Archive of Our Own

Chapter Text

“Is today gonna be a good day?” Jesper asked as he tied his five year old son's shoes.

“Yes.” Osbert’s small voice was so quiet Jesper almost didn’t catch it.

“Why?”

“Because it is a new day and I am loved.” Osbert responded. Jesper smiled as he buttoned his jacket up.

“Very good, and what will you do when you get mad?” Jesper asked.

“Count my blessings.”

“Count your blessings.” Jesper repeated with a smile as he hugged him.

This was a ritual that either of them did with Osbert everyday before Wylan walked with him to school. Osbert had some trouble when it came to his emotions and the school has written to them more than a few times now. Wylan came down the stairs shortly.

“Alright baby you ready?” Wylan asked, putting his own jacket on. Osbert nodded and grabbed Wylan’s hand. Jesper kissed him before they left.

 

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“I have a house, I have food, I am grateful for the staff, I love my parents, I love my sister, I am smart. I love my grandmother.” Osbert whispered as he walked home from school alone. Kicking rocks as he went. It was barely noon, way too soon to be walking home from school.

“I am creative, I am resourceful, I am talented, I am…. I am.” He was coming up blank. His blessings did nothing to clear his mind and give him clarity at the moment.

“I am kind.” He whispered. The blessings doing nothing to stop the anger that steadily rose inside of him.

Osbert stepped up the front porch. He did not want to open the door and face his da and his grandma and tell them that he got suspended from school. Because Surly when his da realizes what he did he won’t give him a pat on the back and tell him to recite his stupid blessings.
Because Osbert was no longer five he was sixteen and the last thing he felt he deserved from his parents was forgiveness.

He finally went inside, his da was not waiting in the foyer because he was not expecting his kids home so early. He wished he had waited outside just a few minutes more because while his da wasn’t there, one of their staff, Georgia was. She stopped folding clothes on the chair when he entered.

“Osbert?” She asked in surprise.

“Is da home?”

“Yes, he- he’s outside. Darling what are you–”

“Tell him to send someone for Aditi.” Osbert said in a hurry while making his way upstairs.

Everyday after school it was Osbert's responsibility to wait for his eight year old sister so he could walk home with her. But there was no point in waiting at the school for three extra hours.

He closed his door behind him. He began to pace, his da is outside and he’s sure Georgia is telling him now.

“I have water and food readily available. I have a house. I have people who love me.” He put his hands over his face and took a few deep breaths.

He did not want his da to interrogate him about what happened but he also didn’t want his parents to hear what happened from the school. But if not the school he’d have to watch the disappointment fill his da’s face. Or even worse, his father.

But maybe Wylan should be disappointed, disappointed in himself. It’s his fathers fault he acted out in the first place. Osbert shook his head to free himself from the thought. Deep down he knew he couldn't blame his father, but it was too late. The thought had already settled and made a place in his mind.

Osbert’s been angry before. He’s been angry more than a few times before and he’s used his Squaller powers on accident before, but for the first time in his life he had used his Zowe powers to harm someone. It had been an accident but he still did it. He could not look at his parents face and tell him that. He could not look at how hurt his all too calm, all too kind father would be.

But then again he did not want to look at him at all. Osbert has been asking to go to Ravka for nearly four years now. Four years of Osbert begging them. Of Osbert doing extra around the house of purposely failing his Zowe tutor at the off chance his father would send him there for better schooling but no. Every time he asks his da, Jesper just shakes his head and shrugs. "You're father and I gotta be on the same page kiddo.”

So Osbert asks his father and Wylan will usually just say maybe. But he knows how he works. When he asks his father anything it’s always yes or no, maybe, is usually a no but in a nicer way. He can tell his da would be ok with it. So why is his father so hesitant? He’s sixteen and he can hardly separate his powers from his emotions and he knows if he was surrounded by others his age that were Zowe, then he would get better. But it’s more than that, he has nothing but his family keeping him here. He wants out of Ketterdam.

Osbert covered his ears with the palm of his hand, which was something he hasn’t done since he was small, when his thoughts got far too loud for him. He sat by his desk, he would not break again. Then there was a knock on his door.

“No please, not now.” Osbert called back.

“Ozzy please open up.” Jesper’s voice softly said from behind the door. Osbert wanted to scream at him even though logically he knew his da did nothing to start this. He took a breath and in one swift motion with his hand, the cracked door opened fully.

Jesper took a step in and took one look at his son on his desk with his eyes closed and his palms over his ears. Instead of speaking he laid horizontally on his very messy bed with his eyes closed and hands clasped together over his stomach. He looked like he was about to sleep. Osbert stayed where he was for a while longer.

Silence used to always help calm him as a kid.

“You have to walk and get Adi at 3.” Osbert finally whispered, slowly opening his eyes.

“I know, Georgia told me.” His da said back, all too casually. He was expecting his da to begin his line of questions but he did not. Instead he actually changed the subject.

“Did you know, if you make your bed every morning it will help clear your mind?” Osbert let out a small snort at the randomness of his da’s words. Jepser opened one of his eyes, smiling at his son’s happy reaction then closed his eyes again.

“Is that why your bed is messy all the time?” Osbert asked and that made Jesper laugh now.

“Well I guess I know where you get your disorganization from so I shouldn't talk.”

“I actually don’t get anything from either of you on technical terms.” Osbert tried to keep his voice as light as the conversation was but it didn’t come off that way.

His son’s off comment made Jesper's brows furrow in confusion. Osbert was adopted and so was Aditi but neither him nor Wylan did anything to make him feel any less. There's assholes who believe Wylan’s kids should have been blood and Jesper and him have done all they could to protect Aditi and Osbert from those people. But Jesper can’t do much when their kids hear comments being made about them at school. Osbert’s been bullied for much less before.

“Out with it then, what did they say?” Jesper said.

“Nothing.” Osbert kept his eyes on his sketchbook.

“A comment like that doesn’t come from nowhere.” His da sounded slightly sad and that only encouraged him to keep his eyes down. Finally he began to speak.

“We’ve been talking about family trees recently and today we had to bring in photos. They asked why I didn’t have any pictures of my grandfather.”

Jesper huffed, he didn’t know what the issue was.

“That’s odd, I swear I have quite a bit of photos of grandda. We can–”

“Not grandda.” Osbert interrupted as he continued to shade in his drawing. There was a heavy silence that followed.

Jesper understood the issue now.

“Oh.. ok um.” Jesper thought for a moment. “I suppose we don’t have any photos of him.”

Out of all of the things he could have said, that was what he landed on? But to be absolutely fair, neither Wylan nor him talked about what they should say if their kids brought Jan up. It’s not like they were purposely trying to deceive their children, it’s just that Jan was so far from their minds, so far from their lives that they’ve never felt the need to talk about him.

The only time he was ever slightly mentioned was by Aditi when she was six. She had asked Wylan while visiting Colm if he had a father too. Wylan was so calm about it, he just simply said that he was not in his life anymore. Aditi asked why because six year olds can’t do anything without a follow up question. Wylan just shrugged and said, he didn’t want to be. That seemed to be enough for Aditi as she ran to do something else. But Jesper was not nearly as calm as Wylan was. Ok, what would Wylan do if he was here. But Osbert spoke before Jesper could elaborate.

“No we don’t, someone asked and I said I didn’t know him. Someone else said of course I didn’t, I wasn’t even supposed to be a merchers son, why would I know the family history?”

This time Jesper looked away at the quiet anger, frustration, that underlined Osbert’s words.

Osbert and Aditi went to a well funded school that was mostly filled with some other Mercher children or kids of families with higher standings who also live in the neighborhood. There was no doubt that some of those kids learned the same sort of bullshit from their parents. That you couldn’t be a Mercher without the same blood.

“Ozzy, you know that’s not true.” Jesper scooted to the end of his bed now so he can be closer to where Osbert was from the desk.

“It doesn’t matter.”

“It absolutely matters if you believe it or not.”

“Ok, I don’t.” Osbert said but Jesper knew it was to stop talking about it. Jesper was silent for a long moment.

“They're jealous, Oz.”

“I don’t see why I have to be punished for someone else’s envy.” Osbert sounded bitter and Jesper didn’t blame him.

“How about you stay home tomorrow? We can spend the day doing whatever you want.”

“No point.”

Jesper was confused now, he doesn’t remember the last time Osbert said no to a day off from school.

“Osbert?”

“I got suspended, okay? I don’t want to talk about it.”

“Osbert.” This time when Jesper said his name, he just sighed. It was worse than if he was disappointed. He didn’t sound surprised at all, as if he expected this from his son.

“Don’t sound like that, I– I really don’t want to talk about it right now.” Osbert snapped back.

Jesper's voice was soft, he figured it had to do with the bullies. He doesn’t doubt that it could have been self defense. Him and Wylan pushed that in dire circumstances that that was ok. He just didn’t want Osbert to think he was mad. Disappointed? Sure, but he wanted to hear the full story.

“It’s me or your father, but you have to tell one of us.”

Osbert thought for a moment, either way it was a lose lose. He couldn’t talk to his father about it, he’s been on edge the entire day and he knew his brain would dig a deeper hole. His father would give him quiet understanding and Osbert would only blame him for not letting him go to Ravka. He might even blame him for the fight, maybe if Osbert knew more about Jan then he wouldn’t have looked like an idiot in front of his class.

But he also couldn’t talk to his da about it. Not when his da was also grisha. One of the first lessons he taught Osbert was to never use your Zowa powers to harm another person and that was exactly what he did. Jepser wouldn’t be disappointed, he would be mad.

Or he can wait for the school to tell them. He knows that the parents of the boy he hurt said that they will be writing. He knows that the letter will probably reach them tomorrow. His parents would not be happy if they heard it from someone that was not their son.

“I– I pushed him.” Osbert landed on.

It was a lame lie. Unbeknownst to his son, Osbert was talking to what used to be the master of stretching the truth just enough to get out of stuff. Jesper instantly thinks he should send another written apology to Colm. He needs to ask if how he was feeling about his son lying straight to his face was normal.

“And that’s what got you suspended?”

Osbert didn’t respond, Jesper stood up, he wanted to hug him but Osbert did not seem in the mood. If he was going to lie to him, then Jesper wasn’t going to convince his son to have this conversation.

“Alright,” he made his way to the door. “You can talk to your father about it.” He said simply before leaving.

 

Osbert stayed in his room all day, he sketched, then napped, then ate snacks that were brought to him but he did not want to go downstairs. He was ashamed, he knew if he talked to his da then the truth of what really happened would come out and Osbert needed more time to prepare himself.

2:30 rolled around and his dad knocked on his door.

“I’m leaving now to pick up Adi.”

Silence.

“Do you want to come with me? We can stop somewhere fun on the way back.” Osbert continued to not talk.

“Right.” Jesper whispered, he was hesitant to leave his son. He stayed by the door in case Osbert would change his mind and come out but he did not.

 

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Osbert heard his da and sister come home and still he stayed in his room, thirty minutes later he heard the front door open and shut and he knew it was his father. He knew it was based on Aditi loudly talking about her day from the foyer. When Osbert was her age he used to run to greet Wylan at the door too. But Osbert didn’t budge from his desk, his drawings that were proving to not help him like they usually do.

He stayed in his room for about an hour more, he was almost expecting Wylan to come knocking but he did not. Surely his da told him what happened by now?

“I love my family, I have clothes to wear, I am able to draw, I–”

“Ozzy?” He recognized Wylan’s voice from behind the door.

“Dinner’s nearly ready, will you come down?” Osbert didn’t respond, he sighed when he heard his father leave down the hallway. He wasn’t going to go down but his stomach was rumbling and he figured neglecting his family wasn’t the right way to go about this.

He slowly went down to find his family already halfway through with eating. Wylan smiled.

“Osbert! Welcome– can we get food on his plate please?” Wylan asked one of the staff who nodded before grabbing his plate.

“Da told me you weren’t feeling good and that’s why you didn’t walk home with me.” Aditi said.

“I am sick and it’s actually terminal and highly contagious, statistically speaking you’re probably the next one to get it since you’re the only one who bothers me as much as you do.” Osbert said casually, sitting down next to Marya.

“Oh whatever, you don’t scare me anymore Oz. I’m not five.” Aditi snapped back. She was next to Wylan who just rolled his eyes and hid his smile in his cup. Jesper, however, leaned back and openly smiled at his children's discourse. They usually didn’t interfere unless the playful bickering turned to fighting.

“You're not? I wonder why you still act five then.”

“I knew dinner was too quiet.” Marya muttered.

“I only stated what da told me.” Aditi said, matter of factly. Aditi stuck her tongue out and he stuck his out at her as the staff returned with Osbert’s food.

“Why did you get to leave early?” She asked. Wylan, however, did intervene.

“Adi let it be.” He said softly to her, he quickly looked at Jesper before looking back at his food. Osbert noticed. So Da did tell him then.

“Adi did you tell your father and grandma how your project went?” Jesper asked. She smiled and the conversation contined.

“I got an A, I was the only one who was able to name all of the countries and some of their origins.”

“Oh! Darling, how wonderful!” Wylan said and Marya gave a few small claps.

“You get your smarts at memorizing from your father.” Jesper said with a wink. A faint, bashful smile played on Wylan’s lips as he looked at him. You’d think after nineteen years Wylan would act normal when Jesper compliments him but he does not.

“I told them too how every summer we go to Novyi Zemm to visit grandda. And how we’ve been to the wandering isle and to Ravka to visit Aunt Nini and the others.”

“We do go places don’t we, speaking of, Wy, we should start thinking of our next family trip for the summer.” Jesper said.

“We should.” Wylan agreed.

“I say we go to Ravka.” Osbert suddenly said, making a point to look at his father. Wylan did not look away, his head tilted slightly at his son’s tone.

“We’ve been there before, I want to go somewhere new like Shu han maybe.” Aditi said, oblivious to the tension Osbert had with their father.

Jesper looked at Wylan then at Osbert before quickly agreeing with Aditi.

“Yes! Yeah that might be fun. Wylan?” Wylan cleared his throat.

“Yes, we can look into it.”

