Work Text:
Your name is Dave Strider and the first time you met Karkat Vantas was not the first time to you saw him.
The first time you saw him was actually in the library where he was (at the time) crying over a history textbook.
Which immediately made you do a double take to because history was a huge no-no in your book of “Things Dave Strider Doesn’t Touch with a Five Foot Pole.”
Personally, you were more of a science dude (Science was cool ok? It’s not like you were like Egbert who was good at math and was super nerdy to the capital N. Science and math was two VERY different things. They were like…two halves of a black and white cookie, with everyone know that the chocolate side was the shit and the white cream side was something akin to underside of 1950’s diner or-) and you never understood why history was considered “interesting”.
Also it had been preseason. Why would anyone try to get a jumpstart on homework when it wasn’t even the actual school year yet?
So…. unless someone over the last fifty years or so (because that counted as history right?) got their shit together and actually made something that the human eye could consider enjoyable to read, there was no way anyone would get that overemotional about history…. right? History was the subject that sprayed you with years and peoples and places bullshit and took no prisoners in terms of teachers-making-you-read-said-bullshit-three-chapters-in-one-night.
Yet there Karkat Vantas (who you didn't know by name at the time) was, sniffling and wiping his eyes with the back of his hand. And, as confused as you were, you had decided to ignore it, instead returning to dicking around with your phone while you waited for your (step) sister Rose. You remember distinctly scrolling through your messages from Dirk when it happened.
And “it” was a very very significant memory to you.
For one thing, mystery-history-crying student (COUGH-Karkat Vantas-COUGH) got up and walked past you, his fingers clutched against his massive history textbook. It was then that a smaller book, hidden within the pages of the larger one, fell out and landed with a thud on the library floor. You had looked up and had seen that the fallen object was a…. romance novel. One of those shitty five dollar ones hopeless romantics bought from their local condom shop (or, CVS Pharmacy as everyone else called it.) Vantas had quickly scrambled to pick up said book and bent over and-
Damn…. Your ears began burning. Because bending over Karkat Vantas…. Had a very nice ass.
A very very nice ass.
One that you couldn’t tear your eyes away from, even after Vantas had picked up his book and had scrambled from the library.
Your eyes were still on his ass.
On the first day of your sophomore year of your new school your brother, Dirk, had given you one piece of wisdom that you didn’t take seriously. Technically, it wasn’t your first day of classes, but your first day of preseason for soccer. You had wanted to be ironic and join football team, but then you decided to be even more ironic and join the “football” team as the Brits across the pond called it.
Up until then, you had been homeschooled, by Dirk nonetheless even though he was in college. You two managed it pretty well too. Subjects you had taken online and “recess/physical education” was taught through strifes with your brother (though sometimes strife session would last longer than your actual online class time but whatever, you digress.) Yet when Dirk had been more or less forced to move into hos college (something about the dean wanting him to act as a helpful figure for one of the college’s transgender incoming student) you had been picked up and placed into the educational system.
Not that you really minded it though. Your best friend, John, was going to be in your new school and, even though he was a grade higher than you (okay, maybe being a math nerd did really pay off), he was at least someone you could socialize with.
So yeah, you were off to soccer when your bro had stopped you at the door and told you with a serious, unironic expression:
“Striders are into the sweet asses. Make sure you find a good one.”
Obviously, you thought Dirk was joking and so you went through pre-season without thinking about his “wisdom/piece of advise/whatever.”
It was only after the “it” incident that you began to notice him. “Him” being Karkat fucking Vantas. You noticed that he, like John, was one of those cross-country runners (the ones who’s coach was a fucking sadist and who was rumored to have been arrested for indirectly killing a man.) You noticed that he was a grade higher than you (but for the correct age reasons and not for the nerdy reasons like John was). You noticed that he would push himself while running and encourage (in his weird, angry shouting ways) his underclassmen to try their best.
