists of a ten minute walk to the bus station then he waits fifteen minutes for the twenty minute bus ride and then the last leg of the race is a leisurely seven minute walk to the apartment. He is still on his way to the bus stop when he feels he is being followed. He feels piercing stairs at the back of his head and a shuffling of feet. The whispered voice is full of anxiety and urgency. It could be nothing so Dennis continues his way. Too tired to think of a grand plan.
He would rather think of his boss, his attending, his what-even-are-we? The touches and the longing stairs always leave him wanting more and there’s just no way of knowing if all this flirting is leading somewhere or if it’s all in his head.
Trinity is certain that there is something there and he just needs to man up and go for it but Victoria isn’t convinced Robby wants more. Both of them agree it would be highly inappropriate, but who are they to judge when both are involved with a member of the PTMC staff.
His inappropriate thoughts get interrupted by the footsteps behind him that keep getting closer and closer, more frantic and rushed. Dennis' adrenaline spikes and he picks up his pace, now only a block away from his bus station. But it doesn’t matter because right as he passes the alleyway, the figures behind him grab him and drag him backwards towards the dark alley. Dennis struggles, wailing his arms and legs like a maniac, trying to scream for help but it’s no use. There are three of them and just one of him. Dennis' heart is going a mile a minute.
One of them puts his hands over his mouth to stifle his screaming. His eyes are searching around trying to find anything useful to help him out of this predicament he found himself in when one of his assailants appears before him. He crouched down, hands on his knees so his eyes are level with Dennis’ and said in a hushed deep voice “are you doctor Whitaker?” Dennis is taken aback, he doesn’t know who they are or what they could possibly want from him.
Their appearance does little to inspire confidence, dark warn clothes and a layer of dirt and grim cover all of them. So Dennis decides against any quip remarks. The one behind him lets go of his mouth so he can answer “yes, that’s me”. ‘Don’t say anything unnecessary’ he thinks.
“Good. We need your help.” Dennis‘s face scrunches up and confusion and worry. ‘What could they possibly need my help with?’
“It’s Bruce. He’s hurt. Bad. Said you’ve been taking care of our own for sometime now and if there’s ever a need to come and find you.”
This rings some bells for Dennis. He’s seen them before. When he was working with the street team. He never treated them but saw them lurking, eyeing the situation - and him - but never getting too close. The big guy in front of him is Chuck or at least that’s what he heard someone call him.
“There’s a need now.” One of the other two chimes in.
Bruce he knows personally. He’s the one all the others look up to and come to when they’re in trouble. A sweet guy who grew up with no one looking out for him and decided he would be there for others. He runs a youth home. So now Dennis’ worries shifted from worrying about his life to Bruce‘s life.
“What happened?” Was all Dennis could muster up.
“He was stabbed. ‘Said he was fine but it don’t look fine to me. Can you help?”
“I- I- he needs to come into the ER. I don’t have any supplies or equipment with me.” He was stammering through his words knowing he was out of his depth even though he was already an R2.
“There are supplies and some equipment at the home. An old nurses office.” “We’re wasting time here.” The one from behind him shouts right in Dennis’ ear. There’s fear and panic in his voice.
He could be dead already for all we know and here we are chattering away!” This thin gaunt looking youth had let go of Dennis‘ arm and started pacing around scratching at his arms violently.
If Dennis had to guess, he would say that that’s Skip -jittery and trigger happy, from what he heard of Bruce’s stories and their friend, Mud, was quiet and reserved. They always move together, never straining too far from each other , like a pack of wolves.
“Yes. He’s right. We have to go.” With that, he apparently gained enough trust to be let go of and rushed to an old piece of junk of a car, to just a block back from where he came from.
The drive was long which wasn’t right. The youth home Bruce ran was a newly refurbished building on the other side of town. This building is old and abandoned and was probably left to rot before some of them were even born.
“What is this?” Real true fear kept crawling up Dennis‘s spine and a terrifying sense of danger. He got no answer. Just a physical drag towards the front door. It was cracked open, leaves and debris were blown in and scattered in the entrance. The air inside was cold and stale. From his left, he could hear the faint sound of a man moaning in pain. Before he could react, he was being pushed right towards the origin of the sound.
