Work Text:
Ilya ☀️
Today 14:10
Something has happened
What?
Shane it is everywhere.
What do you mean?
What happened??
You are on threads yes?
I mean, I have an account
Haven’t been on it much
Okay get on your thread
Ilya, what’s going on?
Should I be worried?
Is it bad?
No
Or, I do not know
Maybe you will not like it
…
What the fuck?
Oh my god
Ilya. It’s everywhere.
Your beautiful face in every icon
My forehead. It’s just my forehead.
What the fuck.
I am in heaven
I’m in hell
And why that picture?
Where did they even get that picture???
You took on my phone
…Ilya.
да, моя любовь?
Please tell me you didn’t start this.
Okay then, I did not start
ILYA.
It is good picture of you!
Most husbands would just make it their phone background
You had to go and make it into a trending topic
The world deserves to see your pretty baby deer eyes in highest quality 🫶🏻
I’m coming back to the baby deer thing later
You got the team to do this too??
And the Admirals???
OTTAWA TOURISM?????
Ottawa tourism is your #1 fan
I know that you know this?
They’re calling themselves Shane
This is insanity
I think you mean…
in-shane-ity 😏
Ilya.
Please tell me you are also seeing the funny pictures
The what?
The memes
Did you forget the word "meme"?
No, was thinking maybe you did not know
I know what a meme is, Ilya 🙄
So you have seen them?
Have I seen a meme?
The Shane memes
Shit. No. Hold on
Jesus
You see the Spider-man pointing at other Spider-men?
Yes
Wyatt posted that one
This is unreal
Shane it is so cute
All the little hats
What does the blueberry mean?
Is nothing
Do not worry
You telling me not to worry is going to make me worry
But fine, whatever
Some of these people are really good at photoshop, wow
At least, I hope it’s photoshop?
Yes I believe it is photoshop
Because you know, AI sucks
Yes, fuck AI so fucking hard
Fucking right
They’re really into Despicable Me, huh?
Oh yes, the minions lol
They are my favourite
So many little Shanes going to steal the moon
This is so fucking weird
There’s one with the PM on my head
And Snoopy?
Which one?
What do you mean?
Which Snoopy?
There’s more than one??
Well, yes
You are Snoopy, naturally
There are many beagle yous on threads
Not even gonna ask why you know that
How do you feel?
You are surrounded by so many yous now
I’m sweating
This is kind of terrifying
But also flattering?
I don’t know
You will maybe forgive me for trending your forehead?
Maybe
It’s… kind of funny
Like, I hate it
But I appreciate it, too
It is all for you my love
You are trending higher than NASA now
Today is not real life
This is a fever dream
It is the best dream for me
I swear, if you make this into a cute thing and make me cry right now, I will never forgive you
So many yous
But you are still the one and most important Shane to me
You’re an asshole
I love you ❤️
Я люблю тебя, мой дорогой
To the moon and beyond ❤️
…Was that supposed to be a minion reference.
Ilya
I see you posting on threads
Stop editing hats onto my head and text me back
Your forehead just got Lyft sponsorship
Goddamnit.