And yeah, you noticed his ass and how nice it was.
Damn.
Your name is Dave Strider and you had fallen hard for this short, upper classman with a nasty attitude and a cute ass.
“SERIOUSLY?! WHAT KIND OF SAD EXCUSE FOR A PERSON DOES THIS KIND OF SHIT?!”
Ah yes, the beautiful voice of Vantas. He must have just found the shaving cream filled balloon that Egbert said he’d put in his locker. Turns out Vantas knew Egbert for a long time (not as long as you did though) and had been with John throughout the “middle school years.”
You don’t know why, but everyone seems to shudder when they hear the words “middle school.” Having been homeschooled, you can only rely on your imagination, depressing tumblr posts, and shitty Disney shows to tell you how those middle years were.
Apparently, not so good.
You watch as Vantas walks over to the sinks in the locker room and tries to wash the white shaving cream semen from his hair. You can hear him muttering curses towards John and the rest of his “shitty excuse of an existence.”
You can still hear him complaining as you remove your shirt and reach for your sports shirt (it has an ironic picture of that “me gusta” meme on it. An old one but a classic nonetheless).
When you turn around your met with disgruntled face of Karkat Vantas.
The disgruntled face of Karkat Vantas who turns red.
The disgruntled face of Karkat Vantas that quickly turns into the blushing face of Karkat Vantas.
The blushing face of Karkat Vantas who is totally checking you out.
Specifically, the lines of muscles trailing down your front side.
Huh.
And so the pattern continued.
Vantas would just have to merely glance at you and a scowl would grace his features like the rising sun in the east.
Then his face would turn red and he’d turn away (leaving you with a very nice view of his very choice ass.)
(Wow, you have a problem.)
This would happen everyday at practice and yes, you were totally looking for Vantas every single day of pre-season and of regular season.
Hey, you can’t help it! At first you couldn’t get his ass out of your mind but then it turned into not being able to get him as a whole out of your mind.
(Not just his ass.)
Yet Karkat Vantas seemingly hates your guts. And you could tell he hates your guts because, unlike his teammates and Egbert, he never talks to you.
He would only do that scowl-blush thing.
You noticed that his “caring” nature was to scream insults hidden with complements (or, at least with John, insults hidden with even more insults) to those around him. Yet he wouldn’t even talk to you.
The only words he ever said to you were (and you quote) “Just wondering why some prick wearing shades finds it entertaining to talk shit about movies with this idiot here.”
And then he left it at that and never talked to you again.
On a Friday after practice you decide to ask/confront Egbert about your Karkat-Vantas-Situation
“Soooo Egbert.” You say, slinging an arm around his shoulders. He chuckles.
“Yeeeeesssss Dave?” he answers back, doing that Egbert smile of his.
There’s a millisecond of a beat that happens while you get your words together and you can see that the hesitation grabs John’s full attention.
“Can you tell me why angry Vantas-senpai is always mean to me?”
John just laughs. “Mean to you? Please, that’s just Karkat being Karkat. I think you’re actually in his ‘tolerable’ book.”
You shake your head. “Nah man, if Vantas finds me ‘tolerable’, wouldn't he be all busting out the ‘shit-fuck’ language he pulls on you?”
This…actually doesn’t make John laugh. Instead he just says the words, “…huh…”
You resist the urge to flick him in the head and decide to answer back,
“’Huh’ what?”
“’Huh’ as in ‘huh I never thought about that before.’”
Oh.
He removes himself from you and you can see the gears working in his head.
“Maybe….” he says. “Maybe he really does hate you. I mean, he yells at people he’s okay with but he hasn’t even talked to you before.”
You can’t help but marvel at the weird workings that is Karkat Vantas. He’s like a reverse definition of a normal person.
(And somehow you’re still kinda into him.)
It takes a few more awkward conversations (and one where you finally just say “Damn it Egbert stop fucking teasing me and tell me about Vantas!”) that you finally learn more about the enigma that is Karkat Vantas.