At the end of the hall was a damn light coming from the crack in the door. The big broad guy - Chuck who talked to Dennis in the alley, was upfront leading the way. The lanky guy - Skip was holding Dennis under the arm as if he could still run away. They made their way to the room and wasted no time going in. Then Dennis saw the scene unfold before him. There was Bruce, sprawled on an old hospital bed scrunched in pain, sweat pooling on his forehead and everywhere else. His hand was holding some gauze over his shoulder. Another piece of gauze was wrapped tightly around his upper thigh, soaking through the bandages.
Dennis jumped right in. His training taking over to assess the damage.
“Hey Mr. Bruce, can you hear me?” Dennis tried and received a little nod in return. “That’s good. Do you know who I am?” Bruce cracked an eye open in between pants, he said “Whitaker”.
“Yes! That’s right! I’m gonna take care of you as best as I can.”
After he assessed the wounds and decided that this was something he could actually fix he made his way to the cabinets that stood around all the walls of the room. They were indeed in a nurses office but at this point it was stripped almost bare. While Dennis was searching for useful supplies he asked “why didn’t you come to the ER? We could help you there a lot better.”
But his question was ignored. Instead Skip grabbed his arm again and shouted “can't you give him something for the pain??” Dennis was about to answer when Chuck said in a calm tone “Skip, leave the doctor to work. Go take a walk.”
As frustrated as he was, he listened to him and stormed out. And then Dennis could work in peace. He stitched his shoulder and thigh, gave him IV fluids and antibiotics, cleaned him of all the blood and put fresh bandages on.
If wanting to pursue rural medicine has taught him anything, it’s to be resourceful. By the end, Dennis was exhausted, barely staying awake. He gave instructions for taking care of the wounds to Chuck, having decided he was the responsible one. ‘I’m almost home’, he thought.
“If you can convince him to come in, that would be great. The wounds could still get infected so please try to persuade him and keep replacing the bandages like I showed you.” Dennis would have tried himself but Bruce was out cold. The big guy just nodded.
“Can I ask?” Dennis must’ve gained some confidence back when he saw he wasn’t in immediate danger. “What happened? Why not call an ambulance?” His words were sparse and didn’t satisfy Dennis. “Doctors ask too many questions.”
“And we can’t have that.” The voice came from the door where Skip was standing. The sense of unease returned and Dennis tried to backtrack fast.
“Got it, no questions. I better go now. Got my next shift in the morning.” He made to go past Skip and out the door but Skips hand was already blocking his exit. Dennis stopped and looked back towards Chuck, who was looking down to the floor.
“We haven’t even thanked you properly," Skip said.
“Oh, there is no need. I’m happy to help Bruice or any of you if you need it.” ‘Shit, this was bad’.
There was no kindness or grace in his words and his voice was laced with ill intent. Chuck stood up slowly from his chair and Dennis could see just how big and broad he was. He came right up to Dennis and put an arm around his shoulder and squeezed.
“Why don’t you come with us for a bit.” It wasn’t a question and Dennis didn’t have a choice. He was being led out of the room and away from the exit. His heart was beating out of his chest and he felt dizzy with fear.
Big guy must have trusted Dennis too much because his grip loosened and Dennis didn’t waste a second and bolted for the exit. But in his panic he forgot that there were three guys not just the two who talked and Mud was already waiting for him.
He felt that Mud was an appropriate nickname for him. Quiet, cold and dirty. He hauled Dennis over his shoulder and continued on their way. Dennis was thrashing around and screaming but the grip around his body didn’t let go until he was being thrown to the ground.
Underneath him was an old mattress riddled with stains and grime. Dennis knew what was about to happen but his mind still held out hope for some deux-ex-machina. His naive mind conjured up the image of Robby crashing through the door and saving him from what awaits him.
“Please.” He begged. “Don’t do this. You don’t have to do this.” Dennis was shaking and pleading.
“You know we’ve been eyeing you since you’ve started working on the streets.” Skip was saying while straddling Dennis and unbuckling his pants.
“The hero, the saviour, the good little doctor helping the poor.” His hands reached under Dennis scrubs and then his hand came up to stop this, but he was too slow. Chuck was already grabbing his wrists in securing them under his hold above Dennis’s head.