“You should put that on the list of all of the other things you said you’d look into but haven't yet.” Osbert’s tone was about crossing the line to disrespectful.

“Osbert.” Jesper said as a warning.

“Jesper.” Wylan said, silently telling him that it was okay. To let Osbert voice his thoughts.

“I feel out of the loop.” Aditi whispered.

“You don’t want to be in it, love.” Jesper whispered back.

“Can we talk about this later?” Wylan asked softly. And Osbert nodded. He shouldn’t have spoken to his father like that. He shouldn’t have brought his anger with him to dinner, he was so good at pretending he was fine. They were talking about travel and Osbert ruined it. He felt his palms sweat from where they were under the table, he felt his heart begin to beat. He knows the signs of an episode, knows when they are about to come. If he has a breakdown and uses his power, it would be the second time that day alone. That has not happened in a long time.

“Osbert?” Wylan’s voice was soft. He caught on to that familiar distant look instantly. He knew his son like the back of his hand. Osbert just shook his head and stood up and left the table. Wylan got up to follow him.

“Wy.” Jesper’s voice made him pause. “He needs a minute.” Wylan knew Jesper was right. He sat back down.

“Maybe he actually is sick.” Aditi said, no one corrected her.

 

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Osbert wished his father didn’t speak so softly to him. He hurt someone, he doesn’t deserve kindness. Of course neither of his parents know the story of what happened, surely one of them will yell at him. He needs it. He stayed in his room for the majority of the night. Finally he went back downstairs to find the house mostly empty. He knew the staff went home by now but where was his family? Marya was sitting outside.

“Where is everyone?” Osbert opened the window from the dining room to talk to her.

“Jesper and Aditi went to the store.” Osbert would have said no but it kinda stung that his da didn’t ask.

“And father?”

“The study.” She said back, she was on her rocking chair looking at the sun slowly set. Usually he was outside with her at this time but he needed to speak with his father.

Osbert opened the door a crack. His father was working at his desk. The light of the fireplace illuminates the room giving Wylan a soft orange glow that glared against his circular glasses.

“Father?” He asked and Wylan gently smiled.

“Oz, come on in.” Wylan was more surprised, he was planning on going into Osbert’s room once he was finished here. It was quite late to be working but since Jesper and Aditi were out, he figured he could get a head start on a few things. Osbert sat in a chair across from Wylan’s desk. Wylan smiled at how formal Osbert was being at this moment. He usually walks into the study and lays on the couch by the fireplace with his art to spend time with Wylan.

“When you were four.” Wylan started. Putting his papers down on the stack to give Osbert his attention.

“You used to walk in here and sit on my lap as I worked. You would stay with me for hours at a time.” Osbert nodded as he looked at his hands. This was not the first time he’s heard this story.

“If you weren’t on my lap you’d be sitting here.” Wylan put his hand on the part of his desk he keeps free from his papers. Osbert is way too tall. He does not sit on his desk and watch Wylan work anymore. Wylan obviously knows that, and yet he keeps that spot empty as if one day baby Osbert will walk in to ask to sit with him again.

“We’d sit for hours without talking.” Wylan leaned back on his chair, putting his quill away. “But I think now you do want to talk.” Wylan said encouragingly, nodding so Osbert could speak. Osbert nodded, his words kind of just came out of him.

“I got suspended.”

“Your da told me, he said you pushed someone.”

“I didn’t push someone.” Osbert said quietly.

“I know.” Of course his parents knew he lied. Of course Wylan knew, he saw right through him.

“Did he tell you why I got mad?” Osbert asked and Wylan just nodded. Jesper told him about how the others laughed at him for not knowing about the Van Eck history. As if they did, as if their families knew anything about Wylan’s. Osbert continued.

“He kept going, they all did. It was break and we were outside and they wouldn’t stop.” Osbert was silent, Wylan waited for his son to tell him just what he did to get him suspended but he didn’t.

“Why don’t we have photos of my grandfather?” Wylan nodded at Osbert’s question. He was trying to come up with what he could possibly say. He supposes he was sixteen. Osbert was old enough to hear some of this now. Heaven knows Wylan was grown at sixteen.

“I… haven’t talked to him in a very long time.”

“But he’s alive?”

“He is.”

Osbert nodded and thought for a moment.

“Does he know we're alive? Aditi and I, I mean.” Wylan furrowed his brows and put his chin in the palm of his hand as he shook his head no. Osbert looked at him for a long time.

“Why not?”

Wylan hummed, this conversation was not nearly as important to him as it was to Osbert.

“He’s not a great guy. ” Wylan shrugged.

“Why? What happened?” Osbert’s never not been skeptical.

“Why did you get suspended? What happened there?” It was a hard turn in the conversation. Wylan smiled, matching Osbert’s questioning tone.

“I asked you a question first.” Osbert said back, amused at how easily father thought he could shift the discussion back to him.

“No, if you want it to be fair, on technical terms your da asked you first and that was quite a few hours ago so.” Wylan said back. Osbert's smile slowly faded.

“He would hate me if I told him.” Osbert whispered.

“I don’t think we’re thinking of the same man.” Wylan huffed with a humorless laugh, trying to lighten the mood. How did Jesper do it?
“Look Osbert–”

“Nick at school wouldn’t stop pushing me from behind, telling me I’m illegitimate and how his own father tells him that you ruined the Van Eck legacy that apparently all of Geldastraat knows of. I got angry and I turned around and when I did he flew back and hit his head on the wall. He also broke his arm.”

Wylan was quiet for a long moment. Taking it in.

“Osbert–” he spoke slowly and Osbert hated it.

“He had to go to the hospital, his parents are probably going to make you pay for the bill. If he’s dead then the funeral I’m sure.” Wylan knows he did not kill the boy. Osbert could not hurt anything or anyone, not purposely anyway, but shock humor was always his specialty.

“Was it an accident?” Wylan asked.

“It doesn’t matter, I still did it.” Osbert said back. So it was an accident then.

“Your da is not going to hate you Osbert and neither do I.” Wylan finally said.

“Yes he will, he’s always said the worst thing we can do is use our Zowa powers against someone.”

“He will understand. Of course he won’t let it slide but explain to me why–”

“I don’t care if he understands, I don’t care if he punishes me or not, I don’t care about any of it. ” Osbert’s voice rose a little as he stood and made his way to the door.

“Osbert.” Wylan stood too, his tone was way more stern then what it usually is. He was a tad bit fed up at his son’s avoidant behavior today. “You will care, it was an accident. I understand that. What he said was cruel, I’ve been there. But I can not help you unless you help me understand. Unless you talk to me.”

Osbert laughed in his father’s face.

“When has talking to you ever helped me ever?” Wylan felt a physical blow to his son’s words.

“For four years I’ve been begging you to let me go to Ravka. I’ve been trying to talk to you, to understand why you hate the idea so much. To understand why Da can’t just let me go.” Osbert wasn’t fully yelling yet but he was certainly getting there. So this is what it’s about then. Everything seems to lead back to Osbert wanting to leave for Ravka. Wylan kept his voice calm, to de-escalate the situation.

“Talking to me like that will not make me say yes.”

This only frustrated Osbert more.

“You were never going to say yes! A year can pass then the next then the next and I’d be stuck here. I want to know why you hate the idea. I want you to give me something other than maybe.”

Wylan shook his head and sat back down, pretending to look back down at his papers. Stuck here? In this huge mansion with a loving family and an education, how awful. Wylan was thrown out to the barrel at sixteen and left to fend for himself. He stopped himself from saying that. He was an adult and he had worked very hard so Osbert would not have to feel the way he did when he was his age and his hard work very clearly paid off. Wylan could not throw his lack of knowledge back at him when his ignorance was a product of Wylan not telling him any of that. Even so, Osbert will not speak to him like that.

“When your da gets home I will discuss with him the level of your punishment and what you will be doing while you're suspended because this next week will not be a vacation.”

Wylan could hardly recognize his cool tone. He wasn’t yelling but it felt so wrong to his ears. Osbert put his palms over his eyes in pure frustration. Wylan was totally being dismissive but he was hurt and angry at his son’s words.

“Fine, make me stay in Ketterdam, don’t let me leave and I’ll be a Mercher and hate myself. Is that it? Is that why you want me here so bad?” Osbert asked.

“Osbert–” Wylan huffed at how ridiculous he sounded. He was very done with this conversation.

“Or is it because you don’t trust me? Do you think I will hurt someone in Ravka and you and da won’t be there to clean it up?” Osbert was begging his father for an answer. He was getting too upset too fast, something was going to come out and he would regret it but he could not stop, his emotions rising in him like the tide. Wylan looked up and recognized the distant look instantly. He was upset at how his son was talking but he was mostly concerned now.

“Osbert please take a deep breath–”

“Da told me he thought about going when he was my age. Did you control his decision to stay too? What about your father? Would he have let you go if you asked him? Or was he just as dismissive? I just want an answer!”

Osbert’s words slithered their way into Wylan’s heart and pierced it. Wylan can not remember the last time anyone's words made him feel like the way he was feeling now.

It all happened so fast, Osbert stepped closer to the desk and In one swift moment, all of Wylan’s papers that he kept precisely in stacks flew to the floor. Wylan’s system to be able to read his work was a jumbled mess, some drawers opened and books fell. A vase slipped off the side table by the window and the curtains dropped. The ink spilled and so did the rest of Wylan’s resolve.

Osbert’s face fell and he looked at the mess around them. He said the words but he really didn’t mean them and he certainly didn’t mean to let his power get the best of him again. He didn’t mean to use his powers against his own father. An apology was ready to slip past his lips but Wylan was already standing.

“No! There is my answer, my answer is no!” Wylan’s breath was labored as he yelled.

His tone wasn’t stern or direct. No, his voice was angry and he really yelled. Wylan’s
face was red and like Osbert, he seemed to not know how to stop his own words.

“You will not go, and you certainly will not speak to me like this! I am not just anyone to you. I am your father, and for you to say that?! How dare you!”

Wylan has never screamed at his children before. All of it was familiar, Wylan’s voice. The way Osbert subtly flinched out of surprise. The very office they stood in. All of it was familiar. Osbert has never heard yelling like this before but Wylan has. Osbert was not scared but he was startled, he can not believe he got his father to react like this.

“You forget yourself! You want to go to Ravka? You want to be an adult? Then start acting like one.” The mansion was not small but neither was Wylan’s voice. Osbert was sure half the house would have been able to hear if the staff were still home.

Osbert stood there for a long time, he wasn’t even sure what to do. He felt too shocked to cry at how loud his father could be and he was certainly not going to fight back. Should he storm out or will his father tell him to leave? What happens after a screaming match with parents? Especially this parent, who Osbert hasn’t even heard him slightly raise his voice at anyone let alone his kid. What he kind of wanted to do is ball up in a corner and cover his ears. He used to do that as a boy, when his thoughts got too loud. Wylan was always there to hold him.

Just as Osbert didn’t know what to do, Wylan didn’t either. They both sort of just stood there, Wylan took his glasses off and opened and closed his mouth. What does he say to him? Did he really yell like that? Did Jan die in prison then possess his body? He could have sworn some of the word choices he used sounded exactly like him. Wylan had to apologize but not now, not when Osbert was looking at him like that.

“You will clean this up.” Wylan dumbly said instead of sorry. His voice was back to normal, slightly scratchy, definitely hesitant. His brows furrowed and rose slightly as though he’d start crying. But he would not, not in front of Osbert. Not when Wylan noticed the tears that began lining his son's eyes.

What has he done?

Osbert made a hard turn to leave.

“Why? Because you can’t do it yourself.” Osbert whispered loud enough for Wylan to hear. He spoke clearly, even with the lump in his throat. He slammed the office door behind him.

 

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Jesper and Aditi came home shortly after the fight, Marya was in the foyer, standing as they entered. Jesper smiled at her but it fell when he saw that she had been crying. Marya was inside when she heard her son yelling.

“Granny Marya! We went out to get something for Osbert and we couldn’t decide if he would want a new book or new shoes so I used my savings and got both.” She stopped talking when she also noticed the tear marks on her cheeks.

“Are you alright?” She asked her grandma.

“I’m fine darling.” Marya lied as she squeezed Aditi’s hand. Her attention moved to Jesper, her quivered lip told him she was not fine at all. Jesper slightly knelt down to speak to Aditi.

“Darling, will you please go to your room for just a moment? I will explain everything to you but let me hear it first.” Jesper spoke softly. She looked at her grandma before hesitantly grabbing Osbert’s presents and going upstairs.

“Start wrapping and I’ll be up there to help in a moment!” Jesper called out to her. Marya waited until she was fully up the stairs as she finally spoke.

“They were yelling…. so much, it filled the house, Wylan–” Marya wiped her tears. Jesper’s hands made it to her elbows in quiet support. Wylan and yelling in the same sentence was pretty unheard of.

“Where?” Jesper said, already pulling away from her, he began swiftly walking up the stairs before she could even answer.

“The study.” Marya called up.

Jesper passed his daughter with a gentle hand on the back of her head to let her know he had to get around. She was slowly making her way to her room but stopped in curiosity at her da swiftly moving down the hall.

Jesper made it but stopped at the doorway for two seconds at the state of Wylan’s office. Papers and books were all over the floor. Not a shelf closed, the curtains were even off the hooks. Jesper recovered quickly as he saw Wylan on his knees trying to pick up the papers. Wylan had a system that helped him not read his papers but understand them. That’s why he made piles on his desk, but those piles were no use while they were scattered on the floor.

Jepser got on his knees next to Wylan and tried to hug him but Wylan shook his head and continued to try and make piles. Jesper began helping him and It made Wylan cry more. His son was right, he was useless without Jesper. He dropped the documents he was holding in defeat and just cried. The papers that were in his hands were replaced by Jespers.

“Wylan what happened? Marya said she heard yelling.” Jesper spoke gently.

“I sounded just like him.” Wylan whispered, one of Jesper's hands held Wylan’s cheek, he knew who Wylan was referring to.

“Osbert’s never going to talk to me again, Jesper I sounded just like him.” Wylan’s voice suddenly panicked as it all hit him again. Then to make matters worse Wylan noticed his daughter at the doorway.