First thing: he’s a sucker for romance novels (thus explaining the “it” encounter in the library) but not so much for romance itself (John had told you he had had a bad rejection in middle school and a bad experience with being asked out in sophomore year. The middle school memory had ended in tears for Vantas and the sophomore incident had ended in tears for the middle schooler who asked Vantas out. Both memories had led to Vantas’ “romance only exists in literature” theory.)
Second thing: He had a love-hate relationship with running. He wasn’t fast like John, but he could sprint. And whenever he was less than five hundred meters away from the finish line he would sprint and pass by his worn out competition. (Rumor had it that the track and field coach had wanted to recruit him both freshmen and sophomore years but was cockblocked by the sadist cross-country coach.)
And the third thing: Karkat Vantas was insecure about his body.
You were surprised at how casually John had told you this. “Really?” you had asked.
John nodded.
“He always thought he was fat in middle school and that kinda really affected him. It got better but….” John trailed off and brushed some hair out of his eyes.
“Look Dave if you’re serious about maybe possibly doing this, just know that your uh, ‘Vantas-senpai’ can be very hard on himself and…. well…. yeah….” he trails off.
You…make a mental note of that.
Have you mentioned that you hated Egbert?
The librarian definitely hates your guts now. Not that she didn’t before, but now she has an excuse to.
And so, wiping the white cream as best as you could off your shades and hair, you listen as she screeches in her whiny voice, “Dave Strider you are officially banned from the library for the rest of the year!”
And John is just laughing it behind you. So you do what every friend does when he’s just gotten drenched in a cream filled water balloon by another friend:
You wipe the cream from your hair and shades onto Egbert’s shirt and then casually stride towards the locker room to get the rest of the shit out.
And that’s where the second “it” incident happens.
So…. He’s naked.
And you’re staring.
Yes, you are staring and staring and staring.
Because Karkat Vantas is naked in front of you and if he isn’t the hottest piece of shit that is currently melting your insides out then your name isn’t Dave Strider.
And you have officially leveled up to “High school pervert.”
Granted, it was better than your previous title of “Unnoticeable Kouhai” but still now that you are being noticed, you don’t think it's a good thing.
Your can hear John’s voice echoing in the locker room and your body suddenly moves before your mind can think.
And your body does a very very bad thing.
Because now, not only are you wet and in a shower stall, you’re wet and in a shower stall with a wet and naked Karkat Vantas pinned against you. A wet and naked Karkat Vantas who is wearing an expression that you’ve never seen before and-
(No, stay down Dave junior. Now is not the time for this. Go back to hibernation because a guest appearance from you right now would NOT be appreciated.)
Your mind goes on autopilot as you respond to whatever the fuck John is saying. Something about “semen” and “towels” manage to get through to you, but all you can focus on is the person in front of you that you may have been secretly pining for the last few months.
Ok, maybe not so secretly pining for.
You’re spewing out complements to the highest, most ironic caliber when you let it slip that you talked about him with Egbert.
And boy does he look shocked as fuck. As if he can’t comprehend someone would actually talk about him of all people.
Then you let it slip that you might actually, might maybe wanna, go out with him.
(A lot)
And, judging by what Egbert’s told you, you expect some kind of rejection. One that would end in tears and crying and tissues and coconut milk ice cream (because being lactose intolerant sucks).
But Karkat Vantas surprises you again.
Because he asks you out.
Technically.
And you’re struggling to take control of the situation and you all but fling yourself at him and tap his lips lightly against yours and give him a quick wink, pulling your shades down.
(Which is something you would definitely not do if you were thinking with a straight mind. But you’re not because OH MY GOD SENAPI FINALLY NOTICED YOU.)
With an opportunity like this, you were NOT gonna waste it.
Because Dirk was right, Striders are into sweet asses.
And like hell are you going to let Karkat’s get away from you.