Dennis couldn’t help it anymore and started sobbing but it didn’t stop what was about to happen.
It went on for some time. Exhaustion took him under but when he came back, they were still going so he shut his eyes and pretended he wasn’t there. He tried to think of the farm in the winter covered in snow. He tried to pretend he was there, covered in a heavy layer of fresh powder, but the pain was keeping him here.
Eventually they got tired, each having had their turn. Dennis was barely there. The thick smell of blood sweat and cum filled the air but then it couldn’t get up, couldn’t move.
The third one, the quiet one with messy muddy hair and a nasty scar over his forehead, hauled him over his shoulder and carried him out the door. He deposited him on the sidewalk alone with his clothes and bag.
Dennis was still barely there but something in him pushed him to walk and keep walking. He’s too out of it to remember but he remembers walking and taking the bus. It must’ve already been very early for the buses to be running. Maybe it’s his training as a medical professional or the last bit of logical thinking left in his bathered body that made the decision to take him back to the pitt.
He didn’t use his badge to enter, instead opting to go to the back of the line and wait his turn. As he waited, he looked around and thought ‘not so bad’. There were people waiting, exhausted and annoyed but it wasn’t as bad as during the day shift.
‘Oh shit my shift!’ As if he just remembered he had a shift in a few hours.
‘Wait, what time is it?’ He glanced around and saw the big clock on the wall. The numbers and lines swam in his vision and before he could think more he was called forward.
“Hi, how can I help you today?” He didn’t know the nurse which made him sign in relief.
“I’m here for a rape kit.” His voice wavered and his eyes filled with tears. He wiped them away but more were coming. The smile on the nurse's face dropped and she gave him a sympathetic look.
“OK, why don’t you fill this out and bring it back to me?” She handed him a sign-in sheet and a pen. He filled it out and brought it back. His hands never stopped shaking. To his surprise he was called back quickly.
‘Shit’ behind closed doors someone must’ve recognised his name and bumped him up to next in line. He tried to think who took over for the dayshift but his mind was empty. He makes his way to the glass doors and waits for the reveal.
“Whitaker? Shit is it really you? What the hell happened?” It was Mateo looking him up and down with a terrified look on his face. Dennis must’ve looked worse than he thought.
“It’s not my blood.” He said in an effort to reassure the nurse but it made little difference. Mateo reached out his hand to try and guide Dennis inside when he flinched away almost dramatically. So he only gestured him inside, never coming close again.
“Who’s working tonight?” Dennis was becoming increasingly more worried about who else was going to see him in this sorry state.
“Oh, you know the usual bunch. Shen is taking your case since he’s the attending on shift tonight.” ‘Good. That’s good.’ Dennis just nodded.
If it was Abbott, this would surely make it back to Robby and Dennis would rather quit medicine altogether, then let that happen. Matteo was guiding him to an open room. A miracle if he ever saw one.
“Can you sit on the bed for me?” Another nod. Dennis then grabbed Mateo‘s hand and looked up so their eyes met.
“You can’t tell anyone about this. Not even Javadi. Please.” His eyes filled with tears again, from where he didn’t know. He was sure all the water and him was gone long ago.
“Hey hey Whitaker, it’s okay. I won’t tell anyone okay? Cross my heart”. That brought some relief to Dennis as his shoulder slumped and his gaze fell back down to the floor. He let go of Mateo‘s hand just as Shen made his way into the room.
“Hi Whitaker. How are you feeling?” “Been better.” He tried to chuckle but it was weak and dry.
“Listen, we called a SANE but it’s going to be at least a couple of hours. The only one on staff right now with the license is, well, me. And I don’t think you would want me- ”.
He was cut off by Dennis. “No, no, it’s ok if you do it- I still want to make my shift so could you…?” He trailed off.
“Are you sure Whitaker? About me and about coming to shift? You don’t look too good.” “No, I want to. And I don’t want to be alone. Train- Dr Santos is out of town and I don’t want to go home alone…”
“There are resources and people-”
“Please Dr Shen.” Shen took a big sigh but gave in and started the exam.