“Jesper the door, I don’t want her to see me like this.” Wylan whispered. Jesper quickly stood and made his way back to the door and kissed his daughter's fore head. Wylan covered his face.

“Is father hurt?” Her voice was filled with concern.

“No, no baby he’s not hurt.” Jesper said as he stepped into the hallway with her and closed the door so she could not see Wylan anymore. Marya turned the corner to where they were. Her hands were on Aditi’s shoulders from behind. Jesper mouthed thank you to her and she nodded as she directed her down the hall.

“Come on now, I’m going to help you wrap.” She sniffled. The fact that she was putting on a good face for Aditi meant a lot. Especially since it was Marya doing it. She couldn’t even be in the same house sometimes when Osbert was a boy and went through crying episodes. It reminded her too much of when Wylan screamed as a boy. So the fact that she’s here, willing to help when there were two much louder voices yelling at each other was not nothing. Not when one of them sounded all too much like someone she used to know.

Marya grabbed her hand and began walking with her down the hall. “I will not be as good as your da but I can try.” Marya said as they turned the corner.

Jesper stepped back in, closing the door behind him. Wylan was still crying on the floor and Jesper met him where he was at. His arms around him in an instant. Wylan cried more as he tried to explain himself unprompted.

“He asked me about Jan, he asked where he was. I didn’t tell him. Then he told me what happened at school, he accidentally hurt someone with his powers. It was an accident. He was scared to tell you. I told him it would be alright. I asked to hear more about the situation but he wouldn’t. He blames me for it, he said if I would have said yes to him going to Ravka it never would have happened. I was dismissive, I have been for years now Jesper. It’s my fault.”

Wylan’s tears continued as he sucked in a breath. Jesper shook his head, Wylan’s head was in the crook of his neck. Hearing his son hurting someone at school made him less upset then hearing he blames Wylan for it.

“He doesn’t want to be here, he hasn’t for years now. I’m just like him. Jesper, I am.”

“Wylan no.” His voice was gentle as he held him. Jesper’s brows furrowed at how much Wylan was comparing himself to Jan right now. He was so far from him.

“He kept asking me why and I didn’t tell him, he said some hurtful things. He asked me if you didn’t go to Ravka all those years ago because I forced you to stay. He asked me what Jan would have done. The he lost control, his powers–”

Jesper pulled back to look at Wylan. He did not look happy at all. Did he hear that right?

“Against you?”

Wylan was quiet for a moment but that was enough for Jesper. He nodded and began getting up from the floor. He had just heard in the span of under five minutes that Osbert, his son, used his Zowe powers to not only hurt someone at school but he could have hurt Wylan. He can talk to him about the bully at school but for him to do it against his father, whether he meant to or not, really was not okay.

But Wylan grabbed onto him. He knew Jesper was wanting to go straight to Osbert’s room but Wylan would not let him. He has done enough already.

“Don’t please, Please do not, I yelled at him, I yelled back.” Jesper looked at him, thinking of what to do.

“Jesper, do not be mad at him.” Jesper was not mad; he was livid but Wylan was pulling him back. So he sat back down and wrapped his arms around him once more. He just held Wylan as he cried.

“I sounded just like him.” Wylan mumbled.

“You're not like him.”

“It doesn’t matter because I sounded like him and now Osbert’s scared of me.”

“No he’s not.”

“You didn’t see his face.” Wylan said back gravley.

“He’s not scared of you. And you’re not like him.” Jesper’s quiet steadiness was exactly what Wylan needed.

“And you wanted to stay?” Wylan suddenly asked out of nowhere. And Jesper pulled back to look at him.

“Wylan I knew I was staying before I was even given the option to leave. Of course I wanted to stay.” Jesper whispered back.

And Wylan knew that.

They had two children. They’ve been together for nearly nineteen years, married for fourteen. And in all of those years, Jesper has never given any notion that he regretted not leaving, actually quite the contrary. Wylan knows that Jesper wanted to stay but his anxiety used to tell him something else in the beginning of their relationship and Osbert’s words seemed to bring it back. Jesper reassured him then and he was glad to do so again now.

“And I didn’t manipulate you into staying?” Jesper softly smiled and shook his head no.

“I would honestly be impressed if I found out you’ve been tricking me for nineteen years without me knowing.” Wylan let out a huff of a laugh and Jesper loved to hear it.

“No, be serious.” He said and Jepser looked at him for a moment before leaning down and kissing his lips, he pulled back just far enough to talk.

“I am not being forced against my will to be with you.” Jesper smiled at the absurdity as he kissed him again, his lips gently moved to kiss his wet eyelids then his forehead.

“Good.” Wylan was not crying anymore, Jesper always helped with that.

“I can’t blame you for yelling.” Jesper whispered against his forehead. But Wylan just shook his head.

“Then you can’t blame Osbert either.”

“What he said wasn’t ok, Wylan.” Wylan knew Jesper was right. He shouldn’t have spoken to Wylan like that. But Osbert knew that already too, he wasn’t a bad kid, this was unheard of for him.

“He didn’t mean it.” Wylan whispered.

“I know. But I’m still going to talk to him.” Wylan knew that was what needed to happen but he didn’t want to think about it right now.

After what felt like an hour, Wylan got up, his face was puffy but he didn’t look too bad.

“I’m going to check on Adi.” Jesper nodded and got up next. Wylan made his way to the door but stopped when he felt Jesper’s arms hugging him from behind. Wylan closed his eyes at the touch.

“It’ll be okay, Wy.” Jesper said, kissing the top of his head.

“Please be calm when you're talking to him.” Was all Wylan said back, and Jesper would certainly try.

 

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Jesper knocked once and when there was no response he just opened the door. He was angry and Osbert was going to explain what possibly made him act out like that. He stopped mid way when he saw his room.

Like the office, Osbert’s room was just as destroyed, if not worse. He was at his desk, his forehead on the table and his arms sprawled out in front of him. He fell asleep, Jesper remembers he used to sleep very quickly after meltdowns as a boy. He walked closer and put his palm gently on the back of his head. He looks uncanny to the little boy who used to sneak into their room after they fell asleep, his cheek pressed up against the desk, his breathing, the most peaceful it’s been all day.

There was crumbled paper around him, Jesper picked up the only non crumpled one that Osbert was mid writing on. He knew he should not be snooping but he could not seem to help himself as he read it to himself.

 

I am smart.
I have a home.
I am talented.
I can get an education.
I am not my anger.
I am kind.
I am not mean.
I have a family who loves me even when I am angry.
I have a family who loves me when I don’t deserve it.
My sister loves me.
My da loves me
My father

 

Jesper put the note back down on his desk. He remembers the talks he had with him as a boy. The words he made him repeat. The blessings he’d make him say. He wiped the tears from his eyes, his anger quickly leaving him, Osbert was filled with so much of it already. He didn’t need Jespers. He began gently rubbing his back to wake him.

“Osbert.” He whispered softly to wake him. Jesper would have liked to pick him up and move him to his bed by himself but he was nearly as tall as Jesper was. Osbert stirred a little bit.

“No.” He mumbled, his throat scratchy from crying.

“I’m trying to get you to bed.” Osbert kept his eyes closed, he was awake but very out of it.
“I’m sorry.” He whispered. His face crumbled, he looked like he would cry again.

“I know you are darling, up you go. Come on.” Jesper said as he helped Osbert stand.

They walked to his bed and Jesper directed him down. He covered his son under the duvet and let a few more tears fall as he placed the palm of his hand on his forehead.

He didn’t just look like him, he still was that same four year old who cries easily. Who melts Jesper’s heart every time he laughs at his jokes. The boy who used to collect rocks on walks and would make Jepser carry them in his pockets.

“Does father hate me?” Osbert’s soft voice snapped Jesper back to the moment. His eyes still closed as his lip gently quivered. He sounded so similar to the boy Jesper was just thinking about.

“No, No Oz of course he doesn’t hate you.” Jesper whispered reassuringly. He was shocked at his words. He knew more than anyone just how much Wylan loved him. Wylan would not think to lay his life down for Osbert and yet here his son was, asking. Jesper found Osbert's hand and he gently squeezed it.

“Your father loves you, more than anything.” He didn’t respond for a long time. Jesper kissed his knuckle and got up to leave but he only made it to the door.

“Da.” Jesper turned.

“Will you stay?” He did not hesitate as he made his way back to Osbert’s bed, took his jacket off and got in the covers next to him. Osbert turned on his side to face him. His eyes still closed. Jesper was quiet for a long time, he was sure his son had finally fallen back to sleep. He thought about waiting for ten minutes more than going to his own room but he did not. Instead he spoke.

“I once knew a boy, a very very very long time ago.” Osbert did not show an expression which was confirmation that he really was asleep.The last time Jesper told just Osbert a simple story was when he was eight years old. That was before Aditi, before he really did much actions, just a quiet room and his gentle words.

“This boy had many talents and gifts, one of them included getting on his da’s nerve.” Jesper smiled as he thought for a moment.

“He would sneak out to the stables and not do anything some nights just so he could come back to his da waiting on his chair asking him where he’d been. Sometimes the boy would lie, he did that quite often to him.” Jesper sighed and began running his finger down Osbert’s nose. Something Wylan used to do when he was a boy to get him to stay asleep.

“They would go back and forth quite frequently. Most of the time he knew his da was right but that did not matter because the boy just loved to get under his skin. It took some time for his da to get angry but the kid would poke and poke and poke just to get a reaction from him. To be absolutely fair, the kid was homeschooled and lacked friends so it could have been because he was evil and bored.” Jesper let out a small laugh before getting quieter.

“But I knew the boy, and I knew the reason he would get on his da so much was because his da was so calm, and collected. He was a wonderful da but very dismissive, he knows what’s best and that was usually it. The boy just wanted him to listen to what he had to say.”

“One day, when the boy got a little older, he walked down stairs and found his bags packed. His da had signed him up for The University of Ketterdam.” Jesper closed his eyes.

“I remember the boy fought harder than he ever had before, he begged his da. Told him he would be better if he just stayed here. But it was no use, he was to board the boat the next morning.” Osbert suddenly spoke with his eyes still closed but a small smile on his face.

“I don’t think I blame the kid, I mean it’s the University of Ketterdam.” Jesper smiled. So he was awake. Unlike Aditi, who always hung on to every last word. Osbert used to interrupt the stories to ask questions or just to make fun of them. He really missed it.

“Hey, it’s not the worst school in the entire world.”

“Maybe not for business majors, but anything fun or artistic goes to Ketterdam to die. Plus they don’t have any Zowa tutors.” Jesper let out a small laugh at his son’s words.

“I know! That's what I told him!” Osbert opened his eyes now.

“This was you and Granda?”

“Of course it was.”

“Why did he want you to go so bad?” Jesper thought for a moment and let out a breath.

“Stability? Because there were no Zowa tutors in Ketterdam at the time? Because Zemini schools are way too close to home? I don’t know, I don’t remember. Anyways,” Jesper had already told him before why he was not allowed to use his powers so he didn’t ask. He just let Jesper continue to talk.

“The first day I went I realized I loved it, I hated the classes but adored the busyness of it. And the people were great, I met some good friends.” Osbert’s heard his father constantly talk about the barrel but he never hears stories like this.

“Looking back, I realize that some of those friends weren’t as good as I thought they were. One day we all decided to skip and go to the barrel. It was that glorious day that I met the marker’s wheel.” His son knew about his gambling past and his gun slinging life so Osbert just rolled his eyes. He’s heard it only 40,000 times.

“Then you met dirty hands and gambled and went on a heist and defeated the Evil Villain and all that.” Osbert said back with a smile, letting his da know that he gets the gist. Jesper smiled back.

“Not just yet…then I went back to my dorm room and wrote to my da and asked for money, I told him there was an extra tuition cost. When the money came I would write again and tell him I needed a new textbook. When the money came I did the same thing until I finally just told him he ought to continue to send a weekly amount. Nightly I’d be at marker’s wheel with my guns, acting a fool.”

“You lied to him?” Osbert said, raising his brows.

“Constantly, I was young and stupid and very clearly did not have a concept of money. I was failing all my classes, it wasn’t great. It then got worse because One evening, I was on my way to the Den’s when Dirtyhands caught wind of my gunslinging abilities. Things happened…I was indebted to him.”

Jesper shrugged like it was nothing. But he was currently laying in bed with his son, living with the love of his life in their very beautiful home with their daughter in her room just down the hall. So what happened then really was nothing. Because it all led him here.

“But then you became friends with Dirtyhands?” Jesper smiled. No, he became his brother.

A very long time ago Kaz had asked Jesper to not tell Osbert who he was in the barrel. Osbert used to go through the worst episodes when he was four and the only one who used to help was Kaz. He would simply sit there as Osbert screamed. The silence ended up doing wonders. Osbert loved Kaz after that, and they formed a connection. Before he could write he would beg Jesper to write to him, he would always sit next to him when he visited and Kaz would always show him a trick. He had this idea that if Osbert knew who he used to be, then it would jeopardize their relationship. Jesper agreed not to tell him or his daughter. Osbert and Kaz are still incredibly close, Jesper still tells stories of Dirtyhands and yet his son still does not know they are the same person.

“Something like that, I thought I could keep the lie going forever. But my father visited one day. He ended up meeting Dirtyhands. The truth had to come out, I was so embarrassed... I spent my whole life wanting to make him mad so he could… give me anything. And then he was. He was so disappointed in me but… he never used it against me.”

Osbert’s brow furrowed gently as he looked at his da, as he looked at how sad he looked. Osbert’s never seen his da and granda fight. Every time he visits or they visit him, they laugh and joke and hug. Colm has never brought up fighting or disdain for Jesper in any stories he’s ever told of Jesper as a boy. Jesper’s next words brought Osbert back to reality.

“And that’s why you shouldn’t drop out of school to gamble.” Osbert rolled his eyes.

“So that is what this story is about then? To try and stop me from going to Ravka? Well your efforts are pointless. Father gave me a definite answer just now and that’s…fine. I’ve decided I don't want to go anymore anyways.” Osbert said, matching his da’s lightness but Jesper knew there was truth in it. His voice was softer.

