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Kinger stepped out of the portal, his eyes adjusting to the familiar yet hazy circus he'd been living in for much too long to consider. His eyes wander over to Pomni, chuckling at something while Jax leans over to half of his height just to be at her level. The sight makes Kinger smile- the best he can without a mouth, at least- before he can think too much about them and what they may be chatting about, he gets distracted.
Brightly colored shapes lead his eyes over to Zooble and Gangle. Gangle is holding up a handheld spiral notepad, multiple sketches of their chosen outfits from the anime styled adventure sketched onto the paper. Zooble puts their hand hovering behind Gangle, as if they were pretending to pull Gangle closer using only the air. It certainly seemed to work, Kinger observed, as Gangle rested her mask (face?) on Zooble's shoulder.
Kinger sighed to himself- seeing all of this young love reminded him of his past wife. The thought crossing his mind at all made his chest hurt, and his mind became blurry all too quickly. He slipped away, dashing to his pillow fort and hiding away in the void-like darkness that surrounded him.
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Ragatha watched as Kinger made his way back to his pillow fort in a hurry, concerned for his rushed actions. Before her mind can drag her body along with it and go towards the structure, the sound of laughter stops her. She turns, watching as Jax and Pomni laughing hystarically at something. The sight makes her jealous, which immediately makes her feel guilty, knowing that Pomni deserves all of the friends she can make here.
Ragatha redirects her gaze over to Gangle and Zooble- Gangle seems to be showing something to Zooble and they're both laughing as well. Ragatha feels more confident, making her way over. Gangle's art is always fantastic! Surely it'll manage to cheer her up from this groggy mood.
"Hey you guys! Watcha looking at there?" Ragatha leans forward, a bright smile on her stitched face. Gangle looks over to Zooble and their smile's both seem to falter, which confuses Ragatha slightly.
"Ah, s-sorry Ragatha... I'm a little shy about my art. Me and Zooble are just-" Gangle stops herself, looking embarrased, and Zooble finishes for her. "We're closer, and all. How about you go ask Pomni to hang or something? You two seem to be good friends."
Ragatha swallows, giggling nervously and nodding. "Of course! I really shouldn't have assumed... You two have fun!" Ragatha waves, but she realizes that they've already started their way back to the rooms, Gangle flipping through more pages while Zooble keeps their hand close behind her ribbons.
Ragatha understands wholeheartedly that they're closer. It's too obvious, in fact, why did she even consider asking? Ragatha turns once more, looking for Jax and Pomni. Jax seems to be imitating something Caine had said at the end of the adventure, which irks Ragatha. Sure, he's and AI and all, but it still feels wrong to her whenever Jax is making fun of somebody- Human or AI.
Still, she makes her way over to them, waving and smiling, trying to keep her demeanor kind and friendly. "Pomni, Jax! What are you guys up to? I was about to go take a walk around the circus for a while, if you two wanted to join?"
Jax and Pomni look over at each other, and Ragatha watches as Jax leans over and whispers something to Pomni, both of them keeping eye contact with her as he speaks. Pomni holds back a laugh, playfully slapping him away and pretending that nothing happened. It's really condescending, and Ragatha can feel herself blushing with anger.
"Uh, sorry Ragatha, me and Jax were gonna go talk in my room for a while. thanks for offering though!" Pomni smiles, but it still seems like she's holding back bursting out in laughter. Ragatha persists, looking to the side to avoid prolonged eye contact and making it all awkward.
"I- I mean, I'd be alright with sitting still for a while! If I could join you guys, maybe?..." Ragatha's voice trails off, and she feels pathetic. Jax grins, rolling his eyes and putting his hand on Pomni's shoulder just as she was about to say something. "Jeez, desperate or something dollface? Let me and my buddy here have some privacy, GOSH. You're like an overbearing mother but thirty times worse."
Ragatha is tempted to yell back at him- say something about how rude he's being and how he's completly wrong- but she stops when she sees Pomni laugh again. A genuine laugh, and it makes Ragatha feel like she has weights in her feet. They both walk away without another word, only a horrid goodbye of the overheard reply from Pomni in the conversation after.