“Isn’t there someone who you can stay with? Someone we can call for you?” “There isn’t anyone.” Dennis said this as an absolute.
The exam was long and as much as Dennis tried not to be present and float away the questions kept him there like the pain did before.
The kit was finally sealed but the process wasn’t over. “A PAAR representative will come by during the day. I’m sure you’re aware, but there is no obligation for you to come in today.”
“No, I’m sure. I need a distraction. But thank you, Dr Shen.”
“Don’t mention it. Before I leave it’s still early so why don’t you sleep some before your shift starts and give your IV time to finish?”
“I don’t want to take the room. I’m sure someone needs it more…” But Shen placed a hand on his knee to stop him. “It’s just a few hours. I’m sure we can manage.” He said it as reassuringly as he could.
“Then yeah. Yes, please that would be great, thank you.” Shen patted his knee once and made to get up but stopped when Dennis spoke up. “You’re not going to say anything are you? Not even to Robby?”
“You’re my patient now. I legally can’t say anything to anyone.”
“Even to the attending taking over?”
“If you don’t give me permission, I will not say a word.”
“OK, I was just making sure.”
The exhaustion of the past day was finally catching up to him and it must’ve shown because Shen said his quick goodbyes and turned the lights off as he left. As soon as Dennis lay down, he was asleep in a deep and dreamless sleep.
All too soon a pair of gentle hands woke him up. He didn’t jump away or start screaming his head off and took it as a sign ‘see I’m okay! It wasn’t even that bad!’
“Hey Whitaker, how are you doing?”
“I’m okay. Better than I thought I would be.”
“That’s good. It’s nearing shift change and the day shifters are starting to trickle in. Thought I should let you know.”
“Shit, yeah. My phone is dead. I didn’t set an alarm. Thanks, man!”
“No problem. I’m gonna head out for handoff but you can still reach out if- if- you need to you know-”.
“Thanks Mateo.”
He left right after. Dennis pulled out his IVs and got up then remembered all the bodily fluids and other nasty things that were clinging to his body. He had just enough time to sneak to the ER’s shower and change scrubs. He keeps extra everything in his locker for emergencies. This was the first time since last night that Dennis looked at his body.
Through the whole exam he kept his gaze everywhere but himself and now there was nowhere else to look. His wrists were now blooming purple and blue, his upper arms were still covered in dry blood that was now flaking away, his stomach was sporting a pinkish purple bruise with speckles of blue from where Mud had hauled him over his shoulder.
His legs were no better. Bruised from where they were holding him down. It was all too much and he dry heaved into the nearest trashcan. Nothing came up but his stomach kept convulsing.
When he calmed down and tried to get up, dizziness hit and kept him on the floor leaning against the trashcan. ‘I should probably eat something so I don’t pass out’.
After the shower he felt loads better and tried to convince himself that he was in fact, fine and ready for a 12 hour shift. A long forgotten long sleeve, that’s seen better days was his saving grace and kept him from having to find a plausible excuse for the bruises on his wrists.
It was now nearing shift change and almost all the day shift was already there and Shen was walking with Robby, pointing to different rooms and giving him a run down. Dennis scurried by just as Shen was saying “…and we had an SA patient come in to do a rape kit, that was discharged. The kit is waiting for collection and then the PAAR representative will be coming by for their contact information…”
Dennis was almost free when he heard “Hey, Dr Whitaker!” and felt big warm hands on the back of his neck.
“Thanks and get some rest.” Their conversation was done and Shen gave Dennis a reassuring look before B-linening for his way home. Now it was just Dennis and Robby and the noise of the ER.
“You okay? You coming down with something?”
“What? No, no I’m okay!”
“Okay, that’s good. It’s just I have never seen you in a long sleeve before.”
Of course Robby could smell it a mile away. Dennis was, in fact, not okay but Robby chose not to press and let the subject go after Dennis said “oh no, I’m really okay. This was the only thing left, so-”.
Their conversation was cut short when Dana called out for an incoming ambulance. And so the day began.
It wasn’t more or less busy than usual, and a high pace was exactly what Dennis needed to distract him. Unfortunately, it wasn’t what his body needed. He was running on a short little nap at the pitt, an IV bag and nothing else. His muscle started to ache and the pain in his rear was something he didn’t want to think about. He stole one of the sandwiches from the card but regretted it when it came back up some short time later. After that, he decided to just focus on work and drinking a lot of water.