“No, the point of the story is that my da and I’s relationship has been through ups and many downs but even through my lying and cheating and stealing and yelling, what did not change was his love for me.”

Osbert was quiet and Jesper knew he was thinking of Wylan. He closed his eyes again as Jesper’s fingers lazily messed around with his son’s tight black curls.

“You don’t want to go to Ravka anymore?” Jesper softly asked, Osbert caught on to the slight disappointment in Jesper's words.

“No, I’m just gonna be fine with my tutor and go to Ketterdam university and hate my life. Not a big deal.” Jesper didn’t mean to smile but it was how casual he said that. He quickly fixed his face before Osbert opened his eyes again.

“He said maybe, love.” Jesper huffed out.

“Yeah actually he said no, multiple times, very loudly, I don’t know if you heard about it.” Osbert said matter of factly. Jesper sighed and scratched the bottom of his chin.

“Well that probably wasn’t a great way to go about that I understand.” Osbert didn’t respond.

“But what you said to him before really wasn’t ok. And using your Zowa against him? Against someone at school? You really do know better.” Jesper’s tone wasn’t stern and didn’t sound angry. Just questioning.

“I know.” And Osbert did know better, he hated himself for it, and a part of him wanted his father to too. “I just wanted to understand why he won’t let me go.”

“I understand, but you went about it the wrong way.” Jesper said.

“I know, He said I would be getting punished, he said you and him would figure out what it’ll be.”

“He said that?” Jesper thought for a moment and squinted his eyes, taking a moment to think before finally speaking.

“Yeah I’m coming up with a blank, give us by tomorrow to come up with something and your punishment will be delivered to you soon.” Jesper said and Osbert let out a small laugh at his da. Jesper smiled and turned his face to look at the ceiling. Closing his eyes like he was ready to sleep in Osbert's bed.

“Da?”

“What’s up?”

“Can I ask you a question?”

“Shoot.”

“What happened to his father?” Jesper sighed and thought carefully. He could redirect, like what he did when Osbert asked why there were no photos of him. But Osbert deserved some semblance of truth. When Jesper took too long to respond he continued in a soft whisper.

 

“Father said he doesn’t talk to him anymore, he said he doesn’t even know about Aditi and I.”

“And we can thank the saints for that.” Jesper said back finally. He internally cursed himself for trying to make a joke. This was not the time.

“So he’s not good then?” Jesper sighed. Alright, out with it.

“Osbert, he’s in Hellgate.”

“Hellgate!?” His brows rose in surprise, that was a mere boat ride away.

“Hellgate.” Jesper confirmed, looking all too grim.

“What did he do?”

“It’s a long story, love.” Jesper’s voice was tired but he opened his eyes and faced his son anyways.

“We have all night, I’m suspended.” Osbert had a big ole smile on his face.

“Don’t look too sad now.” Jesper huffed, his smile fading as he thought for a moment.

“He was nothing like granda, very mean, very cruel. All I knew growing up, and all you and Aditi know is unconditional love, your father was not so lucky.” Osbert did not know what to say back.

“Father didn’t seem happy when I brought him up.”

“It’s a touchy subject.”

“What did he do though? To get in Hellgate?” Jesper rubbed his eyes.

“He committed fraud, he was a Mercher and a bad one.” He did more, obviously, but Jesper did not see the point in telling his son much more about man that is so far from their lives now. Osbert didn’t push any more which Jesper appreciated.

“Will you stay in here, just until I fall asleep.”

“Do you want to hear another story?” Osbert nodded as he closed his eyes.

 

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Jesper did not return to him and Wylan’s room for the night, Wylan had figured he knew where he was. His suspicion was right. He cracked Osbert’s door open. It was a mess, curtains on the floor, trash everywhere, all of his clothes sprawled out on the ground with his dresser open. But Wylan did not pay it any attention. Instead his focus was on a starfished Jesper, taking up all of Osbert’s bed while Osbert was curled by the corner. Wylan made his way over to him.
“Sleep well. I love you.” He whispered, kissing his forehead. It was dark but Wylan could see how puffy Osbert’s face was. He ran his finger down his nose gently. Osbert’s cried thousands of times before but Wylan’s never caused it before. Wylan’s nose scrunched and he felt a lump in his throat. He didn’t want to lose Osbert to Ravka but now he thinks he had just lost him in general.

His eyes moved to look at Jesper. He would not kiss Jesper’s forehead, he knows any touch from him would wake him. Well actually the wind could be slightly off and Jesper would shoot up in bed like a bullet train. The man gets five hours of sleep as it is. Plus Jesper would accidently wake Osbert and Wylan didn’t want that.

Wylan looked at the two out of the three most important people in his life. His eyes spent a little more time on Osbert before leaving for his own room.

 

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Osbert woke the next morning with the sun fully in his room, it was the only indicator that he slept in way later than he intended. He got up and dressed and walked downstairs. Marya was outside and his da was in the kitchen making pointless jokes and conversation with some of the staff.

“Da?” Osbert said from the doorway.

“Oz! Good morning, breakfast is on the table.” Osbert nodded and sat down. After a moment Jesper came into the dining room. He sat across from him. No more food was brought out.

“Are you not eating? Where’s Granny?” Osbert asked, his father sat.

“I already ate, so did Marya. You just slept in.”

“So Fathers at work then?”

“And Aditi’s at school, yes.” Jesper responded, putting one leg over his knee.Osbert nodded and began eating.

“I thought being punished for the week would not include me sleeping in.” Jesper smiled.

“For someone who is dreading being punished you do seem to push for a worse sentence.” Osbert’s smile slowly faded as he looked at his plate. For what he said to his father, He only deserved the worst.

“Did you guys talk about it?” Jesper crossed his arms and nodded in response. “What awful punishment did father decide for me?” Osbert genuinely asked and Jesper rolled his eyes with a smile.

“Actually it was me who was pushing for a serious punishment, your father wanted to go easy on you. That’s the only reason you slept in.” Osbert kept his eyes on his plate, a rush of guilt filling him once more at their argument. Jesper continued.

“After you eat, you’ll go and clean the office. Then your room, afterwards, we’ll talk about what you’ll be doing then.” Osbert nodded, that was fair enough but he did not want to go into the office when it was all messed up like that. He caused the mess but he did not want to look at it. He did not need the reminder of how much of a terrible son he was.

 

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He slowly finished eating then grabbed a bag from the kitchen so he could clean up the glass from the vase that dropped in his father’s office. He was about to go in but didn’t. He couldn’t. He would start with his room first.

Osbert spent a little over two hours cleaning his room, he needed his father’s help putting the curtains back up but other than that he cleaned by himself. He threw away all of his pointless blessing lists he wrote the night before. He picked up and even folded his clothes that he ripped out of his dresser and he re hung up some of the decor that fell from his wall. He even made his bed just to please his da.

Finally his room was picked up. He grabbed a new trash bag and made his way to the office. It took him some time to open the door.

When he opened the door he felt a lump of tears in his throat. He was glad he woke up after Wylan left. The things he said to him in here, he did not want to face him for a while.

Osert knelt and began picking up the papers first. He didn’t know the specific order of them, or what piles Wylan had them in so he just put them on top of his desk for his parents to organize themselves. He carefully picked up the glass pieces then swept them. He picked up all of the books then began picking up all of the other random things his father kept on his desk. Like pencils and notes and drawings. His desk was a mess before the fight so he doesn’t think he’d be too upset with Osbert not remembering exactly where everything went. His room took longer to clean, he did much more damage there.

Finally all that was left to do was close some of the drawers he accidently blew open and pick up some of the things that came out of it. He closed all the drawers in Wylan’s desk and the one’s on the bottom of the book shelves. Putting random things in the drawers before he did. He believed he was done but then, in the corner of the book shelf at the very top he noticed one shelf remained open.

“Huh.” The book shelf was large behind Wylan’s desk and he did not think his power could have opened anything from the top. He moved the ladder that was connected to the shelves over to the left side corner and made his way up to close it. He should have just closed it and moved on but he noticed letters, many letters. That wasn’t unusual in his fathers office, but what was unusual was the coloring of this paper and how not a single one of them was opened. They were light brown and discolored. He was already here and his da was downstairs and his father at work. If they didn’t want him to look they would have told him not to probably.

Jan Van Eck was written in the corner with the nicest handwriting he had ever seen in his life. The address he wrote from was this house, his house. They really must be old then. Why had his father kept letters from his father only to never open them? And if they don’t talk and he’s in prison then surely this can not be a sentimental thing.

He took three and quickly climbed down the ladder. He went to his room and put the letters in his own drawer before running back downstairs to his da.

Jesper was with Marya in the sun room. Osbert entered and sat next to her, she gently rubbed his back.

“You finished?” Jesper asked and Osbert nodded. “Eat some lunch, then I want you to write an apology letter to the boy and his family.”

“Ok.” That was fair.

“Then I want you to deliver it yourself.” There it was. Osbert’s face turned to anguish.

“Da, please you can not make me.” Osbert begged but Jesper shook his head.

“Oz—”

“He is awful Da, you know this! Please.” Osbert avoided awkward situations like the plague and this was the mother of all awkwardness.

“I will go with you if you wish! But it has to be done.” Jesper’s voice left no room for argument. Osbert slid down on the couch dramatically. Jesper knew this was hard for him but he would not tolerate one of his kids using his gifts on someone like that. Jesper’s voice was lighter as he spoke.

“Zowe means blessing darling, you have a gift and it should not be used for harm. Accident or not.”

“But I gifted him with the knowledge of what will happen if he continues to be a Jerk. That is a blessing if you think about it.”

Jesper closed his eyes and sighed, trying to hide the smile.

“Go eat then write.” Jesper said, looking at Marya as if to say ‘this kid.’ Marya blank stared at him, knowing full well he sounds just like him.

“Fine.” Osbert huffed with a smile at his da mouthing to Marya about him in front of him. He kissed the side of his grandma’s head and left the room.

 

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To Nick and his family.

I am pained with the knowledge of what I have done.

Gross, Osbert crumbled up the paper and tried again.

To Nick and his family

After Nick continuously tormented me from grade five to now, I had snapped

This is worse, he doesn’t need to explain himself.

To Nick and his family

I am sorry I broke your arm.

Attempt three remained awful, he crumbled the paper and threw it away yet again. He leaned back and sighed. His eyes lingered to the drawer where Jan’s letters were, he looked behind him as if his father would appear out of the blue before he took them out.

He heavily debated opening it or not, curiousity won as he gently tore through the seal. The first letter was rather short.

 

My Dear son

Every day gets harder and harder the more you stay away from home. I can not fathom the fear you must feel. Please write back to me so I may know if you are alive.

Your Father with Love.

Osbert looked at the letter for a long time. This must have been while his father was in the barrel. Surely he must know he could not write back. He opened another letter.

 

To Wylan

It’s a shame to think that you never made it to music school, they would have loved a talent like you. If I have done something to warrant this silence, please write to me and let me know.

Jan Van Eck

 

They had a fight. He wonders if it was anything like the one he and Wylan just had. Osbert opened the last letter.

 

My son,

The house is all too quiet without you. If you are reading this, I want you to know that I love you and I want you to come home.

 

Osbert reread it then reread the other ones. There were countless letters in the drawer in the office. It seems they had a falling out while Wylan was away. Maybe the reason Wylan kept all of these was because he feels guilty that he never got to make it right with him before Jan went to prison. Fight or not, he can not imagine going so long without speaking to his father. He wonders how his father feels about this, knowing that Jan is alive but not speaking to him. Maybe in Jan’s grief he forgot his son could not write back. Osbert put the letters away and thought for a moment.

His da said that Jan did not love Wylan but Jan wrote here that he did and his father never opened the letter so maybe he just never knew. If Osbert can get to Jan somehow, talk to him. Maybe he could deliver what he says back to Wylan. Maybe then Wylan will know just how much his father really loves him, even if he was in prison as long as he was alive he could help mend their relationship. His father would appreciate that. Even better, his father would accept his apology afterwards.

 

Osbert quickly finished writing the letter to Nick and his family and went downstairs to show his da. Jesper thought it looked good and they both walked to his home. It was incredibly awkward, having to verbally apologize and give him the letter. But Jesper was proud of him. When they got home Osbert asked if he needed to do anything else and Jesper said yes but he was suspended and had all week. He was proud of what his son did today and he told him he could do more tomorrow.

He spent the rest of the afternoon making a plan on how he would go to Hellgate. The time was lost on him until he heard his father come home, Aditi’s voice heard all the way from his room as she talked about her day.

Osbert kept making his plan. His da works outside around 12:30 usually, that can be when he leaves. The journey by boat would cost some money but’s sure he could pay someone to do it. He assumes it would be about an hour to get to the island where Hellgate was. He knows each prisoner is only able to have a visitor three times for one hour during their sentences, Osbert assumes Jan has had zero but he doesn’t know. He’d have to come up with a plan b on how to get in just in case this one doesn’t work. From his research and what he knows from school, visitors must be adults. Osbert was sixteen but very tall, sure he had a little baby face but he didn’t think he wouldn’t be able to pass once he got there. His thoughts and writing were interrupted by a knock on the door.

“Yeah?” Osbert called back as he quickly hid the writing under some books. He was expecting Jesper but to his surprise it was his father.

“Hey.” Wylan came in but stayed by the doorframe.

“Hi.” Osbert said, turning to face his father.

“How– how are you?” Wylan asked hesitantly. This hard conversation was nothing like the easy one he had with his da yesterday.

“Good.” Osbert said simply.

“I noticed the office was clean, and your room too. They look good.”

“Thanks” They were both silent for a minute.

“I work tomorrow but I’ll be home Thursday."

“Ok.”

“If you want, we can go somewhere. Adi will be in school so it’ll be just us. Da can come too if you want.”

“Ok, I figured I’d still be in trouble.” Osbert’s words had no bite to them, he seemed to be genuinely wondering because Wylan had made that fairly clear yesterday. Wylan looked sad at his son’s words.

“Right, but I had figured a break from it all wouldn’t be bad.” Osbert nodded in response, they were both quiet still.