"...aha, you're kind of right though! S..."
Ragatha takes a deep breath in. It's followed quickly with a choked sob as she runs off to her bedroom.
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Kinger is lying down, attempting to fall asleep but inevetebly failing, when he hears something. At first he plays it off as nothing more than one of the others walking through the Circus, or maybe just Caine, but then he hears it again. It's unmistakenably the sound of someone crying. It automatically concerns him, causing him to get up and peek out of his fortress door. The light hitting his eyes is much too bright, causing him to lose track of who exactly had been crying.
Kinger stares into the open space, his blue eyes scanning the area, but he can’t seem to find anyone. The silence is slowly getting more and more overwhelming, leaving Kinger wondering if he should risk forgetting what he’s trying to do and wander until he finds the culprit or stay there and do nothing. Maybe he could get Caine to help?
He sighs, looking back into the fort and then back out to the circus. Better to fail than not try at all.
Kinger steps out of the fort, wondering where to start. He walks over to the entrance of the circus first. Maybe they searched for solace behind the curtains of the stage, or maybe behind a stack of humongous building blocks? There were too many places to look, and Kinger found himself searching even after he forget what he was even looking for.
—————
Ragatha sobbed into her bedsheets, gripping onto the blanket and flinching away from it as it clips through her hand. She frowns, tearing the blanket away from her hand and wincing. It didn’t hurt, necessarily, more like an uncomfortable static feeling that slowly increases in pressure.
Being in this digital world is more than confusing. It’s tiring. It’s draining. She can’t even manage to talk to anyone about it without worrying it may seem stressful for the others. Back in the real world, though she can’t remember much about it, she knows she had coping mechanisms for this.
Well… she must have, right? She couldn’t recall ever sharing her emotions with anyone, outside or inside of the circus. The memory of her mother… well, she doesn’t want to think about it now.
Ragatha stares at the ceiling, the tears rolling down her cheeks like a waterfall. Why can’t she get the others to like her? Why do they not like to be with her? Was Jax right all along, and was she really all too nice? The questions hurt her head. Everything hurt right now. Ragatha got up and walked over to the light switch, turning the light off. Despite that usually resulting in total darkness in normal rooms there seemed to be a sort of low light, almost like from a window, despite there being none in her room. Ragatha didn’t mind, making her way back to her bed.
Before she could lay back down and cry her eyes out, she caught something out of the corner of her eye. She wipes her eyes to get a closer look at the shining object, picking it up from the corner of her room.
Ah. The knife from the candy kingdom- what a great memory. She recalled laying down and attempting to relax after that oh-so-amazing adventure only to puncture it into her back (which really makes no sense- the knives were thrown at her while her back was to a wall. She’s still wondering how exactly it got back in the circus at all).
Ragatha turns the blade over in her hands, tired eyes staring at it for a while. She knows that, logically, she can’t really… hurt herself with it. First of all, it’s a terrible idea, but second off it’s just impossible. She can feel pain, sure, but nothing that can permanently damage her.
Well… maybe nobody will notice a few cuts. After all, Ragatha can’t help but feel like she deserves it. She should be trying harder to keep her friendships, to keep everyone, shouldn’t be blaming others for her own loneliness and messy emotions.
Ragatha sucks in a breath. It won’t be easy to explain if anybody does happen to see, but rational thoughts aren’t really on her mind right now. She brings the knife down against her wrist, sucking in a breath as tears once more well up in her eyes.
—————-
Kinger can’t remember what he’s looking for. At this point he’s just wandering- it’s an easy routine, just making his way through the circus. Eventually he makes his way to the rooms hallway, trying not to look too hard at the doors. He’s not sure why, but it just feels like he shouldn’t. Strange.
Just as he’s about to turn back for his pillow fort again, a sound makes him stop. It causes something in his mind to go forwards, away from his fort, listening closely.
There’s… faint breathing- no, crying- coming from one of the rooms near him. He’s not sure why exactly that’s so important to his brain for a moment, though he is concerned, but he quickly recalls.