After the first few times his colleagues asked if he was feeling okay and he gave them a truly Oscar worthy performance, they left him alone and he made a grand effort of steering away from Robby as best as he could. It was nearing 7 pm and Dennis could see the nearing of the end of his shift and the thought terrified him. Leaving the hospital again going the same way home again, then if he miraculously made it home, there would be no one waiting for him at their apartment. There is no one he could ask for help without having to explain. He briefly thought about going back to the ominous 8th floor, but decided against it.
Robby interrupted his spiralling when he came in behind him and tapped his shoulder. “Dr Whitaker, what’s the status on your patient in South 14?” “He is doing well. I gave him after-care instructions for his wound, he’s now waiting for the IV to finish and he can be discharged.” He said every word with a smile to reassure himself and everyone else that he is truly okay. Everyone except Robby.
“That’s good," he trailed off.
“Hey, listen. Did um- Did- something happen today? Feels like maybe something is bothering you.”
“What, no. Of course not?! Everything is great!” He said this with a little too much enthusiasm for hour 11 of working in an ER.
“And your hands?”
“What about them?”
“They’ve been shaking the whole day.” As if on instinct Dennis‘s hands met behind his back, away from the prying eyes of his observant attending. And then, just like this morning, Dana saves him by announcing that there are three ambulances incoming. GSW‘s. ETA five minutes.
Robby called for all the available doctors to come in to assist. Him and Dennis are covering the first one. The ambulance arrives and the door swings open.
“What have we got?”
“22 year-old male, gunshot wound to the left shoulder and upper thigh, conscious during pick up now unconscious and get this, the guy who shot him and his two friends is the one that called the ambulance then disappeared when we arrived.”
“OK, let’s get him inside.” They wheel him into the trauma room and start assessing. Dennis went to the patient's side, checking his pupils when he noticed the all too familiar face. The gaunt and skinny guy who took what he wanted then left him on the road, bleeding and freezing was now in front of him.
Skip's eyes were open and searching the room. Dennis‘s breath caught in his throat before anyone could notice, as the now fully conscious patient's eyes flew open in a panic. He grabbed his hand and squeezed hard.
“It’s you! You goddamn whore! You snitched on us didn’t you!? That’s why the boss shot at us! You fucking slut!”
He kept screaming and thrashing around all while Dennis tried to get his hands-free of his grip. Everyone in the trauma reacted in stellar time, trying to restrain him.
Robby was by his side immediately prying the patient’s hands away from Dennis. His grip loosened once the sedative was administered and Dennis stumbled backwards until he hit a wall. Robby was already following behind him trying to get his attention but it didn’t work. He didn’t hear a word Robby said or the noise the other doctors in the room made, who were still working on Skip. It all turned to ringing in his ears.
—
Robby wasn’t too concerned about this particular gunshot wound. Nothing screamed immediate danger so he moved back and let the students take over. He trusted Dennis more than he should and favoured him even more. There was just something magnetising about him.
His little daydream ended abruptly when the patient woke up and grabbed his favourite resident by the hand and he started screaming at him. Dennis looked freaked- more than freaked, terrified. His eyes blown wide, breath was coming in quick and shallow, hitching on nothing.
Robby made his way there instantly, helping Dennis break free. Robby shouted for a sedative and the nurse was already administering it.
Abbott opened the door and stood in amusement.
“What the hell happened here?” Robbie was ready with a reply “GSW. Agitated. Can you take over? I’m taking Whitaker away to look at his hand.”
“You got it.” Abbot, who just came in for his shift, gladly took over an aggressive patient. And Robby didn’t waste a second and guided Dennis out of the trauma room.
“Dana, what’s open?”
“South 14.” Dana looked at him, a shell shocked Whitaker and a very worried Robby. She gave him a look ‘what the hell happened?’ But Robby just shook his head and continued to South 14 ‘tell you later’.
They made their way to S14, Robby shutting the door behind them and drawing the curtains. He sat Dennis on the bed by pushing gently on his shoulders then his hands came down to his biceps and rubbed up and down to try and gain Dennis‘s attention back.