“I shouldn’t have yelled like that.” Wylan finally said, Osbert just shook his head.

“It doesn’t matter.” He dismissed, but that wasn’t what he wanted to say. He wanted to say sorry and tell his father that he did not mean the words he said. He wanted to say that he loved him and he wanted to hug him. He wanted Wylan to hug him back and to rest his chin on the top of his head like he used to do when he was a boy but he doesn’t know how to ask for that. He doesn’t know why he can’t voice to him that he was sorry and that he wanted him to hold him. He knew he was sorry but maybe a part of him still held a grudge. But for the most part, a bigger part of him knew he deserved the yelling. A bigger part of him didn’t even want his father to apologize. He wanted himself to suffer internally for the things he said to the man who has only ever shown him love. A simple sorry did not seem big enough for the words he spoke to him.

He needed to prove it.

“No Oz it does matter–”

 

Wylan’s words fizzled out when Osbert turned to face his desk again, his back towards him. He must not be ready to talk and that was ok. Wylan nodded and internally cussed himself out. He came up here to apologize to his son. Why was that so hard to do? He would forgive Osbert for everything he had said. Wylan knew he should have pushed, he knew he should have gotten closer to his son but the only thing that stopped him was the final words Osbert had spoken to him.

‘Why? Because you can’t do it yourself?’

Wylan knew why it was so hard, he had been tormented his whole life for his illiteracy in the very office they fought in. It was a layer of betrayal to hear those words come from his son’s mouth.

“Dinner will be ready soon, I can tell Georgia to bring it up here if you wish.” He said instead.

“Thank you.” Osbert said before Wylan closed the door. He wanted to open it again but did not.

This conversation only encouraged Osbert to continue his plan. Maybe if Jan and Wylan apologized to each other, they could make amends too.

 

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Osbert woke late the next day. He put clothes on then began packing a quick bag for his journey to hellgate. He put Jan’s letters in his satchel and all of the money he has saved from holidays and birthdays because unlike Aditi, he does not spend them in one day. He walked down stairs and got a pang of guilt as he heard his Da laugh with Marya in the dining room.

Just Monday Jesper told him how much he regrets lying to his da and here he was, ready to sneak out the second his eyes weren’t on him. There were only three things that didn’t make him back out.

One, the point of the story was that Colm loved Jesper no matter what he did to him. If Osbert plans right, he could come back totally unnoticed. But if they did realize he was gone, Osbert knows that they will be angry but they will never stop loving him. He’s always known that but the extra confirmation was not unneeded.

That leads into his second point. Osbert was already suspended and doing countless punishments already, he has nothing to lose really. And three, maybe his father won’t even get him in trouble because Osbert has somehow connected him and Jan again. Then everyone’s happy, boom done. Osbert sighed, he was heavily relying on reason three.

“Good morning!” Jesper said. “Or afternoon, I mean honestly Oz, the entire day is practically gone.”

“Afternoon? It’s 9:30.” Marya cut in as she finished the eggs on her plate.

“Basically.” Jesper pulled out the chair next to him.

“What do you have for me today?” Osbert sat down and thanked the staff for the food.

“Someone’s eager.” Jesper’s brows furrowed with confusion but he smiled anyway.

“I just want to get my tasks done early so I don’t have to worry about it.”

“Mmm… the issue is, I am running out of ideas so I’m going to have to start giving you tasks that I usually do anyways but that will be bad for me because then I will have nothing to do.” Jesper thought for a moment.

“Running out of ideas? I only did two things.”

“Give us a break! We only ever punish Adi, you're an outstanding kid.”

“Aditi’s not gonna like to hear that I’m the favorite.” Osbert said, pretending to look disappointed.

“No! No, I did not say that! Marya, you're my witness here. Osbert is not my favorite.”
Jesper stressed, Aditi is far past the crying phase but Osbert still finds a way sometimes.

“That’s right, before he came in here you were telling me all about how your favorite was Aditi.”

“Thank you!” Jesper said with clear amusement on his face, very obviously joking. Osbert rolled his eyes and suppressed a smile. Osbert knows if this conversation was with Aditi then Jesper would have switched it to say Osbert was his favorite. It was an ongoing bit he had.

“Hahaha very funny.” Osbert said, Jesper smiled. Georgia then came in to pick up the dishes and Jesper had an Idea.

“Oz, I think for your task today I’m gonna make you follow Georgia around and help her around the house. Just until I leave to get Aditi from school.”

“I do like that idea.” Georgia’s face lighting up.

“Alright.” Osbert wasn’t disappointed because of the task, he loved Georgia and sometimes helped her clean anyways. He was disappointed because this puts an incredibly big wretch in his plans. The plan was to leave at 12:30 but he can’t do that if he follows Georgia around all day, she leaves work when father gets home at 4. So he’d have to go right when he gets home which is risky. He would have better luck leaving while his da is getting Aditi. He’s more concerned with it being close to dark when he gets to Hellgate, that might be intimidating but he could do it.

He could just wait until tomorrow so he can try to leave at 12:30, however, his father works from home tomorrow so with him and da, there will be way more eyes on him and way fewer opportunities to leave. He had to do it today.

“You do not nearly seem as upset with this punishment.” Jesper said.

“You’re right, sorry….. No! Please do not make me Da! Please!” Osbert put his whole self in the performance, Jesper laughed.

“Maybe I ought to make you be nice to your sister for a day.”

“No! I’ll do anything else!” Now Osbert’s plea was genuine. Jesper’s smile faded as he sighed.

“After Georgia leaves for the day I do want you to have a conversation with your father.” Osbert suddenly looked all too interested in the wood on the table.

“I’ll be nice to Aditi actually.”

“Osbert–”

“We did talk though, last night.” He whispered, he did not want to continue the conversation with him.

His father saw him differently, he was sure of it. Osbert was ashamed of the words he said. No amount of apology he gives him will take away what he put out there. An apology won’t cut it if he wants it to be the same with him. He needs to help his relationship with Jan. Jesper sighed and whispered.

“That was hardly talking.” Osbert huffed,

“Why do you guys tell each other everything?” He put his forehead on the table now dramatically.

“Osbert you have to say sorry, I should not have to tell you that.” Jesper’s voice wasn’t stern but it left no room for argument, Osbert found room though. Marya sighed.

“It won’t change anything.” He lifted his head but didn’t meet his da’s eyes. The tension when they both tried to apologize the other night was far too strong. Osbert went too far and was convinced he accidentally damaged their relationship. Jesper spoke softly now.

“It will change everything.”

“If you guys tell each other everything then you must know what I said to him.”

“He told me some Oz but I also know that you can say anything to him and he will not love you any–”

“I made fun of him, the last thing I said was a hit on him not knowing how to read.”
Osbert whispered.

Jesper was silent. Wylan did not tell him that detail, so much for telling each other everything. He figured why though, If Wylan had, then Jesper would not have woken Osbert so gently that night.

“It’s not gambling and cheating but it feels worse.”

Jesper is grateful he’s hearing about it now that the fight has passed. He feels much calmer then what he would have been if he heard it in the moment. His words remained true as he sighed.

“Your father loves you.”

“Yeah well he shouldn’t” Osbert got up and went to find Georgia before Jesper could say anything more. His only hope at fixing things now was talking to Jan.
₊˚:⋆˙⟡.𖥔 ݁ ˖

 

Osbert spent the day with Georgia, they made their way through her schedule which mostly included laundry and dusting. Each staff member usually had their own specific job. They weaved their way through the different rooms. Osbert scrunched his nose as she entered Wylan’s office.

“Are you coming in?” She asked. He handed her the duster.

“I’d rather not.”

“Oh come on, just last week you were on the couch drawing in here.”

“Well that was before I ruined our relationship so.”

“You all are a dramatic lot, come in.” She urged, giving him the duster back. Osbert sighed as he entered.

“You did a wonderful job picking it up.” She said as she knelt to clean the fireplace.

“Thanks.”

“You have a talent for cleaning. You know, if you don’t want to be a Mercher, you could always stay and become head of the staff.” She stopped what she was doing to fix some of the blondish gray hair that keeps falling from her loose bun.

“Thank you but I’d rather die than clean up after Aditi.” Osbert gave her a quick smile.

“Maybe that’s why Wylan raised our wages.” Georgia joked back. Osbert knew Georgia was one of the maids who worked here when Wylan was a boy. His fight with Wylan was heavily on his mind, maybe that was what made him ask.

“Georgia?”

“Yes dear?”

“When you were working for Jan, do you know if he and my father got into arguments. I know they don’t talk now but I mean…. When he was growing up.” Their back and forth seemed to end when he asked this. She frowned and became all too focused on her work.

“Oh, Wylan would not have dared.” She said and Osbert huffed.

“That does not make me feel any better” He sighed. “So I really am the worst son in the world.” She rolled her eyes and stood up to face him.

“I’m not saying that. I’m saying your father is the best father in the world.” Osbert did not ask her to elaborate. They just kept cleaning.

 

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The rest of the day went by fairly quickly, Osbert found he didn’t mind folding clothes and doing dishes and dusting every room in their very large home. If anything it gave him more time to think about what he will say to Jan, to his grandfather, when he meets him. He wonders if Jan regrets the falling out he had with Wylan, he wonders if Marya and him write sometimes. He’s been in prison for quite some time if he was in Hellgate before Osbert was born. If it was truly just fraud that means his sentence will be done soon right? Maybe after Wylan and him make amends his parents can pull some strings to shorten it.

2:30 rolled around faster than expected, Osbert was wiping the windows in the formal dining room when Jesper came in and leaned against the door frame.

“I’m walking to get Adi, do you wanna come?”

“No, I’m gonna lay down for a bit if that’s alright.” Osbert put the rag on the table as he turned to face his da.

“That’s fine, Oh! Aditi wants to give you something today.”

“What is it?” Osbert asked skeptically.

“I told her about your suspension on Monday and she wanted to get you a gift. Totally her idea, used her own allowance and everything.” Jesper said. Osbert wished she hadn’t.Of course, they were probably bought before his fight with Wylan.

“You can tell her to return it, she shouldn’t use her chore money on me.” Osbert said moving past him to find his room but Jesper followed.

“Osbert you have to get out of the self loathing mindset.”

“I’m not self loathing.” He said swiftly moving up the stairs.

“Don’t punish yourself, that’s my job, that’s why I’m giving you tasks.” Osbert let out a humorless laugh at his da’s words.

“Tell Adi to return the gift.” He said as he made it to his room, he was about to close the door but Jesper put his arm on it before he could.

“I knew someone once who hated who they were, completely picked apart everything about themselves.”

“Da I’m sorry can we please save your life lessons and stories about yourself in third person for later please.” Osbert said sitting at his desk, his back towards Jesper. Jesper sighed.
“I’m not talking about myself.” Osbert was quiet for a moment. He let his words sink in. He had a slight suspicion on who it might be then.

“He was in a deep hole that he created. Everything good that happened he tried to tell himself he didn’t deserve it. It took many years for him to unlearn things.”

“It’s different.” Osbert said quietly.

“It’s not different, he had what he believed were flaws but they were not, someone had just convinced him they were. I understand you feel guilty, I understand that this is more than the fight. You’ve struggled with anger your whole life but your father and I try very hard to help you understand that this isn’t who you are.” Jesper said.

Osbert didn’t respond, how could he? How could he tell him that ever since he could remember there has been a sense of doom that surrounds him, that follows him wherever he goes. And he doesn’t even have a good reason for it. No one makes him feel bad for it. He lives in a beautiful house, he loves his family, he knows they love him. But no matter how many blessings he names, the feeling won’t go away. He can’t say that so he says nothing at all.

“You remind me a lot of him.” Jesper said.

“Of someone who hated themselves? Thanks.” Osbert said sarcastically.

“Belive me Oz, being compared to him is one of the highest compliments I could give you. Your father and I love you, no matter what.” Jesper smiled softly before closing the door. Osbert then heard the front door shut.

 

This conversation should have made him back track on his plan but he did not. If anything it encouraged it. They will love him no matter what he does. Osbert grabbed his satchel and after he heard the front door close, he snuck into his parents room and found his da’s papers in case they needed an Identification from him at Hellgate. He did not look like Jesper and he really did not look thirty-six, the only resemblance was their hair and maybe skin but even then Osbert’s was darker. Still he needed something and this was only to be shown as precaution. Plus he did not want to give the guards his real name. His da would love him anyways even if he did throw his name under the bus.

Osbert waited at the top of the stairs to make sure no staff were in the foyer. Finally, when the cost was clear, he slipped out the front door as quietly as he possibly could.

 

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The trip there was only an hour but it felt like forever. He paid a good amount of Kruger to have a boat transport him. It was a dirty, tight knit fisherman's boat but a boat nonetheless. As much as his father fights for better treatment in the Ketterdam streets, Wylan keeps Hellgate untouched. That part was obvious. The closer and closer the island got, Osbert could see just how unkept and old the massive prison looked.

“What business does a boy like you have in hellgate?” The man who was roughly steering the boat asked.

“I–I’m not a boy.” Osbert said, making his voice sound deeper than it is.

“Oh… a man are you?” The man asked with a gruff laugh. “Don’t worry kid, Guards don’t care unless you don’t pay by the hour.”

Osbert clasped his fingers together and stayed silent but the man persisted.

“What’s your name kid?” Osbert was not giving him his full legal name.

“Jesper.”

“This your first time visiting, Jesper?” The man asked . Osbert nodded, he thought about lying but he didn’t think he needed to.

“Ah, look to the ground for the most part, keep your thoughts to yourself and do what the guards tell you to do.” The information wasn’t bad and Osbert stored it in the back of his head just in case.

“You’ve visited?” Osbert leaned in hesitantly.

“Once, my brother.” He wiped the sweat from his brow and continued rowing. "Haven't seen him since.”

“I read that it was three visits per sentence?”

“Visit’s cost money.” The man shrugged and Osbert felt bad for asking. Finally they reached the shore and Osbert looked up at how tall the prisoned domes were.

“You’ve got it from here?” The nice man asked, Osbert never got the old man's name.

“I do, thank you.” Osbert said as he made his way to the gate.