Kinger steps closer, allowing himself to look at the doors. Unoccupied. Unoccupied. Some strange looking egg person with a red X over their face. He turns, looking at the doors on the other side of the hallway. He quickly finds himself facing Ragatha’s door, where the sound is very clearly coming from.
Poor Ragatha- what could be the matter? Kinger knocks, politely, and he notices that the cries falter for a moment. Ragatha must have noticed him.
“Er, Ragatha? Something wrong?” Kinger asks, confused on what could be happening. Is she in danger? “Uh, n- yes? Uh, I can’t really… open the door… you can let yourself in.” Kinger is confused by this response, opening the door to see what exactly is wrong.
The darkness comes over him as soon as he steps in, his eyes adjusting along with his mind. He squints, allowing himself to look on the bed where he assumes Ragatha to be.
“Uh, down here…”
Kinger looks at the floor at the foot of the bed, his eyes widening in surprise at the sight. Ragatha’s cheeks are red and puffy, bits of fluff surrounding her, along with a knife. On of her hands holds the other- or, rather, the place where the other used to be. Ragatha’s hand is also on the floor, by closer inspection, having been cut off.
“Holy s[&%*=]- Ragatha, what happened?” Kinger kneels next to Ragatha, carefully grabbing her forearm and holding it carefully while he looks at Ragatha. She looks guilty and ashamed, refusing to make eye contact. “I- I’m really sorry, I was just… I didn’t mean to do this much damage, I just went too deep when… when I was…” Ragatha can’t get the words out. Kinger still understands, nodding slowly but calmly.
“Wait here a moment,” Kinger says to Ragatha, getting up and looking around her room. There’s a spool of blue thread on her bedside table, and he somehow manages to find a needle on the top of her dresser. Ragatha watches, surprised by his findings.
“How did you-?” Kinger kneels back beside her, smiling softly. “Ah, don’t worry about that for now. Can you give me your arm?”
With that, Kinger and Ragatha sit and stitch her hand back on, with Kinger occasionally brushing away tears from the small pricks of the needle. It’s awkward at first, how quiet it all is, but it becomes a rhythm that both of them are okay with.
Kinger ties off the last stitch, cutting the excess thread with the knife. Kinger takes the tools and sets them to his side, moving slightly closer to Ragatha and placing one of his hands on her shoulder.
“Do you want to talk about it?” He asks, his voice low and deeply sincere. Ragatha pauses, staring at the floor, before shaking her head a small “no.” In truth, she’d like nothing more than to talk about it, but she fears that if she opens her mouth all that would come out would be sobs. Kinger nods in reply, guiding her to lay against the fur of his robe.
She’s braver than she knows. Kinger closes his eyes, rubbing her shoulder in a comforting manner. Tonight was just the beginning of a powerful and beautiful recovery.
———-
Ragatha allows herself to relax slightly, feeling childish even while her breathing evens out. Kinger holds her close, smiling in the darkness, just glad he was able to help. Maybe it would take a little longer before she would be fully comfortable enough to talk, but he would wait.
The night goes by fast. Ragatha hates it- she wants to stay here. She doesn’t want to have to go back out there, after what she’s done. Especially with the evidence of the incident- though Kinger’s stitching was incredible, there were lines of blue surrounding her hand and in some places on her wrist. She made a look of disgust down at the limb.
Eventually she manages to speak, her voice hoarse and quiet. “You won’t… tell the others, will you?” Kinger pauses, and it terrifies her. She looks up at the chess piece, but his kind eyes help her feel more trusting in his answer.
“…I won’t. But I think it might be some help if you talk to someone about these urges.” Kinger smiles with his eyes, chuckling somberly. “I won’t always be like this, y’know. There can’t be darkness without light. Try talking to Pomni, or maybe Zooble. They’re more understanding than you may think.”
Ragatha nods, taking his words in. She understands, but she’s not sure if she’ll be able to share her emotions comfortably… ever. Maybe it’s something to work on. She groans, her shoulders slumping again and leaning against Kinger again.
“Okay. Okay, yeah. Th-thank you, by the way. I don’t like the thought of someone else finding me like this in the morning.”