“Whitaker? Hey Dennis, can you hear me?”
Through shallow shaky breaths and teary eyes Dennis looked up and met Robby‘s gaze.
“Hey kid, you’re okay. Everything‘s okay.” He soothe while still rubbing his hands up and down. “Wanna tell me what happened in there?” He said it in a low comforting voice trying to keep Dennis from falling apart. But it was too late. Dennis was now sobbing trying to escape Robby's hold on him.
“No, please don’t make me say it.” And he sobbed harder.
“Hey hey. It’s okay, you don’t have to tell me anything. How about we just take a look at that arm?”
Robby‘s hands were already moving to roll up his sleeves when Dennis realised and tried to stop him. “No! No, don't look! I’m OK really! It doesn’t even hurt!”
Dennis tried, but Robby already saw the ugly bruise on his wrist and now the five finger shaped bruises freshly formed on his arm from where Skip was gripping him just a few minutes ago.
“Den- Did he do this?”
“No, I mean yes. Not now, just-”. Then took a shaky breath in and exhaled.
Robby was waiting for him as patiently as he could. Looking at him with worried eyes.
“I can’t- Robby- I can’t-” He was stammering and breathing heavily, heading right for a panic attack.
“Whitaker, I needed you to breathe deep. Breathe in-”. He demonstrated in the hope Dennis would follow but he wasn’t here anymore. He was back in that room, forced on his back, living through every second.
But then something came through. Not the musty smell of the abandoned building, but a fresh grounding presence that smelled like pine trees and laundry detergent.
After that things came back into focus in pieces. The white lights above him, the floor and the curtain and then this all consuming presence wrapped around him tethering him to this life. It was Robby holding him completely. Now there was nothing holding Dennis back from embracing him.
“Hey kid. You back with me?” He said in a faux calming tone. And Dennis nodded, not pulling away from Robby‘s embrace.
“I can get Kiara down here, if it would make it easier to talk to?”
“I don’t want to talk to anyone about this, Robby, please.”
“I know it’s difficult, but-.”
“Michael, please.”
He pulled away to look him in the eye. Even though he wasn’t hyperventilating anymore his breath was still hitching and tears were streaking down his face. The mention of his name stopped Robby right in his tracks and after a moment he exhaled.
“Then at least let me look at your hand.” Dennis nodded again and only now noticed they were both on the floor, him sitting pretty in Robby‘s lap. The embarrassment wasn’t enough to make him move so he just pulled up his arm for Robby to examine.
Robby held it gently, pulling away his sleeve that had fallen back down mid Dennis’ panic attack. He gripped gently at every few centimeters and asked if he felt any pain.
“No, I’m just sore.”
“I don’t think anything's broken but we should do imaging just in case for the wrist.”
“No, I already did that this morning and nothing's broken.”
He couldn’t hide the shock on his face.
“This morning?”
“You can check my file. It’s all there.” Dennis knew what that meant. That once Robby looked, he would see all of his patient records, not just the scans of his hands. But this was easier than having to say out loud what happened.
Robby was careful about getting up, not wanting to leave Dennis alone. He swiped his card on the computer and searched for Dennis‘s file.
“Whitaker- You’re the SA victim?”
Again, Dennis just noted. He was still on the floor, his breath still hitching and his body trembling. His cheeks stained with tears and splotched red, same as his big blue eyes now bloodshot and distant.
Robby came back down to the floor and searched for the right words.
“Oh, Dennis. I’m so sorry this happened to you. Was that him? The gun shot patient?”
“Him and the other two who came in with him.”
Robby sucked in a breath at the implication. At that he decided to make a plan and stick to it. “Okay, here’s what we’re gonna do. I’m gonna make the quickest hand off on record and come back here, then we can head out together. How does that sound?” Dennis‘s face scrunched up and he started crying again.
For a second Robby thought he screwed up but then Dennis leaped forward and hugged Robby like he was scared he was gonna disappear.
“Yes please, I would like that.”
They did exactly that and before Dennis could think too much about what was happening they were already in Robby‘s car, driving away from the hospital.
“Wait, this isn’t the way to mine and Trin’s apartment.”