 

There was a guard in uniform with an unnecessarily large gun, Osbert was not a prisoner but his palms began to swear anyways.

“Hi, um excuse me I… I’m here to visit…” The man pressed a button and the doors opened. That was way easier than Osbert was expecting… they really do not care here. He remembers his da telling him years ago that when he broke into Hellgate, the security was incredibly hard and it took days to plan. Osbert wonders if it fell off since then because It seems anyone can be let in. Or maybe a lot has changed, you weren’t even able to visit anyone until ten or so years ago.

Osbert clutched his bag so hard his knuckles turned white, he made it to a window with a man seated behind a desk.

“Excuse me I’m—”

“Name?” Osbert swallowed, he was just going to lie to an authority figure, not a big deal.

“Uh.. Jesper.. Um Fahey.” It was a last minute call to use his da’s maiden name but he knew how important the Van Eck name was and how troubling it would be if people found out Jesper Van Eck had any business visiting Hellgate.

“Age?” The guard did not seem to care at all, simply going through protocol. Osbert took a quick glance at his da’s Identification card.

“Thirty six. Do you need the paper or–”

“No No need, who are– Thirty six?” The guard suspiciously eyed his very young face.

“I… look fantastic for my age?” His fear was very present on his face. He seemed to know Osbert was lying but didn’t seem to care.

“Right… Visiting?”

“Jan Van Eck.” The man huffed in response and Osbert was confused.

“Good luck with that, in all the years I’ve been here he’s had zero visitors.”

“I see.” Osbert felt a pit of sadness for his grandfather, how lonely.

“You pay by the hour, 70 kruger.”

“Yes, of course.” Osbert quickly grabbed some of the Kruger he brought and handed it to him. The guard opened the door and left the box he sat in to meet Osbert in the hallway.

“Follow me.”

Osbert walked close behind him, making sure to stay by the wall as they went through a set of doors. Osbert first noticed the smell then he saw the rows and rows of cells going as far down as he can see. Some of the prisoners came closer to the bars as they passed. Some even tried to reach their hands through the bars to touch him.

“Down!” The guard had to yell a few times and slap some hands away. That might have helped but some of the prisoners began yelling which made Osbert feel even more uneasy.

Osbert wished he had changed into something a little less wealthy looking but he wasn’t sure what that would even look like. He was wearing a casual button down with a nice grey sweater over it. He had on a casual, loose pair of dark green pants but they looked far too formal for the occasion. What felt like an eternity later they finally made it to the end of the hall where there were two more big doors that the guard opened. That brought them to stairs, many many stairs. The guard went first, he sighed and followed up behind him. About five flights later Osbert finally spoke.

“I’m sorry… are we any closer?” The guard let out an amused laugh.

“It’s alphabetical, V would be pretty high up.”

“Oh.”

“But Van Eck is not in V anymore. He’s higher up.”

“Can I ask why?”

“The prisoners who were in the cells next to him complained constantly, we didn’t care at first… but then they stopped listening to orders. They began purposely doing things to get themselves in trouble, more fights, more talking back”

“What? Was that because of him?” Osbert sped up slightly to walk next to the guard now. He nodded.

“We found out they were purposely trying to get themselves in the Isolation box. Apparently talking to yourself for a week was better than one conversation with him… So we had to permanently move Jan to his own floor. To keep the others inline.”

Osbert embarrassingly enough felt a chill run down his spine. His father had told him they do not speak anymore. His da said he was evil and cruel. Maybe the reason they do not speak isn’t because of a falling out but because talking to him literally drove you insane. He wasn’t sure why it took this random guard for Osbert to realize what a bad Idea this could be. If his own son doesn’t talk to him, what makes him think he can? Osbert wanted to turn and run back down the stairs until suddenly the guard finally stopped at one of the doors.

“Here we are.”

“He’s in this hallway?”

“The only one.” And that really was not an exaggeration. There were countless upon countless cells and yet not a sound. They walked down the rows before stopping at the eleventh one.

Jan was on his cot, facing the wall, he was writing something on the concrete but Osbert could not make out what he was saying. Actually, because of the one dim light in the middle of the cell, Osbert could not make out anything at all. The guard banged on the bars as if he was a monkey in a zoo enclosure.

“You have a visitor today.”

“Visitor.” Jan mumbled, the guards' words seemed to make him write harder on the wall. Osbert swallowed, no this really was a bad Idea.

“Jesper Fahey.” The guard called and Jan’s vigorous writing stopped where he was, his back still to Osbert. His arm, completely still. The guard nodded then made his way back down the hall to stand by the door. Osbert almost wanted to call out to the stranger to come back for moral support. Jan did not move his hand and Osbert wasn’t even sure he was breathing. Osbert wasn’t sure what to say.

“Silence?” His voice was eerie and quiet as he asked in suspicion.

“S-sorry um–” Osbert cut himself off at Jan’s sudden movement.

Jan whipped his head around at the sound of his voice. He was expecting the all too cocky, all too confident voice he hears in his nightmares constantly. ‘I can read to him.’ On repeat night after night as a reminder of his own failure, his own empire going to ruin.

But this slightly cracky, nervous, precise voice did not belong to Jesper Fahey.

“Not Jesper?” He asked as he squinted at the random boy who was standing there with both of his hands clutched against the strap of his satchel.

He knew him but did not know how. But then he saw his hunch, the sweat that lined his brows, the way one of his hands moved to fix his shirt then he looked like he didn’t know what to do with it so he went back to just holding the strap of his satchel again. Jan decided he did know the boy. He looked nothing like Wylan, with his black tight curls, dark skin and tall lanky frame. But there was not a doubt in his mind that he was raised by him.

He swallowed his disgust, this boy was clearly adopted, he would never be a Mercher. Not one of pure blood at least, not the only way that mattered. He can not imagine how stained his name was. His legacy that he built along with his father and his father before that. All of it ruined, all of it amounted to nothing thanks to his disease of a son, who is spreading the illness along to his own illegitimate child. Despite his distaste, he tried to stop his lips from raising in a smile at the opportunity that presented itself.

Osbert let out a breath he didn’t know he was holding.

“No, no I am not him. My name is Obsert–”

“Van Eck?” Jan finished. Osbert seemed caught off guard by that. Not many are able to guess that he is Wylan’s son because of how different they looked to each other.

“Yes.. yes I am.. Um, I'm here today to–”

“Wylan’s boy?” Osbert let out a small nervous laugh at Jan’s interruption. He sounded completely dumbfounded.

“Yes.” Osbert repeated slowly, giving the man grace. He’s just now realizing he has grandkids. That has to be a lot. Not to mention he’s been kept in isolation for who knows how long. He probably needed some time to catch up. Jan was silent and just looked at him for way too long to be considered a comfortable interaction. Osbert cleared his throat and continued.

“You seemed to know my da too?”

“Jesper?”

“Yes!”

“Van Eck?” Jan asked quickly. Osbert figured that much was obvious if he was his da but he answered back anyways.

“Yes?” He couldn’t see much but he didn’t miss the disgust that flashed across Jan’s face before leveling his features out again as if it never happened. If Jan was trying to keep himself from smiling this new information did wonders to help.

“You do not like him?” Osbert’s plan was to hopefully mend Jan and Wylan’s relationship but he figured he had an hour to do so. Jan was quiet, thinking.

 

“He is not someone to be trusted." Osbert squinted in confusion.

“What?” Osbert was caught off guard by the bad talk he had for his da who he knew to be the most trustworthy man in the world. Jan just shook his head and waved a hand in dismissal.

“Oh no.. it’s nothing. It would never be my intent to turn you away from your dear dad. What have you come to me for?”

Jan stepped up in the middle of the cell, the light above him cast down making shadows appear under his features like a ghost. Osbert was able to gauge his looks now, he was about average sized with little to no hair, It made Osbert question if his fathers full head of ginger hair was natural or the work of a tailor. Speaking of his father, Jan looked nearly identical. Same nose, same lips, same size, same head shape, same brows. It was like Osbert was looking at a photo of his father, just 40 years into the future. Except this was not his father, the biggest indicator was his eyes. Small and dark and lacking any sort of life in them. It was as if a dead man came back to life but left his soul in the grave.

He looked incredibly precise. Even with his rags on, he held his hands behind his back and his head high as if they were someplace important and not a jail cell. Like he was right back in the capitol with his Mercher chair behind him.

“No please, we have an hour. Besides, I came to– to possibly help mend the relationship between you and my father. I fear I might not be able to do that without hearing your side of the story first.”

Oh. This was interesting. It was hard to mend something that never existed. But this stupid child seemed to not know that. Jan had many questions but did not know where to start. Osbert took his silence as nervousness and gave him an encouraging smile to continue.

“Our… dispute or failed relationship was… intentional.” Jan spoke slowly. Osbert furrowed his brows.

“Tell me, what has your father told you?” Jan has to get a little more information.

“I’m sorry to say, but my father does not bring you up ever really. He did tell me you two do not talk.” Osbert did not want to elaborate.

He did not want to tell him that his da called him cruel, no one would want to hear that. Osbert was always skeptical growing up and that did not change now. He should have believed his own parents, he shouldn’t have wanted to see for himself, but if Jan was as cruel as his da claims, wouldn’t even an ounce of that show up in Wylan? The thought of his father made him look down for a moment, still ashamed of what he had said to him in the study.

Shame, Jan recognized that quick look. He’s seen it countless times before. Shame was a drop of blood in a sea of sharks. It was not something Jan could miss, not when he spent years fueling Wylan’s. He could tell there was something more attached to it.

“And.. you came all the way here to fix something that you had no part in because of… what? The kindness of your heart?” Jan pushed, he wanted to understand Osbert’s motives. That part was clear. His question left Osbert questioning them himself.

He knew he wanted to come here to mend their relationship but he did not want it because of them. He wanted it because he figured if they can come together again, so can he and Wylan. Though a part of him knew Wylan and he would make up again without Jan, that these three days of barely speaking was not forever though it felt like it.

But even still, there was that small voice in his head that he had when he was four, helping clean up dishes after each melt down even without Jesper or Wylan telling him too. That voice that told him that after doing something wrong, no apology in the world would do. No verbal words could ever amount to the wreck you caused, despite Wylan and Jesper trying their hardest to get rid of that voice that Osbert holds onto. It was the voice who pushed him all the way to Hellgate to begin with.

The voice that said, ‘You have caused Wylan, your father who has accepted you, who has loved you for most of your life, you have caused him pain. He will forgive you because that is the man he is but you must know he will never see you the same way unless you prove to him that you are worth forgiving.’

“I am here to help anyway I can.” Osbert said back. Jan smiled at the dismissal, the clear avoidance to his question.

“Your father? Does he know you're here?” Jan asked.

“No.”

“Ah… it appears the apple does not fall far from the tree. It starts with a simple lie but it grows doesn’t it?” Jan’s smile was really throwing Osbert off. He didn’t know how to respond to that.

“I’m sorry I do not know what you are talking about.”

Though daft and awkward, Jan was surprised at how proper this boy spoke. He no doubt went to school, might even have a tutor. Interesting that the son of a barrel rat could play wealth well.

“Your father lied, his lies are why I’m here.” Jan let out a humorless laugh. “His schemes, his tricks to imprison me succeeded and yet… he became a Mercher, married, started a family. I am learning now that I have a grandchild, before I was none the wiser. Do you have siblings?”

“Just me.” Osbert said back a little too quickly. He shouldn’t have lied and yet he did, If Osbert can help them come together again then Wylan can introduce him to Aditi if he wishes. If not, Osbert got himself into this mess, he will not drag in Aditi’s name. So he lied, apparently just like his father did. Something wasn’t right. He did not know this man but he knew his father, scheming and tricking was definitely not something Wylan was known for. Jan gave Osbert a knowing look. As if he was a disappointed parent.

“And will you lie like your father?” Osbert felt a shiver run down his spine. Did he know?

“I did not lie.”

“You did not but you did not answer. We wouldn’t wanna not tell each other the full story would we? " Jan asked. He tried to look as encouraging as possible. Osbert stayed quiet, Jan continued.
“I do not believe that you are here to help us because you want to be.”

“I… I got into a fight with my father. I said things I shouldn’t have. He would appreciate it if he knew I helped with this.” There was something about Jan that made Osbert want to reveal every secret he had. This wasn’t due to comfort.

“Of course, self interested.” Jan sat back down on his cot.

“Excuse me? You misinterpret, I’m–”

“Oh no you misinterpret me. It is not a bad thing. You are, your father is, I am, we all are.” Osbert thought Jan would elaborate but he did not. “You are here not for him but for yourself. That is alright.”

Osbert changed the subject.

“We do not have much time left– um, you said that your failed relationship with your son was intentional? I guess I’m not really following.” Jan sighed as if Osbert was inconveniencing his many plans of the day.

“We.. had an argument. Much like you and him had. He ran away and I was– I was worried sick.” Osbert noticed the shine of tears in his eyes. They were getting somewhere.

“Little did I know he was in correlation with a bastard, a street thief, nothing more than a criminal.” Osbert let out an uncomfortable laugh.

“Are you speaking of my da?”

“No.. no not at all. I’m speaking of a gang leader who fooled me out of my name and my money… my life. Though that’s not to say Jesper had nothing to do with it. They seemed to be close.” It hit Osbert. His grandfather knew of Dirtyhands. The leader of the Dregs, the main character of his da’s many stories. Osbert’s mouth opened slightly as he got closer to the cell bars.

“You know of Dirtyhands? I know him only from stories.”

“Kaz Brekker is not someone I will forget.” Jan said, looking at Osbert like a snake. At the mention of Kaz, Osbert could have stopped breathing.

Kaz? The only Kaz he knew was his uncle. But he did not go by Brekker, he went by Ghafa. Of course it could have been another Kaz but what was the likelihood of that? The man he knew was not a murderous, dangerous thief like the stories of Dirtyhands. The man he knew used to sit with him when he didn’t have the words to speak after an episode. The man he knew writes to him any chance he gets, gets on the floor, even with his bad leg to color with Jordie and Aditi. Let’s Osbert stay the night whenever he wants. He is the greatest father and husband. He was nothing like Dirtyhands. His face didn’t reveal shock to Jan, it revealed something worse, hurt. How could his parents not have told him? Why hadn’t Kaz?