Kinger gasps. “Oh! I can get Caine to fix up your hand properly, if you want.” Ragatha cringes, shaking her head. “I don’t really think I want to explain to him what happened… and besides, you did great. Maybe he’ll just mindlessly fix it after our next adventure, yeah?” Kinger nods.
After a moment of silence, Ragatha stands, brushing her dress off. Kinger follows, adjusting his robe and looking back to the door.
“So… you’re going to rest, correct?”
Ragatha looks confused. “Rest? I mean, I took a pretty long nap, did I not?”
“Well, you need a mental health day. This is a seriously draining experience for someone.”
“I can handle it! I feel ten times greater already.”
Ragatha’s smile does not mirror that statement.
Kinger sighs, placing a floating, gloved hand on her shoulder. “You don’t have to be strong, especially not now.” Ragatha looks away, and Kinger sighs gently.
“Well, whatever makes you feel best, do it. Put yourself first today, alright?”
Ragatha nods, watching as Kinger goes to leave. It’s weird, seeing him in such a sane state and then watching him go off to be the same unaware maniac the others know of. Still, she stares at the door after it’s closed, before giving in and lying in her bed.
Maybe just for today she’ll be alright. Taking care of herself won’t be so bad, if only a day. For Kinger, and everyone else too.
———-
Later in the day, everyone is sitting in the mini “lounge” area with strange shaped couches and bright colored rugs, mostly either just making small talk or doing their own thing.
“Oh yeah, Zooble! Can you look at this for me?”
Zooble leans over to Gangle, their eyes drifting down to the notepad.
“Wow, that’s really good. How’d you even come up with that?” Pomni leans forward in her seat in curiosity, Gangle turning the page to show everyone.
“Well, I felt kinda bad for not showing my art to Ragatha yesterday, because it totally wasn’t finished… but I think I got it down!” Even Ajax raises his eyebrows, nodding once. “Huh. Not half bad, theatre kid.” At that comment Zooble is back to going off on Jax, Gangle just sighing and continuing to refine the details of her drawing.
“By the way, have any of you seen Ragatha today?” Pomni’s question quiets everyone for a second, everybody considering it and thinking back through the day.
Jax is the first to shrug, crossing his legs and throwing his arms back over the couch in a careless manner. “Nope, can’t remember seeing that rag doll anywhere.”
Zooble shakes their head, and so does Gangle, so everybody turns to Kinger.
He’s sitting on the ground, zoning out with wide eyes and a crazy gaze. Jax snickers, which earns him a glare or two, making him hold his hands up in a defensive fashion.
“Uh… Kinger..?-“
“WAH!”
Gangle jumps, whimpering at Kinger’s sudden reaction. There’s a moment of silence before she attempts to ask again, cautiously.
“We… we were just asking if anyone has seen Ragatha tod-“
“Oh yeah! She’s in her room, resting.” Kinger interrupts, rocking back and forth. “It’s best we not interrupt her. She’ll come out when she’s ready to.”
The group shares a silent moment of eye contact with each other, but before Jax can say another snarky comment there’s someone coming towards them.
“H-hey gang! What are we talking about?”
Gangle waves her over, a smile on her mask. “Come look! We were talking about you- I made this art of you, but it’s totally cool if you don’t like it. It’s basically you as this character…”
Gangle rants on as Ragatha looks at her sketches, smiling wide but her hands in her lap. Zooble eyes her for a moment before going back and looking at Gangle’s drawings when Jax walks over and peeks over the couch to see as well. Pomni is quick to arrive after him, peeking over the couch as well.
The sight brings a bright smile to Kinger’s face, watching in silence as all of them mingle and laugh together. He’s about to turn and leave them be when Ragatha calls out to him.
“Hey, come look! This one’s really good.”
They share eye contact, a moment of understanding. Though Kinger’s mind is fuzzy and loud, he knows it means something. That’s enough for him to go over and look with the rest of them.
“Hah, that one kind of looks like a d[^#%@].”
“Jax!!”
“C’mon dude, not funny.”
“13 year old boy humor over here…”
“Whattt? I was just joking, jeez…”