“No, it’s not. I’m taking you back to mine, if that’s okay. I know Dr Santos won’t be back for a couple of days and I didn’t want to leave you alone. And I also know I have all the ingredients to make a very good soup. Grandma‘s recipe.”
Dennis is just awestruck, looking at him like he solved world hunger. Robby took that as permission and continued driving.
The drive didn’t take long and the car came to a stop in front of a dark blue townhouse. Robby got out first and waited for Dennis to make his way around the car before he loosely draped an arm over his shoulder and guided him to the front door. Dennis was still in front of him when Robby reached around him to unlock the door. Inside the house was warm and comforting. Even though it was his first time here, it was like he came home.
Robby closed the door behind them.
“I’m guessing you want to shower first.”
And Dennis nodded again. Feeling timid being in someone else’s home. Just as Robby promised, he started making the soup his grandma would make him that tasted of a good world and buttered vegetables.
One hot shower, fresh clothes and a bowl of rich soup later, Dennis was nodding asleep by the table. Robby was quick to notice and steered him as gently as possible to his bedroom. Dennis melted into the sheets, Robby's smell surrounded him and he felt safe. All until Robby made to leave.
“No, please stay. Please?”
“I never could say no to you.”
He said it in a warm loving way, then slipped into the sheets next to Dennis, still keeping his distance. “Can I?” Dennis said in a meek voice and slid his hands closer to Robby until his fingertips found Robby’s arm. “Do you want me to hold you?” “Would- would you?” His voice was quiet and broke in the middle. “Come here.”
Dennis came right up to Robby's side where he was waiting for him and laid his head in the crook of his shoulder. Robby’s arm draped down around him and Dennis felt so at ease. All the day's events melted away and he was fast asleep before he fully exhaled.
–
Dennis woke up disoriented and slightly sweaty. Just as soon as she was aware of his surroundings a voice called out “good morning, sleep well?”
“Robby” was all Dennis could muster.
“Still here.”
Dennis was sprawled over the bed while Michael was propped on the headboard reading one of his paperbacks. Dennis was almost tempted to go back to sleep but instead opted to ask “what time is it?”
“Just a little past 10 am.”
“I slept for 12 hours? A full shift?? Oh shit, my shift, I’m so dead, I-”
“Kid. Relax. You’re not on today. I made sure.”
“Oh…” Dennis relaxed just as he was told.
“What about you?”
“I took a personal day.”
“Oh I’m- I’m so sorry. Because of me-”
“Because I wanted to.”
There was warm silence between them before Dennis spoke.
“What are you reading?”
“Oh just this old fantasy novel. I just grabbed the one closest to me and started reading.”
“Would you read to me?”
If you had told Dennis Whitaker just a few days ago, that he would be asking Dr Robby to read to him, out loud in his bed, wearing his clothes, he would laugh out loud and say ‘yeah in my dreams’ and proceed to turn a deep shade of blush.
Robby reopened his book and started reading. Dennis made his way closer to Robby and laid his head on his thigh. Robby‘s hand came around and rested on his back rubbing small circles over his melted form.
Outside the moving clouds were causing the light in the room to shift from cloudy to sunny and back to cloudy. Dennis told himself that the next time the sun shined through the window he would lay himself bare in front of Robby and then come what may- sun, clouds, rain or snow.
So when the sun shined bright and cast a warm light over them Dennis lifted himself off of Robby and turned so they were facing each other. Robby stopped reading and waited for Dennis to speak. He knew everything would be okay when he saw the unwavering and determined look in his eyes.
“I want to tell you what happened. If- If you want me to, of course.”
Robby dropped his book and gave Dennis his full attention.
“The day before yesterday, when I was on my way home, they- the three that came in with GSW’s cornered me and sort of made me treat their boss that was stabbed, way out by the old abandoned youth home. And then when I was done, they took me to this room and I tried to leave, to run away but they got me and -”. Dennis' voice broke and he couldn’t hold Michael’s gaze anymore. Robby reached out his hands for Dennis to hold, not saying anything and leaving him to decide if he wanted to continue or not. He gripped both of them tight and continued.