“Kaz Brekker? I’ve never…He– he goes by Dirtyhands?”

“Did they not tell you? It seems even you are not safe from their lies.”

Osbert had to look away, he felt that familiar lump in his throat. His parents were not liars.

“The barrel is where your parents met, have they told you that?”

“Yes.” He whispered.

“Jesper was a barrel rat, I’m sure he had his own schemes to chase after my son’s wealth. Only one can assume.” Jan said with pity.

“I’m sorry?” Osbert asked, looking back at him. His words took him out of the moment a little.

Was he suggesting that his da did not love his father? That was almost laughable. His da would have to be a fantastic actor if he was only chasing his father’s wealth for almost nineteen years now.

Not a day goes by where Jesper is not complimenting Wylan. If he heard Wylan on the piano in the music room, it was a guarantee that Jesper would be laying on the couch with his eyes closed listening. Just two weeks ago he and Aditi came home to them in the backyard under a tree, Jesper behind him, showing him how to shoot. Even if they both knew that his father could shoot a gun just fine by himself. Jesper made it known constantly to everyone how in love they were and Wylan made sure to be just as loud about it. Osbert was more than skeptical now.

“I could be wrong, of course that was only an assumption, Jesper's past of chasing wealth is not lost on me.” Jan was talking about his gambling. Jan seemed to know nothing about his da or his parents' relationship. He seemed to know nothing at all.

He took Osbert’s silence, not as thinking but as confusion so he pressed on.

“Did they tell you what they did? Who they killed?” Jan’s words seemed to echo in the empty hallway. Osbert figured his da had, the barrel stories, the exaggerated gun noises, shooting the bad men. Obert never really thought about it but the reality of it settled in. He did not want to be here anymore. Osbert found it more difficult to keep the tears from falling from his eyes, not because he feared his parents or because he necessarily believed him. He was overwhelmed at the situation. His uncle is not who he seemed and this man was telling him his father was a liar and his da was a thief. Osbert can not imagine Colm saying such awful things about Jesper or Wylan so why was his grandfather?

“No.” Osbert whispered, Jan let some of his own tears fall.

“They killed many, enjoyed it too I’m sure.” Jan quickly wiped his wet face. “A boy… oh he was all but a small innocent Shu boy. Kuwei… I wanted the best for him. I knew Kaz Brekker was after him. But I-I could not stop it I– Osbert you must know I tried” Jan began sobbing now which made Osbert uncomfortable. He wanted to cover his ears at the reverberations it caused in the empty cell.

“My da killed him?”

“Yes… with a bullet to the heart….” Jan sniffled.

Kuwei? Kuwei yul-Bo? Osbert has met Kuwei before, he’s visited with his daughter, Yuan, and husband, Robert, more times than one. Was Jan really trying to tell him, of all people, about the auction? The auction was only Osbert’s favorite story growing up. Kuwei was a celebrity to him when he met him for the first time. He can recite it from memory alone. Dirtyhand’s plan to stop the “Evil villain," as his da would put it from his plan to use Kuwei to continue the formula for the drug. His da faking Kuwei’s death with a rubber bullet to bring him peace. He can hear his da making the loud bullet noise that used to startle him as a kid. Can feel his fathers arms around him.

 

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“It’s okay baby.” Wylan smiled down at his five year old son.

“Your da is loud isn’t he?” Wylan asked as he gently took Osbert’s hands off of his ears with a kiss on the top of his head. Osbert was laying in his bed, his head against his father’s chest as Wylan held him close. His da standing and dramatically retelling the same story he told the night before. But Osbert wanted to hear it again.

“Did he die?” Osbert asked.

“Did he die?” Jesper mocked his son’s words with another voice which made Osbert giggle.

“I was only the greatest gunslinger in all of the barrel, Kuwei did not die. The bullet was merely rubber, it turned just in time. Only knocking off the second button of his coat.” Osbert looked up at Wylan to get his reaction too as if Wylan didn’t experience first hand and was hearing this tale for the first time. Wylan just raised his brows and pretended to be shocked.

“What happened to the evil man?”

“He stood, he claimed it was Dirtyhands plan, he cried, played victim. He would have gotten away with his schemes too… if it wasn’t for your father.” Wylan rolled his eyes at Jesper, the only way Osbert knew he wasn’t really annoyed was the smile that was evident on his face.

“Your father stood from the crowd. Beaten and bloody, he exposed the Villain. You see, the kidnapping was not the dime lions at all, they were…the dregs!”

“Dirtyhands gang!?” Osbert yelped and looked up at Wylan again before looking back at his da, mouth agape. Osbert knew this but being shocked was a part of routine at this point.

“That’s right, His threat against your father was useless, because he did end up telling the man everything but only what Dirtyhands wanted him to say. So you can imagine his cruel face dropping when your father, being the hero he is, stood and exposed him for his crimes.”

He remembers looking at Wylan again with a look of admiration.

 

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Osbert sucked in a breath as his eyes met Jan’s again.

“And my father?”

“Your father?”

“What did he have to do with the story?” Osbert asked.

“He played along of course… He stood up, all bloody from marks that weren’t from me. He was weak and he made me out to be a bad father… a Villian.” Jan cried and Osbert’s face fell in understanding.

The Villian… The Villain who appeared in so many of his da’s stories. The Villain who captured the wraith… who Osbert figures now is Auntie In. The Villain who crushed the ship thinking his father was on it. The Villain who double crossed Dirtyhands. Who exploited drug use. Who lied, in all of these stories he lied.

Jan was the liar. How dare he make it sound like his parents were liars, like his father was. His parents might not have told him the whole story of who Dirtyhands was, of who the wraith was, or who the villain was. He didn’t know why they didn’t tell him but he knew whatever the reason was, it wasn’t because of cruelty, or to purposely deceive. Osbert was angry now, mostly at himself for coming here.

His uncle was still his uncle, his aunt was his aunt and his parents were his parents. And this man in front of him was nothing more than a prisoner. He didn’t need this nobody to help mend him and his father’s argument.

His father, who he lied to, who he said cruel things to. At this moment, he no longer wanted to know answers, to save this pointless relationship, he just wanted Wylan, he wanted his father. And suddenly he was four again, resting his head against wylan’s chest after he got done screaming, kicking and crying. Wylan held him, vowed that he would always love him. After talking to Jan Osbert realized he was a fool to think even for a moment Wylan would backtrack.

He needed to go back home.

But he also couldn’t fathom Jan calling his father weak and getting away with it. Wylan was the strongest man he had ever known.

“I bet they didn’t tell you that either, it seems they left you in the dark for quite a few things.” Jan’s tears continued as he looked at him with pity.

“It seems they have… Is there more to it?” Osbert asked quietly.

“Your father stole from me, he is… wealthy because of it...” Jan took a shaky breath.
His father worked for everything they had, Osbert internally corrected.

“Hellgate runs on Kruger, like most places do. Anyone, even the worst can be let out with the right bail. So you can imagine how grateful an innocent man like me would be if my grandson came up with certain funds?” Jan looked down like he was too humble to be asking someone for this.

“How much would I need?” Osbert asked.

“Oh you know a… small sum of 100 to 200… uh somewhere in the millions… but none of that matters does it? No amount of Kruger matters in this case. If I’m let out, I can properly talk to my son. Our mistakes can… can be fixed! I can forgive him and learn to love him once more.” Jan said, adding just enough false hope in his voice to make it believable.

But Osbert was not an idiot, he’s not sure why his grandfather thought he was. And even if he did believe him, that last part gave himself away.

Conditioned love.

Osbert thought for a moment. If his parents were brave enough to have once faced this man outside of bars, Osbert could do it while Jan was behind them.

“You lied.” Osbert whispered and like a switch Jan’s trembling stopped, his shaky breaths evened, his eyes met Osbert’s and Osbert felt his heart fall at the utter lack of emotion in his face.

“I did not lie.” Jan said calmly, a hint of defense.

“You did.” Osbert swallowed. “We wouldn’t want to not tell each other the full story… Would we?”

Jan looked at Osbert for a long moment before straightening his back, he was shorter than Osbert but he somehow made himself look much bigger. Osbert can see how much him using his words against him affected Jan. It’s like he can visibly see his patience run out. The cell was not big but it somehow took him almost a lifetime to stalk as close as he possibly could to Osbert. Jan’s skinny fingers gently wrapping around the bars.

Osbert hated himself for taking a step back but he did not feel like a boy talking to his grandfather anymore. He didn’t even feel like a person talking to a prisoner, he felt more like a wildebeest looking into the eyes of a lion. That was why Jan’s eyes were lifeless, he was not a human at all but a predator.

“You want the full story?” Jan asked softly.

“That would be nice, yes.” Osbert quickly responded.

Jan let the quiet engulf them once more. His eyes are not blinking. When he did speak, his voice was quiet and precise.

“My son was born with my face, my name, my legacy but I believed him to have one clear distinction. I assumed him to be useless and an idiot who couldn’t read. A stain on the van eck history. My assumption cost me my life here. With planning I didn’t know he was capable of doing, he did it. Even after my attempt on his life, after I took his mother away. After I exiled him from my home. After everything he persisted against me and won. It is my greatest failure. That is the full story. That is really why I am here.”

If Osbert was scared, he couldn’t imagine what his father felt like without the bars as a barrier between them. He didn’t respond. He didn’t know what to say. Jan continued.

“You come here to ask for my help and then mock me when I ask for something in return. I am through with mock, and with using my words against me. I heard it from Wylan and I will not be insulted. Not even in a place with no dignity. I will not hear it from a nobody who is pretending to be a Van Eck.”

Osbert should have been hurt by Jan’s words and maybe he was. But he was more relieved that he did not tell him he had a sister. He does not think he would handle Aditi’s name coming out of his mouth.

“I see.” Osbert simply said.

“You see? That is it. That is all you will say? An idiot.” Jan hissed. Osbert stepped forward. He was scared but he tampered his fear down. His father was brave, he would be too.

“Yes, that is it. Because I can see who you are. You are not someone to be feared. You are only a man. A little, miserable man who knows nothing of my life or my family.” He was ready to leave when Jan spoke. His voice was quiet.

“Look me in the eyes boy and hear me when I say this. I under-rested my son. But when I get out, because I will. I will never make that mistake again. I will wreck everything about your fathers life that he holds dear. I will start with Marya, the woman who gave me the child to begin with. I was sentimental back then and I did not kill her when I could have. Next I will go after the barrel rat that he calls a husband. I was as great as I was because I had no one to use as leverage against me. But he has many. He has you. ”

His threats were sharp but they did not cut. How could they? Osbert lifted his head higher and that seemed to infuriate Jan. Jan cut Wylan down with words when he was a boy and it worked, he was not used to talking down to a boy who has only ever been lifted up.

“You’re right. He has me.” Osbert whispered back in a voice that was just as quiet as Jan's.

“My grandmother is the sweetest, most loving woman in the world, you were a fool for not seeing that. My da is trustworthy and funny and has taught me almost everything I know. And for a barrel rat he is doing a whole lot better than you are.”

Jan’s face was red with anger.

“You–” He tried but Osbert interrupted, he was not done.

“My father has many, and you have nobody.” Osbert emphasized.

Jan was trying to level his features to look smug, he even smirked a little. He did not care. Osbert shouldn’t either but he wanted him to. He hated that after what this man did, he did not care at all. He felt that familiar feeling bubble inside of him. He felt the lack of control but he did not budge. He would not do what he did at school, he would not do what he did in the office. No matter how much Jan might deserve it, he would prove to himself that he was more than his anger. He didn’t need to prove it to this nobody, to his da not even to his father. He needed to prove it to himself.

“You have nobody.” Osbert repeated and took a deep breath.

He began counting his blessings, the only one that really mattered.

“And my father loves me. He loves me so much that I never needed to try and earn his forgiveness. He loves me so much that I don’t have to do anything to earn it. My father is smart and kind and forgiving and so am I. And I look at you with nothing but pity, and even empathy because I was blessed enough to have a father who taught me to look at those who have never known love and to not hate them for it.”

Jan’s smug look wasn’t there anymore. He did not look guilty, he is not capable of that. But he looked confused. He thought of the boy who hid in his closet from him. Who sobbed when he told him his mother died. Who stuttered when he spoke. Who failed him time and time and time again. How had he been able to raise a boy that held himself with such confidence.

Jan would spend the rest of his days wondering why his words didn’t work. Why his threats didn’t get to him at all. He could spend forever thinking and not come to a conclusion.

But Osbert knew why, because his parents had made sure to remind him constantly since he was young.

 

“Is today gonna be a good day?” Wylan knelt down on his knees so he can be face to face with him. His hands on Osbert’s cheeks. Repeating the words Jesper had just asked him before they left the house. The school bell would ring soon and Osbert would have to go.

“Yes.”

“Why?”

“Because it is a new day and I am loved.” Osbert responded.

“Because it is a new day. And you are loved. And don’t you forget it.” Wylan whispered. Kissing his forehead.

 

His father. He needed to see him. He didn’t pay Jan any mind as he turned and left.

 

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It took about an hour on the boat ride back to the main island. Luckily the nice man who gave him a ride to hellgate was there, he must have been waiting for him. He rowed in silence for the most part like last time, Osbert’s hands were clasped together and he looked distantly out onto the main island. Anxiously wanting to get home.

“Did you find what you were looking for?” The man asked.

“Yes actually.”

The man continued to row. They were nearly to the dock when he asked.

“Who did you visit?”

“Nobody.”

“Fine, don't tell me.” The man huffed with a smile. He didn’t understand that Osbert told him the truth. He politely smiled. He didn’t realize how much he appreciated kindness from a stranger, especially right now.

 

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Osbert thanked him when they docked, paying him extra so the man could visit his brother again. He made his way down the street and ran from the harbor all the way to his home. It was nearly 6:30 now. He was gone probably long enough for them to notice. He did not stop at the stairs or by the front door in hesitation. He did not think about how long he’s been gone for. He just thought of his family. He just wanted his father. He opened the door to Aditi in the foyer, sitting at the bottom of the stairs, her leg bouncing. She looked up at him.