“Then they held me down and took turns. I took the bus to the ED and the rape kit, then tried to sleep until my shift began. I thought I could get through it if I just held on, but I couldn’t. Not until you.” He was crying again, full heavy tears dropping down his cheeks and landing in his lap. Then Robby cupped his cheeks and wiped them away.
“And I know this isn’t the right time- I know, but I promised myself that if I made it back to you, I would tell you how I felt and come what may, so Robby, I like you. A lot. More than a resident should like his attending, more than is allowed. And you don’t have to answer right away or at all I just needed to say this to you. But say something anyway. Please.”
“Denis- I am so sorry that this happened to you. It never should have happened and I-” He was at a loss for words. ‘What could I possibly say to make him feel better? To make this okay?’
A moment passed, the air was still but outside the clouds covered the sun again and cast a darker light over the room.
“As for the other thing you said-” Dennis looked at him with anxious but hopeful eyes. They traveled all over Robby's face, searching for signs - good or bad.
“I don’t want to take advantage of the situation or your emotional state-” Dennis took a sharp inhale, wanting to interrupt him ‘you’re not! This isn’t because of what happened!’ but Robby put his hands on his shoulders, gently and exhaled - keeping eye contact the entire time. Dennis understood and exhaled with him, calming down just a bit.
Then Robby continued “-I don’t want to take advantage, so my suggestion would be to take things slow like, have breakfast for starters. Eggs? Pancakes?”
Dennis took a moment to decide if this answer satisfied him ‘while he didn’t reject me, he also didn’t reciprocate my feelings’. But ultimately decided that for now this was enough.
“Then pancakes, please.” They shuffeled out of bed and made their way to the kitchen. Yesterday, Dennis was too out of it to take in his surroundings, only focusing on Robby and the soup in front of him. Now he could take in the sage green kitchen with thick wooden countertops and a big island with three wooden stools on one side. The room was airy and bright. It connected to the living room and made him feel safe and welcome. Everything was a shade of muted greens and blues with dark wooden furniture. It reflected Robby like a mirror and made perfect sense to Dennis. Robby steered Dennis to one of the stools and tapped his shoulder once. He made his way around the island and started to gather ingredients and supplies.
“How do you like your pancakes?”
“Um.. plain? Or with a chocolate spread, if you have it? Oh- ! But back on the farm we had a big old chestnut tree and my mom would make a chestnut spread or like jam? I don’t know what it was but it was delicious. My favourite thing ever- oh I’m sorry, I’m rambling.”
Dennis looked away feeling shy, so he didn’t see how Robby stopped what he was doing and was looking at him with a big and warm smile.
“No, no, don't stop. I want to know more about you. You never talk about back home.”
“Yeah, there isn’t much to say. Sometimes it feels like my life began when I left Broken Bow.”
“Do you ever miss it?”
“Of course.. Sometimes. Aspects of it, but I never regretted coming here.”
Robby pulled a little jar from the back of the cupboard. “You are in luck. One jar of Nutella and it’s not even expired. Probably something Jake left behind. But I also have jam and honey.”
“The Nutella is great. How is Jake by the way?”
Dennis wasn’t sure if he could ask about Jake but decided to be bold.
“He’s good. He’s dealing. Hasn’t come by much but that’s to be expected.”
“Yeah, of course. Sorry if I overstepped or-.”
“No, it’s fine. I don’t mind. He’s going to therapy and I, too, have started going actually.” Robby was still unsure about the whole thing, but if he was being honest with himself, he could already feel the benefits of talking to someone, just saying everything out loud made him feel better.
“Have you thought of- ?” Now Robby was unsure if he should broach a topic.
“I, I don’t know. It would probably help, but I don’t know if I’m ready yet.”
“You’ve got time and you can always talk to me.”
“Thanks, Robby, for everything – yesterday and today – you didn’t have to and I really appreciate it.”
He gave a smile and continued, “oh that smells amazing!”
The pancakes were perfect. Robby ate his with honey and Dennis opened the chocolate spread, not worrying about how much he used. The conversation flowed like a river going here and there at a steady pace. The rest of the day was spent much the same, enjoying comfortable conversation, cooking and eating, never too far apart. Their future together was still fresh and undecided, but they had all the time in the world.