Her face washed with relief as she looked at her brother. But the relief did not last.

“You absolute idiot you didn’t tell anyone where–” Osbert didn’t let her finish as he knelt down and hugged her. She hugged him back.

“You really are sick.” She mumbled.

“I love you and I am so grateful you are my sister.” She squeezed him back tighter before yelling.

“Grandma! Come quick! Someone murdered Osbert and cloned him! He’s being nice to me!” Aditi yelled from over his shoulder. Osbert laughed and pulled back, quickly kissing her forehead.

He stood up fully when Marya ran in. She let out a long breath as she made her way closer to her grandson. He met her in two strides and hugged her. She didn’t speak and Osbert was grateful because he knew if she were to say anything he’d start to cry. He has always respected Marya but after meeting Jan, it was all elevated for him. He pulled back but gently held her elbows.

“Where is father and–”

“Osbert, They’ve been out looking for you for hours now.” Marya’s voice was a tad bit lost. Like Osbert should know.

Osbert felt a wave of guilt. He didn’t even leave a note. He didn’t think he needed to, he figured he’d be back sooner than four hours. How could he think that they wouldn’t go looking. How could he have been so selfish to think that he would be able to leave then slip back in unnoticed? She touched his cheek before moving past him and to the door.

“I will get them. I know where they are.”

“Let me go with you.” He said urgently.

“No” She put her hand up. “No, you are staying in this house.” His grandma was rarely stern with him.

He listened and sat on the bottom of their large stairs. Aditi sat next to him.

“I didn’t mean to scare everyone.” Osbert mumbled, trying very hard to keep his tears in.

“Well you did.” She said back harshly, wiping her own loose tears. He turned his head to face her and gave her a small smile. He put his arm around her.

“I thought you didn’t get scared anymore.” He teased softly and he heard her scoff but she didn’t pull away.

“I don’t. Shut up.”

“I believe you, you are quite brave.”

She was eight and seemed to know who she was more than Osbert did. Aditi looked up at him with the same sort of admiration Osbert had when he looked at Wylan all those years ago.

“That’s what da said before they left. He said only the bravest can keep watch for when you return.” Aditi mumbled.

“Well you did a good job because I’m here now.”

“You’re here now.” She repeated.

“Do you know where they went?” Aditi laid her head against his side.

“No, but I know where they thought you went.”

Osbert moved away for a minute so he could see her face. She continued, now looking at her confused brother.

“Father said something about Ravka to da before they left.” She said so nonchalantly, her chin resting on the palm of her hand. She did not realize why Osbert’s heart sank.

Of course his father would have thought that Osbert ran to Ravka. He felt like an absolute idiot. He yells at his father about how he wishes to leave for Ravka and then he doesn’t even write a note as to where he was going three days later? Osbert didn’t hesitate as he stood up.

“What are you doing?” She stood up next.

“They could be on a boat by now Adi! I have to–”

“No! No! Grandma is getting them now. Stay.” She said as sternly as she possibly could.

“I got them into this mess, I have to at least go to the Ravka ports, maybe ask around.” He said with a sense of urgency as he paced for maybe two seconds. He used all of his money on the trip to Hellgate, how will he arrange travel? He finally looked up to notice Aditi on the ground by the door, putting her shoes on.

“You’re staying here.” Osbert pointedly said.

“I am not.” She said back calmly, her small fingers trying to tie her shoes then failing and starting over.

“You are.” He said as if that was the end of the discussion but Aditi often got the last word.

“I am not actually because If I go with you, you’ll be less reckless. You don’t care for yourself but you wouldn’t let anything happen to me.” She said with a quick smile. Osbert closed his eyes for a moment. He was already on the verge of tears and his eight year old sister who acted like she got paid to make him mad was not helping.

“Plus I’m da’s favorite, I know you hate to admit it but it’s true. And he would be so mad if he found out you left with me. Knowing that if you stayed I wouldn’t have gone with you.” All Osbert could do was look at his sister and let out a small huff of a laugh.

“Da doesn’t have favorites.” She was making this impossible.

“That’s only true when he tells me you are his.” Aditi said back with a smile.

Then suddenly the front door opened.

Wylan rushed in but stopped abruptly in front of Jesper as he looked at Osbert.He wanted Wylan to scream at him again for leaving. For not telling anyone where he went. For being the worst to him these last three days.

But he did not want that. The self deprecating voice that lived in him did. He suddenly didn’t feel sixteen, he felt like he was four. The first time he crawled into his parents bed because he was scared of the dark. Who curled up next to Wylan in bed. He just wanted his father.
Osbert’s lip quivered and his face contorted into anguish as he gave a defeated shrug and shook his head. Wylan did not hesitate as he ran up and pulled him into a hug. Osbert felt his knees weaken and fell onto the floor, his father following. Osbert liked this better, he was able to rest his head against Wylan’s chest when they were both sitting down. Osbert clinged onto him and shook his head. Wylan’s hand went to the back of his head to stop the movement.

Jesper was just as quick to sit on the floor beside them, his hand on Osbert’s back.

“I’m sorry I left.” Osbert sobbed and Wylan shook his head.

“It doesn’t matter. None of it does. You’re home.” He could hear it in his father’s voice that he was crying, their father so rarely cried in front of them.

“It does….It does matter.” Osbert sobbed, finally letting himself cry. Wylan just shook his head and rocked Osbert. Marya helped untie the shoe that Aditi worked very hard on. She then ran to where they were and sat by Jesper. He wrapped one of his arms around her shoulders and pulled her closer, kissing the side of her head. Marya sat in one of the chairs that was by the door to listen.

“I went to Hellgate.” Osbert cried. Jesper’s brows rose and he and Wylan looked at each other for a moment. Marya closed her eyes and Aditi wanted to ask why that was a shock but she knew that now wasn’t the time. Osbert had to explain himself. He knew his parents would have questions.

“I–”

“Are you hurt?” Wylan softly asked before kissing the top of his head. Osbert moved back to look at his father. Wylan looked at him knowingly. He did not need to ask who he went to see. Of course he knew.

“He didn’t hurt you or anything?” Wylan sniffled and Osbert just shook his head no. Because Jan tried to hurt him but he did not.

“You’re okay?” he asked again to make sure. He knew how cruel Jan was. Wylan’s words made Osbert cry harder. Wylan pulled him back against him in a tight hug.

“I’m not okay.” Osbert cried but he was not talking about the Hellgate visit. “I shouldn’t have said those things to you.” He just continued to rock him.

“I shouldn’t have yelled.” Wylan said back simply with a small shrug. Shaking his head gently.

“I’m sorry.” Ospert whispered.

“I forgive you, of course I forgive you Osbert.” Wylan didn’t even hesitate. Osbert didn’t realize how much he needed to hear those words. He closed his eyes and took a few deep breaths. Feeling himself calm down.

“When you were four.” Osbert let out a small laugh at the random story time but it sounded a little closer to a sob. “I had vowed that I would never raise my voice at you. I vowed I would be nothing like him. And I failed. Osbert, I am so sorry. I am so so sorry.”

Osbert furrowed his brow, because now he had met Jan. Now he had gotten a small dose of what Wylan had experienced for sixteen years. He was close with his father but he knew this would only make them closer. Osbert could confidently say that his calm, collective, kind father was nothing like Jan.

“You did not fail. You’re nothing like him.” Wylan kissed his head again. He knew that, of course he knew. Jesper tells him when he needs it. Wylan was not him. But three days ago Wylan almost heard him. As much as he appreciated his son’s reminder, he hated that Osbert now knew who he was.

“Wait I’m sorry, like who now?” Aditi asked Jesper in a whisper.

“The evil Villian.” Jesper whispered back.

“No kidding?! Osbert talked to him?” Jesper put one of his fingers to his lips to signal silence before hugging her tighter. Wylan and Osbert ignored them.

“I hate that you know that. I hate that you met him.” Wylan whispered.

“I’m sorry I– I figured…” Osbert took a shaky breath. “I get so angry, and it feels like it’s all the time. And sometimes I don’t know what’s wrong with me. And you’ve never not forgiven me, you or da.”

Osbert felt himself begin to cry again and he didn’t try to stop it. He must need it. Or maybe it was because from the corner of his eye he noticed his da was crying now and like his laughter, his tears were incredibly contagious.

“But I had crossed a line with what I said to you. I started thinking, I figured sorry wouldn’t cut it. I found letters in your office. I don’t know why you kept them, I thought a part of you missed him. I thought if I could help you guys come together again then we could too.”

“Oh Ozzy.” Wylan whispered “Please know that you could have ran away forever with a note telling me you never wanted to see me again and I would sit in the foyer for the rest of my life waiting for you…. There is absolutely nothing you could say to me that will make me love you less. Even before you called me daddy for the first time, before you trusted us, we knew we loved you. Jan and I never had what you and I have. It will take much more than a stupid argument for this kind of love to go away.” Wylan squeezed Osbert tighter. Jesper dragged one of his hands down his face to get himself together. Marya was wiping her own eyes. The only person who looked utterly lost was Aditi.

Osbert nodded, he understood. He should have had this conversation days ago. He should have hugged his father like this days ago. Jesper moved to kiss Osbert’s head. His hand now on his shoulder. One of Osbert’s arms let go of Wylan and spread so Jesper could be included in the hug. Wylan did the same for Aditi.

“Grandma!” Aditi called, Marya made her way over and kissed Wylan’s head before kneeling and hugging him. A family group hug was well needed.

“I love you.” Osbert started.

“I love you.” Marya whispered

“Love you Oz.” Jesper agreed.

“I love you Osbert. You are so loved.” Wylan said and Osbert would never question it again.

“I guess.” Aditi’s voice mumbled from where she was squished next to Wylan and him. Osbert needed that familiar banter from her.

“I’ll be back!” She suddenly said, struggling to break free from the hug, once she was out she ran upstairs. Marya also moved back to her chair. So now he was the only one in the middle of his parents.

“Am In trouble?” Osbert asked. He knows he probably should be.

“I think talking to him was punishment enough.” Jesper cut in. It did help to lighten the mood a bit. Wylan smiled before responding.

“You’re not in trouble.”

“I’m not?”

“I should have found you sooner. I should have apologized sooner.” Wylan sighed. “And I should have told you more about him. I shouldn’t have been so avoidant about Ravka. You’ve been asking to go for years now.”

“Four, to be exact.” Osbert whispered with no heat in his words. Completely different from their conversation about it a few days ago. Wylan smiled.

“Oh I know… four years, you brought it up when you were thirteen. I remember.” Wylan’s smile faltered. He looked like he might start crying again. “I’m not hesitant because I’m trying to force you to be a Mercher, or because I don’t trust you.”

Osbert cringed at his own words being brought up again.

“I was just mad I didn’t—”

“It’s a far more selfish reason I’m afraid.” Wylan softly spoke. And Osbert was quiet. He pulled away from the group hug so he could look at his father. Jesper slid over to be by Wylan’s side. Taking his hand. Osbert waited for him to continue

“When you asked me to leave at thirteen, I knew you’d be safe. You would live with Nina and Matthias and you’d visit in the summer…” Wylan paused for a moment, his voice shakier, quiet, like he was embarrassed to admit it. His eyes filled with tears once more. “But I didn’t want you to just visit for a few months then go back. You were thirteen and at that point I had only gotten eight years with you.” Wylan looked at the ceiling, to try and stop his tears now that Osbert was looking at him. He really didn’t love crying in front of his children.

“Then you asked again at fourteen which is nine, then at fifteen which would be ten and now you’re sixteen. It’s not nearly long enough. Eleven years of family meals. Eleven years of you sitting with me while I work. Eleven years of painting rocks with you. Four years of crawling into bed with us when you were scared. Four years of hearing you and Aditi bicker. Eight years of walking you to school.”

Wylan paused and took a breath, Jesper kissed his knuckle. He wasn’t sure if Osbert would understand but he knew his mama would. She missed so much, and Wylan would not miss Osbert.

“I needed more time. I now know that you could stay here for thousands of more years and it still wouldn’t be long enough. It never would be. I can’t keep you here forever.”

Osbert nodded in understanding and swiftly wiped his own tears away. Osbert had his reason now. Wylan didn’t want him to grow up.

“And I don’t want to keep you here forever. Finish your secondary years in Ketterdam, then when you’re eighteen you can go and live in Ravka and learn more about your powers and make new friends and have the greatest schooling of your life.”

Osbert let out a little laugh and Wylan smiled and placed the hand that Jesper wasn’t holding on his cheek.

“I can go?” Osbert asked, he could cry again.

“Yes you can go. Just give me two more years.” His father whispered and Osbert smiled. Jesper also looked very pleased. Four years of vouching for Osbert paid off.

“Two more years.” Osbert agreed. They hugged again. His chin on his fathers shoulder.

Their moment was quickly interrupted with Aditi barreling down the stairs with presents in hand.

“Osbert!”

“What!” He said back matching her tone with his own fake excitement. He pulled away from Wylan. She sat beside him and he turned his body to face her. She plopped down two brightly wrapped presents in his lap.

“Da and I got these a few days ago, I felt bad that you got suspended.”

“I should get suspended more.”

“Quit or I’ll keep the presents for myself.” Aditi said with a small laugh.

Jesper looked at Wylan for a moment and kissed the side of his head. Wylan smiled and rested his head on his shoulder, he found his husband’s hand again.

Osbert was blessed, not because of the presents.

But because he had a grandma who didn’t let Jan get to the core of her kindness.

He had a granda who raised his son to forgive as easily as he did.

He had cousins who he can confidently say are his best friends in the world.

He had his Aunts and Uncles who would die for him. But his uncle Kaz specifically, who didn’t let his past in the barrel get in the way of their relationship. So why would Osbert? Dirtyhands or not, he was still his uncle.

He had a sister who was looking at him with excitement as he unwrapped her hard work. He had parents who were currently watching them while holding each other. sitting on the floor of the entryway. They wouldn’t want to be anywhere else.

Osbert had a family who loved him, and he was blessed enough to not have to do anything to deserve it.